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Buck had just emerged from his bathroom after a long, hot shower to wash away the grime from a particularly filthy shift when he heard a knock at his front door. Giving his hair one thorough rub dry before throwing his towel back through the open door (he’d pick it up later), he went to open his front door, only to come face to face with a baking dish. “You left this behind,” came from behind said pasta dish, which lowered to reveal Maddie’s face.
“Damn it, I knew I forgot something,” Buck grumbled, taking the dish he had accidentally left at the hospital off his sister’s hands and taking it to the kitchen, letting Maddie close the door behind her as she entered.
“We really appreciated the meal the other night Buck,” Maddie said as she stood behind the kitchen island, watching as Buck put the dish away.
“Like I said, I was happy to do it,” Buck said with a smile. “Drink?”
“A water would be great, thanks.”
Buck grabbed two glasses, filled them with water and placed one on the counter in front of Maddie before taking a sip from the other. “You know, we haven’t really had a chance to properly talk since the wedding, with all the chaos,” Buck mused. “I can’t believe your Maddie Han now.”
“Sometimes I can’t believe it either, but in a “I can’t believe I can be this happy way” rather than an “oh my God what have I done” way,” Maddie confessed.
“You deserve to be happy Maddie. You both do. Chim really is a great guy, I’m glad you found each other. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“You’re never going to let me live down the fact that you introduced us, are you?” Maddie teased.
“Nope,” Buck grinned.
Maddie shook her head, smiling. “You’re as bad as Howie. He likes to gloat about his matchmaking skills too.” Maddie placed her drink on the counter and turned her full attention onto her brother, a teasing glint in her eye. “Speaking of his most recent match, Tommy stopped by the hospital the other day.”
“Yeah, he said he was going to drop by for a visit, check on Chim,” Buck said.
“It was nice to talk to him, get to know him a bit better. And I have to say – nice little brother. Well done, very well done.” Maddie pretended to act all flustered, fanning herself with a hand and Buck grinned broadly.
“I know right? If it wasn’t for the fact that I know he’s a firefighter, I’d swear he was a model – those cheekbones could cut glass.”
“And the cleft?” Maddie teased.
“God yes, the cleft,” Buck agreed with a sigh and Maddie laughed.
“Well, besides the fact that he’s hot as hell, he seems like a great guy. Jee liked him.”
“She did?” Buck asked in delight. “Well, that’s it then, if my favourite girl loves him, then he’s definitely a keeper.”
“You know, ordinarily I’d be offended that I’m no longer your favourite girl, but since she’s my daughter and my favourite girl as well, I’ll give it a pass,” she joked. “Speaking of Jee, I hate to be piling on the favours, but would you mind watching Jee for us tomorrow night? Howie and I would like to have a mini date night at the hospital – we haven’t really had many opportunities for it to be just the two of us, especially now as he’s starting to feel better. I asked the Lee’s, but they already had a commitment.”
“Oh, well I was going to see if Tommy wanted to do something since we both have the night off, but sure.”
“Oh no, no, I don’t want to interfere with your own plans,” Maddie backtracked. “You guys have only just started dating, I’d hate to get in the way so early in the relationship.”
“It’s no problem,” Buck insisted. "Actually, if you don’t mind, would it be alright if Tommy came over once Jee was asleep? I have an idea for a date, and it really requires the use of a backyard which I obviously don’t have.” Buck waved a hand around to encompass his, while spacious, very much gardenless apartment.
“Sure, that’s fine with me.” She pointed a teasing finger in Buck’s direction. “Just no sex in my house. I don’t want a repeat of what Howie had with Albert and come home to the two of you going at it on the couch.”
Buck laughed. “Don’t worry, no sex. We uh,” Buck ran his hand self-consciously through his hair. “We actually haven’t got to that part yet.”
Maddie’s eyes widened comically. “Really?”
“I know right?” Buck said, not afraid to poke fun of himself. Maddie was well aware of his reputation by now. “Believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to. I mean, you’ve seen Tommy – how could I not want to jump his bones? But every time I think we might be getting somewhere, he pulls back.”
“He probably just doesn’t want to rush you, this being your first relationship with a guy,” Maddie reasoned.
“You think?” Buck asked, and Maddie could detect the self-doubt in his voice. “You don’t think it’s’ because… well that he doesn’t want to?”
Maddie scoffed. “Buck, I saw the way he was looking at you at my wedding. Even though he was very obviously exhausted, he still couldn’t hide the fact that he was into you. Trust me, he wants you.” Maddie leaned over the counter and covered Buck’s hand with one of her own. “But if you’re really worried, talk to him about it. Don’t start things out in this relationship with you hiding how you really feel.”
“I will,” Buck said. “Talk to him, that is.”
“Good.” Maddie gave his hand a gentle squeeze and then pushed herself away from the counter. “Well, I have a shift. I’ll see you tomorrow night.” She walked over to Buck and gave him a quick hug. “And you have nothing to worry about, trust me.”
“Thanks Maddie, love you.”
“Love you too Buck.”
************************
Tommy waited patiently on the front porch of the Han residence and smiled brightly at the sight of Buck once he opened the door. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Buck breathed out, unable to control the infatuated smile that crept across his face. His eyes flickered down to what Tommy held in his hands. “Are – are those for me?”
Tommy handed over the small bunch of sunflowers to which Buck happily accepted, immediately bringing them to his nose so he could inhale the scent. “I saw these and thought of you.”
“No one has ever bought me flowers before,” Buck said in wonder, a soft flush covering his cheeks that Tommy found immensely adorable.
“Is that okay?” Tommy asked, hoping that the colour in Buck’s face was in delight rather than embarrassment. Most of the men he had dated in the past weren’t really flowers types of guys, but he suspected (well, hoped) that Buck was different. He needn’t have worried though as Buck flashed him one of those million-watt smiles that drew Tommy in, like a moth to a flame.
“They’re perfect,” Buck said. He stood aside, realising Tommy was still waiting outside the door. “Come in. I’ll go find something to put these in.”
Tommy crossed the threshold and took a good look around the place as Buck closed the door behind him. “So, this is Howie’s place huh? Very nice.”
“You should have seen it when he bought it,” Buck said, heading to the kitchen with the flowers clutched protectively to his chest. “It was a real dump. He did a great job fixing it up.”
“Howie fixed it up?” Tommy asked in surprise. “I’m impressed, that was never really his thing.”
“Well,” came Buck’s voice from the depths of a cupboard as he rummaged around looking for a vase. “I think contractors did most of the work. But it was his vision. And my sister’s, I guess. It was their dream home, despite it being a murder house.”
Tommy’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “A murder house?!?”
“Well, not really. It was all rumours and faulty wiring and… honestly, it’s a bit of a strange story. Meant they got it for a steal though. Aha!” Buck’s head emerged from behind the counter, holding a vase aloft in triumph.
“Hey, so I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Tommy said as he watched Buck carefully arrange the flowers in the vase before moving to the sink to fill it with water.
“Yeah? Shoot.”
“I’ve noticed that everyone calls you Buck – even your sister. Is that what you prefer to be called or is that a nickname that only the ones closest to you earn the right to use?”
“Ah no,” Buck chuckled. “Everyone calls me Buck, not just friends and family. It started out at the fire academy – there were multiple Evan’s, so I was given the nickname Buck, and I liked it, so I stuck with it.” Buck shut off the water and walked over to the central island and placed the flowers in the centre, giving the flower petals one more gentle caress. “And as time went on, being Buck made me feel… I don’t know. Like me, or at least the me I had always wanted to be. In the past usually when someone would call me Evan – and by someone, that usually meant my parents or teachers – it would often come with an accompanying sense of disappointment, of not being good enough. Whereas Buck – Buck was a firefighter, someone who saved lives, who was worth something, so that’s who I wanted to be.”
“I’m sorry, Tommy said genuinely. “I didn’t know. I can call you Buck from now on.”
“No! No,” Buck said hurriedly, holding up a palm as if the very action would stop Tommy. “I uh, I actually like that you call me Evan. I don’t know why exactly. I just… I like the way you say it. There’s no disappointment there. You say it like it means something; like I mean something. And uh…,” Buck made his way around the counter, staring down at his finger as it ran along the edge of the countertop in an effort to avoid Tommy’s calm gaze. “It makes me feel like the person I should have always been – not just Buck the firefighter, or the Evan that could never make my parents happy, but… me. The real me, the whole me.” Evan finally looked up to meet Tommy’s eyes. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah,” Tommy said softly, reaching forward to grasp one of Buck’s hands in his own, his thumb gently caressing the back of the other man’s hand. “It makes sense.” He stepped closer so that he and Buck were inches apart, his eyes full of tenderness for this man in front of him who was bravely baring his soul. “Evan,” he said softly, yet firm.
Evan smiled, his eyes fluttering shut as Tommy closed the distance between them and pressed a soft kiss to his lips that, despite being nearly 40 years old, sent butterflies whirling around in his stomach.
“And FYI,” Tommy said, pulling away the smallest amount so that they were only centimetres apart, and he brushed his nose gently against Evan’s. “You are worth something. And not just to me.” Pressing one last tender kiss to the tip of Evan’s nose, Tommy stepped back, trying to clear his mind so that he could focus on more than just the endless Evan Evan Evan that was swirling around in there. “So, what’s on the agenda for tonight? Sounded like you had a plan.”
“I do,” Evan said, his eyes a little glazed, and he shook his head as if he also had to keep his mind on track. “Come on, this way. Just try not to make too much noise – Jee’s asleep and trust me you don’t want to wake her up because it takes forever to get her settled again.” Grasping Tommy’s hand once more, Evan led him through the house towards the back door and into the garden.
Tommy’s eyes lit up at the sight. “Evan…” he murmured. A projector had been set up on the lawn, and a picnic blanket lay in front of it, a bunch of pillows artfully placed on top, a bucket of ice with wine chilling inside just off to one side and a large bowl of popcorn on the other. The title screen of the movie was frozen on the screen, and Tommy turned to Evan with a look of delighted surprise. “Love Actually?”
“Chim said it was your favourite movie?” Evan asked hesitantly.
“It is,” he confirmed. “This is great, I love it.”
“Yeah?” Evan sighed with relief. “I wanted to do something nice for you, something that showed I’m interested.”
“I was already aware that you were interested Evan. The fact that you were willing to maim your best friend for me spoke volumes,” he joked. He tilted his head to the side in curiosity. “What made you think I had doubts?”
“Nothing,” Evan insisted. “I just wanted to make sure that you knew. To show you that this,” he gestured between the two of them, “that you aren’t just some experiment for me. That this is real, that it means something.”
Tommy stepped forward and grasped both of Evan’s hands in his. “I know you don’t think of me as some experiment. What gave you that idea?”
“Chim. Not that it was an accusation or anything,” Evan said hurriedly in defence of his now brother-in-law. “He was just concerned for you. Didn’t want you to get hurt if all you were for me was a stepping stone in my journey exploring my bisexuality.”
Tommy smiled. “I appreciate his concern, but I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself. And besides, you asked me to come to your sister’s wedding on our second date – I kind of figured this wasn’t some kind of fling for you.” Tommy moved a little closer. “This is real for me too,” he murmured.
“Then why won’t you have sex with me?” Evan blurted, and Tommy stepped back a little in shock. His eyes were wide, but he didn’t release Evan’s hands.
“Sorry, what?”
Evan flushed, embarrassed at his outburst. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, trying to pull away but Tommy merely tightened his grip.
“Hey no,” Tommy said, drawing him back towards him. “It’s important we be open and honest with each other. What’s wrong?”
Evan took a deep breath, determined to forge on. “Why don’t you want to have sex with me?” he repeated. “We’ve been on several dates now. Is it… because you don’t want to, or…?”
“Oh, trust me, I want to,” Tommy said, his eyes darkening slightly in desire as they subconsciously flickering down to take in all of Evan’s body. “Is that what you’ve been worried about all this time, that I don’t want you?”
Evan shrugged and ducked his head, unable to meet Tommy’s gaze, so Tommy released one of his hands from Evan’s and placed it under his chin, very reminiscent of their first kiss, and gently lifted the other man’s face. When sky blue eyes met deep ocean blue, there was only affection within their depths, no judgement.
“Me wanting to take things slow hasn’t been because I don’t want you Evan,” Tommy assured him. “Or because I’m worried that you’ll use me as some sort of experiment. I did it because I’ve been where you’ve been. I was roughly the same age as you when I came out as well, and I… well let’s just say there are some things I regret. I felt like… like coming out so late in life, that I had a lot to make up for. I rushed into things and allowed others to push me into doing things that honestly, I wasn’t ready for. And I don’t want that for you. I like you Evan – really like you, and I don’t ever want to be one of your regrets.”
“I really like you too,” Evan said softly, squeezing the hand that was still in his, and reaching up with the other to cover the hand that had slipped from under his chin to cup his cheek.
“And to be honest, I also wanted to take it slow for me,” Tommy admitted. “You told me when you invited me to your sister’s wedding that you were looking for something. Well, I am too, and I also think that that something might be with you. I’m turning 40 this year – I’m past the point where I want just hook ups and casual flings. I want a real relationship, and truth be told, I don’t have a lot of experience in that area. So, while this whole thing might be new for you, it’s new for me too. And I don’t want to rush into things and mess this up.”
Tommy’s hands moved down to Evan’s arms and began running gently up and down in a soothing motion. “We’ll take this at your pace Evan – we’ll only do things that you feel comfortable with, and only when you decide that you’re ready. I only ask that we take things a little slowly – this doesn’t have to be a sprint you know. I’m not saying we have to be monks – there are plenty of ways we can keep each other satisfied. We can take things one step at a time, get to know each other, the things we like and don’t like, what makes us feel good before we get –”
“To the grand finale?”
Tommy chuckled. “Exactly. And only if you want to – it’s not for everyone, and that’s fine. And just so you know, this is a first for me too.” Evan cocked his head in confusion and Tommy smiled affectionately. “I’ve never dated an Evan Buckley before.”
Evan laughed. “True.” He kept his head cocked to the side, but his smile turned from almost innocent to wickedly flirtatious. “I am a one in a kind you know.”
“Oh, I’ve noticed,” Tommy agreed, his hands slipping around Evan’s waist and pulling him closer before pressing a soft kiss to the other man’s lips.
“So,” Evan said a little breathlessly when they separated, resting his forehead against Tommy’s. “I set the pace for what I’m ready for, but we take things slow so we can really learn to appreciate each other. I’m down for that.”
“Good,” Tommy murmured. He cleared his throat and stepped back to create a little distance because he knew if he spent too much longer in Evan’s arms, he would be very tempted to throw that deal out the window. “So how about this movie?”
“Ooh, yes,” Evan said enthusiastically, practically bouncing as he grasped Tommy’s hand again and led him to the blanket. “I’ve never seen it before, is it good?”
“Well, it’s an acquired taste. Some love it, others hate it. It’s a little cheesy, but what can I say, I love love. It’s my comfort movie.”
“I’m sure I’ll like it,” Evan said, as the pair settled down, using the pillows to get comfortable before Evan snuggled into Tommy’s side, his head resting in the crook of his neck. “And if I don’t, I at least like the company.”
Tommy looked down at Evan, Evan’s pale blue eyes shining brightly as he looked up at him and Tommy felt his heart swell with overwhelming affection. He dropped a soft kiss on the other man’s forehead. “Me too Evan. Me too.”