Work Text:
manfred von karma had sneezed over five times in the three hours that he had been at work.
normally, when he was sneezing a lot, it was due to the dust that had collected on his bookshelves, and this was easily remedied by engaging in one of his very favorite activities-- dusting. however, this time, it was different. he had dusted all of the shelves, twice. and the globe in the window, and the frame holding the picture of his mother that hung over the door, and the mug that franziska had given him for his birthday when she was five that read "number one dad" (the last word of which had since been crossed out and replaced with the words "nice parent who is good at things", in very small writing). this was not a dust problem.
manfred von karma was becoming very cross with his nose.
just as he was about to sneeze a sixth time, the phone rang. this, somehow, made the sneeze he was about to sneeze go away, and manfred von karma was left with the deeply unsatisfied feeling that only a sneeze left unsneezed can give.
he picked up the phone.
"hello," said gregory edgeworth, from the other end of the phone.
"hello, grebory eggworth," said manfred von karma.
"what?" said grebory eggworth, sounding worried.
"epscuse me," said manfred von karma. he set the receiver down and blew his nose. then he picked it back up.
"i said, hello, gregory edgeworth."
"ah," said gregory edgeworth. "i was simply calling to check on you, as usual. how are you?"
gregory edgeworth had, indeed, begun to make a habit of calling manfred von karma in the middle of his working hours. it was very irritating, and distracting, but somehow, manfred von karma had not yet been capable of summoning the resolve to tell him to stop.
"i am perfectly fine," said manfred von karma.
"well, that is good to hear," said gregory edgeworth. "tateyuki is here, by the way. would you like to say hello to him."
manfred von karma scrunched up his face. tateyuki shigaraki was a very irritating person, who did not seem to like manfred von karma very much at all. but he did not want to make gregory edgeworth unhappy, and tateyuki shigaraki was basically gregory edgeworth's son, making him sort of manfred von karma's son too, in a weird way.
"okay," he said.
manfred von karma could almost see gregory edgeworth beaming, even though he could not actually see gregory edgeworth at all.
"here you go," said gregory edgeworth's voice, except further away from the phone. there was a bit of fumbling, and then another voice spoke.
"von karma," said the voice.
"that is me," said manfred von karma.
"so. uh," said tateyuki shigaraki. there was silence for a while.
"how about i just turn you back over to mr. edgeworth," he said.
"that seems like it would be best," said manfred von karma.
there was more fumbling on the other end of the phone. manfred von karma waited patiently.
"er, hello again," said gregory edgeworth.
for some mystifying, unknowable reason, these words triggered a shift within manfred von karma's nasal passages, beckoning forth the previously stifled sneeze from its deep confines of sneeze purgatory and causing manfred von karma's arm to jerk upwards, accidentally flinging the phone onto the ground with great force.
he muttered some choice old person swears as he groped around on the floor for the phone.
"manfred? manfred? are you okay?" came the slightly raised voice of gregory edgeworth from the receiver.
"fine. 'm fine," said manfred von karma.
"what happened???" said gregory edgeworth, with not one, but three audible question marks at the end of his sentence.
"i sneezed," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth was quiet for a while.
"i am coming to pick you up," said gregory edgeworth. and then he hung up before manfred could protest.
unfortunately, when gregory edgeworth arrived to take manfred von karma home, the latter was free to protest all he wanted. this manifested in a steady noise that seemed somewhat of a cross between a whine and a groan, and lasted the entire duration of the couple's drive. gregory edgeworth accepted this reality with the serenity of one who is deeply in love with another person and is willing to take them home and care for them when they are sick, even if they do not want to be taken care of, and who, besides, doesn't really have good hearing in the first place.
they arrived at home. manfred von karma immediately sank to the floor, and gregory edgeworth sat with him and stroked his hair for a while. eventually, manfred von karma allowed himself to be led to the couch, where gregory edgeworth propped him up on some pillows and tucked him in.
"i feel horrible," said manfred von karma.
"well, that is natural," said gregory edgeworth. "you are sick. you have a fever."
"no, i mean. morally horrible," said manfred von karma. "i am a von karma. von karmas do not leave work because they are sick. it just does not happen."
"von karmas are human, just like everyone else," replied gregory edgeworth, patting manfred von karma's hand. "and they need to take care of themselves, too."
manfred von karma grumbled to himself. gregory edgeworth smiled, and kissed his forehead.
"i am going to get you some soup," said gregory edgeworth.
manfred von karma spent about five minutes staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore gregory edgeworth's terrible, albeit cheerful, humming, as the defense attorney warmed up some canned chicken noodle soup. when the soup arrived, manfred von karma looked over it with scrutiny.
"is this the right kind of soup," he said, suspiciously.
"yes, it is," said gregory edgeworth. "it is the salty kind, with noodles that are long and round, and the acceptable chicken."
"okay," said manfred von karma.
after eating the soup, manfred von karma felt very tired, but he could not allow himself to take a nap. doing so would mess up his extremely strict sleeping schedule. therefore, he simply closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax as best he could.
unfortunately, he did not get very far in terms of relaxation, as a few minutes into the endeavor, he sensed that someone was present. sure enough, when he opened his eyes, gregory edgeworth was sitting next to the couch, staring at him.
gregory edgeworth looked sort of semi-shocked when manfred von karma opened his eyes.
"i thought you were asleep," he said.
"no," said manfred von karma.
"ah," said gregory edgeworth.
manfred von karma closed his eyes again.
somewhere along the line, time slipped away from him, and when he woke up, he could not see anything except the color orange. his first reaction to this revelation was, naturally, to scream loudly and flail his limbs around, until he ended up hurling himself off of the couch entirely, entangled in (orange) blankets.
he just sort of sat there on the floor and blinked, for a while, until an extremely concerned gregory edgeworth rushed into the room.
"oh my goodness. manfred, what happened????" inquired gregory edgeworth, attempting to free manfred von karma from his blankety prison.
"it. orange," explained a still-groggy and feverish manfred von karma, helpfully.
"i see," said gregory edgeworth.
gregory edgeworth got manfred von karma situated on the couch again. this time, however, he was sitting upright. this was because gregory edgeworth had made hot tea for the both of them, and he did not want manfred von karma to spill hot tea on himself. that would just turn a bad day into a much worse day.
manfred von karma was about to close his eyes for the third time-- which would not have been a very good idea anyway, considering the fact that he was still holding a mug of tea-- when there was a loud knock at the front door. if manfred von karma was not extremely dazed at the moment, he might have been startled by this. but he wasn't, because he was sick and tired and still aching from his earlier mishap, so gregory edgeworth was the one left with the task of getting the door.
"i will get the door," said gregory edgeworth.
"mmmmhhhgh," said manfred von karma.
"i will be back in a very short period of time," said gregory edgeworth.
and then he went to get the door.
manfred von karma heard the door open, and then a loud cry of "papa!!!!" from the doorway's general direction, which was then followed by the sound of someone wearing high-heeled boots running on a wooden floor towards her sick parent. this did manage to startle manfred von karma, but not because it was a sudden collection of noises.
"papa, are you all right???" asked franziska, a very worried look on her face. "do you need to go to the hospital??? do you need an ice pack???"
"i am fine," said manfred von karma. then he turned his gaze to gregory edgeworth.
"gregory edgeworth, what have you done," he said.
"...i am not sure what you are referring to," said gregory edgeworth.
"you have pulled both von karmas out of work, simply because my body is revolting against me. this is unacceptable, and i will not stand for it," said manfred von karma.
gregory edgeworth smiled gently. "actually, franziska came home of her own accord. i told her you were sick, and she wanted to come and check on you."
manfred von karma looked at franziska von karma, and then gregory edgeworth, and then franziska von karma again, trying to process this.
"i needed to make sure you were okay," said franziska von karma. "i do not trust a defense attorney to properly care for you in your time of need."
"hey," said gregory edgeworth.
manfred von karma's brows furrowed.
"i suppose that is sensible enough," he said.
franziska von karma smiled. "then it is settled. the two of us will make sure that you have a speedy recovery, and return to work tomorrow."
"actually. i think it would be best to take tomorrow off, as well," said gregory edgeworth.
"what," said franziska von karma.
"what," said manfred von karma.
"colds are most infectious during the first few days," explained gregory edgeworth. "it would be practical to stay at home, in order to lessen the risk of infecting those around you."
"you two are around me right now," said manfred von karma.
"we will wash our hands often," said gregory edgeworth. "we will be fine."
manfred von karma could not think of any retort to that.
"let's watch the star show," said franziska von karma.
they all gathered on the couch and watched star trek, after a few minutes of which both gregory edgeworth and manfred von karma fell asleep. franziska was not quite sure what to do, so she wrapped a blanket around the both of them and went off to fix herself dinner.
miles came home a while later, and fussed over manfred von karma in miles' own way-- namely, checking on him every five minutes and asking if he was okay, to which the response was always a definitive "ghhvbbbhhfhgh". things proceeded as usual, and eventually, the family retired to bed.
the next day, gregory edgeworth went out and bought twelve cans of the good kind of chicken noodle soup, just to be sure that they wouldn't run out. manfred von karma thought that this was an enormous waste of money. still, he appreciated the deed nevertheless.
the two of them spent the day playing various games, such as a two-player variant of pictionary, which was actually just a game of "one person draws something and the other person tries to guess, with no points or time limits". there were no winners in these games, which was infuriating to manfred von karma, but at least it was better than accepting that gregory edgeworth was better than him at board games. manfred von karma had sworn off the game of life for life.
manfred von karma's head felt like it was actually, literally on fire for a while, while in contrast, his upper body felt as though someone had dunked it in a frozen lake filled with fish made of ice. gregory edgeworth gave him some medicine, which mostly just made him tired, but was better than nothing, and manfred von karma was secretly kind of glad that he had stayed home from work. of course, he would never admit this to anyone. he had a reputation to uphold.
miraculously, no one else in the von karma-edgeworth household caught manfred von karma's cold, most probably due to diligent hand-washing and the covering of sneezes. manfred von karma returned to work the next day. physically, he felt a lot better, but when everyone started asking what had happened to him that would force him to be away from work, he momentarily considered retiring. then he hated himself for considering retiring. then he locked himself in his office and filled out paperwork for two hours.
gregory edgeworth tried to catch beetles in animal crossing for manfred von karma while the latter was at work, as a "congratulations on not being sick anymore" present, but as it turned out, he could not even figure out how to walk properly in the game. he gave up after a few minutes.
the end