Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nobody really knew what the poor girl had. Most, including myself, just assume she has some mental disability. The idea wasn’t completely wrong.
It wasn’t uncommon for blue viruses to be complete crybabies, but Ena was the worst I've ever seen. She would scream, cry, and throw the wildest temper tantrums over the smallest things. I joke around that she’s just a colicky baby, which even she agrees with.
Right when we entered the store I knew she was about to act up. When you know her for years you just gain that gut feeling. She had paused after the magical automatic doors slid closed behind her, and Ena stared forward horrified.
“It’s gone” she state blankly.
“What is?”
When Ena was happy, god she was happy. One of the most caring, easy going, carefree girls ever. Singing and dancing around for no real reason, all with a big bright smile.
She shook, “dey toowk down da sign”
I lazily moved my eye to where she was looking. She was right, there was no sign. I racked my brain for what she meant until I remembered. For the past month or so the store had a special with some soy sauce I had never heard of, a buy one get one free deal they heavily advertised right when you walk in, attempting to lure in the suckers known as customers.
“Huh. yeah. Guess they stopped then”, this was tactic one. Divert the crisis. If I acted cool about it, she would sometimes calm down before things escalate and mimic my energy. Ena see Ena do.
Didn’t work. As predicted she started sniffling, trying in vain to hold back tears, until it gave way and she audibly cried her sorrows away. She has never once even tried soy sauce.
Tactic two. Toys. Within the Mary Poppins esc purse on me, was an array of trinkets. Everything from fidget spinners to rubber bands and an unopened bag of wet wipes (for whatever reason, she loves to play with those and loves the crinkly sounds). I usually toss the first thing my hand touches without a second thought, this time it was one of those weird mesh toys with a marble trapped inside. This stopped Ena before she could start glitching more, her attention immediately drawn to removing the marble from its plastic cage. I really hope she never actually manages to break that thing, I don’t even wanna think of that breakdown. It would also be nice if I could just give her the bag to carry, but that's another problem of hers. She lacks the self awareness to self soothe.
Ignoring the rude stares from others, I lead Ena by the hand to get her things. While she technically lives alone and can do things on her own, there's been an unwritten agreement that it’s just better if someone supervises, all made evident by the shitshow we narrowly escaped.
I glance back to her to see her still messing with the mesh on one hand, “Hey. En”
She jolted up, startled, but regained herself, “yes my compadre?” she asked with her oddly handsome voice.
“What’s up with you dude? You’ve been getting upset EXTRA easily the past few days” I ask her, turning my attention back to pushing the cart. It was one of the small ones, she didn’t need many things right now. One of the wheels was sticky, creating an uneven momentum in the rolling of wheels, it was starting to bother me.
She gave a nervous laugh, which I found odd for her, “me? Oh no no no no! No no! It’s simply….ah….I must be tired. Who am I to become distressed at an ending sales deal?” she answered with an unclear inflection.
She continued talking without prompting, “Goodness, for all the work you do, I would say you deserve some monetary gain” she skipped to walk up right next to me.
Quirking my eyebrow, I say, “monetary gain? Like money? No INa I’m not your maid”
“Then why do you always insist on being with me? And doing things with me?” she questioned.
I shrugged, “I don’t know dude. Nothing better to do and it gives me good karma points'' I almost immediately regret spewing that out. Whatever, what she doesn't know doesn't kill her.
No one really knows this, but I don't exactly live a cool, fun filled life like I try to show off. In actuality no one really likes me. Just me and Ena, Ena and me. She doesn't need to know she's my only friend and how much I love her.
"Oh." was all she had to say at that.
I ignore it and move forward. Found the bread and eggs, just a few more things, "tired huh? Not enough sleep?"
She fumbled with the mesh still, oddly quiet, "si."
I tsk at her, "Ennie we talked about this you gotta sleep dude", Ena chuckled in response, and nodded. After I got her back home she would be sleeping, sometimes it felt like putting a toddler to nap time.
"Anything else new? How's Sheppy?" I internally debated whether to get the more expensive milk she would actually drink, or the cheaper one she had the habit of throwing away. I caved and chose the expensive one, goodbye 37 cents.
"She is ok, nothing is new" Something about her voice felt off to me. It was still yellow, but deeper, less chipper.

I think nothing of it and leave the store with her. She replaced the mesh marble with the two bags needed to carry her things. Then, she sat in the passenger side of my car in silence. It was nothing like her usual self. Even when she's tired, she still has bursts of energy and quips about random things, but now she wouldn't even sing along to the radio.
"Moony, might I be able to confide in you?" she asked.
"Go ahead"
She took a deep breath, calm and collected, "I only wish to say thank you for your services. I understand I have been a "handful", as some like to say. You have many other things you could easily be doing at this moment, yet you choose to use those moments to assist me in…functioning."
I snorted at her strange choice of wording, "handful? More like a bucket load. Nah but it's pretty fun sometimes with you."
"I'm a bucket load?"
"That was a joke. You know that right?" I give her the side eye, and she nodded, even though I knew she was lying.
"Who's been calling you a handful huh?"
Ena sputtered, not thinking I would ask that question, "oh no no! No one! In particular! I only meant….ah…"
"Your mom?" I said it without thinking.
She stopped trying to think of anything, "yes….oh but it is ok! We all say strange things often"
Ena had this habit of defending people's actions. I had only ever met Enas family a handful of times in grade school, and overall I wasn't a fan of them. Her Mom liked to nitpick and usually said the wrong things at the wrong time, even if she meant well. Her Dad was cold and distant, not talking much. I don't think he was very fond of being a family man, definitely didn't like me or how I acted.
She also had a younger brother, who I've seen more often than their parents. His name was Anthelo, a short white and blue virus. As far as I could tell, he and Ena got along really well, sometimes he would fly in just to spend a weekend with her. As jealous as it made me, seeing her happy with someone else, it made me happy that at least one family member liked her.
"Don't worry about her, En. Some ladies are just old and cooky, she loves you" I waved my hand around to relay my message.
To my surprise, she didn't hesitate to respond, "no she doesn't", it stopped me in my tracks.
"Well why wouldn't she?" I treaded carefully, unsure where this could lead.
"Because I'm annoying."
"JEna! Come on you know that isn't true, now stop" I scolded her. I hate when she talks like this.
Ena huffed and puffed up her face to look angry. It was mostly adorable when she did this, her face gets all red and round. It gets even funnier when she realizes her attempt at intimidation doesn't work and she exhales loudly.
The car comes to a slow stop in her driveway. Ena's house is small and shabby, in awful condition. I've seen apartments bigger than this dump. I've jokingly (and seriously) asked her to just live at my place, but she was keen on living by herself.
She hastily grabbed her things and tried to get out the car, "aw not even a goodbye kiss?"
"Oh right!" she spun around on her heel to lean in and plant a goodbye kiss on my cheek. I forced my face to stay neutral and not show emotion. It doesn't mean anything. She is from Peru, and those guys love to kiss and stuff with random people. I just let her do it because she likes it, that's it.
Before she can scurry off I interrupt her again by gently yanking her shirt collar, "now hey. I mean it. You're not that annoying and people like you ok?"
"Yes…of course my compadre. I will see you at a later time!" It was good enough for me and I let her go. I watched her open the door with no key. Not that it would help, the door hinges don't work and it never closes fully. One bad gust of wind and it'll fly open. Maybe for her birthday I'll get someone to fix that damn door, I thought, she would like that.
I drive off, trying to ignore the impending sense of anxiety looming in the back of my mind. Something just felt off with her, especially lately, but I couldn’t tell what.

Chapter Text

I peeked anxiously through the pink curtains to watch my best friend leave. I envied her. Her home was a lovely little apartment. She had a car and could go anywhere she pleased. And everything she had actually worked. Not long ago, all of the electric amenities in this building shut off. They had been very poor quality when I first came here, but it's not like I could be picky or fix it.
It is awful. No working showers, toilets, sinks, I cannot even cook food with a microwave! But I had to force myself to make do and tough it out. Just a little longer and a little more work and you can get out and find a real home. One that works and one you can show to Moony.
This home was no place to bring your one and only friend to. It was cold and unforgiving, like many things in life. It was only made worse with the incoming winter. Still watching the outdoors, I saw a few small, white, beautiful snowflakes flutter from their house in the sky to the new land of grass. I shuddered, both from the cold and the thought of it getting colder.
Then, my stomach rumbled. Thank Runas I had food! Mental note, remember to pay Moony back soon. I lazily snacked on some crackers she had snuck into the cart, even though I insisted they weren't needed. It calmed down the anger of my innards, satisfied to have something to digest. I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to not rumble during our grocery trip, it had been a day or two since I had food.
I decided I had a good amount and was ready to put my food into the dusty pantry, until I saw a peculiar car park outside. That car looks familiar. And then the inhabitant came out and walked right to the front door. It was a checkered lady with white eyes and a long, stripy dress. She threw the door open, causing me to flinch and glitch an array of colors.
Her voice spat venom, her eyes shot tiny daggers in my soul. Pure hatred. "You. How long have you been here." she demanded more than asked.
I whimpered, wanting to shrink into the floorboards. I think I know this lady, yes it's coming back to my mind. This is the lady who first rented the tiny house to me.

"Pack your shit and leave"
"Maam! Please I know I have failed you greatly in the past, but I am certain I can redeem myself only if-" she yelled, interrupting me. On the phone, it made a crackly sound, stinging my ears.
"No. I'm shutting off everything. I don't care where you go. Get a job"
The oddly patterned lady was rich, she knew it. This house was just a hometown vacation home to stay at when visiting family. She had rented it to me at a cheap price. It was a shabby home, but I took it. I couldn't afford the monthly payments, not alongside paying back Moony for food, or the dinners I paid for to avoid burdening her, or raising suspicion. It didn't help that I couldn't keep a job with my…..condition.
She told me I had to be gone by the time she came back, in a month. I had left, desperately trying to find anywhere. However, I noticed something. A month had passed on the streets and no one had showed up. Perhaps she had been bluffing, or her job demanded she stay a while longer. I'm not proud of my choices, but I had to do something to survive. I snuck back in, of course it was empty and everything was shut off.
I can't believe I thought I was in the clear all these months, she would come back eventually.
"If you don't get out of here with ALL of your stuff, I'm calling the police" she seethed, steam literally fuming out of her ears.
"B-b-bub I cawnt I downt ha-" she yanked me by my shirt collar, knocking the breath out of me. I felt stupid and cried as she stared at me like a naughty puppy. I knew I looked like an idiot, glitching with my dumb voice.
She was surprised when I slapped her to escape, I grabbed the still full grocery bag and bolted. I really had no idea where I was going, my eyes were full of tears and I felt on the verge of an utter meltdown. I had left everything but the food. I thought I had nothing, but in a few instances I truly, without a doubt, had nothing.

At some point I tripped and fell flat on my face. I sat myself back up, brushing loose gravel, and winced at my scabbed knee. Panting from the excessive exercise, I just sat on the concrete which hurt my butt. Looking around, I had no clue where I was, but it must have been far away with how long I ran in panic. It was an empty parking lot, behind me was a huge, unused store, likely abandoned. I briefly considered going inside to look, but it was likely boarded up. The scab on my knee bled, a tiny trickle. It hurt and it was sore, but I knew I deserved it. You let this happen, it's all your fault.
Oddly, my first thought was Moony. I thought about trying to find her for help. As sticky of a situation I'm in, she would begrudgingly help me out. Then I thought about how much she would hate me. How I used her for personal gain, how dumb I was trying to live on my own. She would never let me in, never embrace me with open arms. I thought of how much she must already hate me, always wanting to tag along with her, how annoying my outbursts are. I thought of how selfish I was, thinking that maybe, just maybe, she might return the love I had for her to me. That perhaps, in the future, we would be a couple.
Then, I thought of Mamá. She was right, of course. She always knew best, and she knew I was completely, utterly, incapable of anything. I wanted to die right then and there.
There were at least three options readily available. 1. Sit there and wait until I dehydrate, 2. Run into the oncoming traffic not far from where I sat, or 3. Pick up the pieces of broken bottle littering the ground and bleed to death.
On closer inspection, it was a cluster of beer bottles, drunk long ago. I couldn't make out the labels or brands, they were faded and scratched out. My running theory was that some college kids brought a case of them out here, perhaps to do intoxicated donuts in the parking lot, and left the remains of their night to be absorbed by the earth.
I located a decently sized shard. All I would really need to do is jam it into my wrist, and let the rest happen on itself. That would hurt and you deserve to die a slow painful death. You'd still leave a huge mess for someone else to clean up, as always. Even when you die you annoy everyone.
Yet, as I looked at it I didn't do what my mind was demanding of me. I attacked my thigh instead of my wrist, I wasn't sure why.
No, I knew why. Death was something I didn't know, wasn't accustomed to. This, however, was a dance well rehearsed, well loved. I was loving every second of searing hot pain and I hated myself for being so disgusting and selfish. Not much of a punishment if you like it nitwit. By now, I couldn't tell where my first scab was. While all were superficial, I yet again have opened up my once healed wounds, and did nothing to control the bleeding. It was gross and messy, I disliked the sticky texture of blood, I avoided touching my thigh.
You are sick and twisted. Imagine if Moony saw you like this. You let another moment of weakness stop you for the upteemth time, moron.
I made sure to carefully conceal my shame with my skirt, as I always had. Even though there was no one around to witness it, it was an old habit. And without realizing, I kept the used shard in one of my pockets, for safekeeping. I wish I had some pants to hide myself better, I usually resorted to changing my wardrobe to hide my skin. Unfortunately, I wore my trademark skirt today.
I wandered around the empty parking lot, looking for something. What for? I wasn’t sure. I ignored the searing pain and shame I was feeling, and focused instead on what I was going to do. I didn’t like it, but this wasn’t my first rodeo. I stopped wandering around aimlessly, clutched my bag of food like it was my lifeline, and began walking back into town.

Back in the bustling township, I went up and down the streets, looking for somewhere to place myself, finally, I found an empty alleyway. Perfect, this should at least protect me from the cold. And no one should see me.
I placed my bag of food down next to the dumpster, and sat down hugging myself, shivering lightly at the chill in the air. If only I had been able to get my stuff, then I could at least have my clothes and my blanket. I’d just have to find new ones I suppose.
I thought about Moony again, if she saw me right now, she would be so disappointed. She would stop being my friend, and leave me to suffer alone. I had no idea how I could hide my new permanent status of homelessness from her, if we kept hanging out, she would easily find out. Then, a grim thought crossed my mind, Maybe we should stop being friends? I nearly burst out into a meltdown at the thought of that. But maybe I deserved to lose her.

It was the first day of elementary school, and Ena was nervous, crying and glitching out. Her Mama had left very quickly, not caring whether her unstable daughter felt safe or not. Ena hid herself in the corner of the room while other kids talked and mingled; she was both scared of and jealous of them.
Then, a very small moon floated up to the terrified girl, “Hey, you look weird”
Ena paused her crying to consider this. She knew her face had probably gone black and white. Her crying stopped long enough for it to return to her normal blue and yellow.
The moon was flabbergasted, “You can change colors?? That’s kind of cool”
Ena giggled a little, “Yeah! I can. Can you?”
She sighed, “No, I can’t do anything. Not with this dumb body. If I ever met The Great Runas, I’d ask her to give me a cool body”
Ena smiled, “I would ask for the same thing! My name is Ena”
“I’m Moony”

Chapter Text

It had been weeks since I last saw her. I tried texting her, but she seemed to have not even open her messages. I then tried going to her run down house, only to find it had been cleaned up a little bit. I could see lights on in the living room window. I knocked on the door.

However, instead of Enas' friendly face, an old and crabby looking checkered lady answered the door, seemingly annoyed with my very presence.

“Uhm, is Ena here?” I asked

“Who?” she basically spat out, already done with my existence.

“Y'know, Ena? The blue and yellow girl? About this tall, acts kind of weird”

Recognition crossed her face, “Oh. You mean the freeloader. I kicked her out of here”

I paused, “What?”

“That little parasite has apparently been living in MY property for the last 4 months, paying zero in rent. So, I kicked her out”

I paused again, processing what I had just heard, “Where is she?”

“Hell if I know. Now please leave me alone” before I could say anything, she slammed the door, effectively ending the conversation.

I tried several more times to call or text her, to no avail. Panic settled in my stomach and I fought the urge to throw up. Where the HELL was Ena? What happened to her?

The weather turned colder and colder as the weeks went by. The snow was starting to cover the ground. I had managed to find some worn out clothes and a blanket to keep me warm, and being between two buildings mostly kept the wind chill out of the way.

I mostly ignored everyone I saw, including the other local homeless population. I just wanted to be alone to wallow in my own self pity. I spent most of my time sitting in my spot near the dumpster, thinking dark thoughts. I felt worthless, useless. Any normal person would be trying to get a job, and get back on their feet. But what was I doing? Sitting in an alleyway, feeling sorry for myself.

I still had the shard of glass hidden safely in my pocket, just in case. I was waiting to not be so scared of killing myself, but the day never seemed to come. I had fantasies of ways I could die out here, but I also had….other fantasies.

Like the one where Moony comes and saves me, and we live together, like a couple. I was embarrassed of these thoughts, Moony was most certainly NOT gay. And, even if she was, why would she want someone like me? A pathetic excuse of a person.

I shuddered, hugging the red blanket to my body. Night was coming, and it seemed like it would be a bad night. The wind was howling and snow was dropping fast, blanketing everything it touched. I felt chilled to the bone.

It was cold. So, so cold. I couldn't stop shivering, my fingers were turning numb. I risked a look at my yellow hand, it had turned red.

I fished around the few belongings I had gathered, and found an old pair of socks. It was gross to use socks found in the trash, but I literally couldn't afford to be picky. I placed them over my hands, hoping they would warm up. I didn't even have proper gloves.

Instead of warming up, I felt myself decrease in temperature, the wind and snow was getting worse, not even the walls around me could stop the snowstorm.

I opened my eyes to a blank white room, the air was frosty, my skin was chill to the touch.

I looked around, confused, what was this place? How did I get here? Then I heard a voice.

“Hewp”

“Huh?” I looked around for the source, but saw nothing but expanding whiteness. That voice sounded oddly familiar.

“I need hewp. I'm in twouble. Pwease” the feminine voice pleaded.

“Help? What do you mean, who are you?”

“Pwease Moony. I down't know what to do. I need hewp” the voice started fading away.

“Wait-!” I said, before jolting awake.

I was back in my apartment's bedroom. I looked around, finding a rocky floor and star covered walls. Then it dawned on me, that was Enas blue voice I had heard. This wasn't the first time I had dreams about Ena. But usually they involved a happy, masculine voice. That voice that showed her deceivingly girlish charm.

I'd been dreaming of her a lot these past couple weeks. The dreams usually were of her being back home, in MY home, that is. And we were happy together, safe and sound. Not a worry in the world. I would wake up stressed and worried out of my mind.

But this one was different. It almost felt like the universe had purposefully sent me this message. I had to find her. I throw on a big coat and leave the comfort of my warm home into the brutal snowstorm. Please Runas, tell me she isn't out here somewhere.

I could hardly see two feet in front of me, the snowfall was so bad. My shoes were filled with snow which melted and nearly froze my feet, but I kept going. I had no idea how I was supposed to find Ena when I had not the slightest clue of her whereabouts.

I went down some streets I had never gone down before, praying to Runas I wouldn't get too lost. Lord, it was cold. Even in my thick jacket I was shivering lightly.

I was about to pass right by an alleyway when I heard something. Was that…glitching? I stopped, and through the roar of the wind I could just barely make out the sound of someone glitching. My stomach sank.

I tentatively went down the alleyway, at first all I saw was trash that was covered with snow. Then, I saw her. It was Ena, wrapped in a thin red blanket, shivering like a leaf.

“Jena!” I rushed over to her. “Ina! What the hell are you doing out here?!” I looked down at her. Her hair was frosted with white snowflakes, and her normally vibrant colors were dulled. She looked awful.

Ena didn't respond, just looked forward to me, with confusion written on her face. It was almost as though she didn't recognize me.

“Mena, it's me, Moony. What the fuck were you thinking being out here in the winter?! Why didn't you come to me for help?!”

Ena tried to say something, but her speech was slurred, incomprehensible. This was bad.

I picked her up, keeping the blanket around her. Though it wasn't really helping her that much. She kept trying to speak, but no real words came out. I was rushing back to my home, when I took a chance and looked down at her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was shallow. If it weren't for the incessant shivering, I would have thought she was dead. Runas, please don't die in my arms.

Chapter Text

It was around 3am when I got home with Ena. I silently cursed myself for having an apartment that was so hard to get into.

I had no idea what to do. Ok, first things first, get Ena warm.

I placed her down on the couch, she had obviously fallen asleep on the way here, which made me worried, but I ignored it.

Unraveling the wet blanket, I saw her wearing foreign clothing. A blue sweater with some unknown logo, it had lots of little holes. And some baggy black pants. It looked like she found her outfit from the trash. And I wouldn't doubt that.

The clothes were also wet. I wasn't a doctor (never could finish medical school) but I knew enough to know wet clothes were bad for hypothermia.

But this made things awkward, she was clearly in no state to do anything by herself. So I had no choice…I was going to have to undress her myself.

A small part of me had always been curious to see what Ena looked like under her clothes. And not even for sexual reasons! It was a genuine curiosity to see how this blocky woman worked. I guess now I was going to find out.

Ignoring my hesitation, I started by lifting her tattered sweater. It felt scratchy, and I knew right away that Ena probably hated this sweater, I'm surprised she was willing to endure the possible sensory overload. I pull the wet clothing off, and decide to satiate my unending curiosity.

She…looked like a barbie doll. She had no nipples on her blocky breasts, they were seemingly only there for the feminine aesthetic and served no actual purpose.

I quickly retreat to my bedroom closet to find a long sleeve shirt for her. Obviously everything I wear would be too big on her, but it's not like I have much of a choice. I also grabbed some gray pants I hardly wore.

I get back to her, she's still sleeping. Her breathing seems to have deepened a bit, which seemed like a good sign. I pull down her raggedy pants. She was wearing underwear underneath, and I decide to leave them on to let her keep SOME dignity (it was probably barbie doll anatomy again anyways, but still).

However, what really caught my eye was her yellow fleshy leg. More specifically, her thigh. It was littered with a long history of horizontal scars. On top of them it looked like there was a fresh set of scar tissue that had healed not too long ago, but it was puffy and pink.

Was this…no it couldn't be…could it?

My suspicion was confirmed when a small shard of glass fell out of the pants pocket. I picked it up, and there were red stains on it.

Internally I was freaking out. What. The. Fuck.

I look back on Ena, sleeping soundly on the couch, still shivering. I had no choice but to focus on the task at hand. I would have to talk to her about this later. I sighed. I quickly pulled the new dry pair of pants over her. I also turned on a heated blanket and draped it over her. (Thanks for that Christmas present Uncle Venus, never thought I'd actually use it until now)

And now, I have to wait until she woke up.

The young dual colored girl turned gray and faceless. She was sobbing uncontrollably, pulling at her hair and scratching at her skin.

“Would you shut up already?!” her Mama yelled, piercing the poor girl's ears.

“I'm sowwy, I'm sowwy. Pwease make it stawp” she wailed desperately.

A slap interrupted her train of thought. She momentarily paused her meltdown, her colors glitching.

“Keep doing this and I'll give you something to cry about you brat. What is wrong with you, why can't you be like your brother” her Mama yelled again.

The gray girl just curled up into a ball on the floor, waiting for the pain to end.

I saw her slowly wake up after about an hour. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked around in confusion. Then, she realized where she was as she looked at me.

“Moony?” Her handsome voice sounded out.

“Yo”

“What…what happened? Why am I currently in your personal abode?” She asked.

“Oh, not much happened. Just found you nearly dead on the streets. No big deal” I said, my voice shaking slightly.

Ena looked around again, then looked down at her new clothes, and fear was evident in her eyes. She knew she was in a world of trouble.

I carefully walked up to the couch, sitting down next to her.

“Jena, why didn't you tell me you were homeless?” I asked sternly.

She glitched, and her feminine voice responded, “I jus…I didn't wan you to wowwy” then she switched back to her masculine voice, “Really! I'm quite alright. I saw no realistic reason to tell you something so trivial!”

I gave her a stern look, and she shrunk into the heated blanket.

“You nearly died out there En. That's like, the opposite of alright”

“I don understawnd why yew need to know!” She said.

“Uhh, cus I'm like, your best friend?” I was starting to get a little heated.

She glitched some more, but kept her usual colors, “Yew would jus make fun of meeee! Or get mad at me for being so stewpid!” She started pulling at her hair.

Without thinking I grabbed her hand to stop the behavior, and she flinched, slinking down even more.

“Dude are you serious?! You really are stupid! I care about you you knucklehead-” I stopped myself, what did I just say?

Ena looked at me with wide eyes, “I…” she paused, her masculine voice returning, “I'm sorry my friend. Please, don't be upset with me”

I let go of her hand, blushing a little. I sigh, “I would have helped you, dummy”

“Really? You would help a pathetic person like me?”

“Sure man. What are friends for?”

She smiled, “Thank you, my dear, dear, friend”

I blushed again at the way she looked at me adoringly. Ugh! Stop being so gay Moony, you do NOT like Ena like that!

“You feeling any better dude?”

She just kept smiling, and nodded.

I took a deep breath, and pulled out the shard of glass. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard? She was happy right now, so it should be fine…

As soon as she saw it in my hand she turned black and white. Great.

“Ina, can you explain this to me?” I held it out for her to easily see, “And don't lie to me, I saw your dirty secret”

She cried out “I'm sowwy! I'm sowwy!” She clawed at her face.

This wasn't good, she was getting unstable. I tried to ground her by gently placing my hands on her shoulders. This just set her off even more. She rolled out of the blanket and onto the floor with a hard thud. I cringed.

“Wena…come on snap out of it, I'm not mad or whatever. Can we just talk like adults?” I try.

She kept crying, so I try reaching down to touch her again, but she violently slapped my hands away. I looked at her in shock, “hey, I'm just trying to he-”

“DON TOWCH ME. WEAVE ME AWONE. I SAID I WAS SOWWY”

And she turned fully gray. Uh oh…if things weren't bad before, they were now. I never learned how to make her stop when she reached this state, all I could ever do was watch in horror until it stopped on its own.

She curled up on the floor, banging her head against the wooden part of the couch and burbling nonsense. Mostly variations of “I'm sorry” and “Make the pain stop” and begging me to not hurt her. I just took a seat on the floor near her (but not too near) and waited patiently for it to end. I had no clue how long it would be, could be minutes, or an hour.

I just had fo wait.

Chapter Text

I pretended to fall asleep soon after my uncontrollable outburst. Moony sighed and left me on the couch with the heated blanket, going to her room for the night. It was evident she was going to try and continue this conversation in the morning, which I was NOT ready for.

My head hurt, partly from the head banging, and partly from the lack of alcohol in my system. The first thing I had done when I was kicked out was use the rest of what little money I had to buy whiskey. Any sane person would have bought food or a hotel room, but I wanted to drink.

And take note that I said WANT! Not need! I promise I'm not addicted, I can quit anytime I want! Besides, if alcohol really was so bad for me, then why does drinking it make my headaches go away? Checkmate!

But it had been a few days since my last drink, and I was itching for something. I slowly got up, careful to be quiet. I tip toe my way to the kitchen, past Moony's room. I paused, pressing my ear up against her closed door. I could hear the faint sound of snoring.

I kept creeping forward until I was at her fridge. I open it, and it's mostly empty. Looks like she had some shopping to do.

I found a bottle of vodka however. Yes! Just what I needed. Er…wanted, I mean. I certainly don't need it! I do not have a problem! I took and opened the cork.

But right before I took a sip, I looked towards Moonys room, and shame overcame me. What was I doing? My best friend has just humbly saved me from certain doom, and graciously let me sleep the night at her warm place. And what was I doing? Sneaking through her belongings and stealing her product?! Why, Moony would be livid when she found out! And what would Mama think of me right now? (Well, maybe I don't want to think of the latter right now…)

I put the bottle back, trying to not pay attention to the pounding in my head. This wasn't right, I was better than this. Maybe I do have a problem…

I head back to the couch and wrap myself up in her blanket. It was much more warm and soft than the one I had previously. This was nice. I felt…safe. Moonys home made me feel safer than I had felt in years. Part of me really wishes I could stay here forever.

I take a deep breath, psyching myself up for tomorrow morning. I knew a tough conversation was going to be had. Hopefully this time I was ready.

When I woke up, my head was still pounding. I wish I had some pain medication right now. I thought about asking Moony, but I decided otherwise and would suffer through it. It was my fault anyways, I deserved the pain.

I lay on the couch for a while, rubbing my eyes. I hadn't slept well at all. I lazily look towards the clock and noticed it was 6 in the morning. Looks like I only got a couple hours of sleep. But I just couldn't rest through this headache! I was also starting to feel sick to my stomach, oh I hope I don’t throw up! That would be quite embarrassing and bothersome for Moony.

Moony came out of her room at about 6:30, rubbing the sleep from her eye. She was trying to be silent, but gave up when she saw me awake.

“Couldn't sleep either, huh? Can't say I blame ya. Last night was rough” she said, stretching.

“Want anything for breakfast? I assume you haven't eaten anything in days”

My stomach gurgled at the sound of food, and I politely shook my head, “no thank you my compadre, I'm not hungry”

She looked at me suspiciously, but didn't push the matter. It was true, I hadn't eaten in a while, and I'm sure the lack of food and hungover vomiting made me lose a couple pounds (Mama would be happy if that were the case, a woman shouldn't be too portly). However, I felt so sick I couldn't eat.

“Well, I ain't one to beat around the bush. How long have you been squatting in your quote unquote ‘house’?”

I nervously stimmed with my fingers, “a-a few mownths…”

“And why didn't you tell me?”

“I juws…” I started, and then switched to my happy voice, “I didn't want your pity, or for you to worry about me. I thought….I thought I could brave the circumstances until I had an actual home. But that went swimmingly, hasn't it?” I chuckle nervously, but stop when I see Moonys serious expression.

“Alright, here's the deal. You can stay here until you get back on your feet, got it?”

“Oh! You would do that for me dearest chum?” I asked, not believing my luck.

She shrugged, “Can't just let someone I know live on the streets, y'know? Besides, we're with each other enough of the time, how different could it be living together?”

I smiled warmly. I knew deep down Moony secretly cared for me, even if she tried to hide it under a rough and brash exterior, “Thank you, you truly are my best friend. I'm not sure how I could live without you” I get up and go over to hug her, and she blushes. I'm not sure why, maybe it's the heat radiating off of me? Oh! But who cares? I get to stay in a nice apartment, and with Moony no less!

But as I was hugging her, my stomach gurgled again, oh no.

“You sure you ain't hungry? I heard your stomach”

“I, um” I panicked, no no no no no-

I fall to the ground, vomiting up a pile of staticky bile. I wretched and wheezed until there was nothing left in me. Then I shamefully looked at the giant puddle in front of me. Oh no! I can't believe I just did that! I had tried to show my gratitude, and instead I ruined Moonys carpet.

“I'm sowwy…”

Moony didn't seem all that phased by it, though she was a little grossed out. It wasn't that uncommon of me to vomit from stress or anxiety, so she was used to cleaning up my messes.

But she looked at me seriously, “En, have you been drinking recently?”

“Uh…maybe?” I frown.

She sighed, “I had hoped you quit that habit…but I guess with the stress of everything…you're going through withdrawal”

“What is that?” I ask.

“It's when you become dependent on drinking and then stop for a while, your body is going all nutty without it. Listen, if you're going to stay here, you'll have to clean up your act, alright? I don't want to deal with your drunken rages or pitiful hangovers, got it?”

“I'm not dependent! I can-” I stopped when I saw her scowl, and I squeaked, “I-I mean, yes Moony. I can do that”

“Speaking of cleaning up your act, you know we'll have to talk about your…other problem” she said.

I instantly knew what she meant, and I frowned, “I'll try not to have another meltdown. But please understand this is all very difficult for me, my friend”

“Yeah, I know. But we're gonna get through this, yeah?” She said, and I nodded.

She continued, “I guess my first question is, why? I mean, I kinda get it, I was a stupid teenager once, but why are you hurting yourself like this?”

I feel myself glitch again. But I try to remain calm. Moony wasn't yelling at me, or punishing me like Mama did when she found out. She was just asking questions. And I loved questions! They're great for pondering. I could do this.

“It makes me feel…good. It's as though I'm getting what I deserve, and that makes me feel good about myself. And somehow, it makes me feel less stressed. Even though later on I feel bad about it…”

“So, it feels good in the moment, but not after?” She asked. I nodded again. “And how long has this been going on? A couple weeks? Months?”

I suddenly switch to my blue voice, quivering, “y-years…”

“Oh. Like what? 2? 3?”

I stop to think. How long have I been doing this? “I believe this started when I was a child”

“Sweet Runas Ena…” she blinked a few times.

“B-but it wasn't always like this! I simply noticed that painful actions, such as hitting my head or scratching, would help mediate my less appealing character traits. And then it just kind of snowballed from there?”

Moony didn't say anything at first. She looked lost in thought. “Ok, I want you to promise me something”

“What would that be my friend?” I ask.

“Promise me you'll work on your bad habits, the drinking and hurting yourself” she said. No, more like demanded.

I glitched again. Could I really do that? I had been doing those things for so long…was it possible for me to even stop? “I promise I will adequately try”

“Good enough for me” she looked back down at my staticky mess, “I'll clean this shit up. You just lay back on the couch, then I'm gonna go grocery shopping. Anything you want?”

“No thank you, dearest Moony, anything you buy will be good enough for me”

Moony quickly made haste and cleaned the vomit before it dried on her moon themed carpet. Then, as promised, she headed out, promising to be back soon.

I rest my head on the sofa again, feeling quite drained. My stomach had calmed down, though my head still hurt. I felt so safe right now, even if Moony was no longer here. I knew she would be back soon! I close my eyes, letting myself fall back asleep, knowing I would be ok. After all, what else could possibly happen?

Chapter Text

“How stupid are you? Why are you even crying? I'll give you something to cry over if you don't stop right now!” Her Mama yelled loudly, her voice reverberating through the tense living room air.

“Mama! Please stop, you're making it worse!” her younger brother, Anthelo, wailed. The blue and white boy looked on in horror.

Mama didn't listen, and kept berating the poor girl for her meltdown.

“I hate you Ena! I wish you had never been born! You really were a mistake, huh?” She said.

I woke abruptly with a startle. That dream again…

I was breathing heavily, as I usually did after dreams of Mama. I felt panic seeping into my chest, and I knew I wasn't far from another nervous breakdown. I had to fix this, quick.

I hastily search my pockets for my oh so important piece of glass, only to remember everything that's happened. That's right, I was at Moonys and….I promised her I'd try.

But this was an emergency! Surely she would understand….? Well! What she doesn't know won't kill her, right? Right?

I had no time to ponder how much I'd be disappointing Moony, I needed to do something NOW. I go into the kitchen. I briefly considered drinking away the problem, but that would take too long. On her counter was a rack of knives, in varying sizes. Knives usually were not very good at getting the job done, despite popular belief. But they would have to do. I pick up a smaller one and pull my pants down.

Right as I press the sharp tip to my thigh, the door opens and I freeze.

I expected to come home and see Ena laying on the couch, maybe sleeping, maybe not. Instead I see her in the kitchen, with a knife. Shit…

“Uh, what are you doing?” I try asking calmly, but my voice wavers.

Surprisingly she doesn’t immediately freak out, keeping her regular colors.

“I was…um….fixing a problem?” She smiled nervously, hoping I’d be fine with this answer.

“Looks more like you’re creating a problem” I set down the bags I had on the ground, and walked over to her slowly.

“Can I have that?” I extended my hand. She looked at me, squirming in place. But shakily she placed the knife in my hand.

“Thank you. Jena, why did you try doing this again? Even after our conversation?”

She faltered, then said, “I downt know how to stawp…someting is wrong wiff meeee”

I sighed, thinking about what to do. Clearly I wasn’t equipped to help with Enas problems, I had no clue.

“Mena…Do you think maybe you’d benefit from some therapy?” I ask.

“Therawpy? Are yew saying I’m cwazy?”

“No! Not crazy! Just…troubled is all. Nothing wrong with that, we all need a little help sometimes”

“No no no! I refuse!” She exclaimed.

I ponder for a moment, unsure if Is should say what I’m about to say, “You know, I was in therapy for awhile”

She perked up, “You?!”

I nod, “Yup, even me”

“What for?” she tilted her head.

“I’m not telling you! You’re going to make fun of me!”

She giggled a little at that, “Ok! Ok! But…maybe I will consider it”

“Good enough for me. Say, do you wanna just spend the rest of the day watching old movies? I think we could use the distraction”

Ena smiled again. She loved movies, especially old classics. They reminded her of a simpler time, “I would like that my compadre”

We settled into the couch as I put on an old movie, something called “Breakfast at Tiffanys”. This wasn’t really my kind of movie but I know Ena liked it.

Ena rest her head against my shoulder (Albeit it was a bit awkward with her crazy height), and I froze. No, no, this didn’t mean anything. She was just tired. That's it, nothing more. I fight the urge to blush and just focus on the movie.

But that was made much harder when eventually I heard the soft snore of the girl next to me.

Chapter Text

I listened to the two toned woman hum and sing as she took her shower. I guess it was a good thing my home came with one, because I started actually needing it after I got my body. If I had known these things could get so damn sweaty and smelly, I wouldn’t have bothered. But I smiled as I heard Ena be…her usually joyful self. I had hardly noticed it but over the past year or so it had really disappeared. Sure she’d speak with her happy voice, but it was more subdued, less genuine. But right now, she at least seemed pretty happy with life. She was back to singing and dancing around like she did as a kid. I missed it. Ena had been staying here for about a month, and so far she seems to be improving, at least a little. I got rid of all the liquor in the house, much to my own dismay. What? I like to have a good time every now and then! Is that a crime?! And as far as I could tell Ena hasn’t been self destructive at all. Was it really this easy to fix a person? Guess i’m a miracle worker.
She got out of the shower, steam misting the air when the door opened.
“How the hell can you stand the hot water? Or anything hot for that matter” I asked.
“Whatever do you mean friend?”
“Dude, you take like a thousand degree showers and eat food straight from the oven. Does that not like…bother you?”
She simply smiled, “I’m used to it!” she said gleefully, dancing around as she did. I had no idea what that meant but maybe I didn’t want to press further on that.
“Used to it? This isn’t another self harm thing is it?” I laughed. Of course, my dumb ass pressed further on it. Enas' face slightly dropped.
“No, for once it isn’t. Mama used to give us hot baths. Me and Anthelo, but mostly me” she replied with a monotone voice.
She continued when I gave her a weird look, “When we were naughty, she would get super hot water in the tub, and then would scrub us until our skin was raw and red! She said it was like a baptism but for bad children. I don’t think they quite worked on me though…I still couldn’t help but be a bad person!” she said, smiling darkly.
“Uh…that is…wow. Have you been telling your therapist about this sort of stuff?” I asked, shifting in my seat.
She cocked her head innocently, “No, why would I? She hasn’t asked”
I grumble, “Jena, you’ll get nowhere if you don’t talk about that sort of thing”
“But it’s scawy!” she whined, “she’ll juwst make fun of meeeee”
“So why did you tell me and not her? I’m way more judgy than some snobby doctor”
“Oh! I’m used to your judgement, that’s just how you are” Ena replied, “Sure it hurts sometimes, but you’re my best friend, I can handle the pain of it”
Damn, ouch. Real smooth Moony, your only friend and crush just happily said you hurt her sometimes. Fucking asshole.
“Whatever…just make sure you start bringing up stuff like that to her, deal?”
“Dearest chum, may we pinky promise on it?” she asked, her eyes shining.
I rolled my own eye, “Ugh fine, I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with doing that but whatever”
“Yippee!” she jumped, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” she said, going through the motions.
I snort, “You do realize that 1. Thats not how you pinky promise, and 2. Those aren’t even the right words. Where did you even learn that?”
She turned around and started lightly skipping off, “I’m not telling~”

As soon as she was gone I hid my face in my hands and sighed. Why the hell did she have to be so cute and sweet? And why was I so into it?? I’m a bad bitch, I shouldn’t be acting like a total softie. And yet, I found myself just wanting to pull Ena to the couch to give her a smooch and ruffle her hair, and laugh at how silly she was. The past month has been so weird for me, living with the girl of your dreams while also not being a couple. I kept considering telling her my dumb feelings. But then what? Be a heartbroken moron when she says no and leaves you?

I shake the thought from my head. Maybe if the time is ever right, I’ll do it. But for now I shouldn’t be selfish and make Enas' life even harder.
I sat on the couch mindlessly channel surfing, I had no idea what Ena was getting up to in the spare bedroom. When she wasn’t talking with me, she was cooped up in the room, doing who knows what. I think someone like her doesn’t even need a tv or phone or anything to occupy their mind. I bet right now she’s making up her own fun in her head. Although...now that I’m thinking about it is that a healthy thing to do? Should I be spending more time with her? I wasn’t sure.
I check my watch, half past 12. My stomach growled, and I called out for Ena, “Ayna! I think we should get going soon”
She sheepishly poked her head through the door to look at me, “Ah! But of course. But also, I had one of those…what do you call it…a headache with pictures…”
“Idea. You had an idea” I reminded her.
“Right! One of those! What if we simply continued to stay in here where it was safe and there was no danger”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, of course she would be difficult about this. Ena had always been at least a little anxious going outside into the public area, scared she’d have a bad meltdown in front of everyone. But after letting her live here, the anxiety just seems to have skyrocketed. She would sometimes plead with me to not make her go outside. But according to the therapist (Who I was allowed to talk to by the way! No violations here!), I have to take her outside sometimes to get out of the house.
“Not playing this game, we agreed we’d go to lunch before your interview”
“But Mooby! What if someting bad happens? Or worse! What if!?” she whined, rocking back and forth.
I shook my head, “not on my watch, remember?” I pointed to my watch, smiling. She looked at me confused. But then she giggled a little.
“Oh Moony, you never cease to amaze me with how funny you can be. Even if the joke is bad”
“Yeah I’m amazing I know. Now come on” I said, getting up and opening the door.
She hesitantly joined my side. Without much thought she grabbed my hand, and I looked away. Another quirk she’s picked up, holding my hand. I guess it meant she felt safe around me, which was a little embarrassing but I wasn’t going to complain (even though I do pretend to complain) about it.

We’re sat down at a decent enough restaurant for lunch. I’m glad I get paid the big fatty caddys, otherwise I couldn’t keep spoiling Ena like this. Ena sat nicely in her seat, even though I was sure she’d rather be standing and moving around. I also saw her reading the drink menu instead of the big food one. Curious, I pry it out of her hands much to her discontent, and look it over. All alcohol.
“No, bad Jena. We’re done with all that, remember?”
She pouted, then frowned.
“You can have a mocktail but that’s it,” I told her.
We finally order and get our food, (I got the mystery meat from a can, Ena got the ambiguous shapes and colors platter)
“So, how are you feeling about the big interview?” I asked, poking at my food. Was this capybara, that's what it looked like.
Ena picked up a square from her plate, and toyed around with it, “Oh I’m positively nervous! I’ve never been good with interviews. As much as I love to ponder the questions people ask me, jobs seem to want you to not ponder for long! Where is the fun in that” she said, then popped the cube in her mouth. You know, despite watching her eat plenty of times, it was still difficult to comprehend how she ate with a two dimensional mouth with no hole. This world was weird sometimes.
“Just do what I told you to do, you got it?”
“Yes yes, lie my way through it!” she exclaimed proudly.
“No, bullshit your way through it, there’s a difference Wena” I corrected.
She frowned, “You know I detest swearing, a lady mustn't use vulgarity in daily conversation”
I laughed again, “Dude i’m sorry, but hearing that come from such a manly voice kills me everytime”
“Hey!” she yelled, “downt make fun of my voice!” she cleared her throat, “Ah, I mean! Oh gosh…that’s quite embarrassing of me” she looked down.
“Hey, I’m just kidding you know” I said, “I like your voice, it’s uh. It’s nice”
She smiled, “Thank you my friend. I feel the same way about your voice!”
I shook my head smiling, typical silly Ena.

After we finished our meal, I walked her to what may be her future career, the door factory. Ena stuck close to me the entire time. She was fine in the restaurant, but walking around the mannequins and other creatures had her on edge. I think she was scared she was gonna see that mean lady who kicked her out everytime she went outside.
I led her to the entrance, “Alright, it’s all you know. Show them how passionate you are about making doors, and you’re sure to get the job!”
She nodded, hands on her hips, “I’ll be sure to make you proud, Moony!”

I waited about half an hour for her to come back out, and she was practically beaming.
Before I could even ask, she almost yelled, “Oh Moony it was glorious! Simply illuminating, absolutely victorious!” she was flapping her hands up and down.
I grinned, “in laymans terms?”
She rolled her eyes still smiling, “it went good” she said.

We talked about it more on the way home, seems like Ena had an actual chance at this. I was prepared for the worst outcome but this was good.
Something in the air changed however when we got home. It was like a foreboding fog had encased me, something was going to happen to ruin the good day we just had, but what?
I looked over to Ena, who was still her happy self, humming to an unknown song. Didn’t seem like anything could upset her right now.
And then she looked at me and we shared our gazes for awhile. Ena was still jolly, and didn’t seem phased. But I was inwardly panicking. What was happening?
Then she spoke up, “Moony, you told me earlier I should be discussing things like my Mama with the nice therapist lady. And I would like to apologize, because I have been talking about other things with her”
I tilt my head, “Like what?”
She pondered for a moment on what to say, “I must say, I’m even more nervous now!” she laughed anxiously, “Seems i’m nothing but a mess as of late. Nevermind however! There is a more pressing matter at hand”
“And what is that?”
“I’ve been talking about my feelings towards you with her, and she says I should face my fears and come clean about how I truly feel. And oddly enough, today I think I feel confident enough. Even if my heart is beating very roughly!”
Oh sweet Runas. This was the day I was dreading, the one where Ena finally tears me a new one for all the shit I’ve put her through, all the jokes I made at her, the way I-
“I like you, Moony,” She said simply.
Time stood still for what felt like hours, and she stared at me with an indiscernible emotion, waiting for me to respond.
“Uh. What?”
She faltered, losing her bravado, “I, ah, l-like you. As both a friend, and as something that is…uh, more than friendship?” she looked away,
For some reason, I burst out into laughter. And I couldn’t stop. This had to be a joke, thats what it was. A big joke, and I wouldn’t be a fool to it. Right?
“I-you…and me…thats just-god!” I spoke between chuckles, “En, you’re a riot, you know that? I mean did you really think I’d fall for th-” I stopped when I saw her.
Something was…wrong with her. She looked completely normal. She wasn’t smiling, but she also wasn’t frowning or glitching out. She just stood there looking at me.
“Uhm..Kena? You good?” Oh fuck. Fucking fuck. She was serious, wasn’t she. One of my dreams just came true, and I completely ruined it. I laughed in her face. She confessed to me, and I laugh at her. I could hear the pits of Hell calling my name.
“It appears I’ve made a small mistake” she looked aside.
“Wait, Ina, can we talk about thi-”
“No no, no no. I completely understand, my fr-uh, Moony. I understand, it was quite silly of me. I had already predicted this outcome and yet I continued to run my mouth. And I still am! Goodness, I can’t seem to stop talking!” she laughed.
“Jena what…I don’t think-”
“I think we should head to bed Moony” she said flatly, and turned around, stepping into her assigned room. She didn’t angrily slam the door or anything, she just gently closed it behind her, and made no sounds. By all accounts, she was acting normal. But I knew I just fucked up big time with my stupid mouth.
I waited there dumbly, seeing if she would come out sobbing and crying, begging for comfort, in which case I would gladly give it to her and tell her how sorry I was, and how I accepted her confession and would gladly be more than friends. Shit, for once in my life she wanted Ena to freak out. At least I knew what to do in that scenario. But that didn’t happen. The house stayed quiet for a few minutes, before I sighed. I wasn’t really sure what to do now, if I knocked on Ena’s door, she’d probably just insist everything was fine and ignore me again.

Maybe she was right, maybe we just needed to sleep on this. The air was dense as I laid in bed, but I did my best to ignore it. Nothing worse could happen tonight, right?”

Chapter Text

It was the second day of school, and Ena was feeling a little better than she had yesterday. She had done the impossible, she made a friend! A strange one, but a friend nonetheless. She was busy coloring a page with a red marker. She wasn’t sure why, she just enjoyed coloring paper sheets with different colors. Moony was watching her and running her mouth.

“-and when I get a body, I’m gonna be one of those model ladies in Moms magazines, yeah, I can see it now. I’ll be all over the cover of Vague magazine” she said.

Ena giggled, “Wow! Then you’ll be famous! I cannot believe I get to be friends with a famous person” she spun around gleefully.

“Ehhhh, I’ll probably be busy with my other super famous friends. No offense but I don’t think you have model material”

“I could be a singer, I love to sing and dance!” Ena exclaimed.

“Again, no offense, but you ain’t cut out for it I think. Who wants to watch a weird lady sing in a guys voice?”

Ena scratched her chin, thinking, “you make an agreeable argument. Oh but please! We should stay friends forever!”

“Thats like, a long time. Like that’s at least a year or something” Moony replied, “Could you even handle my clear awesomeness that long?”

Ena looked at the moon with pleading eyes, “I pinky promise! Cross my heart and hope to fly!”

Moony rolled her eye, “Hope to die, not fly”

Ena shook her head, “But I can’t keep a promise if I die! And I don’t hope to die, why would anyone want that? That’s silly”

“Alright alright. You’re weird, but sure, we can be friends and stuff. Even when i’m famous”

“Forever and always” Ena said, smiling.

I couldn’t seem to fall asleep, no matter how fitfully I tried. I just couldn’t get the racing thoughts out of my head. About how worthless and unlovable I was, about how meaningless my life was.

Moony didn’t care about me at all. To her I was a laughing stock, a joke. Just like I was to everyone else. She only took me in out of pity, or perhaps to laugh at me more. That's right, every night she was probably on that phone of hers emailing everyone about how stupid I was!

Well. If Moony didn’t really care about me, then she won’t mind if I cope a little. It’s about all I’m good for anyways.

I leave my comfy but lonely bed, and tread into the kitchen. Moony was presumably asleep in her room. That was fine by me, I didn’t want to see her. It would hurt too much. Oh great Runas, my heart hurts so much. It’s too much to bear.

I looked around the kitchen for a while, not sure what I was looking for. That is until I stumbled upon the junk drawer, and inside I found an old but functional boxcutter. I struggled a little to slide the razor out of its shell, the thing was a bit jammed. But I eventually got enough of it out to work. Well, as the kids would say, it’s time to paint the town red.

But it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. Nothing was enough of a punishment for someone like me. My mouth felt dry. I need a drink.

I look back towards Moonys door, I wanted to feel anger and hatred towards the moon, for the way she’s treated me.

Yet all I felt was anguish and despair. I couldn’t hate her, only myself. Lord, I hated myself. I quickly found a sticky note and scribbled something on there, then quietly left from the front door. Ugh, now I needed to get out of her confusing apartment complex…

“-and she just laughs at me! Can’t you believe that? Right in my face” I slurred out, then took another swig of my drink. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly, it tasted awful, but I drank it anyway.

The shepard scratches behind her ear, seems like she wasn’t feeling the liquor as hard as I was, “I always found her unfavorable anyways. Though, I can’t quite blame her, I wouldn’t want you either”

“Thats the thing! Noooooooboddyyyyy doeeeessssss” I said, “I don’t think you even like me, and yet here I am!”

“I don’t like you” she said.

I laugh, already forgetting what it was I found funny, “Man, like. Have you ever wanted to die, so bad? Cus of how nothing matters”

She rolled her eyes, unamused by me, “Maybe if I was as pesky as you, probably”
“Yeah you get it! I’m like, THE WORST! You? You’re like, the coolest. You got all these dogs and shit. Me? I’ve got…..uh….wait what was I saying?” I ask myself, opting to instead take another generous gulp of my mystery liquid.

Shepard took a sip of her, contemplating, “I’m not even sure why I let you in here sometimes. You’re always annoying when you’re drunk”

“DUde! We need to do this more! Every night! I love drinking, why did I ever stop??”

She thought for a moment, “and you’re also being quite alarming. What happened to your usual attire?”

I sit back in my chair, looking up at the dome sky, watching the hourglass dogs float by. I then glanced at the long sleeves covering my arms, the tops of it were bleeding just a little. Oops.

“I am so fucked up right now” I chuckle.

Shepard said something else, but my hearing was starting to go deaf, so I kept talking, mostly to myself, “I’m so fucked. Oh man. And my life is totally worthless! All I do is cry and drink. Is that what life is? Just misery and pain?” I look back down at my arm and leg, wincing a little. I really did a number on myself.

“I’m an awful, stupid person. I want to die” I said, nodding to myself sadly. Shepard kept saying something but she sounded so far away.

I nodded to myself again, knowing what I had to do. I pick up the bottle of liquor and stand up, Shepard seems to complain about this, but I don’t listen. And I walk out of her home, but before I left I slurred out a quick, “Going to the store, bye”

I woke up feeling more tired than I did before I went to sleep. I need coffee, stat. I stretch and get up, scratching myself. I feel like i’m forgetting something important. Oh well, it can’t be THAT important, can it? I trudge into the kitchen half asleep and start the coffee pot.

As I’m waiting, my eyes scan around the kitchen, where was Ena? She’s usually up super early and raring to go for the day. But the apartment was quiet, save for the pouring of coffee. Then I noticed the small piece of yellow paper on the island counter.

All it said was “Went to Shepherds for a bit. -Ena”

The first thing I noticed was that she didn’t write any niceties like she normally would, no “dearest moony” or “my friend”. Just nothing.

The next thing was that it was sloppily written, clearly having been written in her blue hand. While Ena was technically ambidextrous, she only used her blue hand if she was upset.

The third was…wait. SHEPHERD??? She went to her fucking house?! That wasn’t good. The only time the Shepherd was willing to hang out with Ena was when they were drinking together. I know she used to do that sometimes, but I thought she stopped drinking socially. Actually, I thought she was done drinking period, I had told her to stop!

God fucking dammnit. As soon as I bring Ena back home I’m gonna teach that no good cat a lesson. Ena…

A wave of memories washed over me as I thought about Ena. Thats right, last night I screwed up worse than I’ve ever screwed. Combine every failed math test, every speeding ticket, every prank I ever pulled. All of it together didn’t even come close to how bad I messed up. How the hell would I make this right.

Well firsts thing first, find Ena. Maybe she was still at that stupid cats place. Ugh, why do we even hang out with her, she doesn’t even like us. Whatever, we can cut her off later.

“What do you mean she’s not here?! She said she was coming here last night!” I yelled. Shepherd just grumbled in response.

“And it is not morning time. Not last night anymore. Please go away”

“Please! I need to find her” I pleaded.

She just glared at me, “You know, that pesky girl was talking about you a lot last night. Was quite bothersome. Just yap yap yap nonstop about how you hurt her idiot feelings”

“I know, and I’m gonna make it right somehow” I said urgently.

“And she also wouldn’t shut up about how sad she is. I’d probably want to kill myself too if I was her, but she didn’t need to keep saying it. You know what, you go find her, make sure she doesn’t come back here. I keep forgetting why I even let her in”

My heart sank, was Ena really that miserable?

“All I know was that when she left and stole my whiskey, she said something about going to the store”

The store? What fucking store?? That doesn’t help at all. Whatever, there’s only a few stores Ena would go to, right? Just have to ask around.

I left hastily, once again driving at incredible speed and risking another ticket. Where would I go if I was a sad and drunk Ena? Whenever Ena was drunk around me she was usually hungry and wanted snacks. The corner store! Maybe she went there.

I rush into the parking lot and hardly bother to park properly, then blast open the doors. Part of me was hoping she’d somehow still be here, but that wasn’t the case. Suddenly my phone rang, and my hope shot up through the roof. Then it fell like a dumbbell when I saw the caller id wasn’t Ena. I didn’t answer the phone, it wasn’t important.

“Excuse me” I said to the young boy working up front. He was an anthropomorphic clock guy with literal clock hands on his face, it sort of looked like a mustache. “Have you seen a virus around here? Blue and yellow chick, black hair, bout this tall?”

He used one his face hands to rub his chin, thinking, “Ohhh! I think I know who you’re talking about. Yeah we had to kick her out of the store”

“Huh?” kick her out? Why in the world would they kick her out, Ena was an absolute saint.

“Oh yeah she was making a riot. Was totally wasted. After she bought a weird amount of sleeping pills she kept trying to buy more booze but my boss kept saying no. Then she started yelling and cursing at us and stuff. Ended up stuffing the bottle in her pants and ran off”

“Jena did that? That doesn’t sound like her at all” I said, a little scared.

“We were gonna call the cops but my boss can’t afford to have people check the cameras. You know, just between you and me, my boss does a lot of shady stuff here and I think-”

“Yeah yeah yeah nice story, I gotta go” I interrupt him, and storm back into my car to think.

Before I could ponder some more, my phone rang again. Same number. Stupid spam calls, always at the worst time. I hit ignore and rested my head against the steering wheel.

What was I supposed to do? Wander the streets again in hopes of finding her? I tried ringing her phone to see if she would pick up, which I doubted. She always forgot to charge it or even bring it with her. Of course it went to voicemail.
Looks like I had little choice, I had to wander the streets to find that woman.

As I went up and down alleyways, my phone would occasionally ring, always the same unknown number. I was starting to get fed up. I looked for hours, but saw no trace of her. My phone rang once again, fucking hell. Fine, they wanna talk, we can talk. I’ll just give them a piece of my mind.

I picked up the phone and growled, “What?! What do you want??”

The voice on the other end seemed startled, but stayed professional, “Is this Moony?”

“Yes and I’m very busy right now so please leave me alone and fuck o-”

“This is the hospital calling,” the voice interrupted. I froze.

“Huh?”

The doctor said something, and I dropped my phone in disbelief. The phone shattered on the ground but I couldn’t care about it right now. I need to get going.

Chapter Text

I lay in the cold white bed in stunned silence, I wasn’t sad that I was alive, or happy to have survived. I just felt numb to it all. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to form a solid opinion on the matter. All I could do was look at the facts and think about them to myself in the lonely sterile room. I couldn’t seem to remember what time was either, has it been a few hours? Or weeks? I wasn’t sure. I lazily move my gaze to my arm, covered in strip adhesives and gauze pads to keep the blood at bay. Wait! A feeling, I was feeling something! Yes…I had mutilated myself for the umpteemth time, and right now I was feeling that I wanted to do even more.

I wanted to rip off the delicate strips protecting me, and do it all over again to show those pesky doctors what I truly felt about their work. Keeping someone alive against their will, how pitiful.

I also felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn’t vomit. According to many of the nurses who tried talking to me, my stomach was “pumped”. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I felt physically empty inside, there was no more alcohol numbing my brain. I could really use another drink right now, but the nurses kept insisting I needed to “get clean”. What is it with people and their strange lingo? I don’t know what people are saying half the time!

More feelings were coming to me. Miserable, depressed, angry, hatred. Just to list a few. I wanted to get out of here so I could try again to end it all, because what was the point of it all? I was an awful person, I was stupid, I was clumsy, I was ugly. I couldn’t do anything right, all I did was annoy everyone. I was nothing but a big joke to everyone including my only friend. I am nothing.

A gentle knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, and the doctor poked his head inside. He looked like a mix of many animals, so it was hard to tell what he was. “Ms uh….Aynya is it? Someones here to see you” he said in a crackly voice.

A visitor? Who in the world would want to see my sorry self? I nodded, however, and he opened the door wider to reveal the large moon woman. I froze, then scowled. Of course. Of course she came here to laugh at me in my lowest moment.

The doctor said something to Moony but I wasn’t listening, instead I turned my body (it was quite hard and painful with the body aches and IV’s).

“ENA! Oh dear God thank fuck! Do you even-”

“Shut up” I said sternly, still not looking at her.

“What?” she said, taken aback.

I cleared my throat, “Pardon me, but I said shut up. And please, go away”

“J-jena…I thought…aren’t you happy to see your old pal Moony?” she said nervously smiling, pointing finger guns in an attempt to lighten the mood.

I still refused to even make eye contact, I knew if I did I would break. That my heart would shatter would shatter again into millions of pieces, and I couldn’t take it right now.

“I have been humiliated enough recently, I am well aware I am a fool. Hardy, har har, theres no more jest to be had anymore. You can find someone else to laugh at, though I am quite sure it will be arduous to find someone half as pathetic as me. Be that as it may, I wish for some semblance of humility and would like to be left alone to wallow in my failure”

Moony stood there, confused (and not just because of the big words Ena liked to use), “Enya, please. I know I fucked up, but please lets just talk about it?” she pleaded.

I finally couldn’t do it anymore, and looked at her, and as I predicted, my heart broke. Slowly. Like someone was gently carving out pieces of it with a dull knife. And I cried. Oh sweet heavens I cried. Softly, of course. I couldn’t put my pain into words. So instead I quietly sobbed and sniffled into my hands.

And then I laughed, just a little, “Isn’t it fuwnny? How I couldn’t even kill mysewf wight? I’m so tewwible at everyting”

Moony watched as my head fell back into my hands, and she hesitantly walked up to me, and shakily put a hand on my back.

“Ena, I’m so happy you’re alive. I have a lot of explaining to do, don’t I?” she said, looking away.

I uncovered my eyes, and wiped the excess water out of them, and stared at her curiously. She was acting strange. “What do you mean?”

She sighed loudly, and used her free hand to fidget with her hair, “Listen, I was a real jerk. But it’s only because I thought you were joking with me when you said all that shit”

“Moony, you KNOW I’m bad at humor, why would you think I was joking?” I said.

“Touche, fair point. You suck at comedy. But regardless, I think I was just…I got spooked, you know? Cus like, the truth is…” she stopped.

I leaned in, “What?”

“GAH! I don’t know! This feels like a bad time to spit it out, considering you almost died and shit but the truth is that I like you too. Like, in a “more than friends” sort of way. THERE. I SAID IT” she spat out.

I blinked a couple times, processing what she had just told me.

“And look, I’m not saying get together with me or anything right now. I’m sure you hate me now anyways, but I don’t wanna be the one to “fix” you. You CLEARLY got a lot of issues I’m not able to deal with. But…even as just a friend, I’d like to try and be there with you on your journey, or whatever? Does that make sense?”

“Moony…I’m unsure what to say. This is certainly an unexpected confession. Do you truly like me as much as you claim?”

“UGH YES. Yes I do, I’m like, crazy about you and all that gay shit. I like the way you talk in that funny language of yours, I like your weird outfits, I like the way you sometimes look at me and just smile for no reason. I like all of you, and it sucks to watch you suffer and punish yourself like this. I wanna be there for the day you wake up and realize, “hey, I’m doing pretty good”. Maybe that makes me a dyke, but I don’t care” she said.

“I am unsure how to proceed with this. Oh, I’m suddenly overjoyed to hear you feel the same feelings I have! But…” I looked down at myself, at the mess I created.

“Yeah…I know. You’re still kinda fucked up right now. Listen, lets make a deal?”

“I’m listening”

“If you can start to heal, like actually get better and all that, we can maybe give this a shot. But I need to know you’re serious about it, and willing to do what it takes to be healthy or whatever. I’ll support you and stuff but you still need to do this on your own, I was kind of forcing you before. If you can prove to me you got this, then we can like…bleugh, date and all that. Got it?”

I thought this over to myself for a minute. It was true, it was easy to stay clean when Moony was forcing me. Truth was, I wasn’t really ready to give up my lifestyle. But she was right. I needed to be better. If not for myself, then for her at least. And maybe along the way, I’d find a way to not hate myself. “Ok, I believe that’s fair enough,” I smiled.