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It was a nice day. Most of the past days had been nice. Recent plans had shown that there would be no more than seven of them, and then the end of the world would strike. But as luck would have it; The end of the world; or what was supposed to be, had been foiled again. By the same two beings that had done it last time. It had been a struggle, setting aside some rather intense differences and uniting under yet another common enemy, but it all worked out in the end.
Sort of.
You see, talking hadn’t exactly been something the two had done. Aside from what had been necessary for their plan of action to work, that is So as the two stood outside, in the park surrounded by humans who had been none the wiser of the world they almost lost. it always followed this pattern, and perhaps it was best kept this way. Aziraphale had been the one to break the silence. To start a conversation.
“We did it…” It was a simple statement, but a start to something.
“So it seems,” Crowley responded, staring up at the cloudy sky through the dark tint of his glasses. He hadn’t removed them a single time in Aziraphale’s presence.
“.... Does… Hell have anything to say about it?” Aziraphale pressed gently, slowly tearing his eyes away from the endless blue to look at the demon. “Stopping their chance at a war again.”
He was quiet for a moment like he had continuously been when Aziraphale said anything to him. “No. Not that I can tell.” Not that he would know either, being as he hadn’t voluntarily stepped foot in Hell since Adam, aside from his summoning by Beelzebub. Any plans his old lot could be cooking up would be unbeknownst to him. He wanted to keep it that way honestly.
“Ah… That’s good I suppose.” The angel hummed and looked straight ahead, hands coming to his front to rub anxiously at his fingers. “I do hope nothing like this will happen a 3rd t-.”
Aziraphale stopped talking when Crowley began walking away, hands in his pockets, silent as could be. The angel could only assume he was heading towards his car, but he needed to talk. They needed to talk. A talk was needed.
“Crowley, wait,” He called and followed after the demon, not keen on running but prepared to do so if he had to.
Surprisingly, the demon did stop. Back turned to the ethereal being as he stood on the sidewalk, briefly looking both ways as he heard the footsteps approach. His head tipped back just a little, expecting the angel to begin some sort of rambling like he always did when he got like this. Crowley knew this was going to happen, he knew the angel like the back of his hand. At least he liked to think he did. He always floundered with his words, talking about different topics before horribly segueing his way to the one he wanted to talk about. But he seemed to have been wrong once or twice regarding what went through his stupid blonde head.
The angel stopped a few feet from behind him, twisting the ring settled on his finger. He had to pick his words carefully. “Can we talk… alone?” He asked gently, biting the inside of his lip in worry. He was desperate for them to say yes, let him speak, let him apologize. Properly apologize. He had done so when he returned, but they both knew it was quick and half-assed, not because he wasn’t sorry but because they had been very pressed for time and had no time to make up.
It seemed Crowley accepted his request, or was willing to entertain themselves with it because he cocked his head in the direction of the angel’s bookshop. “Yeah, I guess we can..” he sighed, a tired edge in his voice as he headed towards the old building.
Aziraphale sighed and followed yet again, relieved he said yes but still unfathomably terrified for these next moments. He knew things weren’t going to be pretty, or nice. And he was prepared to have to accept that things could very well never be okay again. He’s aware he screwed up big time.
They found themselves in his bookshop, the tension in the air thick as could be. Last time they were alone here…. Things were said, feelings were hurt, and hearts were shattered. Aziraphale could only hope he had enough glue and picked up all the pieces.
His shop was left just as he had left it. Not a book sold, a chair moved; hell neigh a dust mite was out of place. It was like time itself had stopped inside, and it's quite possible that it could have.
“Muriel informed me of the… suggestions you had given her. She kept it looking well because of you.” Aziraphale started, honestly stalling the proper talk they needed to have. He was terrified to start it. Scared of what would be sad to one another and scared to face the consequences of his actions.
“Shut up.” Crowley sighed and strolled a few feet away from the angel and leaned against the nearest table, back to him. “What did you want to talk about?”
Aziraphale gulped. “Right…. Yes.” He sighed and rubbed the front of his vest. “Rather…” He cleared his throat. “Well.. um, for starters-”
“Spit it out, Aziraphale.”
“I want to talk about us! And what happened that day.”
A pause fell between them. Aziraphale stared holes in the back of Crowley's head which lowered with a silent sigh. He drummed his fingers on the table for a moment.
“I thought we agreed to not talk about it? Put it behind us?” Crowley's voice was tight, and Aziraphale quickly realized the reason Crowley wasn't facing him.
Aziraphale clenched his fists in nervous energy and shifted on his feet. The anxiety bubbling in his body made it impossible for him to sit still. “Yes…. We did but…..” He stepped just a little closer to the demon. “I don't think I can … put it behind me that is. This is important and… and we need to talk about it. We agree not to talk about a lot of things, and I fear that’s a big problem of ours; Ignoring things and forgetting to address them. You're still upset and I don't want the both of us to pretend we didn't do anything wrong that day.”
More silence came as Aziraphale waited for the demon to respond. And the silence quickly stretched out and became awkward when he didn't respond.
“C-Crowley…?”
“Yes?”
“Did you hear me?”
“I did.”
“Ah…” Aziraphale gave a small tug to the collar of his dress shirt. Well if that didn't tell him everything he needed to know. Lovely. “I see. Right.” He nodded and turned his head away.
“You seem surprised.” The demon looked over his shoulder at the angel, glasses firmly placed over his eyes. A frown was tugging on the demon’s lips.
Aziraphale’s eyes bounced to the demon’s glasses and tense posture before looking away again. “Well… yes rather. I had hoped we could…. Address things. Talk.” He hummed. Surely the earth wouldn’t be threatened a third time, yes?
“Yeah, we saw how well things went last time.”
“But this isn’t ‘last time’! Stop comparing everything to last time!” The angel huffed and dropped his arms to his side in mild annoyance. “Things are different now!”
Crowley spun on his feet and glared at the angle through the dark glasses, an aura of demonic rage wafting off of him. “What? You just expect me to be okay after everything? That we’ll go to The Ritz and have a fancy drink all because we saved the world again? Forget all of that happened? Well forgive me , Archangel Aziraphale, but I can’t walk away from that!” He hadn't realized he had started pacing around the room mid-rant. He tends to do that when he has to talk about his emotions it seems.
Aziraphale felt the guilt blossom in his body again. It had been festering the whole time, never really stopped, but Crowley laying everything out on his was stoking the flames again and it was making his eyes sting. “N-no I… suppose not…” His voice was small, despite trying to keep himself calm.
Crowley stepped right into Aziraphale’s face in a few quick strides before he could stop himself, their noses nearly touching. “Do you honestly think I'd just let it go that easily? That you'd show up with your stupid little face, apologize with the dance, and everything would be fine? That I'd forget what you said to me? That you considered us, me , a mistake?"
Aziraphale stood straight up, gawking at the demon with an incredulous look. “I did no such thing!” He said, fully offended by the demon’s words.
“Yes, you did!”
“No, I didn-”
“Yes, you did!” The demon interrupted. “Right after I had ripped my heart out in front of you, and told you everything I’ve wanted to do for thousands of years! And you stood there and told me things weren’t forever. Everything we’ve done and been through was for nothing! You didn’t want me, you wanted what I used to be!” He spun and left the angel’s face, feeling his own tears coming on. “You let me… walk out. You didn’t even try to…”
“No… no no no, Crowley no!” Aziraphale reached out to take the demon’s arm but he was shoved off. “You misunderstand, please that wasn’t it at all! I’d never..” He could feel the guilt clawing its way up his heavenly soul and it was making him sick. He hadn’t felt this way in a long long time. “I never meant that, not that.”
“Sure you didn’t…”
“I don’t!” Aziraphale said and forced the demon to face him again, glistening tears sitting in the corners of his eyes. “I am so sorry for what I said that day, but you must understand what I was going through-”
“What you were going through! Oh don’t get all sad on me, you were having a great day!” Crowley bared his teeth with a scoff.
“Oh don’t get all confident on me, demon! You’re at fault as well!” Aziraphaler glared back, getting in the demon’s space this time.
“Oh, am I!?” He laughed. “And what did I do, oh powerful Archangel!”
Azirapahel frowned at the name. “You ruined our first kiss! Our first moment! A moment that was supposed to have been set in a time of love, and care, and devotion! And you ruined it!” He shouted and grabbed the demon’s coat, holding tight despite the struggles. “I wasn’t forgiving you for being you, I was forgiving you for being so bloody desperate that you had to steal what should have been a glorious memory!”
Crowley grabbed the angel’s wrists in a tight grip to force him off. “The hell was I supposed to have done? You were going to leave anyway!”
“For you ! You are so thick sometimes!” Aziraphale growled and let Crowley go to rub his face.
Crowley put his hands on his hips. “For me? You left me, for me? Make that make sense, oh smart one.”
Aziraphale shoved his tears back, hands going to fists before dropping them. “If I didn’t go…. How else would we have saved the world?” He said slowly, looking at where the demon’s eyes would be.
“..... What?”
Aziraphale reached out to hold him again, and the demon was still as gentle hands grabbed hold of his arms. “I didn’t want to go back… that’s why I wanted you to come with me. If I hadn’t been there, we wouldn’t have known of Heaven’s plans. Things would have gone pear-shaped one day and we wouldn’t have known. Everything would have been gone. Hell, Earth, humans, you .” He let out a shaky sigh as the tears fell from his face and his hands squeezed the demon’s biceps further. “Gone..”
“If you had come with me, and we couldn’t have stopped it, I at least still would have had you.” He slowly pressed his face to the demon’s chest as the emotions washed over him. The fear of the ‘what ifs’ that luckily never came. What if he messed up, what if he lost Crowley? He’d never forgive himself. He didn’t know what he’d do if that happened. He knew he wouldn’t be able to spend eternity alone.
Aziraphale didn’t expect compassion or empathy from him. If this conversation ended up being for naught and they walked away never seeing each other he’d have been okay with that. He could live knowing that he at least did one thing right and kept Crowley safe. Know that Crowley would be somewhere out there alive and well. It would hurt, but he could live.
But when he felt the hands touch his back and the top of his head, he let out a relieved sob. His arms wrapped tightly around the demon’s thin waist and he held on for dear life. Like in an instant, he’d lose the one thing he had been fighting for the entire time. He had clearly done something right here and was relieved that this conversation/shouting match seemed to have spiraled them into the right path. He sobbed softly and tried to steady himself.
“I… didn’t know.” Crowley finally spoke in a gentle tone, the anger dissipating at realization hit him.
“I couldn’t exactly tell you… he had been watching.” Aziraphale murmured and slowly blinked his eyes open and allowed himself to withdraw from the demon. “I truly am sorry…”
“No, I’m sorry. You’re right, I… I was desperate and I took that away from you. It was supposed to have been a nice moment-”
“It still can be,” Aziraphale interjected, rubbing his thumbs against the fabric of Crowley’s suit jacket.
“Wot..?”
Aziraphale slowly reached up, cupping Crowley’s face with a soft look. His thumb gently hooked under one of the arms of Crowley’s glasses before removing the dark frames and sighing once he could finally see the bright yellow eyes that were filled with unshed tears. “It obviously won’t be our first anymore, but we could fix it…. Try again.” He elaborated and gently set the frames on the nearest table. He then reached back up to hold the demon’s face. “If you’d allow me that privilege…?”
Crowley let out a shaky sigh, reaching up to hold the hand closer to his face. “Angel, I want nothing more than to try again.” He answered and turned his head to press his lips to the angel’s soft hand.
Azirable stroked his face with his thumb and nodded slowly, finally smiling. “Well, my dear boy, we have plenty of time to try again. For as long as you’d let me.”
The demon's lips raised to match the angel’s smile “I’d let you try for all of eternity.”
“Then for eternity, I will try.” He hummed, rubbing just under his eyes to coax the tears to finally fall, which he carefully brushed away.
“I missed you.” Crowley finally sighed and stepped as close as their bodies would allow, spare hand gripping the lapel of Aziraphale’s coat. “I don’t like being angry with you.”
Aziraphale reached up to press their foreheads together, noses grazing each other yet again. “I missed you too. I don’t like upsetting you…”
“Then stop pissing me off all the time.” The demon laughed weakly, smiling down at the angel.
“It’s not as if I actively try to.” Aziraphale laughed in reply
“Well, how about you actively try and help us forget about that disaster of a first kiss.” Crowley leaned down, ghosting his lips against Aziraphale’s. A soft promise of what was to come.
“Yes… I suppose I should get on that, shouldn’t I?” Aziraphale murmured and ever so carefully closed the space between the both of them.
Unlike last time, where their connection felt like a distressed plea, this one was a gentle thrum of unspoken love. Reaching out and entwining with both of their souls to rekindle the almost-lost flame. A warmth they both so eagerly needed and wanted; and could finally have after so many turns in the opposite directions. Neither of them dared to pull away, only tug the other closer in an attempt to merge their very bodies so they never dared to be apart again.