Work Text:
It’s been a long time since Veritas last saw Aventurine in their home. No, he’s still not fortunate enough to see him today, but judging from the state of their house, Aventurine was home. He only came home whenever he was at his worst, wrecked their house apart, then left when he felt better.
Veritas lets out a tired sigh, feeling more drained just by the sight of the mess in the living room. He was expecting a soothing bath after a long day at work, not doing chores. But then again, no one would clean the room if not him, so with an exasperated groan, he slowly tidies up the messy living room.
He puts the pillows back on the sofa, then he goes to the kitchen to fetch a mini broom and a scoop they use for cleaning broken glass. As he sweeps the shards, he can’t help but observe the colour of the shards. Ah. The vase Aventurine got him a year ago on their anniversary is broken. And most likely because Aventurine dropped it when he was throwing a fit.
Maybe I should collect them instead of throwing them… and then I’ll search for a craftsman who can fix it… He decides.
He gets up to grab another bag, then separates the shards from the rest of the trash. After he stores the shards carefully, he continues to clean up the room; he puts the thrown books back on the shelf, then he straightens the tablecloth, and then he turns on the vacuum cleaner to clean the carpet.
Satisfied with the result, he puts the broom and vacuum cleaner back in their places and then goes to the kitchen to get something to drink. He opens the refrigerator only to see the many types of alcohol that are Aventurine’s. He only shakes his head, before he retrieves a bottle of cold mineral water, then drinks it until it’s empty. He then refills it, before putting it back in the refrigerator.
At the sight of bottles of alcohol, he can’t help but be intrigued. How does it feel to be light-headed under its influence? How does it feel to be able to let go of his every problem completely? How does it feel to forget and run away?
Oh well, the refrigerator is full of them, a missing bottle won’t be an issue to his lover, right? He picks the closest bottle and a wine glass from the drawer, then goes to his bathroom. There, he puts the things he got from the kitchen near the washstand. He then starts running the water to fill his bathtub, goes to the closet to pick the scent for the day, pours it into the bathtub, and then goes to shower to cleanse himself.
He finishes his shower just in time to turn off the tap. Satisfied with the amount of water, scent, and temperature, he walks into his tub, and then slowly sinks into the comfort of the water. He glances at the bottle and the glass, before grabbing them to pour himself some. After the liquid fills half the glass, he picks the glass up with a swirling move, contently watching the deep-purple liquid in it.
He raises the glass above his head, raising a toast despite no one being there to raise his glass to.
I drink to our ruined house.
When they say addictive substances must be avoided, they really mean it. Because now Veritas wants to savour that sweet taste of escapism again. With another bottle in hand, he sits on the couch, slumping against it with a heavy sigh. He can’t help but wonder if Aventurine knows about him stealing his wine, or if he cares about him drinking alcohol or not.
How would Aven react? He asks himself. Will he scold him for drinking irresponsibly? Will he get mad at him for grabbing them without permission? Will he be worried about Veritas’ change? Or will he stay silent and indifferent?
As he gulps the purple liquid down to his throat, Veritas finds himself wishing for anything that’s not the last one. Scold me, get mad at me, be worried for me. Anything, anything as long as you cast your gaze to me again, his mind rambles as his longing for his dear lover heightens.
He wonders if he would resort to other habits Aventurine does whenever he’s feeling down. Aventurine tends to do riskier things to chase the thrilling adrenaline rush when he’s agitated. His beloved gambler likes to gamble everything away to seek the addicting high of being a winner when he feels insecure. His wonderful lover is someone who prefers to keep every problem to himself, only to lash out at the poor things at their home.
It’s not like Veritas doesn’t have any negative habits, no, Veritas does have some, so he won’t sneer at someone because of them. But while Veritas is eager to improve and face his weaknesses, Aventurine doesn’t even want to face them, let alone resolve them. Don’t get him wrong, Veritas loves Aventurine. He loves him enough to tolerate his indifference towards humanity. He loves him enough to keep him company through his darkest times, offering his unconditional support. And he loves him enough to let Aventurine influence him.
Well, maybe he shouldn’t let Aventurine influence him, but that’s not the point. The point is, Veritas loves Aventurine. He doesn’t want to see the man he so dearly loves sink into the abyss, unable to reach salvation and redemption. I should talk to him soon, he decides, making a mental note to convince him to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
Since Aventurine isn’t here with him, he chooses to stop dwelling on his thoughts any longer. He then pours himself another glass in silence. This is my third glass today, he realizes. Even though he wasn’t interested in alcohol before. Why, he detests it, even. He could never see the idea of purposely ridding one’s brain of consciousness for a brief moment of escape as a good decision. Yet here he is, drinking his day out with a bottle of wine that isn’t his to begin with.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He lets out a self-deprecating laugh at what he has become. The reflection on his wine shows the look of a sleep-deprived scholar with a laurel adorning his dishevelled hair. Though, what’s the use of the honour brought by his laurel, when it can’t bring him his dear Aventurine?
He brings his glass close to his lips, closing his eyes while feeling the wetness streaming down from his eyes.
To the evil of my life.
Veritas is drinking again today. Though he promises himself to drink only a glass. The craftsman he entrusted his broken vase to had told him to retrieve his vase earlier in the afternoon. Thankfully, the craftsman’s workshop is close to their home, so he doesn’t have to drive (Veritas is a law-abiding citizen, he wouldn’t drive while under the influence). He washes his face first to sober up a little, then goes to that craftsman’s workshop.
“It was quite hard to fix your vase, young man. It was split into dozens of shards,” says the craftsman when he enters the workshop.
“So.. it’s unfixable..?” He asks hesitantly.
“Depends on your definition of ‘fixing.’ I did manage to bring it back to shape, but I didn’t manage to cover all the crack marks. Though, personally, I think this is already fine,” the answer brings relief to Veritas’ mind. As long as it’s fixed.
“Ah, alright. It’s fine, then,” he replies. “Thank you so much, sir.”
The craftsman waves his hand, “Just doing my job. And I just feel bad seeing that desperate look of yours. A gift from a loved one, I assume?”
Veritas nods, “Yeah… A very loved one.”
The craftsman gives him an understanding look, “I see. Well then, keep it in a safer location now.”
With the vase safely stored in a box, he goes home, not wanting to be outside while a bit drunk for too long. He’s surprised to see another pair of shoes on the rack. Aventurine is home.
He hastily takes his shoes off and goes to the living room to see his lover. He breathes out a sigh of relief when he sees him there, the room is still in order, though he notices the bottle and glass on the table in front of Aventurine are the same ones he used before he left.
“... You drink, Veri?” The blond asks, his voice weary and tired.
“Do you mind...?” He asks back, feeling slightly nervous.
“Hmm… Do whatever you want. Just don’t do anything dangerous,” Aventurine shakes his head, giving him a forced smile. “Come, sit here. I miss you,” he pats the empty place beside him.
Veritas gives him an understanding look. Aventurine holds an important position in a renowned organization, so it’s not a surprise that Aventurine gets tired every once in a while. He sits down beside him, leaning his head to Aventurine’s shoulder. “I miss you too. It’s been a while since I last saw you at our home.”
Aventurine flinches a little at that, probably feeling guilty that he made his Veritas lonely. “Sorry about that… Work’s been hectic. I received more top-grade ones lately, you know the deal with them.”
Veritas nods, his hand grips Aventurine’s as he comforts him. “Yeah, I know. You must be very tired.” He swipes his thumb over his knuckles, feeling the blonde’s body start to relax in his presence.
“Thanks, Veri. It means a lot, your understanding,” Aventurine sighs, before he nuzzles onto Veritas’ neck, breathing in the comforting scent of his lover.
It’s soothing; Aventurine’s breath. Veritas could listen to it for hours and he wouldn’t ever get bored. A pity that not even Aventurine’s presence could fill the void he feels recently. How pitiful, he has his world beside him and not even that is enough.
Does Aventurine feel the same? He grimaces. Ah, how lonely we are even when we’re together. He glances for the last time to the used glass on the table, before drifting to sleep in Aventurine’s embrace.
To our loneliness together.
Aventurine is changing. Veritas couldn’t put it into words, but lately, something about Aventurine doesn’t sit right. For example, Aventurine started to come home less, but when Veritas tried to ask him what he was doing, Aventurine only laughed dismissively.
“Ah, I wasn’t going anywhere, Veri~ You’re still and always be my only one.” Veritas only frowns at that answer.
“That doesn’t answer my question, Aven. Unless you sleep in your office, there’s no way you won’t come home after a month. And no, you just told me you don’t have any work outside our city,” he replies with his arms crossed over his chest.
Veritas is met by silence. His frown becomes more visible as the clock ticks, and seeing how Aventurine doesn’t even try to explain, he decides that they’re not going anywhere with this. “... as long as you’re safe, I suppose. Please tell me how you’re doing if you’re away.” He leaves Aventurine who’s still standing in the living room without a word.
His head throbs just by remembering it. Looking back, maybe he shouldn’t have left Aventurine like that, instead, he should’ve tried harder to make Aventurine confide in him. Veritas loves Aventurine, and he wants to keep their relationship. But sometimes he feels like he’s the only one trying to make this right. And that exhausts him as much as it saddens him.
Today. I’ll do it today. I’ll talk to him properly, Veritas promises himself.
He doesn’t wait long, because Aventurine somehow comes home early today. “Veri~! I’m home early today!” The sound of Aventurine’s cheerful greeting fills his ears.
“Oh, welcome home, Aven. I take it work has been easy today?” Veritas goes to the front door, greeting the blonde with a kiss on his cheek.
“Yeah.. I got nothing to do anyway, might as well go home to see you.” He grins, the kind of confident and flirty grin Veritas so loves. “That, and didn’t you say there’s something you want to talk about? I don’t really understand why we can’t just talk about it through the phone, but I don’t see why not.”
Veritas’ face brightens at Aventurine’s words. “Ah, you remembered.” He took note of what I said.
It’s not long before they’re getting cozy on their bed—Veritas was insisting to just sit in the living room, but Aventurine kept begging for them to go to the bedroom. Oh well, Veritas could never say no to his beloved Aventurine.
(they both know what Aventurine is up to, they just pretend that they don’t)
Veritas starts first, “Aven, I want to talk about your problems lately.” He stops for a bit when Aventurine flinches, then he continues, “We’ve been through this multiple times, be it from you or from me, and I know that it was never easy to talk and resolve this, but I think it’s time we address this.”
He takes a deep breath, before looking at Aventurine right in his eyes. “Aven, what is it that’s troubling you?”
“Just work, like usual. You know it, Veri.” Aventurine’s response is quick. Too quick for an honest person.
“Are we really gonna play it like this?” Veritas hisses, his patience wearing thin. “Aven, we’ve been together for five years, you think I can’t tell the difference between your usual tiredness and whatever is happening now?”
“What the hell? Veritas, you’re being unreasonable—” Aventurine raises his voice, his irritation visible in his frowned face.
“You are the unreasonable one here..!” Veritas yells, to which he immediately stops himself upon seeing Aventurine flinches. “... I didn’t ask for much, Aven. I ask only of your honesty, am I undeserving of even that..?” He asks, his voice is significantly slower and quieter.
“No!” The blonde’s reaction is quick. “No, no, Veri, this wasn’t it, this wasn’t your fault, this… the problem is me.” He reaches out with shaking hands, his breath becomes frantic as his eyes dilate in panic.
Veritas takes his hands carefully. He watches the way Aventurine struggles to speak more about what’s on his mind, so he pulls him closer, offering his distraught lover a comforting hug.
“... It doesn’t have to be now, Aven. We can take this slowly. I want us to resolve this and I want to make this right. But it takes two to tango, Aven. Do you share my wishes?” Veritas asks, his voice is full of hope.
Aventurine’s answer is just a simple nod, not trusting his voice to not tremble with the way his lips quivered. And Veritas smiles at the desired answer.
Lies.
Veritas decides to let it slide, though. He knows he can’t change him overnight, but as long as Aventurine still wants him, then he’s optimistic that everything can be resolved. And he knows Aventurine wants him, with the way his hands slid into Veritas’ clothes, or the way he pins him down to the bed, kissing him with intense fervour, so intoxicating. He lets Aventurine have his way, melting under his skilled touches as he drinks on the attention he gets from his dear lover.
I drink to you— to the lying lips that have betrayed us.
About a week after that heart-to-heart-talk-turned-disaster, they’re now sitting on the couch with a blanket Aventurine fetched from their bedroom and–to Veritas’ surprise–a pair of wine glasses.
“Are we really gonna spend our night with this..?” He asks, slightly baffled with Aventurine’s arrangement.
“Hmm? Why not? I mean, you’ve been drinking nowadays, haven’t you, Veri?” Aventurine asks him back. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, you’re free to take anything, I don’t mind, really. I just thought that since you recently liked to drink, we might as well drink together, as, you know, bonding time?”
Veritas winces at that. Indeed, he’s been drinking recently and that was thanks to his cracking relationship with his beloved Aventurine. He succumbs to the tempting taste of forgetfulness to ease his mind. He resorts to addictives to give him courage to keep walking on thin ice. And the fact that the person who was the reason he’s feeling all that he feels offered a drink to him… He doesn’t know what he should feel about that.
“Mhm, I’ll take the offer then.” He decides to just give in. Better to just drown himself in the ecstasy rather than thinking about difficult things.
Soon enough, they’re snuggling close to each other underneath the warm blanket. Aventurine, being a tease that he is, peppers the purple-head feather-light kisses while said man settles himself in the crook of the blonde’s neck, trying to hide his blushing face.
“Aww, Veri, that’s not fair~! I can’t see you if you keep hiding your face like that!” He teases, rubbing his cheek to Veritas’ head.
“Well, you’re not being fair too, you can’t expect me to not feel giddy and excited after you did that to me,” he mumbles, his face still hidden behind Aventurine’s hair.
“Alright, alright, I’ll stop… Can I see your face, pretty please?” The blonde begs playfully. “Aren’t we going to watch a movie together? How are we supposed to watch the movie when you’re not facing the TV?”
Remembering their original plan to watch a movie all night long, Veritas finally lets go. His face is still a little red while his eyes look a bit swollen, probably because they were pressed hard into Aventurine’s neck. “You’re not laughing at me,” he pouts. One could imagine Veritas behaves slightly… different, than usual. Must be the alcohol’s influence. And Aventurine.
“Yeah, yeah, I won’t!” The blonde raises his arms, surrendering himself to not teasing Veritas again for tonight. He then picks the remote to choose a movie. “So… which one do you like more, Veri? The story of a pianist who struggles in his sudden deafness, or the story of an abandoned prince who wishes to reform the corrupted kingdom?”
“Hmm… I’m more intrigued with the first movie. A musician who can’t hear music is akin to a chef who can’t taste his cooking. I’m curious to see how the story unfolds.” He answers, a glimmer of interest can be seen in his eyes.
“Sure thing, dearest~ Personally I like both equally so we’ll just watch whichever strikes your fancy first~” Aventurine presses the play button, and the movie begins to roll.
Watching the movie in silence ends up making the voice inside his head become louder. The urge to just run away and save himself clashes with his yearning and adoration for Aventurine to make him stay. Halfway through the movie, his mind is full with whether or not he should disrupt this moment of peace and bring up their looming problem. Then, perhaps due to the lightheadedness caused by the alcohol, somehow he gathers enough courage to voice out what has been in his mind.
“Aven, I think… I think we should take a break,” Veritas’ voice is low and shaky, a hint of anxiousness and fear is also present in the way he articulates his words.
“Huh? What do you mean? Are you sleepy?” Aventurine asks, concern is evident in his face. He puts down his glass and pauses the movie, before turning his body to Veritas. He cups the scholar’s face with carefulness, caressing his face with his thumbs slowly. “You… You’re being weird, Veri. What happened?”
“You are what happened, Aven.” He answers, his eyes closed as he leans into Aventurine’s touch despite what he just said. “It’s really hard trying to stay by your side lately,” he lets out a sob, pouring out his bottled feelings all at once. “You don’t want me to leave, but you never let me get close.”
Veritas grabs the hands on his face, holding it tenderly before he slowly puts them down. “We clearly didn’t go anywhere with the way we handle things now. It worked for these past five years, but I think it’s time to admit that we didn’t handle it with the best that we could, and that the way we solved our problems ended up causing more problems to us.”
“You’re going to leave me?” Aventurine cuts him so suddenly, his voice low and dangerous while his eyes darken.
Veritas flinches slightly, but he doesn’t stop. “That’s not what I mean—” he’s immediately silenced with a hearty kiss from Aventurine. “Aven, listen to me first—”
“Shhh… You were thinking too much, Veri.” The blonde whispers. His voice becomes softer, though the deep abyss in his eyes remains present. “Let me take care of you.”
Perhaps it was the shock from seeing such a dark expression from Aventurine. Perhaps it was the guilt from ruining such a cozy moment. Or perhaps it was simply his adoration for his beloved darling. Whatever it was, he finds himself giving in once again, letting Aventurine do whatever he wants to him, including making him drink from the kiss they shared. Quite a unique way to drink alcohol, but Veritas can attest how much it amplifies the high. And so, with Aventurine’s dreary face haunting his mind, he drinks throughout the night.
To the dead-cold eyes.
Work has been tiring for both of them. For Veritas, it’s the lack of manner his student displayed along with the administrative burden every teacher has that exhausts him. While for Aventurine, it’s the high-risk, low-reward orders he keeps receiving that annoys him.
Veritas comes home late today, monthly assessments and accountability reports keep him long enough until almost midnight. When he opens the door to their house, he expects a clean room clear of any broken or out-of-place things, then he’s going to soak himself in his bathtub, filled with lukewarm water… he doesn’t expect (and doesn’t want to) this shipwreck of a mess, though.
In his defense, he was working from 7-22 today, he’s tired, and he doesn’t have the energy to clean up Aventurine’s mess like usual. And the fact that said blonde is currently sitting on the couch like he wasn’t throwing pillows and books everywhere just irritates him further.
“Aventurine.” He calls his lover, weariness can be heard in his voice. “Clean up your mess.”
Aventurine merely glances at him shortly, before he turns his head away from Veritas. “Later.”
Veritas scowls at his answer, “Now, Aven. I’m not cleaning this tomorrow because the one who’s supposed to do it is already leaving home for work.”
“Well your naggings don’t make this any better!” The blonde raises his voice, shouting as he lets out his frustration. “Look, Veri, I’m tired, annoyed, and pent up, the last thing I need right now is you bothering me—”
“So I am a burden now? Maybe you should take a good look at yourself, no sane person would break everything in their house just for being in their sight!” Veritas yells back, offended by the sudden aggression. “And nagging? You call my concern and care about your well-being nagging? The audacity—!”
“If it was your display of care, well, I didn’t feel like being cared for! Weren’t you the one who likes to say perception over intention?! That might be your intention, but this is my perception!” Aventurine retorts. Veritas swears he hears a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“Then tell me, what should I do to make you face yourself? What should I do for you to stop running away? Tell me.” The purple-head asks in a shaky whisper, his eyes widen in despair.
"I don't know! I'm, I'm trying, okay? But I don't know! What should I do, what do I want, where should we be, I don't know!" He cries out, anguish and confusion evident in his voice.
Veritas is taken aback by the sudden outburst. He was about to reach out to Aventurine to calm him down, but said man has already run away, leaving Veritas alone in their cold house. It’s after Aventurine storms out from their house that his guilt and regret begins to weigh on his mind. He just said things he didn’t mean, and there’s no taking it back.
(his dear Aventurine also said hurtful words to him, but oh, how his adoration for him is always much, much more than anything else)
"It's over, isn't it..?" He murmurs, his face contorts into one of misery and regret. "We're ending."
Veritas is lamenting. He mourns the unsalvaged relationship, how the five years they have is lost to the one month they never asked for. He grieves the memories that soon will turn to dust, locked away in the deepest depth of his heart.
Veritas drinks whenever he's thinking about Aventurine. Tonight, he's thinking about his dear lover’s face—devoid of life yet brilliantly shining—shouting his mind aloud. And the way he screams out his dissatisfaction instead of accepting in silence like he usually does. And the strength he musters to keep going on despite how the universe spit on him.
He's so proud of him, yet also feeling melancholic for being one of the reasons behind Aventurine's frustration. He grabs yet another bottle of alcohol, pours a glassful of that sweet, sweet liquor, before he gulps it in one go. Tonight, Veritas drinks to Aventurine. To his burdens, to them who are hated by their lives—
To the fact that the world is brutal and coarse.
When Aventurine comes home, his words are simple, “You were right.”
“About what?” Veritas asks, his gut feeling tells him he’s not going to like whatever Aventurine will say.
“About this. About us.”
And Veritas’ heart sinks to his stomach.
“I… wasn’t exactly the best for you. You… You deserve someone much better than me.” Aventurine begins, his fingers fidgeting nervously.
But you’re the one I always longed for.
“And I realized I ended up being a bad influence for you. You resort to drinking because I wasn’t there when I should, right..? And my insensitive self decided to invite you to drink together, what an insult.” He laughs half-heartedly.
But you’re the one who brought joy into my life.
“... So that’s your decision.” Veritas responds, trying his best to contain his emotions.
Aventurine is silent, before slowly nodding with a heavy sigh. “Even to the end I still manage to disappoint you, huh?”
Now is Veritas’ turn to be silent. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. So many voices and desires are mixed up in his brain, and he knows if he doesn’t think his words even more carefully, he’ll end up saying things he’s sure gonna regret. He had said some and he's not exactly keen on saying some more.
“I… never wish for our relationship to end.” He starts with his thoughts about their relationship. “Even when I suggested we take a break, I never thought to part ways with you for good.”
“But I must admit that I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Veritas takes out the broken vase which he stored in a tight box ever since it got repaired. “Through the years we’ve been together, no matter how we fought or what we faced in our lives, we never left incurable wounds to each other.”
“... That vase, the one I bought on our second anniversary?” The blonde asks, his voice akin to that of a whisper.
Veritas nods, “The same one you broke a month ago in one of your fits.” He puts it back in the box, then continues sharing his thoughts, “That was when I thought that our relationship was beyond repair. Though, I suppose we had it coming, with the way we navigated our problems before this, always cutting down the grass but never the root.”
“Do you… regret being with me?” Aventurine asks, a tinge of hope is visible in his eyes.
“Never.” Veritas' answer is quick. His voice is firm, while his gaze is strong yet warm. Just like his love for Aventurine; loud and encouraging.
Aventurine doesn’t say anything at that, only a bitter smile decorating his bright face.
(Aventurine looks gloomy and low on energy lately, but in Veritas’ eyes, he always shines the brightest)
“This house… You can have it. I’ll transfer the ownership to you, and I’ll move out shortly after. You deserve as much after all the troubles and pain I caused you.” He grimaces. ”Do whatever you want with it, live here or sell it… Whatever it is, as long as it soothes you, do it.”
Veritas only nods, “Don’t worry about me. Just focus on yourself. Strive to be better, take care of yourself, so that the future can look forward to you.” And you to the future.
With the unsaid now finally said, Aventurine leaves the house. He doesn’t look back, nor will he ever going back.
Veritas picks a bottle of alcohol his lover—now ex-lover—left behind. He drinks, he drinks, and he drinks until he can’t even see the light on the living room clearly. To the sorrowful days ahead, to the destined end—
To the fact that God did not save us.