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Using pain to cope with pain.
It’s simple, really.
Starscream hissed as his claws dug into his silver legs. Making a disturbingly loud squeak of metal against metal. The scratches didn’t go deep. Just enough to scrape off his paint, and leave a short tingling sensation. His claws began to hurt, too. Getting tired quickly from the repetitive scratching. Starscream hadn’t thought about that. And of course, he just ignored it.
The seeker glanced to his door, the only entrance to his personal quarters. Still locked. Still secure. Just like how he wanted it to be. His servos wrapped around one of his legs, squeezing impossibly tight to leave dents. Soon enough, his claws were tugging at the sides of his plating, pulling with the intent to rip it off.
Starscream hissed again as the bottom of said plating unexpectedly popped off. A shot of pain - *real* pain - took over his lower frame, earning a whine from the SIC.
“Slag…”
He hadn’t really meant to pull the plating off. He just thought about it. Expecting it to just click back together, he harshly pushed it back down onto the sensitive wires beneath. No, it did not click back in place.
The seeker cursed and gave up, instead moving to torment the other leg. His servo gripped onto the heel strut and gave a small tug. He then moved to scratch at the pede. This time, the cuts were deeper. A few drops of energon leaking onto the berth. When Starscream noticed, he swiftly moved so the foot was hanging off of the side and the energon was instead dirtying the floor.
Starscream paused and took a good moment to stare at the energon droplets leave his pede. Shaped perfectly while it fell, like it was gloriously taking a free fall. Before exploding after gruesomely hitting the hard floor and spreading out. The seeker couldn’t help but relate. He couldn’t help but feel jealous.
When would he be able to take that free fall? Lose his thoughts as the wind blows against his wings? And then die. Oh, how that’d be wonderful.
Starscream would rather extinguish his spark than endure more beatings from Megatron. Or be embarrassed in front of his soldiers. Or be forced to cower and flee in every. Single. Fight. It was starting to get more than ridiculous. He was done.
The only thing keeping the SIC from joining the falling drops of energon was the urge to punch those shark-like denta out of Megatron’s mandible. As long as Megatron was alive, Starscream refused to die.
Starscream whined louder, his claws baring deep into his upper cadulen.
The pain felt good, he couldn’t help but admit.
All until a sudden knock was heard at his door. *Scrap.*
“And who is it now?!” Starscream groaned as he tried to keep up his sassy voice.
He reached for an already used cloth on his berth-side table, wiping the overwhelming amount of energon off his legs, that he for some reason just now noticed.
“It’s Knockout. I heard you whining and whimpering all the way from the medbay. What’s going on in there?”
The medic’s voice sounded more annoyed than concerned. Typical Knockout.
“Nothing that should concern you, doctor!”
The SIC mentally cursed, sliding his legs under the covers upon his berth as he heard a scoff from the outside of the door.
“Tell me what’s wrong or I’ll tell Megatron you’re individually interfacing with yourself.”
Starscream nearly choked at that.
“What?! And why was *that* the lie you come up with?”
“‘Cause that’s what it sounded like!” Knockout responded with a groan.
Starscream rolled his optics and crossed his arms. He should have known Knockout would have used that reasoning. It’s Knockout, for Primus sake.
“So…you’re not gonna let me in?” Knockout hummed.
With a quiet curse, Starscream flipped the switch that activated the lock. A couple of seconds later, Knockout entered.
“Doctor in the house. Er…room.”
The red mech observed his surrounding before walking to the edge of Starscream’s berth, the opposite side of where the seeker was.
The second in command raised an optic-bridge at the medic.
“Well? See anything cornering, doctor? Am I dying?”
“From the looks of your upper half, you’re in tip-top shape. As for your lower half…”
Starscream looked downwards, only to see the glowing energon beginning to stain the covers from the underside.
Frag. He was caught.
There was a moment of silence. Starscream fumbling with the top of the covers while Knockout simply stared. He still didn’t know what was wrong, other than the fact that Starscream was in fact injured. But by what? Just as he reached over to pull the covers back, Starscream almost hissed and dove under, curling up and shoving the exit of the covers under himself so Knockout couldn’t reach. Now that got a reaction out of the medic.
“And what in the world are you hiding under there, Starscream? It can’t be that bad.”
“Frag off, Knockout! You worry too much!”
The red mech ex-vented as he simply grabbed the back end of the covers and pulled upwards, peeking inside at the curled up seeker.
That’s where the jackpot was. The base of the berth was covered in leaked energon. And all signs pointed to Starscream’s legs. Knockout shook his head disappointedly and pushed the covers back, revealing a very angry flyer, whose legs were in terrible shape.
“Starscream. What did you do?”
Knockout was actually starting to worry. Those didn’t look like battle wounds. And they looked recent. And if Starscream was the only bot in the room at the time, and the only one with claws who could do that damage…
The medic’s spark sank.
“None of your business! Leave me be!”
The seeker turned away from Knockout as his wings flared outwards uncomfortably.
“Starscream…”
“No!”
“Starscream.”
“Frag. Off!”
“*Starscream!*”
Knockout without thinking grabbed the seeker and yanked him backwards, bringing him to the edge of the berth with him. The SIC’s optics widened with surprised and anxiety. His pedes stung as they were pushed into an uncomfortable position.
The medic frowned, gently taking one of the injured legs into his servos.
“Starscream…did you do this?”
Knockout did not receive an answer. His frown deepened as he observed the wounds. His voice, much softer than before, spoke up.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
That got the seeker’s attention. He peeked at Knockout, who genuinely seemed…hurt.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” the seeker mumbled. Knockout’s reply was quick,
“A bot doesn’t just…self-harm for the heck of it. Something triggered you, didn’t it?”
The SIC let out a small *tsk* and looked away. Of course something triggered him. MANY things triggered him! And Knockout is asking why he didn’t tell anyone? Stupid medic.
“So? Why didn’t you? Someone could have helped and stopped you—“
“Key word *could*,” the seeker cut off the red mech before him. His optics glared at Knockout’s
“What’s important is *would*. *Would* someone help me? No.”
The medic raised a concerned optic-ridge.
“What do you mean?”
This bot really was spoiled, wasn’t he? He just…didn’t get it.
“Because everyone *hates* me, Knockout. I’m just a burden to Megatron. Soundwave couldn’t give less of a scrap about me. And Shockwave just - would tell me to walk it off or…something! I don’t know!”
The medic shook his helmet and stared into Starscream’s spark through his optics.
“And what about me?”
Starscream winced at that question. Of course. Why wouldn’t he ask that? The seeker looked away.
There was a moment of silence before Knockout spoke up once more.
“Let’s get you to the medbay. Can you walk?”
The SIC put his pedes on the ground, standing up too quickly and almost instantly falling forward. Knockout grabbed Starscream before anything could happen, allowing the seeker to lean on him.
“It’s not far. Just lean on me.”
***
“There you go. Good as new.”
Knockout finished with Starscream’s new paint and polish before stepping back.
“How do you feel?”
“Fine, amazing, fantastic,” the mech lying on the medical berth replied sarcastically.
The red mech put away his tools and turned to Starscream. He still had that stupid concerned look on his face. Starscream absolutely hated it.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” The SIC stated.
“I don’t expect you to. I just…”
The medic hesitated. Instinctively layering his servo over Starscream’s
“Please talk to me if you need to. I’m…as ‘cheesy’ as this may sound, as the humans say…I’m here for you.”
Those four words hit a part of Starscream’s spark that didn’t quite make sense to him. It made him feel icky and tingly. But…comforted.
*I’m here for you.*