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Alastor casually strolled through the streets, humming a jazzy tune and spinning his microphone like a baton as he meandered. He knew he had somewhere to be, but he didn’t feel particularly enthused about arriving on time, nor the event he was meant to be participating in. It was much more fun to be fashionably late anyway, he loved the drama of it all. People were much more entertaining when they were mad, hilarious even.
As he passed a junkyard, something caught his ear- like an electronic garble. It almost reminded him of the groans Vox used to make when he was wasted and close to passing out. The memory association made Alastor cringe a bit, but his curiosity over what made the noise was greater when several others came after.
Turning to the mounds of rusted metal and yellowed plastics, he called out first, “Hello? Sounds like someone might’ve had one too many to drink!” A laugh track followed his little quip.
No one responded to his greeting, so he looked up at the fence separating him from the yard. It was topped with barbed wire, but some areas were snipped at from previous vandals either looking for some quick cash or a place to shoot up. Not that it mattered anyway, Alastor easily cleared the fence by walking back a few steps and using his tentacles to vault himself over it by an extra two feet of space.
Landing neatly on the other side, he readjusted his lapels and hair before continuing on. His ears pivoted in multiple directions, hoping to catch the electronic sounds again. When he did catch it, he changed course to follow.
Two minutes later, he came upon their source- several furry little contraptions lay strewn across the ground, each occasionally letting out their mechanical groans. They had a plastic beak-like structure and eyes that sat atop it that fluttered like real ones. Some had ears while others only had horns. Not much further was a vintage electronic organ with more of the furballs either attached or hanging off by colorful wires. Other than some more recent looking scratches and dings, it appeared to be in shockingly good condition for its age.
“My, my, what have we here?” he chimed.
A pile of junk shifted, giving Alastor pause, and a battered snake head rose from beneath to look blearily at the deer. The top hat he wore also had a defeated expression. When he registered who he was looking at, the snake’s hood snapped open and his back straightened. He winced slightly, apparently having caused some pain.
“Oh! Why if it isn’t Alastor! My greatest arch rival!” he proclaimed, trying to save face. “Come to do battle once more?”
Alastor gave a hearty half laugh, accompanied by a laugh track. “Hardly! You’re barely worth a toss of my wrist!” As he said it, he threw his hand in a dismissive gesture. “‘Arch rival’- come now, I don’t even know who you are~”
He expected Sir Pentious to get uppity over being forgotten and dismissed as usual, but instead the serpent deflated and he rested his upper body on a crooked car door. With a sigh, Sir Pentious admitted, “Of course. No one is ever going to remember me, not without power like the Vees to back me up. I’ll forever be just some lowly sinner, not even worth the hat atop his head.”
Try as he might not to react, Alastor’s ear twitched at the mention of the overlords. It wasn’t lost on him that they might’ve been the reason Sir Pentious was in this dump, but he disliked that they were brought up at all. He was also disappointed in the lack of fiery ‘righteous fury’ that the snake usually responded with from being forgotten. It was funnier when he got uppity- seeing Sir Pentious just accept the disrespect made his heart ache in an unpleasant way.
Wanting to change the subject, Alastor instead refocused on what brought him there. “I just came here because I heard some curious sounds and wanted to investigate.” Alastor lifted a bright green furred contraption by the ear, which widened its eyes as if actually perceiving him. “Would you happen to know what these curious little devil doohickeys are? They are quite funny looking!”
“They’re called ‘furbies’- like ‘fur’ and ‘baby’ mashed together into one word. They’re just toys for children to play with and take care of like a pet.” He didn’t seem to care to elaborate further.
“Hm. So you made these? And they have cognizance like any living being?” The ‘furby’ in his grasp made some sounds that did remind him of a babbling toddler. Most of it was gibberish, but it did make an attempt to say ‘I love you!’
“Ah, no… I… just saw the potential for them to be used in other ways…”
“Is that why they are attached to this beautiful specimen of an instrument?”
“Yes, I rewired it so that instead of the keys playing a note through the electronic oscillators in the organ, they play through the sounds of the furby.” Sir Pentious wrapped his arms around each other, curling into himself. “It’s not all that exciting really…”
To test that statement, Alastor walked up to the instrument and pressed on a few of the keys. Only a few worked, causing the little robots to sing out. Or scream in pain as the electrical input pushed the tiny creature to its breaking point. What torture it must be to be gutted and connected to such a device that usually brought joy and mirth. It was delicious to think about and made him chuckle darkly as he imagined the dark choir that could be.
“Fascinating! To think that you would be so evil as to force these poor innocent toys to sing for your amusement in such a gruesome way! I must admit I am quite impressed!”
There was no immediate response as Sir Pentious was too stunned by the compliment to speak. “You… you actually like it?” his voice came softly, almost inaudible. His pupils had grown wide in a pitifully cute manner as he looked at Alastor, his hat mirroring him.
“I find it entertaining! Oh the music I would play on this if it were only in working condition!” Alastor played an easy four note tune on the few remaining working keys.
“W-well, I could fix it up for you. Shouldn’t take too long, as long as the microprocessors in the furbies aren’t too damaged.”
“I’d be delighted to purchase it from you if you did!”
Sir Pentious raised his hands, waving away the offer. “No, no! That wouldn’t be necessary! I mean, I’ll work on it and give it to you for free!”
“I insist!” Alastor gave him an intimidating smile. He refused to accept charity and feel indebted to the mad inventor. “How much?”
There was a beat of silence as the serpent considered the value before he answered, sheepishly, “$3,750.”
Alastor’s brows shot up at the price quote. “Almost four grand and you were going to give it to me for free! You really aren’t much of a businessman, are you?”
At this, Sir Pentious puffed out his cheeks. “I am well enough off without having to accept payment from you! I just figured I would offer since you so kindly commented on my genius!”
“Why does my approval matter? Why would you offer such a steal to your ‘arch rival’?” Alastor tilted his head, smiling a little wider. He had a feeling he knew the answer, but wanted to tease it out of his ‘adversary’.
To this, Sir Pentious did not answer, only avoided eye contact as he deflected. “I can have this fixed up right away! I just need to collect all the pieces and-“ He spoke as he squirmed his way out of the rubbish he was still buried under.
With a snap of his fingers, Alastor conjured a tool box. “Splendid! How about here and now?”
Sir Pentious popped out of his entrapment and landed face first on the ground. He slithered up to full height and brushed off his suit, also taking time to adjust his hat and tie. “I will likely need more than that to fix this- perhaps some of my electronic tools.”
Grudgingly, Alastor whisked the toolbox away and instead summoned his minions. They began to pick up the scattered furbies and held them in standby when their arms were full. Two bulkier ones also stood by the organ, ready to transport it. “Very well. Lead the way.”
“O-oh! You wish to… accompany me?” Sir Pentious’s face darkened with a blush.
“Why not? It would be interesting to see how you put it together! I wish to appreciate my new toy thoroughly!” After a short pause he added, while looking at his claws, “Not like there’s much else interesting to do.”
“O-okay! Great! Um… this way!”
With that they made their way out of the junkyard, surprising the attendant guarding the front gate. They didn’t confront the two unaccounted sinners- or the swarm of shadowy minions- after a flash of teeth and radio static from Alastor. As they continued, Sir Pentious noticed how everyone scattered once they noticed that the Radio Demon was coming their way. Many didn’t seem to hear the perpetual static hum that followed the Radio Demon everywhere and were startled to find him so close before running off. It took a random groan from a furby to alert an imp who was attempting to break into a car. Even traffic seemed to swerve just to keep far enough away from him.
It was an odd new experience for Sir Pentious, but an all too familiar one to Alastor. He ignored all the frightened sinners and lazily scanned the area for anything amusing to comment on. As he passed a camera with an all too familiar logo, he gave it a direct smug look, imagining the face on the other side watching.
Shortly after rounding around the block, they stopped.
“W-well, here we are! My workshop, at least,” Sir Pentious announced, gesturing to the building with his arms.
Surprised, Alastor looked back the way they came. “Well, isn’t that awfully convenient! Whoever you angered practically dropped you off at home!”
“Stationing myself near the junkyard was a strategic choice. I don’t have to go far to look for spare parts or scrap for my machines.” He pulled out a key and unlocked the door, opening it up first to Alastor.
Alastor hummed in acknowledgement as he stepped over the threshold. He was greeted by a swarm of eggs, who upon realizing he wasn’t their boss either scattered or grabbed the nearest object to defend their home.
“Eggs!” Sir Pentious called as he slithered in after Alastor. He waved the minions carrying the furbies in as he introduced, “This is our guest, Alastor- and his helpful minions. I expect you to treat them with respect so long as he’s here, got it?”
Some eggs looked at each other, confused, while others saluted. “Yes boss!”
“Good! Now go fetch us some tea!”
“Black coffee for me please, I don’t care for tea,” Alastor chimed in. “My… minions can find their own sustenance when I dismiss them from their duty.”
“Very well- jasmine tea for me and coffee for Alastor. We will be in the hangar when it is ready, but I’d like to be left alone otherwise. Got that?” The remaining eggs saluted and all rushed to be the first one to the kitchenette. “If you’ll follow me, I can get to work on the furby organ.”
Pentious led Alastor down the hall to a heavy steel door into a massive room, where the frame of an airship was in the middle of being built. Alastor tried to remember the last time he had destroyed the ‘villainous’ mechanic’s mode of transportation. It certainly wasn’t this year, he recalled that much. He didn’t care to guess who could’ve destroyed the last one that the snake needed to rebuild now. Pentious directed the minions to place the furbies on the workbench sitting far to the left, flush against the wall. It was surrounded by tools hanging on the wall above it and two large standing tool boxes on either side.
After directing the bulky minions to place the organ next to it, Pentious took the goggles on his hat and placed them over his eyes. He also removed the hat and his overcoat, rolling up the sleeves of his undershirt before getting straight to work. He pushed all the furbies to one side of the bench before picking up one, pulling away part of the fur to inspect the inner mechanisms. Only after a short moment, he nodded and placed it on the opposite end.
Unable to sit quietly in the seat neglected by the focused mechanic, Alastor decided to pick at his brain. “So, how did you come up with the idea for your amalgamation?”
Pentious paused as he reached for another. “I just figured it would be good practice. I had the organ fixed up already and I had gotten the eggs the toys for their original purpose. But most of them grew tired of the furballs. Claiming the robots would activate in the middle of the night in their rooms and start chanting or whatnot. Even if the batteries were taken out, can you believe that? BAH! Drove me to drink some nights with their quabbling.” He found a steady rhythm as he continued his inspection.
“Curious- perhaps the things are cursed.”
“I doubt it. I looked them all over before and I found no indication of anything being wrong or cursed. That was when I figured out how they worked and… well… one thing led to another one night after a bottle of wine and I had myself a furby organ.”
Pentious looked embarrassed but Alastor applauded him. “And what a wonderful idea that turned out to be! Who else would’ve thought of it?”
Pentious brightened up and beamed. “Oh, well, it was really nothing special. It was all rather simple compared to all my other projects.”
Just then an egg ran up with a tray carrying two mugs. Pentious broke his rhythm long enough to grab the tea and take a sip.
Alastor took a sip of coffee and held the mug with two hands on his lap. He tilted his head as he asked, “Now… I have to wonder why did you two ended up in the junkyard?”
All the pride was sucked out of Pentious’s expression. “Ah… I thought… You see, I have been trying to impress the Vees and join their team for some time now and-“
Alastor rolled his eyes. “Guh! Why would you ever want that pompous menagerie to approve of you? They’re the ones that are nothing special- always just following the latest trend for clout and money.”
With a nervous flick of his tongue, Pentious laughed awkwardly. “They are rather influential… and they have an amazing team working with the latest technology for all their products. I’m rather old fashioned, but I figured my visions could be invaluable!”
“If you want to make your dreams a reality, you’re better off doing it on your own. Those three would only tear you down, rip you apart, and put you back together only as a fraction of your former self. You would no longer have your special spark.”
“O-oh…”
A long silence sat between them. In that time, Pentious finished his inspection and to his surprise, only four of the furbies seemed to have been damaged- not in a mechanical sense but in the aesthetical. Some ears had snapped in half, beaks were dented and eyelids were missing.
“Well, this is fortunate! None of the inner mechanisms have been damaged! I just have to fix up these plastic parts and I can get started on-“
“They’re fine the way they are.” Alastor picked up one of the damaged toys and his smile softened.
“Are you quite sure? They’re easy fixes, it won’t take too long.”
“Looks aren’t everything.” Alastor shrugged. He waved dramatically as he continued, “Besides, it gives them character! Battle scars from their encounter with the deplorable Vees! Their endurance is to be admired!”
His theatrical display brought a smile to Pentious’s face and he grabbed a handful of tools as he began to rewire and attach the furbies back into place. “Well, you’ll be the one playing it from now on… as long as you’re happy with it, I’m happy.” His tail thumped softly on the floor, which made Alastor’s smile widen.
The silly serpent could be obnoxious at times, but he could tell that he wasn’t all bad. It was evident enough from Sir Pentious’s inability to stick perfectly to his vaudeville villain persona, but the display of affection in giving his minions toys and the scattered childlike drawings mixed with the blueprints on the corkboard solidified that belief. Alastor hummed and sipped at his coffee as he continued watching him work. His leg, crossed over the other, swayed to the beat of the jazzy song he played in the background. He was captivated enough by the focus in Pentious’s eyes as he worked that the usually yappy deer didn’t feel compelled to break the new lull in conversation.
Zoned out, Alastor jumped slightly when Pentious asked, “What about the damages to the organ? Would you like me to leave those alone too or rather I fix them?”
The deer hummed, sipping at his now cold coffee. He stood up and gave the repaired furby organ a good once over. While he had been zoned out, he hadn’t registered that Pentious had plugged the instrument into one of the wall sockets in order to test it. In the lighting of the workshop, Alastor could make out some spots on the wooden body of the organ where it appeared it had been repaired from some significant damage. From an initial glance, he could not tell they were there, but if he squinted and adjusted his monocle he could make out where the grain didn’t seem to quite match. He tapped at some gouges on a corner with the base of his mic staff, where it looked like someone’s claws dug into it. “If you don’t mind, at least fix the few deep gouges here. The other scratches and dings aren’t as noticeable.”
Nodding, Pentious opened one of the tool boxes again for the wood putty, sandpaper and some paint with brushes. He meticulously made sure no evidence of the damage was to be seen. Alastor thought of one of his radios that could use some TLC, but brushed away the thought of requesting the aid of Pentious’s skills.
After finishing, Pentious slithered back and put his hands to his hips, proud of his work. “There! Almost as good as brand new! Try it out for yourself!”
Alastor eagerly stepped up to the instrument and played ‘The Entertainer’. The unsettling singing furbies obeyed his every keystroke, their voices filling the large room and bouncing on the metal walls. A wild laugh built up and erupted from his chest. It was less ominous than he imagined, but much more hilarious. “Marvelous! This is greater than I could’ve imagined! Truly a work of art!”
Pentious beamed. “Why thank you! I’m glad at least you see the charm in it!” A pained look crossed his face as he watched Alastor switch to a new song. “You know, I thought the furby organ was a good example of how I can take two separate established products and turn it into something new. It wasn’t even about the entertainment value or… being funny…”
“Pardon?” Alastor stopped playing only for a beat as his head snapped around.
“The Vees… when I showed them the organ, they all just mocked me. Asking why I’d ever thought something so ‘ridiculous’ would land me in their clique. They implied it was all a joke to waste their time and… had their employees beat me up and throw me and my creation in the junkyard.” He paused again, a thought occurring to him. “Actually, before that, Vox did something curious with one of his eyes… it got larger and had a spiral pattern? I don’t know what he was trying to do- hypnotize me, maybe? He told me to… well…”
“Kill yourself?” Alastor finished, not surprised. Pentious nodded. “He’s too much of a coward to get his own hands dirty, so that’s his go-to when someone pisses him off.” He didn’t bother to comment on his surprise that the silly snake could resist the overlord’s ability to control others. That would be too much praise coming from him and Pentious’s ego had been stroked enough.
Elsewhere in the building, a clock chimed that it was seven ‘o’ clock. Alastor froze, his fingers still pressing on some keys. “Oh dear, is it that late? I missed a meeting with someone.”
“Oh!” Pentious exclaimed. “I’m sorry, if I had known I would have encouraged you to return tomorrow to pick this up…”
Alastor waved it off. “It’s quite alright, they will understand. Although, I should be going since my broadcast is supposed to start now.” He conjured his checkbook and wrote one out for exactly $3,750, handing it to Pentious. “Here you go, my good man! I do hope you have a wonderful evening! Tune in to my show, I do plan on playing this on air!”
Pentious hesitantly held the check in both hands. “Ah… right… thank you. I hope you have a pleasant evening as well! Shall I escort you out to the front door?”
“No, that will be fine, I can find my own way.” With that Alastor placed a hand on the furby organ, marking it with a glowing green sigil that faded to nothing. When he shifted into shadow and sped out the building, it too followed.
Several minutes later, Alastor manifested back to physical form inside his radio tower. He brought the furby organ close to his desk and equipment, ensuring that the microphone would pick up a clear sound. With a flick of the wrist he flipped the switch to ‘on air’.
“Salutations! Good evening Pentagram City! Apologies for the delay, I was setting up a new instrument that I purchased today. I do hope you enjoy it as much as I do playing it~!”