Chapter Text
Something was not right.
Nothing has been going right these days, especially the long shoot nights, for Chuuya Nakahara at least, the city lights that bathed in contempt and loneliness.
A long crowd waited for her, she longed to escape the stealthy crowds and lounge on the sofa, perhaps cuddle with her dog Laila, anything to escape the odd empty feeling that consumed her slowly.
The large frame of the city lights glared at her like a stranger. She's been in this city since her childhood, with her best friend being the hotshot actress that he is, she was trained by her all these years to bring up the raw talent inside of her.
Chuuya wouldn't really say she was quite literally good at acting, she was just quite natural in putting on layers of masks or rather she'd dryly laugh and say "Put it as a facade to the cinema industry" They raved and celebrated her in that persona, so she saw no point in changing the way she was perceived.
The toll on her mask was just close to breaking a lot more than often these days, thats all.
Anyone who would look at her at the moment would say she has got it together, her pretty hair locks tied up in a bun, the gorgeous black slit dress that hugged her frame rather too perfectly, with high heels. Nobody would even notice the way she would smile tiredly and wave off drinks.
Except Lippmann maybe.
But he isn't here at the moment and is busy off on an overseas tour. Sadly, she couldn't find any familiar face she could talk to. So she sipped coffee in silence when her assistant came forward to lead her the way.
Her assistant looks at her baffled and Chuuya just gives them a raised eyebrow in response. She cannot risk getting drunk in front of people waiting for her to talk.
Speaking of which, why did they choose her out of all to give a speech to all of these people
What good would that even do to them?
All this fame has no meaning to her, what could it possibly mean for them?
Her mind was cluttered with all sorts of questions and she hadn't doubted herself while practicing a stunt of her own. It was scary.
She sighed and began to speak her practiced lines, but it didn't feel right.
Words flew out of her mouth, something akin to hard work, perseverance, and some bullshit related to a healthy mind, this has been something her friend would be good at, faking everything and plastering a smile, it all felt too plastic, shrouded in glamour, there isn't a face that she could look for comfort to.
I mean I could speak, she thought, speak my heart out anytime, but today nothing felt right.
Today wasn't necessarily a bright day, when her group of friends were beside her she felt an odd sense of warmth protected and cherished like no one else, unlike the icy stares that loomed all over, it was like the patch of skin ripped apart, exposing her bare, she didn't particularly like the feeling, of secluded loneliness that wrapped her, where....nowhere? just aimlessly floating in the vast mass of hollow emptiness.
What has actually been happening?
She sighed climbing onto the rooftop of the very building, her legs a bit wobbly, the vast space of the city enormously comforting to her heart, and she sat in silence taking in the sorrowful grey skies. It might rain soon, not that she cares, she would rather drench in the rain that washes away her tiredness, she longed for everything to disappear.
Instead, she hears a soft but loud voice.
"Hey! You'll get wet"
Huh?
She followed the voice and saw a woman hiding in a shed. She was a woman with long curly brown hair wild even, and she wore a frilly white shirt paired with a brown skirt, everything about her reminded Chuuya of the scent of old books and libraries, an aroma of all things that deserved to be preserved.
It was just a weird feeling to hear someone calling out to her. Albeit a stranger in a fear of her getting drenched.
"Don't you ever get drenched?", she shot back, no idea why.
"No...I actually am not big fan of getting drenched", she retorted her fingers pointing air quotes "Plus I wouldn't want my books getting ruined"
Chuuya simply let out her bun, her short hair splaying across, like something fiery and divine, simply effortless as the other woman just watched.
"What's your name?", Chuuya whispered quietly, not understanding why exactly is she continuing the conversation., with a stranger, even so.
Perhaps, in a city filled with the loneliest of lights, the sorrowful gloom that dawns, she finds a stranger's presence rather comforting than her own shadow.
The woman with her long wild curls inches forward and places her books to her side when she sits beside Chuuya.
"Why would you want to know?", she sighed, "Besides aren't you some hotshot actress?"
"That I am", she sighed, taking a drag of her cigar.
"So why are you here, to blow off some steam, or is Ms Nakahara perhaps trying to wash away her anguish by the rain?"
"Chuuya", she blurted out, annoyed and surprised, and maybe a little bit of both?
Why was she questioning her so much?
"Does Ms Nakahara fluster you though? It's Dazai, by the way" she gleefully smiled, the bandages wrapped around her hands flowing effortlessly matching the tresses in her hair.
"Dazai Osamu, high school librarian", she guessed, "Are you always this pretentious?"
"That I am, people love me for it"
"With a massive ego"
"That too", she flicked her fingers at her, as if she accomplished a mountainous task.
Chuuya felt her mask slipping away, shattering even, as she let out a laugh, even if it was irritable, but this time she was the one who pulled off the one and broke it into pieces.
This time, it was Dazai who broke the silence, "How do you...know my name?"
"You're pretty famous I'd say. Plus not everyone wins literary scholar awards and manages to stay hidden", Chuuya turned her gaze towards Dazai's unwavering and fixed.
"Hiding yourself is pretty easy, I'd say", Dazai smirked.
"Is that so?" Chuuya whispered, puffing a shallow smoke out. How could she say that like its the most easiest thing in the world? Is it that effortless?
"Yeah, I mean its what the crowd wants isn't it? Stop whining, merge in with the shadows let them consume you", her eyes just shone.
"You say that so easily, what do you do when the crowd doesn't let you in, if you know too much?", Chuuya asks simply, with an irritable expression.
Dazai looked at her, the expression on her face almost with a frown, "You and I are not so different you know?"
Chuuya sighed not answering and just looking at the blanket of atmosphere above them, she took a drag of her cigar and crushed it beside.
" Do you smoke often?"
Chuuya wondered why she wanted to keep the conversation afloat, she didn't mind the questioning, not yet. She is not annoyed, yet.
"When I'm stressed, yes"
"Huh. Is it tough being a silver-screen actress with people barricading around you? Seems unpleasant."
Chuuya stayed silent for a while "What is your motive?"
Dazai blinked in confusion as if she had asked him the most perplexing puzzle known to mankind, "My...motive?"
"Yeah, why do you want to continue talking with me? I mean it's pretty late too, shouldn't you be heading home or something?"
She just laughed heartily,, "Oh what, a woman can't do what she wants now?"
"I was just asking", Chuuya sighed. "Do you come to the rooftop every day-".
Thunder struck before she could even complete the sentence, Dazai couldn't but pull her towards the nearby shed, the rain's intensity increasing, it was instinct maybe, it felt oddly natural when they ran together to the sheltered area, where lay her diary and the scent of old books and dried up ink that was nearby. Chuuya saw the messed up sight.
"You do come here often", Chuuya just stated.
"I get inspiration, today it was a very random conversation with a stranger, and a mesmerizing one, I might add"
"Were you actually trying to flirt?", she raised an eyebrow grinning in amusement.
"Oh, I meant the conversation", Dazai rolled her eyes, "As for your last question, yes I do come here often, just don't get to see a lotta people around her but crows and the gloomy rain is very common, and the atmosphere is never pleasant, I wonder why."
Chuuya shook her head, "That wasn't my exact question"
Dazai raised her eyebrow in question.
"Why would you keep talking to me? I mean people just don't strike up conversations like that"
"Hmm that's what makes you so interesting, you can keep a conversation going, and you keep me invested, I haven't seen anyone who gives such interesting responses to my questions"
"Its frustrating that i still don't know what you are getting at", Chuuya's body trembled a little as the storm's intensity increased, the splashes of rain hitting her bare skin Dazai could see that.
"Oops. Chuuya is cold. Guess I have an extra coat in my bag, let me check."
"You know I can hear you very well"
"Very well, exactly. I meant for Chuuya to hear it".
Chuuya rolled her eyes, she just hoped the rain could pass and she could go back downstairs, her friends would be waiting now.
"This really doesn't seem to pass, eh?" she whispered, she felt the warmth of Dazai's fingers when she draped a warm coat - was it a fur coat?- she couldn't tell honestly.
It all felt like home, like she didn't have to pretend for once. Where the draped coat, a small gesture was enough for her raised shoulders to relax, even if for a moment, side by side with a stranger she just met.
It felt comforting, like meeting a part of her own that had been shattered and broken long time ago part of her that she didn't know existed.
"Doesn't seem to" Dazai doesn't look up when she speaks as she writes or rather Chuuya hears her scratching of her pen the sound which blends into the rain. "Do you have somewhere to be?"
"Not really" Chuuya doesn't understand when she lies and lays her head against Dazai's shoulder.
Dazai doesn't complain, she knows Chuuya is cold and is doing it to seek warmth, the gestures are just non-verbal and clear, she looks at her tired expression oddly relaxed against her. She places her hands on the draped coat and pulls her closer.
They both know they need the warmth, that's all it is. It wasn't like the blazing fire that burns and aches, the warmth erupted between them like the slow calm of a soft blanket, a direct contrast to the gloomy rain.
"See, hiding in the shadows isn't that bad now is it?"
"It isn't as bad when it is warm", Chuuya just murmurs which is enough to get a reaction out of Dazai, she looks at her, for a moment and smiles.
Rain grew persistent and they stayed the night, sleeping even. For Chuuya, if you asked her, this could be the most normal mundane thing that happened to her all week, a conversation with a stranger who didn't care about the glory that tainted her and about the reputation she had to uphold.
When Dazai picked up her books in the morning, the rain had stopped. Chuuya took off the coat but Dazai stopped her, the wild curls in her hair flowing, with the familiar breeze.
"Keep it, we will meet again".
Chuuya opened her mouth to answer, "When?"
"Tomorrow, same time, same place", Dazai nodded, as if they'd been doing this for years.
Chuuya nodded and saw her friends waiting downstairs, she had forgotten, she had texted them to pick her up here, she nodded and whispered a faint "See you" as she trailed down the stairs.
A light feeling erupted, she didn't feel the vast sky weighing down her shoulders with so much uncertainty, not anymore.