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Erik cannot wait for this camping trip to be over.
He’s been here three days, still has four to go, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been this bored in his entire life.
His dad is trying to make it fun, trying to make up for the months they’ve not seen each other, but the reality is that Erik hasn’t missed him as much as he’d expected. He hasn’t really missed Bergen in general - despite his initial frustration at being sent away to live on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere, Vesterøy was quick to win him over, and it’s felt like home for months now.
He doesn’t tell his dad that, though Erik’s lack of enthusiasm is probably a pretty clear giveaway.
After spending the last few days milling about on the campgrounds and going for endless walks in the nearby forest, his dad is changing things up today and has decided they’re going kayaking on the lake.
Erik’s cheeks are cramping from the forced smile he’s wearing, and he trudges behind his dad to the kayak rental kiosk. He hopes they’ll get separate kayaks so he can at least paddle away, but knowing his dad, and knowing how much he wants them to bond during this trip, they’ll probably end up in a tandem one.
Erik lets out a loud sigh that immediately gets absorbed by the greenery around them. His dad doesn’t hear, or pretends not to hear.
It’s still relatively early, and there aren’t many people around yet - a mother with two children at the lake shore, the kayak rental guy at the kiosk, a couple walking their dog on a parallel path, and in the far distance, a brown-haired boy with a familiar stride.
If Erik didn’t know any better, he’d think it was Mathias. As it is, he must be so bored that his mind is making up scenes, hallucinating in broad daylight.
He looks back to see if the boy is still there, but the horizon is deserted. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts, then realises his dad is waiting for him by the kayaks, holding two life jackets as he watches the rental man push a double kayak to the edge of the water.
Forcing another smile, Erik mentally braces himself for a morning of stilted conversation and awkward silences.
//
The boat trip goes better than expected. Sure, his dad doesn’t really understand when Erik tries to explain everything that happened with Thea, or why no one is getting the school involved about the new TikTok whore videos, and there are spells of quiet that last a few beats too long, but they’re trying. Erik talks a little more freely when he doesn’t have to look his dad in the eyes, and it feels like they’re slowly easing back into their old selves, like the months and miles between them are melting away.
Still, Erik needs a moment to himself when they are back ashore, and he tells his dad he’s going for a shower first.
When he wants to enter the sanitary building, he bumps into someone that’s just leaving. He looks up to find his earlier hallucination staring at him, and he briefly wonders if he’s actually going crazy, because surely hallucinations are not supposed to feel firm and warm?
“What the fuck,” the illusions says. His voice sounds exactly like Mathias’.
Slowly, realisation dawns on Erik that it is Mathias - he doesn’t know how , but Mathias is here , standing not even half a metre away.
“Are you stalking me?” Erik asks without thinking. He doesn’t have a rational explanation for Mathias’ presence otherwise - it’s a small camping, tucked away at the edge of Bergen, with barely enough mobile signal to load an Instagram story.
Mathias blinks. “Believe me, if I’d known you were here, I would’ve run for the hills.” He sounds tired, and defensive, and Erik realises with a start that he’s still standing in the doorway, keeping him from exiting. He moves to the side, and Mathias is quick to take his escape.
Erik catches his wrist when he passes. Things might be tense between them, but he doesn’t want Mathias to run when he’s clearly feeling bad about something. “Hey. Are you - do you-” he hesitates. “Do you want to go for a walk? After I’ve showered.”
Mathias narrows his eyes at him. “What are we, eighty?” he snarls.
Loosening his grip on his wrist, Erik raises his eyebrows. “Never mind.”
Despite the rejection giving them the perfect out, neither of them move. Mathias has his body half-turned away from Erik, and he’s chewing his lower lip.
Silence stretches between them, and Erik waits for Mathias to say something. When he doesn’t, he nods curtly. “Okay. Well. See you around.”
Mathias’ gaze flits up to meet his. He, too, nods, then finally steps outside. The air instantly feels lighter. Taking a deep breath, Erik grabs a towel and heads to a shower stall.
The warm water feels great on his skin, his muscles pleasantly sore from kayaking, and he takes his time to lather his whole body in soap. It’s a camping-provided soap that smells like pine and salt water, and the scent lingers even after he’s rinsed off.
After toweling himself dry, he slips back into his hoodie and joggers, putting on his beaten up sneakers on the way out the door.
He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Mathias sitting on the nearby bench.
Mathias stands up as soon as he spots him, pushing his hands in his jeans pockets as he walks over. “So about that walk…”
Erik eyes him warily. “Yeah?”
“Does the offer still stand?” Mathias’ voice is small, unsure, like he genuinely thinks Erik might decline. Erik wants to wrap him up in a hug, tell him whatever it is that’s bothering him, it’s going to be okay, but they’ve barely spoken in the last few weeks, and he’s not sure where the boundaries lie. He nods. “Of course.”
//
They silently make their way over to the start of one of the forest trails. Erik sneaks sideway glances at Mathias, who looks deep in thought.
He decides to open with what he hopes is a simple question. “Are you here alone?”
It shakes Mathias out of his trance, and he nods. “Got here yesterday.”
He doesn’t offer any other information, and Erik feels like he might as well try to draw water from a rock. All he knows so far is that Mathias somehow turned up at the same campground, is here on his own, and seems to be upset or mad about something.
“Any particular reason?” he tries.
“My parents were being annoying again. And there’s nobody on the island to hang out with - Olivia is gone, and Øyvind, and the rest. And I’d rather not see Felix and the rest of the crew.”
“Is he still bothering you?”
Mathias shrugs. It doesn’t come across as entirely nonchalant. “Sometimes.”
“Shit. Sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
Except it is, at least partially. Erik should’ve just kept his mouth shut about their kiss, and then nobody would’ve been any the wiser, and Felix wouldn’t be an ass to Mathias, and Mathias wouldn’t be so distant from Erik.
“You came all this way to escape the island and then you bump into me. I can imagine the disappointment,” Erik attempts to lighten the mood.
It doesn’t earn him the chuckle he expected. Instead, Mathias looks at him with a sad smile, and says: “Rather you than anybody else.”
It doesn’t sound like he’s solely talking about the camping trip.
Erik smiles a little. “Guess it’s your lucky day then.”
They walk in silence for a few minutes, the only sound the crunching of leaves under their feet, and the high-pitched bird songs above their heads.
“Did you mean what you said?” Mathias asks.
Erik studies his side profile. “When I said what?”
“After we kissed.”
“Which bit?” Erik pushes. He thinks they’re finally getting to the core of what’s bothering Mathias, but he doesn’t know what answer the other boy is hoping for. “When I said I liked it, or when I said it was nothing?”
Mathias looks pointedly straight ahead of him when he answers. “When you said you liked it.”
“Mathias.” It comes out slightly desperate, and Mathias must’ve caught that tone, because he looks over, a flicker of hope in his eyes. Erik still isn’t sure what exactly he’s looking for, but he cannot stand another minute without Mathias knowing the full truth. Not when the whole situation is so clearly eating him up inside. Erik misses Mathias, even just as a friend, and this might be the last chance he gets to make things right between them again.
He takes a deep breath. “Yes.”
He means to say more, but Mathias’ breath hitches, and that in turn makes Erik's heart jump a little. He swallows down the nerves that have been awakened in his stomach. “I- I know you might not feel the same, and that's totally okay, but you need to know that I don’t regret it. At all. The only reason I told you that is because I thought that's what you wanted to hear, but it was all lies.”
“Oh.”
It's not exactly the reaction he had hoped for, and he's suddenly not so confident anymore that he's read this whole situation correctly.
“Anyway.” Erik lifts one shoulder in faux nonchalance. “You can tell me to fuck off and we can continue to ignore each other. No hard feelings.”
The wind is knocked out of him when Mathias practically body-slams into him in what Erik quickly realises is a bone-crushing hug. Mathias arms are wound tight around Erik's shoulders, and after a moment's hesitation, Erik wraps his own arms around Mathias's waist.
“Thank you,” Mathias whispers, goosebumps erupting where his breath hits Erik's neck.
Erik squeezes the side of his waist in response, then freezes when he feels something hot and wet on his shoulder.
“Are you crying?”
Mathias sniffles, tucks his face deeper into Erik’s hoodie. “No,” he says petulantly.
Erik leans back, bringing one hand up to Mathias’ cheek. “Yes, you are,” he says softly, wiping his thumb over his cheekbone. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Mathias says, his voice cracking in the middle. “I just-” He takes a shaky breath. “I don't know. I feel overwhelmed.”
“Good overwhelmed or bad overwhelmed?”
Mathias laughs quietly. “Since when are you a therapist?”
“Don’t avoid my question,” Erik tells him, fighting to keep his smile at bay.
“Good overwhelmed, I think.”
Erik smiles fully now. “Okay. Let's continue walking then, and we talk more.”
“What if I don’t want to talk?”
He frowns. “Then we don't. But I think it'd do you good.”
The corners of Mathias’ mouth curl upwards. “Maybe we can do other things than talking that'll also do me good.”
Erik's heart rate picks up, and he tries to keep his voice steady when he asks: “Such as?”
Mathias lifts his eyebrows, as if he can't make it any more obvious, but Erik is not about to make the first move when he is the only one that’s confessed his feelings so far and he doesn’t know where Mathias stands exactly.
Nonetheless, he leans in closer, till their lips are merely centimetres apart. “I'm afraid you're gonna have to spell it out for me,” he murmurs.
He suspects Mathias would’ve rolled his eyes at him in other circumstances, but right now, he looks as entranced as Erik feels. Rather than replying, Mathias closes the gap between them, his lips soft against Erik’s chapped ones.
Everything Erik remembered about kissing Mathias turned out to be wrong - the real thing is a hundred times better than anything his memories could offer, and he tries to map it now, the curve of his lips, the way they mold against his, the taste on his tongue when they deepen the kiss.
He doesn’t know how much time passes, but it feels like hours, except the daylight hasn’t changed when he opens his eyes again.
Mathias whines quietly when Erik pulls back slightly, and Erik doesn’t think he realises he made that noise. He smiles, tucks a strand of hair behind Mathias’ ear, and cocks his head to the side. “So how long are you here for?”
“Leaving in two days,” Mathias says, slightly breathless.
Erik hugs him again to hide the glee on his face.
//
They finish the trail, spending about double the time it usually would take because they stumble over each other's feet trying to walk too close together and they keep pausing to kiss against tree trunks and they have to double back twice because they're too busy talking to keep an eye out for the trail markers.
Erik doesn’t want this camping trip to ever end.