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I.
A light reflected off of a shiny new ring on Dazai's hand. He purposefully aimed it to send a gleam directly into Kunikida's eye.
“I know you're doing that on purpose,” was all Kunikida said while blinking away the spots in his vision from the light. He didn't even spare a glance in Dazai's direction and instead focused on his paperwork.
“Oh? What's that on your hand? You don't normally wear rings.” Yosano chimed in, noticing the new accessory.
“Finally someone asks!” He replied with an exaggerated tone before smiling with a hint of mischief, “It's a wedding ring.”
“You must be joking. What poor girl would marry you, of all people,” Kunikida added to the conversation, now paying less attention to his work.
“Not joking! And you might know them actually!” Dazai responded.
“Well it's definitely not someone in the agency, we would've known by now if that was the case,” Yosano said. She wasn't thinking too hard about it but she was a little curious, at least for gossip's sake.
“Maybe it's someone in the port mafia, since we're on good terms with them now and all.” Atsushi joined the conversation.
Dazai smiled a little wider at that but didn't confirm or deny his theory. “Guess you guys will just have to figure it out~!” He said teasingly as he leaned back in his chair.
Before their conversation could continue a certain ginger-haired mafia member walked through the door.
“Oh, Nakahara, are you here for the meeting with the president?” Kunkida turned his chair towards the doorway where Chuuya stood.
Chuuya nodded. “I am. The boss said he couldn't make it for whatever reason,” he kept a professional tone.
Kunikida quickly marked off something in his notebook, “Alright, he should be ready for you. You know where his office is.” He was almost relieved to have a normal, professional conversation compared to whatever Dazai had been doing earlier.
Chuuya nodded again before turning to head towards the office. That's when a certain bandaged man caught his eye.
Dazai waved his hand at him with a grin that couldn't mean anything good. He wiggled his fingers to point out the wedding ring he had on his left hand.
The ginger rolled his eyes in response before going back to the president's office.
No one seemed to notice their interaction besides Ranpo, who couldn't care less. He already knew anyway, because of course he does.
Dazai spun in his chair, still with a stupid grin on his face. He was definitely planning something.
About thirty minutes passed until Dazai got up. He grabbed a bottle of water and poured it on the handle of the door to leave the ADA headquarters.
“What are you doing?” Kunikida said, obviously annoyed.
Dazai continued smiling. “You'll see~!” he replied, before moving back to his seat, watching the door with his head propped up on his hands.
The door to the president's office opened as Chuuya walked out and headed towards the door to leave headquarters.
He tried to turn the door handle but his gloved hand slipped right off. He tried about two more times before deciding to just take his glove off. “God why the fuck is this handle so slippery-” He said to himself before catching Dazai's annoying expression out of the corner of his eye.
Yosano looked at Chuuya's hand, then to Dazai's before expressing a knowing smile on her face and going back to her work.
“Oh, is Nakahara also married?” Kenjj spoke up, he hadn't been a part of the conversation earlier but he knew that was the topic.
Without his glove, Chuuya's wedding ring, that very clearly matched Dazai's, was visible. He shot a death glare at Dazai before quickly turning the door handle and leaving.
“He is, I think everyone here knows who he's married to quite personally!” Dazai said once the door had shut.
“So now we have to guess who both of you guys are married to, great.” Kunikida replied sarcastically.
Dazai looked at him like he was dumb, but decided not to say anything.
II.
A loud, exaggerated cough sounded out throughout the A.D.A headquarters. When no one said anything, Dazai coughed even louder.
“If you're that sick, go home.” Kunikida said, not sparing a glance towards Dazai.
“But I don't wanna,” Dazai whined dramatically, obviously making his sickness into an act.
“Well, stop distracting everyone else then,” The blonde responded, not paying any mind to the others act.
Dazai groaned in response, “Well I'm sorry if people are annoyed by me dying,” he replied sarcastically.
“We can call someone to pick you up if you feel that bad. I thought you wanted to die anyway.” Kunikida was really just trying to get Dazai to leave so he'd quit being distracting.
“There's no one to call, everyone is here and ignoring me,” the bandaged man said as be flopped onto the couch for dramatics.
Kunikida started pulling up Dazai's forms on his computer as he spoke, “You have an emergency contact on your forms, do you not?”
Dazai immediately sat up. “I don't know, do I?” his tone made it clear that he knew he did.
“You do. I'll call them to pick you up since you're being a disturbance.” He said, picking up the office rotary phone and dialing the number on file.
The call was almost immediately answered. “Hello, this is the A.D.A, you're listed as Osamu Dazai's emergency contact. He is ill. Please come pick him up before he drives us insane.” Kunikida said quickly, then hung up before the person could respond.
Dazai giggled from his place on the couch before breaking out in a coughing fit again.
In less than ten minutes after Kunikida had called, Chuuya appeared in the doorway to the office.
He looked over the area before spotting Dazai and heading over, not paying any mind to the others in the office.
While it couldn't be heard from where Kunikida was sitting, Dazai and Chuuya spoke for a moment to each other, which ended with Chuuya getting annoyed at something before grabbing Dazai's hand and heading towards the door.
Kunikida gave them an odd look, why was Chuuya, of all people, Dazai's emergency contact? Normally that was reserved for close family members or spouses. Unless they were married or something, Dazai had no reason to have Chuuya as his. And, they definitely weren't married, right?
III.
Naomi dropped a stack of papers on Kunikida's desk. “The president wants you to deliver these to wherever Dazai lives since he isn't here today. He also wants you to take Atsushi, since he's never had to do an assignment like this.”
Dazai being absent from work was really nothing new. It was always a gamble if he showed up or not, and even when he did show up he was always late.
“I'll get to that then.” Kunikida responded as Naomi walked away.
He quickly looked up Dazai's information on the A.D.A database to find his address. When he did find it, he was certainly confused.
He knew the neighborhood the address was in, and it definitely wasn't somewhere an A.D.A employee could afford. Someone would have to be making mafia money to be able to live there.
That's when Kunikida remembered the whole emergency contact thing that happened. Maybe he was right about Chuuya and Dazai being married? It was definitely a weird thought, but now he was determined to find out.
“Atsushi, c'mon.” Kunikida called after writing down the address in his notebook and putting the papers in his bag.
Atsushi immediately stood up and followed him out the door.
When they had both gotten into a taxi, Atsushi finally spoke up, “So where are we going exactly?”
“Dazai's house. The president wants us to hand deliver some papers.” He said, pointing at the address he had written down.
“Huh, I haven't heard of that part of town yet.” Atsushi responded after looking at the address.
“Exactly. It's in a more high-class part of town, which there's no way he'd be able to afford.” Kunikida stated.
“So how does he live there then?” Atsushi was obviously at least a little bit curious, barely anything about Dazai's life had ever been talked about since he'd been in the agency.
Kunikida pushed his glasses back up on his face. “My theory is that he's married to someone in the mafia. They're the only people who are able to afford to live up there.”
“Huh, that would make sense since he used to be a part of the Port Mafia!” Atsushi agreed.
The taxi had reached Dazai's address by the time they'd finished their conversation.
The house was huge, yet looked surprisingly cozy with flowers planted around in the front lawn and lace curtains in the windows.
“Are you sure this is the right house?” Atsushi asked.
Kunikida double-checked, looking at what he had written down then back at the house number. “For sure.” He said as he knocked on the door.
Faint speaking could be heard in the house before the door opened. To their surprise (or at least Atsushi's), it wasn't Dazai who answered, instead there stood a 5’2 ginger adorned in red plaid pajamas and messy hair.
“Oh you guys. Are you here for Dazai?” Chuuya said after realizing who it was.
Kunikida nodded and was about to verbally agree as well before Atsushi spoke up, “Do you two live together or something?”
“We do, sadly.” Chuuya responded. “I'll go get Dazai for you guys.” He then went back into the house to fetch him.
Atsushi turned to Kunikida, “Why would they live together?”
“I have a suspicion that they might be together, but I don't know for sure.” Kunikida crossed his arms.
IV.
Across the street from the agency, a vintage-themed cafe had just opened and was gaining popularity fairly quickly.
Sadly for Atsushi, he had to “babysit” Kyouka and Kenji, who both wanted to visit the place due to his popularity. “It'd be nice to see a place cityfolk like to go to!” Kenji had said, which led Kyouka to also want to go.
Everyone else in the agency was on missions except for them, so no one would care if they were gone for a bit, thus they all headed over to the cafe.
When they got in, they stood at the very back of the long line. Atsushi had to squint his eyes to read the menu to find what Kenji and Kyouka wanted.
“Isn't that Nakahara?” Kenji said, pointing at a pair sitting at a booth near the back of the cafe.
Atsushi was caught off guard, “Huh?” He looked over to where Kenji was pointing, and there sat Dazai and Chuuya both out of their usual outfits. Their current outfits sort of resembled what someone would wear on a date, or at least what Atsushi assumed people would. Dazai wore a turtleneck under a much fancier trench coat compared to his usual one, and Chuuya wore a black turtleneck underneath a white button up. Their outfits almost matched.
“We should go say hi to them!” Kenji exclaimed before happily walking over to where they sat before Atsushi could say anything.
Atsushi looked at Kenji then looked back at Kyouka. “I'll stay here.” Kyouka said.
He felt weird leaving a kid to save their spot in line but thanked her nonetheless and ran off to catch up to Kenji.
Dazai noticed them before they even got to the table, “Atsushi, Kenji!” he waved them over.
Chuuya looked back at the approaching pair, “Oh you two.”
“What are you two doing here together?” Atsushi asked.
“We're on a date, duh!” Dazai responded with a smile. “I wanted to go to a bar later in the day though but noo chibi just had to come here to see if their strawberry shortcake was any good.”
“I told you we could go to the bar later but no you can just forget to mention that part I guess.” Chuuya responded, now annoyed.
“Oh but you had to force me to come to this cushy place that only sells pastries beforehand, you just love to torture me chibi!” Dazai said overdramatically.
“We'll just go, we don't want to interrupt your guys’ uh- date.” Atsushi said, awkwardly walking away as Kenji waved goodbye to the pair.
V.
A green, glitchy, fog settled over the battlefield. Multiple members of the A.D.A and the Port Mafia had been forced to team up to defeat a certain enemy they'd been trying to catch for ages, and they were this close to beating the guy. That was until the enemy had caught Dazai off-guard somehow, sending him flying towards a tree. Thus, Junichiro had activated his ability to hide him and anyone close to him so that way someone would be able to make sure he was okay and everyone else could focus on the fight.
After they were able to settle that, the fight was quickly concluded with the help lf Atsushi and Akutagawa.
Junichiro turned off his ability, which would reveal anyone he had previously hidden.
Everyone immediately went to look where Dazai had been flung to after the ability was unactivated.
Right where Dazai had been flung, he had his hand around Chuuya's waist, as Chuuya's were wrapped around the others neck, their lips interlocked.
“Do you think they know that they’re visible now?” Junichiro said.
“I don't think so.” Atsushi responded.
After a moment, they broke away from each other and Dazai noticed the others staring at them. They had to know that they were together now, at least, if not they had to be stupid or something.
Chuuya was about to kiss the other again before Dazai stopped him, “We're visible now, chibi.”
Chuuya quickly backed off from Dazai and distanced himself.
Dazai stepped closer to him, just to annoy the other, which caused Chuuya to take a step away.
“So they're definitely dating right?” Junichiro asked.
“Pretty sure, they live together too, and I saw them on a date.” Atsushi responded.
“They have matching rings, they're married.” Kunikida added, already over it.
“Did you guys not already know that?” Ranpo questioned while munching on some kind of snack.
So they were right, Dazai and Chuuya were married. It was definitely a weird thought, they literally hated each other yet they were married?
“Do we need to confess your undying love for eachother or do you think they've finally caught on?” Dazai whispered to Chuuya.
“I wouldn't do that even if they didn't already realize.” Chuuya rolled his eyes in response. Despite that, his smile seemed oddly fond, as if he definitely would do exactly that even without the need to.