Chapter Text
Original tumblr post can be found here.
“Thanks so much for doing this favor for me, Pearl. I mean, seriously, I really appreciate it. Would you believe the last time I had any real shut-eye was before this little guy was born? That’s a really long time!”
“Of course Greg, it’s no trouble at all!” Pearl replied airily, mentally ticking off a series of bullet points she’d projected onto a holographic list. “I always forget how much you humans tend to rely on sleep.” She made sure to place a special emphasis on the word ‘humans’ before continuing. “Did you know that humans will spend up to 25 years of their life asleep? That’s practically one-third of the average person’s total lifespan! Imagine wasting such a disproportionately lengthy time regenerating your energy – day after day, I suppose it really adds up. It’s simply fascinating, don’t you think?”
“Uh, sure…” Greg nodded hesitantly. He was no stranger to the fact that Gems were granted all the energy they needed from their stones, and thus had no real need to sleep or eat, but he was beginning to suspect that Pearl was having a bit of ill-natured fun at his expense, with the way that she was rattling off these supposed facts with a superior air.
Curious about the exchange in the doorway, a snarl of long, messy white hair peeked over the countertop.
“Okay, I think that’s everything,” Greg sighed loudly as he checked the diaper bag for the umpteenth time. “There should be plenty of formula, you just have to follow the directions. All his favorite toys are there – he really loves the bear with the monocle for some reason. I dunno, seems a little too rich for my blood. We’ve got bibs, some spare shirts, baby powder – oh, I also put a ton of diapers in there. You can never have enough of those, trust me!”
Greg’s nervous chuckle died out under Pearl’s complete non-reaction to everything he was saying, and he scratched the back of his balding head sheepishly.
“That’s fine, Greg,” Pearl replied absently, still reviewing her checklist.
“Aw you know it, Grego-ree! This little guy’s an absolute monster!” Amethyst merrily leapt over the kitchen counter and landed effortlessly on all fours, easily shattering Pearl’s hologram in the process. “Isn’t that right, little man?” she cooed at the mop of black hair that was strapped tightly to his traveling car seat. The only response she received was a miniscule snore, so she ruffled his hair affectionately in return, causing Greg to chuckle again, visibly relaxing in the wake of her lighthearted antics.
“Yeah you’re a little poop machine aren’t ya, yes you are, who’s the little monster that’s destroying all those diapers – wuagh!”
“Amethyst!” Pearl jerked her upright with a firm tug on the back of her shirt. “Don’t. Touch. The baby!” She accentuated each word with a disciplinary hiss. “You’ll wake him!”
“Yeesh, sor-ree,” Amethyst scowled and rolled her eyes before deciding that looting the fridge for what little food it contained would be a more worthwhile use of her time.
“Well then,” Pearl returned to the previous conversation as if nothing had happened. “You have nothing to worry about, Greg. The three of us have this completely under control – rather, I should say that two of us will,” her eyes darted aside to check on Amethyst, who was currently assembling a sandwich made of indiscernible ingredients she’d dug out of the fridge. The latter gave no sign of acknowledgement, so Pearl promptly turned her gaze back to Greg and gave him her most encouraging smile.
“Uh, yeah,” Greg was looking decidedly uncomfortable over the duo’s previous exchanges, and shuffled his feet awkwardly. “If you guys need anything, just… just feel free to ask. I won’t be that far away…” he then dropped to his knees and smiled tenderly at his son.
“Of course! We’ll be fine, don’t you worry about a thing!”
“Ughh…” Amethyst groaned dully in the background.
This time, Greg was the one who was hardly paying attention. He focused his gaze on his infant son, his eyes welling with a mixture of pride, joy, and sorrow. He and his little son Steven had never been separated since the day he’d been born. He reached out and placed a gentle finger upon the baby’s cheek. “Now you be good for the Gems, okay bud? I won’t be gone very long.” He leaned in a bit closer, cupped a hand over his mouth, and whispered, “Just between you ’n me, I think it’ll be good practice for them.”
“Yes, yes, he’s in good hands,” Pearl’s decidedly sharp tone jarred Greg back to reality, and he got to his feet with a start. After a couple of decades hanging around these gals, he knew when to take a hint. Besides, the soft floor of his careworn van was calling his name, and he couldn’t wait to sing the sweet songs of the wonders of dreamland. He inhaled deeply, briefly enjoying the sweet woodsy tang of the freshly constructed floorboards to compose himself.
“Alright now, you kids have fun,” Greg joked before turning to the screen door, pulling it open. “And seriously, thanks again.”
“You’re welcome!” Pearl called out as she watched him trudge down the steps and onto the beach, waving at him all the while. Once he’d disappeared down the horizon, she pivoted elegantly towards the car seat and clasped her hands together eagerly.
“Excellent~! That takes care of that,” she trilled merrily as she swept the carrier into the air, striding gracefully towards the couch and setting it down with aplomb.
“Uh, you’re gonna watch the baby?” Amethyst scoffed as she chewed, spraying large specks of her sandwich onto the pristine countertop. “I thought you said you didn’t want anything to do with –”
“Ugh! Chew with your mouth closed, please!” came the revolted cry. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Pearl frowned, her stringent tone indicating that the other Gem ought to drop the subject if she knew what was good for her. “I’m allowed to change my mind.”
“Sure, whatever you say,” Amethyst carelessly swept an arm across the counter, knocking her mess onto the floor, and dropped the plate into the sink with careless abandon. “All done!”
“Amethyst! Clean that up this instant!” Pearl instructed through gritted teeth as she pointed to the invisible specks on the floor. “Do you have any idea how much cleansing and disinfecting I had to do in preparation for accommodating this infant?!”
“Uh, prolly not a lot, since the house just got finished yesterday,” she returned smugly, gesturing to the freshly erected wooden structure encapsulating the mouth of the cave’s entrance. “I still don’t get why we can’t just use the Temple.”
“Because –”
“Because the Temple’s too dangerous for humans, especially one this small,” a low British tone rumbled as the star-studded entrance to the inner sanctum slid shut behind her.
This effectively quashed Amethyst’s temper, so she quickly scooped up the remaining crumbs of her sandwich and tossed them into the trash without a word.
Garnet turned her attention to Pearl, who’d been watching her teammates’ interactions with a triumphant nod and a rather self-righteous air. “You’re watching the baby?” she parroted Amethyst’s earlier question evenly.
“Yes,” Pearl straightened her spine and delicately lowered herself onto the sofa. “Greg was in want of a full night’s rest, and I figured I’d… do him a favor.” At this, Garnet quirked an eyebrow beneath her shades, unbeknownst to all but her.
“Yeah, apparently the lil worm’s been makin’ it hard for him to get some shut-eye, which is great for Pearl, since she never sleeps anyway!” Amethyst grinned as she strode over and flopped onto the opposite end of the L-shaped couch, causing the slender Gem to puff out her cheeks and clutch the car seat’s handle protectively. “They’re perfect for each other!”
“Be careful, Amethyst! At this stage of their development, humans are extremely fragile!”
“Aww, they’re not that fragile!” the purple Gem insisted earnestly.
“Well, perhaps you can take your rambunctious attitude to your room for the evening; that way Garnet and I can watch the baby.”
Stung, Amethyst’s mouth fell open. An array of particularly unpleasant retorts crossed her mind, but she eventually thought better of it. This wasn’t the first time that one of Pearl’s peremptory barbs had gotten under her skin, but she could pinpoint the exact moments that these little indiscretions had started becoming more frequent; in a particularly difficult incident a little over six months ago. Instead, she clamped her jaw shut and replied with a snarl. “Fine! You don’t need to tell me twice!”
Amethyst hopped off the couch in a huff, preparing to storm off, but was intercepted by Garnet’s suddenly outstretched arm. “I can’t stay,” she then turned and stepped onto the warp pad.
“What? Why?!” the duo chorused in dismay.
“There’s a dangerous Gem monster wreaking havoc in the fire swamp.” At this, Pearl rose from her seat with a jolt, and the pair moved to accompany her on the platform.
“You two, stay here,” Garnet ordered sternly, causing them both to flinch dutifully. “I can handle this alone, but that human’s going to need both of you to look after him.”
“G-Garnet, you can’t be serious,” Pearl stepped forward to plead her case. “I mean – Amethyst, well – it’s just – we both know she shouldn’t be around –”
“Hey!” the younger Gem snapped, and Pearl felt a familiar heat creeping up the back of her neck.
“W-What I meant to say is,” her eyes flicked to the car seat and back to Garnet, quickly losing her resolve under the usual expressionless gaze, and thus resorted to wringing her hands nervously. “Well, I – well… we can’t… can’t it just … wait?” she finished lamely.
Beside her, Amethyst winced sympathetically.
There was a very pregnant pause, and Garnet adjusted her visor stiffly. “Both of you, stay here. Look after the baby. Together. Understood?” Pearl and Amethyst nodded silently, vigorously, very much resembling a pair of very chastised bobbleheads on a trucker’s dashboard.
“Good. I won’t be long.” With that, the warp pad lit up, and in a blinding flash, Garnet was gone.
Slowly, Pearl lowered herself back into her seat beside the sleeping infant. Amethyst wordlessly climbed back onto the couch as well, doing so with as much dignity as she could muster. They sat in silence for what felt like hours, occasionally drumming their fingers together or rubbing their forearms to soothe their frazzled nerves.
“Sorry,” Amethyst finally piped up, causing Pearl to flinch slightly. “I know you’re just… tryin’a look out for the little goober, or whatever.”
“Yes, well, taking care of a human baby is a huge responsibility! I had to do soooo much reading in preparation for tonight, you don’t even understand what I…” Pearl caught herself from saying too much, easing into a more sympathetic tone. She met her fellow Gem’s gaze and gave her a small, hopeful smile. “I hope you can forgive me… I-I just… I just want everything to go smoothly, okay?”
Amethyst returned the smile with one of her own and let out an alleviated sigh. “Yeah, I guess I can do that.” She relaxed her body against the back of the couch, craning her neck up to examine the baby from afar. “I can’t believe he’s still sleepin’ after all that racket.”
A sniff of a laugh escaped Pearl’s lips, and she turned her attention to the infant as well. “I know. I was honestly prepared for him to become an inconsolable mess after Greg’s departure.”
“Well, we’re still here,” Amethyst ventured, shuffling a bit closer to get a better look at the baby. “And the world didn’t end.” She scooted a bit more; her approach was incredibly slow, methodical, as if she were a wild animal inspecting something new. Finally, she stopped a few inches short of Pearl’s lanky frame, still peering into the car seat with extraordinary interest.
“You’re right, Amethyst. I suppose I was worried for nothing,” Pearl concluded ruefully.
It was as though the youngling were waiting for those exact words to take his cue. It happened so fast that neither of them had been given a chance to prepare. Steven turned a deep shade of red, then promptly opened his mouth and unleashed an ear-splitting scream that could only be rivaled by a handful of corrupted Gems that the group had had the misfortune of taking on during previous missions.
Amethyst defensively raised her hands up over her ears, and Pearl cupped a hand over her mouth in distress. Neither of them knew what to do; they were almost in a state of complete paralysis. Amethyst squeezed her eyes shut, as if hoping this would somehow put an end to the disturbance. All of the knowledge Pearl had absorbed from her preparatory reading was lost to her, now that she was actually expected to execute it.
Perhaps she’d spoke too soon after all.
To Be Continued…