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It was summer, the one after sixth grade going into seventh, that Rin realized he was aromantic. The middle of middle school. The first person he told was his brother, Sae. Because Rin was the first person Sae told about being a boy, and then liking other boys, and then not feeling anything past romance for other boys. They got popsicles that day.
The second person Rin told was Yoichi, they’ve known each other for forever and maybe Yoichi was really the only person he knew, who he really knew. The next year Sae would leave him. Despite how hard Rin pushed everyone away, the striker stayed, like a weed, or a sprout, considering his stupid hair. So Rin stayed. He was like a sanctuary. Nobody ever liked him before, he didn’t like anyone before; all roads led to snowy dead ends, but Yoichi and Rin drove their car through the wall. It was a good 2 years, until it wasn’t.
Rin had always considered platonic relationships far deeper than romantic ones, he didn’t care if that was objectively shaped by his lack of romantic attraction, it’s just how he viewed things. Apparently Isagi didn’t see the world like that. Because in December, Yoichi became Isagi once he confessed his stupid crush on Rin, and Rin was angry , how could he? He knew Rin couldn’t love him like that and, at this point, Rin didn’t care that Isagi couldn’t control his fucking emotions, he cried on his goddamn shoulder every day when Sae left while Isagi thought of snowy dead ends.
Apparently Rin cared enough, because he decided he couldn’t lose Isagi. He couldn’t be alone again. Alone in a field in winter. It wasn’t like Rin was repulsed by romance, right? It should be fine, it’s not like much could change.
He played the perfect boyfriend, he initiated every kiss, the hand holding, stuck with Isagi despite the bullying, the name calling, the yelling, the pointing and laughing. He played the perfect boyfriend, stuck with Isagi through the hard stuff. It felt fake, all this trouble for what? He didn’t even like Isagi like that.
Three months, three months and they were going on their first official date outside of school. A picnic, then a carnival, then burgers and fries and drinks. Isagi dressed nice, wore cologne and Rin’s favorite color, like a good boyfriend would, not like perfect boyfriend would because he wasn’t performing, he was sure that by all conventional standards, he was cute. Isagi was also all giggly and red, but Rin felt empty, nauseous, urging Isagi to go home between each activity; he stayed. It was the first time Rin genuinely hated how persistent Isagi was.
Rin realized he was romance repulsed, go fucking figure. Maybe he should’ve realized that when he woke up from a nightmare about getting married drenched in sweat five months back. A week later he broke up with Isagi over an ice cold phone. The call lasted five minutes, two of them were spent explaining why Rin was doing this, three were spent in silence. Yoichi hung up. Dead end.
He was alone again, it was summer and he couldn’t spend it with his brother, crunching on melting popsicles, it was summer and he couldn’t spend it with Yoichi, kicking a ball around at their park while grass clung to his skin. It was summer and he was angry. It was summer and he was alone again. Not even the sun could melt snow, stubbornly clinging to every crevice of Rin’s broken, bleeding heart.