Chapter Text
Midoriya Izuku.
The sunshine of 1a. Everyone in his class all adore him and they all get along with him ( with the exception of a certain angry Pomeranian). If the class had to describe him in two words, they would say that he's a pure cinnamon-roll. He will never back away if someone is in need of help, even if it's the most minor thing possible. He will be there. But....He won't be there for himself and he won't let others be there for him. If everyone thinks that he is the sun, Midoriya thinks the exact opposite. He doesn't think that highly of himself, but it's not like he ever had that much confidence to begin with anyways.
This is what a lot of people get wrong about Midoriya. The way he thinks about himself. He is fully convinced that he is a worthless, useless, waste of space in this earth and he hates himself. So much. Ever since it was first established that he was quirkless back when he was just a little kid, his father left him and his mother. Why? He did not want a quirkless son of course. His mother always told him that he's off on a business trip in America, but it wasn't long until Midoriya came to know what actually happened.
His mother tried to hide her sobs and weeps. She really did. But it was to no avail, as her son always heard her and always saw the state that she was in; and he blamed himself for it. At such a young age at that. He understood fully well on what was going on. He knew that his so called " father" wasn't actually away on a business trip. He knew he left and it was all his fault. " If only he wasn't quirkless.", he thinks to himself.
It wasn't long before everyone in his class got to know about the kids lack of quirk. When the kids in his class realized, they either avoided him like the plague and completely ignored him or called him names, insult him and beat him up, like he was some kind of puppet. It didn't take long for his childhood best friend to join in the bullying as well and turn on him.
This continued up till middle school. Fortunately, he found a way to cope through this tough time though.....right?
He began to harm himself. To self harm.
He started when he was only 12. He was going through a major depressive episodes and he just wanted the voices to stop. He just wanted to feel something. Anything. So he ran a blade through his skin. The cold, sharp blade ran through his skin and created a small cut, blood oozing out if it and dripping down his hands. He first did it as away to cope with his emotions, whenever he feels upset and angry, but soon after, it became a habit and he also used to do it when he's bored.
He remembers...the time when his childhood best friend, Bakugo told him to take a swan dive of the roof and kill himself. Now thinking back on it....if the sludge incident Bakugo was in never happened, he wonders if he actually would listen to his dear old friend's advice? Would he have?
But this is when his life took a sharp turn! His idol, All Might gave him his quirk, one for all and forgave him after telling him that he could not be a hero without a quirk. But hey? At least he acknowledges his mistakes and said sorry to him, right?
This came as a bit of a surprise, for the young Midoriya Izuku, but he was so happy. So happy that he finally has a chance on becoming a hero. A hero who saves others with a smile on his face.
When he got his idols quirk, he manged to stop harming himself, no matter how bad he was feeling and how bad the voices were. It was hard. It was very hard, but he managed.
When he got into U.A and made friends after i don't know how many years, he seemed to be doing better! He was actually enjoying to be alive and well on this godforsaken world. He was happy that he had actually good friends. Even though, his bully, Bakugo Katsuki manged to get into U.A and was in the same class at him, he wasn't as bad as he was in middle school. Only some insults here and there, but it wasn't that bad.
Things were going great! They really were! But it wasn't long until that all too familiar feeling returned....It wasn't until the voices came back and reminding him how pathetic and worthless he is. It wasn't long until the cold blade was running through his, already scared skin.
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The green head was in his home class looking through the stained window. Rain was pouring down from the sky and occasionally, you could hear the sounds of thunder and lightning, roaring. But it seems as if Midoriya Izuku was in a trance. He was deep in thought. Subconsciously flicking his pen aggressively, which was resting in between of his index and middle finger.
" Midoriya."
He was silently watching the rain drops trailing down from his window.
" Midoriya!"
Flick
Flick
Flick
" MIDORIYA!"
Midoriya jumped back on his seat and let out a muffled yelp from his mouth, dropping is pen on the process. He shook his head and looked wide-eyed at the direction that he heard somebody shouting his name from. It was his teacher, Mr.Aizawa and he did NOT have a happy look. He was frowning and his arms were crossed. He leaned onto the whiteboard and he looked at Midoriya in a disappointed but worried face.
" I called you for about 5 times already, bit you haven't responded. Is everything okay?"
Is everything okay? No. Everything is NOT okay, thought Midoriya as he kept on staring at his teacher wide-eyed. But he couldn't say that to his teacher and in front of the whole class now, can he?. " S-sorry! I just got a bit distracted is all!....I.promise that it won't happen again!"
He closed his eyes and sighed, regaining his composure. " you've been saying that excuse for a long time now- this isn't like you, problem child. You have been either not paying attention to my classes or sleeping lately and you're starting to make me worry.", he took another short breath and continued. " I would like to speak to you as soon as your classes are over....understood?"
It's true. He wasn't paying attention lately and he hasn't been himself at all, but he didn't wanna waste time and explain it to anyone, let alone his teacher. He didn't wanna be a burden to anyone. Everyone already has too much problems and he didn't wanna cause more over nothing.
"B-but-"
" No buts!", his teacher cut him off abruptly and narrowed his eyes, as if he was studying him. " We are going to have a talk after your classes.", he said while putting more emphasis on the "are".
Midoriya clenched his jaw a tightened his fists which was already in a ball. He had nothing to say. He knew that no matter how many times he'll refuse, Aizawa sensei wont listen. He wanted nothing more than to just run away right now, but that would just call more unnecessary questions and it wouldn't help, but only make the situation more worse. So he ended up slowly nodding his head, even if he didn't want to. " Good. meet me in this classroom after your classes, okay?"
He nodded his head again and looked down on his desk, which had his notebook and pocket out. " For fucks sake! This wasn't supposed to happen!....I'm not explaining shit to Mr.Aizawa...." He could feel the stares and looks that the class was giving him behind him. He didn't have to get up and look at the class to realize that. It was making him feel uneasy and uncomfortable and he wanted it nothing more than to stop. Even though, the lesson resumed he still felt eyes on him.
From the corner of his eye, he could see the pen that he dropped earlier when Mr.Aizawa shouted at him on the floor. He got up from his seat, still slightly trembling that some students were looking at him, but it didn't stop him from ducking down and reaching for his pen before he got back onto his seat, lazily.
A couple of minutes later, lunch has arrived and everybody was heading to the canteen to eat their food.
Midoriya....however....was still stating blankly at the whiteboard without moving or flinching. He was in a zoned out state. It took him a while to realize that somebody was frantically moving their hands up and down in front of his face. He twitched and looked around the room in confusion and saw his bubbly best friend, Uraraka Ochaco waving her hands in front of his face and his other friends Todoroki Shoto and Tenya Iida behind her. All had worry in their faces. " G-guys?", he said in confusion.
Once Midoriya finally spoke up, Uraraka stopped waving her hands in front of his face and was the first one to say something to him. " Deku kun! Class is over! It's time for lunch!....", she tried making her sentence sound more upbeat but it was clear that she was worried and concerned about Midoriya and it wasn't long until she voiced her concerns either. " a-also! Are you sure you're doing okay, Deku kun? You've been acting very strange lately...", she said, earning a nod from both Todoroki and Iida.
Midoriya's eyes widened a bit when he heard that it was already lunch time. " how long has he been zoned out for!?", he said to himself. But he also was frustrated. Frustrated that no matter how much he tried, he still couldn't pay attention to the lesson and ended uo zoning out AGAIN. He bit his lip and spoke. " Oh...it's lunch already! Sorry about that!- and yeah! I'm okay! Don't worry....", He abruptly got up from his seat, ignoring his friends worried stares and put his notebook and pocket inside of his bright yellow backpack which was on the floor, next to his desk. He zipped up his bag and dressed it.
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All four of them were now in the canteen, they placed their trays on the table and sat down on their chairs. Midoriya had only got a small portion of rice for lunch. Everyday, it seemed like he was eating less and less and you could tell, even that he wasn't eating much. He felt the worried stares if his friends once again and grabbed his chopsticks. Wanting the uncomfortable stares to end, he decided that now he should be the one to say something first. " Yeah? Do you guys want something or-"
There was another short silence before Todoroki, this time, said something. " Why are you only eating some rice for lunch?", he said placing his own chopsticks down and trying his best to figure out what was going on. He didn't understand why his friend was acting strangely lately and it was making him and everybody else worry. He really wanted to know why, but knowing Midoriya, he knew that it will take more than that to make him tell him the truth.
The green-head picked up some rice with his chopsticks and put it in his mouth, swallowing it before responding to Todoroki. " Because I'm not that hungry.", he said bluntly before picking up some more rice.
His friends gave him a " i know you're lying look", but Midoriya simply ignored it and was hoping that they would stop with the damn questions already. " How are you not hungry? You haven't ate anything today, neighter breakfast"
The freckled boy just stood there and gave out a shaky sigh until he spoke up again. " I dunno. I just don't feel that hungry today."
" But, you have to eat something else Midoriya! Just that small portion of rice for the day isint enough!", this time Iida was the one who spoke up while aggressively moving his hands up and down like he usually does.
" Yeah...i agree with Todoroki and Iida. Just eating this today isn't good...just...try to eat something else when we have dinner....okay?" Said Uraraka.
Midoriya finished eating his rice and looked down, eyeing his empty tray. He placed his chopsticks down and looked up at his friends again and nodded slightly.
" I just want this to end....I feel so....tired....", he says to himself.