Chapter Text
May, 1996: A random house party in Wiskayok
"We should go," Shauna says, looking down at Tai as she leans against the bathroom sink.
Tai looks up from where she's holding Van's hair back over the toilet.
Tai flinches as Van heaves again, "Can you drive?"
"Yeah. You guys can stay at mine, Deb's on the night shift." Shauna says, turning away as Van empties her stomach. Tai rubs her back and her nose scrunches together. "I'll get my car, I just have to tell Jackie."
"Okay, we'll meet you out there in ten."
Shauna shoots her a thumbs up and flees the bathroom, looking for Jackie in the crowd around the kitchen counter. She pushes through until her eyes land on Nat, who is lighting a cigarette on the couch. Of course, Lottie is sitting beside her with a red solo cup in hand and her eyes downcast, staring at Nat with a smile.
"Have you guys seen Jackie?"
Nat shrugs, and Lottie scratches her head, her arm falling around Nat's shoulders. "Umm, maybe outside? I think she was looking for you, actually."
Shauna mutters a thanks as Nat leans back, looking up at Lottie with a downright dopey look on her face.
"Shauna!" Jackie says as she opens the door. She's curled into Jeff's side, her hair mussed up in that telling way that means she's been letting Jeff run his hands all through it.
"Hey." Shauna swallows, "Uh, we're leaving, Van's sick."
"Oh." Jackie frowns, stepping out of Jeff's arms. "Jeff, go inside I have to talk to Shauna."
Jeff looks down at her, "Really?"
"Yes, really," They both say at the same time, sharing a smile when he slams the door behind him.
Shauna's brief amusement is cut short when Jackie takes Shauna's hands and says, very seriously, "I think I'm gonna do it with Jeff tonight."
"Do it?" Shauna echoes stupidly.
"Sleep with him." Jackie says, "We're gonna be seniors next year, and you know I've wanted to lose it so bad. His parents aren't home and he asked me to come over."
"Are you sure, Jackie?" Shauna says, squeezing her best friend's hands.
Jackie has been going on about this for month, Shauna definitely knows that. She's been trying to go through with it for months, but she never does.
What Shauna can't figure out is why hearing it this time is making her feel a little nauseous.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Jackie smiles uneasily. "He's been really nice today."
"Okay good. Well if you're sure..." Shauna nods, pulling Jackie into a hug. "I uh, have to go get Van home. We're sleeping at my house though, so if you change your mind."
"Okay." Jackie nods, still smiling. "Seeya Shipman."
"Later." Shauna smiles involuntarily at the nickname.
Once they finally get Van to fall asleep, Tai crashes on the couch with her, and Shauna is so exhausted that she can't wait to sleep until twelve tomorrow.
Only she can't fall asleep.
All she can think about is what Jackie's doing. Is Jackie really sure that Jeff is the right guy for this? He isn't even a good guy, no matter what Jackie says, he flirts with other girls and pressures Jackie constantly. Fuck, Shauna should have asked if he was pressuring her all day.
When she looks over to find that it's now almost two in the morning, she sighs and turns on The X Files, hoping that it will ease her to sleep.
She's barely watching the show, her eyes squinting as she tosses and turns when she hears the screen door open and slam shut downstairs.
She sits up, wondering if her Mom is home early. She starts to get up in a rush before remembering her Mother wouldn't care if Tai and Van slept over without her asking.
So she lies back down, turns back to the TV and tries to sleep until her bedroom door opens. Shauna frowns, her Mom hasn't checked on her in her room since she was like, twelve and that was only because Shauna would stay up until three in the morning reading if she didn't take her book.
"Mom?"
"No Shipman, it's me." Jackie says, her voice scratchy as she closes the door behind her. "Why are you awake?"
"What, why are you here?" Shauna mutters, wiping at her eyes to see that Jackie is still in her outfit from earlier, her pink purse tossed at Shauna's door.
Jackie sighs, "Way to make a girl feel welcome, Shauna." She says, her voice wavering as her face curls up into that signature crying face that Shauna has only grown fonder of as they've grown up. Nobody looks cute when they cry, but she's always thought Jackie does.
"Shit, sorry." Shauna sits up, reaching to pull Jackie into her arms. "Jax...what's wrong?"
Jackie doesn't answer, just turns and presses her forehead into her neck. Shauna can feel the wetness on her skin, and that's another thing—Jackie has always been a quiet cryer. Once, on their Summer vacation Shauna woke up to find Jackie crying because she thought Shauna pushed her away in her sleep on purpose.
"Jackie," Shauna sighs, leaning against her wall as Jackie curls against her, her skirt riding up around her thighs as she shifts into Shauna's lap.
"Jeff," Jackie leans back, taking a deep breath as she wipes her eyes. Shauna winces as she smudges her mascara all over her face.
Shauna can't help but smile a little, "Hold on. Why don't you put your pajamas on and take off your make-up, because...." she makes a motion across her face and Jackie sighs, affronted.
"Are you laughing at me?" Jackie pouts, and Shauna shakes her head instantly, shifting Jackie off of her lap. She leans down and kisses the top of her head, brushing through her hair.
"Stay here, I'll get you clothes and stuff."
"Okay." Jackie sighs, leaning back against Shauna's pillows. She waits, her hand smoothing out her skirt until Shauna returns and offers her a pair of sweatpants and a wet towel to wipe her make-up off.
Jackie huffs, moving to the edge of Shauna's bed as the girl waves her over.
"Look up," Shauna whispers, tilting Jackie's chin up as her eyes flutter closed. She gently wipes the cloth over Jackie's eyes until the smudging is mostly gone, and Shauna can't help but notice how defeated she looks. Her posture—which Mrs. Taylor constantly corrects—is slouched, and her lips seem stuck in a permanent pout.
"Okay, done." Shauna says, tossing the cloth on the floor and handing Jackie the clothes.
"I don't want to change." Jackie sighs, "I just wanna sleep."
Shauna just nods, places the clothes back on her desk, and pulls the covers back for both of them. She settles back into her pillow, sighing in exhaustion, but she continues to worry about Jackie even when the girl is right beside her.
Jackie's eyes are on the TV, staring at the show, but not watching because Shauna knows that she doesn't like The X Files no matter how hard she tries.
“You should sleep, Jax." Shauna yawns out, pulling at Jackie's hand so she'll lie down. The girl does, sighing and pushing her head into the pillow. She hangs on to Shauna's hand, though, lacing their fingers together as she watches Shauna fight off sleep.
Jackie can tell that Shauna's exhausted, she's doing that thing where she blinks a lot to try and keep her eyes open. But Jackie can't help it, she has to know now.
"Do you think its me?" Jackie mutters into the dark.
"Hmm?"
"That me and Jeff don't work because I'm not like that?"
Shauna shifts into her pillow, sleepily inching closer to Jackie. "Like what, Jackie?"
"I'm not sexy or hot like other girls. You know everyone thinks Nat is really hot, that's probably why everyone wants to sleep with her." She rambles, frowning.
"Jackie..." Shauna says, pulling her attention back. "You are. You're um, sexy. Trust me."
"Really?" Jackie asks, looking down at the deep brown eyes of her best friend and searching for any inkling of dishonesty. Like always with Shauna, she's being honest.
"Yeah, I swear." Shauna shifts again, "What happened with Jeff?"
Jackie sighs, rolling on her side. "We tried, but...it hurt when he tried to finger me, like he just shoved 'em right in there, you know?"
"No, I don't." Shauna says, deadpan, earning a slight smile out of Jackie.
"Yeah, but you know what I mean. I know he wasn't doing it right. He wasn't gentle at all. And then he kept asking me to suck his dick, but it was just gross and he kept pushing my head down." Jackie sighs. "So I just put my clothes on and left."
"Ew." Shauna says instinctively, "I'm sorry, Jackie. I know how bad you wanted it to happen."
"It doesn't have to be with him." Jackie hums, tapping a pattern out on Shauna's mattress. "He didn't even say anything, you know, he just let me go."
"Wait," Shauna sits up on her elbows, "You walked here?"
"It's not that far, I walked through the backyards."
Shauna falls back, shaking her head. "He sucks, Jackie."
"I know."
"You'll be okay, though. He's just Jeff." Shauna says, reaching for Jackie and pulling her into her arms like she has so many times before. Jackie settles with a soft sigh, resting her head on Shauna's chest and finally deflating as Shauna brushes through her hair.
She's always felt better when Shauna holds her. Her arms fit more comfortably around her than Jeff's—not that she would tell either of them that. But Shauna has always known what she needs without being asked.
Before they can finally fall asleep, Jackie blurts out what she's been thinking since she got home. Or rather, since she was laying in Jeff's bed with her boyfriend kissing her, and found herself thinking about her best friend instead of her boyfriend.
"Would you try?" Jackie says, lifting her head to look at Shauna's reaction.
Shauna squints up in confusion, wiping at her eyes. Jackie feels sort of bad for keeping her up; she's got such a tired look on her face.
"Would you try...to do what Jeff did?" She says shakily, knowing that she's probably crossing a line here. But Shauna would do anything for her.
Wouldn't she?
"Jackie...."
"Just so I know it's not me." Jackie quickly cuts in. "It'll be like before, when we used to practice."
Shauna swallows, when they used to practice was only like a year ago anyway. When Jeff started calling, she said she wanted to be ready, and the only time Shauna had kissed anyone was off a dare, so she agreed to "practice kissing."
Shauna does't tell Jackie that there's absolutely no way its her. That it's one-thousand percent Jeff. She doesn't tell her that, because part of her thinks that its not what Jackie wants from her.
At first the kisses were tame; Shauna had never kissed anyone before and Jackie was content with how things were going. But once Jackie said they should really kiss, just to know how, that was when things got less careful.
From that moment, the first time they really kissed, Shauna realized that maybe everyone who called their friendship weird was right. Their friendship wasn't normal because Shauna didn't want to be Jackie's best friend.
She wanted something else entirely.
By the time Jackie and Jeff were officially dating, they crossed a line for sure, but they never dared to address it.
There were many times Shauna let her hand trail down Jackie's stomach and push just under her shorts. Jackie had done the same, venturing to slip a hand down the back of Shauna's pants or up her shirt. Then they would stop suddenly, too scared of what it would mean if they continued down that path.
It wasn't even exclusive to their bedrooms anymore, because there had been multiple times that they found each other, slightly drunk, in the woods or the bathroom of a party and wordlessly "practiced."
When Jackie said they should stop, Shauna had agreed that it was a good idea because of Jeff. They were dating for nearly five months by then and Shauna was pretty sure Jackie spent more time with her than her own boyfriend.
In typical Jackie fashion, she would go silent after pulling away, or push Shauna away with a look if they went a bit too far. She never called it anything, so Shauna would never go as far as thinking that it was cheating.
In some ways Shauna had felt like her boyfriend, then, like a boy who was trying to get into her pants. Because whenever Jackie wanted to stop them, Shauna would admit that all she wanted to do was kiss her more.
But this time Jackie isn't even using the word practice. She wants Shauna to try what her boyfriend does, which feels a lot less like friends kissing.
Shauna bites her lip, looking up at Jackie from where she's lying on her back. Jackie leans on her side with that look on her face, like she knows Shauna's answer already.
"Okay," Shauna agrees because at the end of the day she knows she wants to. She's thought about this, dreamt about it so often that she's not sure if she's even awake right now.
"Really?" Jackie whispers, a smile growing on her lips.
Shauna nods, swallowing a bit nervously. This isn't just kissing, Jackie is literally asking her to have sex with her.
"Yeah." Shauna whispers, sitting up on her elbows slightly to get closer to Jackie.
Jackie shifts, leaning over her slowly with pause. She waits, breathing out slightly before leaning down to press a firm kiss against Shauna's lips.
Shauna can't help but notice Jackie seems kind of nervous, too. She waits until Shauna kisses her back before she brings her hand up to hold Shauna's cheek.
Shauna tilts her head back, slowly angling herself to pull Jackie down on top of her.
Jackie feels her heart race as Shauna's hands shift down her sides, land on her hip, and squeeze. She missed how soft Shauna was, how gently Shauna's hands skim over her clothes and up her sides.
When they're like this, Shauna oddly patient for someone who has an extremely short temper in any other case. She's so good at reading how Jackie feels that Jackie never worries about being bored.
Jeff, he's never like this. He's always pushing his tongue in her mouth right away, or roughly grabbing her ass after only a few seconds of kissing. He isn't patient, always so transparent in trying to get her out of her clothes.
She's brought away from all thoughts of Jeff as Shauna sits up against her wall and guides Jackie up onto her lap wit the hands on her waist.
Jackie squeaks as she lands on Shauna, one leg on either side of her. Shauna's lips twitch, just barely turning into a smile, and Jackie can't help but break a little, too.
Kissing Shauna is fun. It makes her heart race so fast that sometimes she thinks she might stop breathing. She inches forward, pressing their chests together and looping her hands around Shauna's neck.
Shauna never gives much audible reaction, but her hands start to move a bit quicker, or she kisses her harder, which she does when Jackie pushes her chest against her.
They're good at this, Shauna thinks, it's so easy when they fit so perfectly against each other. She slowly angles her head to deepen the kiss, making Jackie gasp a little like it always does. Jackie's hand at the back of Shauna's neck tightens as she breathes in deeply, giving in to the messiness as Shauna licks into her mouth.
Jackie shifts against her suddenly, sighing as Shauna's hands brush against her skin in the gap between her tank top and skirt.
"Touch me," Jackie says against Shauna's mouth, her breath hot. She's pushing up against Shauna even harder, and she's started to move her hips, her movements guided by a hand slipping under her skirt, squeezing at her thigh.
Shauna's hands shake as they stray from their comfortable place on Jackie's waist. They slide up, under Jackie's pink tank-top and meet warm, smooth skin until she's met with the fabric of Jackie's bra.
Shauna tentatively covers Jackie's bra with her hand, squeezing just slightly, and she opens her eyes to watch Jackie react. A quiet whimper escapes her, Shauna feels it against her lips.
It makes Shauna hot all over. She does it again, brings both hands up to Jackie's chest and waits to feel the vibration of Jackie's groan against her mouth. This time Jackie pulls away just slightly, exhaling heavily against Shauna's cheek.
"Are you okay?" Shauna pulls back to look at Jackie, suddenly feeling like she's gone too far.
Jackie nods instantly, pulling back to meet Shauna's eyes. "Yeah, yes."
Shauna lowers her hands, dropping them to Jackie's waist under her shirt.
"Don't." Jackie sighs, her eyes closed.
Shauna raises her eyebrows, "Don't what?"
"Don't stop." She says, her voice suddenly frustrated.
"Oh, uh okay," Shauna mutters, at a loss until Jackie's hand covers hers, pushing it down, down until their intertwined hands are under her skirt, tracing the fabric of her underwear.
Shauna's heart stutters out. She doesn't know how to do this, she's never been this close to having sex with Jackie before.
But somehow, with that look on Jackie's face, she figures it out quickly enough.
She moves her hips up against Jackie's, getting enough room to flip them over.
Jackie flashes a reassuring smile up at her, her hair sprawled against the pillows and her tank top scrunched up around her waist.
"Are you sure, Jackie?" Shauna whispers, extremely aware of the way that her hand is still up her best friend's skirt, simultaneously nervous and alarmed at how natural it feels.
Jackie nods slowly, reaching up for Shauna and grabbing a fistful of her shirt to pull her in. "I'm sure, Shipman. Now kiss me."
Shauna can't stop the breathy laugh that escapes her as their lips meet again, because of course Jackie would be bossing her around right now.
And Jackie says she's sure this time, so Shauna takes her word for it.
She doesn't hold back, she deepens the kiss instantly, so much so that she thinks their faces might be smushed together.
She reaches down for the hem of Jackie's tank top, pushing it up as far as she can before Jackie pulls away, reaching for it herself. Shauna sits back on her legs, helping Jackie pull her shirt off.
Shauna swallows at the sight below her.
Jackie Taylor, her best friend for life, is below her in a pink bra and a ridden-up skirt, looking thoroughly kissed and seriously gorgeous. Her hands press against the new skin, tracing the hardened abs thanks to soccer season, and she's is about to lean down and press a kiss against Jackie's bra when a hand stops her.
"Yours too." Jackie whispers, pulling at Shauna's T-shirt. Small hands trace Shauna's skin and make her shiver as she sheds the layer of clothing.
Jackie throws the shirt off the bed, falling onto her back as she stares at Shauna—at Shauna's bare chest, more accurately. She pulls at the waistband of Shauna's pajama pants, her nails scratching at Shauna's back as she leans over her again. She relishes in the feeling of Shauna's chest against hers.
Shauna presses a shorter kiss to her lips, wet and wanting, before she moves down to her neck and lands on the swell of her breast. It all feels a lot more serious now.
Jackie's breath hitches as she nudges the straps of her bra down and pulls at it to expose her chest. Shauna palms at her chest experimentally—she's done this before, over Jackie's bra, but this is different.
Way different.
Jackie isn't stopping her, for one. She arches up into her hand and breathes heavier the harder Shauna squeezes at her chest.
"S-Shauna," Jackie sighs out as Shaina shifts up against her, her thigh brushing between Jackie's legs as she nips at the side of her neck.
"Don't leave a mark." Jackie whispers, her hand bunching up Shauna's hair at an attempt to pull her away.
"I'm not." Shauna laughs against Jackie's neck, leaving a wet kiss on top of what will surely be a hickey before morning.
"Oh my god you so are!" Jackie says, and pushing her away but she's smiling too. Her hands trace Shauna's face, rolling onto her side to bring their lips back together.
Shauna's lips quirk against hers when Jackie shoves her hand between them, tracing a quick line from Shauna's abs to grasp at her chest, squeezing harder as she feels it harden against her hand.
As if its a competition, Shauna grabs at Jackie's hip, pulling her closer until she can push Jackie's skirt up to grab at her ass.
"That's uh, that's not fair." Jackie whispers, her hand freezing in its place.
Shauna kisses the corner of Jackie's mouth, "Sorry." She says, nudging Jackie until she's on her back again.
"Shut up," Jackie rolls her eyes and Shauna chuckles as she tries to find the zipper on the side of Jackie's skirt.
When she can't find the zipper, she settles for just pulling it down Jackie's legs.
"Careful, Shauna! That's a new—" Jackie's warning is cut short when Shauna's hand lands high on her inner thigh, just barely pressing against the apex of her legs.
"That's what?" Shauna teases, leaning down to press a kiss against Jackie's hip.
"You're so—" Jackie sighs as Shauna's finger traces up to the top of her panties, "You're so annoying right now."
Shauna shrugs, knowing that she's being cocky while she can.
But of course, she knows Jackie like the back of her hand. She knows what she won't like. It's much easier than she thought because it's Jackie.
She kisses right above Jackie's panty line, moving up over her the valley of her breasts until she's reached Jackie's lips, and then she's being pulled in so fast that her head really does spin a little.
Jackie's kiss is a bit more frenzied, now, her breathing all heavy as Shauna pulls back slightly.
"Jackie..." She whispers, moving to kiss her cheek at the same time the hand she isn't leaning on moves just under Jackie's panties.
Jackie lets out a little breath and grasps at the nape of Shauna's neck. "You don't have to ask me if it's okay again, Shauna." She whispers against her jaw.
"But—"
"Shauna, please I really don't have time for your—"
Her complaint is cut short as Shauna dips her hand between Jackie's legs, gasping herself at the slickness she feels between her fingers. Jackie's mouth has already fallen open, her head back against Shauna's pillows.
Shauna moves her fingers slowly at first, watching Jackie's reactions as she dips through her folds, her heart racing as she realizes she's about to actually fuck her best friend.
No going back now, Shipman. Your hand is in her pants.
Shauna shifts up, moving her hand quickly to pull Jackie's panties off before returning, watching the shocks move through Jackie's body as she does.
"Jax..." Shauna mutters, leaning over her enough to get a look at her, to watch her face as she dips two fingers in. "Does that feel good, Jackie?"
A half-gasp leaves Jackie's lips, cutting itself off halfway as she takes a deep breath. Her hand claws at Shauna's shoulder, squeezing it as Shauna pushes just a little deeper, pulling her hand back before doing it again.
It's enough of a power trip to know that Jeff hasn't done this to Jackie. That no matter how much Jackie wanted him to, even, she never enjoyed it with him like this.
Jackie's back arches slightly, her body shifting up against Shauna's as she pushes her forehead into Shauna's shoulder. Shauna pulls her hand back again, and Jackie whines, her head falling back against the pillow.
Shauna leans in, kissing Jackie's collarbone as she shifts her hand just slightly, and—
Jackie's hand squeezes her arm again, a louder sigh escaping her as her thighs tighten and press Shauna's hand in between them. Shauna breathes out heavily, too, feeling overstimulated by the noises that Jackie has been making, by the thin layer of sweat between them, by the way Jackie is grasping at the back of her neck, her hand tangled up in her hair.
She waits for Jackie's breathing to slow and her thighs to slacken before she pulls her fingers out, watching Jackie's eyes flutter open as she does.
Part of Shauna is afraid that Jackie will get up and leave right now. That she'll freak out and say it doesn't count, or that it was just practice, that Shauna couldn't have actually taken her virginity because she's a girl.
She doesn't, though. She sighs with a calm smile traced across her features, her eyes hooded, and she reaches for Shauna to pull her in for a kiss.
It's slow and soft and makes Shauna's heart stall in her chest when Jackie slips her tongue into her mouth, shifts up and nudges Shauna onto her side.
"Do I get a turn, Shipman?" She murmurs, just above a whisper and in a husky voice Shauna's never heard before.
Shauna is already shaken, but her brain fully short circuits when Jackie, stark naked, climbs into her lap.
It's a yes or no question and all Shauna can say is, "You look really pretty, Jax."
Jackie rolls her eyes and smiles, blushing. It's an entirely different reaction from when Shauna pays her the same compliment. It's clear, and it is another one of those things that makes this feel different than anything they've ever done before.
It seems to be the right answer anyway, because Jackie is leaning in and kissing her again.
When Shauna wakes up the next morning, her eyes feel like they've been sewn shut, she's so goddamn tired.
It takes her about 30 seconds to realize a few things:
1) Jackie Taylor is naked on top of her. That's the first thing her one-track mind can register.
2) That's Van calling her name downstairs.
3) Her Mom just closed her car door in the driveway.
"Fuck," Shauna mutters, moving to wipe her eyes and pulling Jackie's hair accidentally in the process.
Jackie whines, "What the hell, Shauna." She mutters, lifting her head up.
The second they make eye contact, they both seem to realize the way they're pressed up against each other under the covers—naked—and there's footsteps coming up the stairs.
They freeze, staring at each other for a moment before Shauna throws the covers off of them.
"My Mom's home." She says, digging through a pile of clothes on her floor.
"Shit," Jackie mutters from the bed, looking around for something to throw on.
"Here." Shauna tosses a sweatshirt at her and pulls sweatpants on. She snags her shorts from last night, tossing them to Jackie as she pulls the T-Shirt she was wearing back over her head.
Jackie lifts her hips off the bed, pulling them on as Shauna pulls the covers back over them.
"We'll talk about this later, right?" Shauna whispers as Van's voice can clearly be heard calling their names from outside her door.
Jackie nods, uncharacteristically quiet. It makes Shauna start to freak out internally before she leans in and presses herself into Shauna's side until Shauna is forced to wrap her arm around her.
Shauna swears she feels Jackie press a light kiss against her shoulder before Van barges in with a bag of chip's from Shauna's pantry in her hands.