Work Text:
"Oh my god! Why do I need to write a summary? I hate summaries," Remus groaned quietly, though his roommate wasn't home. He was trying to publish his latest fic, but it was damn impossible. He had finished it and spell-checked it a million times, but he needed a fucking title and a fucking summary and he didn't want to even start with the tags. Why did people even need to know what the story was about? Couldn't they just read it?
Remus was self-aware enough to know he hated badly tagged fics and hardly ever read anything without a proper summary, but he didn't have to like adding those. Besides, most of his writings were so similar, he could have used the same title, summary and tags for all of them, but that would seem weird and lazy. Or perhaps no-one would even notice, but Remus had integrity. He refused to be one of those authors who copied half of the fic into the summary and called it good enough, because he was serious about his work.
Sometimes good titles and summaries just popped into Remus' head and it was easy, but this was obviously not one of those times. There was nothing he could do, though, if he ever wanted to publish the work and he had already spent too much time on the short thing.
"John tries to show his feelings with a perfect cup of tea, but Sherlock is thinking about a case."
It was pathetic how much time he had spent trying to make Sirius' tea just perfect, but the other man never noticed. It was probably a bad idea to woo someone with tea, but he didn't want to be too obvious about it. They lived together, so it would get awkward really fast, if Remus dumped his unrequited feelings on Sirius.
"Fuck it," Remus grunted, wrote 'Tea for Two' as the title, threw in some generic tags and pressed the 'Preview'. He always read it a couple of times to see, that everything looked right. It wasn't his best work, but it was kind of sweet and he was meant to concentrate on a longer fic anyway. He just had too many ideas and not enough time to write them.
Finally Remus clicked 'Post' and his 16th fic about pining after his roommate since said roommate moved in seven months ago, was out in the world for anyone to read. It didn't really make him feel any better, but at least he could stop obsessing over Sherlock's tea and concentrate on Sirius'.
"Fucking hell! What has my life become?" Remus groaned as he shut down his computer. It was too late already and he had work in the morning.
*
Remus woke up and went to see the response to his new fic the first thing. He was happy to see there was a few hits, a couple of kudos and even a comment. Not surprisingly the comment was from Padfoot, who always read his fics and they had little discussions in the comments. He was also pining for his roommate and had said Remus' fics were comforting.
"Awww, this is super cute. Making someone tea seems like a very subtle way to woo someone, but I'm glad Sherlock got it eventually. I probably wouldn't even notice, because tea just tastes like dishwater."
Remus gasped at the audacity of the statement, but didn't have time to reply immediately, so he went through his morning routine and rushed to work, because he was late as always.
Through the day, Remus kept thinking what he would reply to Padfoot. He liked the guy, but no-one should be rude to tea. That was just not cool.
Finally the everlasting workday was over and Remus could concentrate on more important things. He immediately switched on his computer and went to his inbox to reply the comment.
"Blasphemy! I feel like I should block you for saying that. Tea does not taste like dishwater! Perhaps you just don't know how to brew it properly."
It sounded a bit too harsh to say to a practically stranger, so Remus added:
"Thanks for the comment 😊"
There wasn't anything pressing waiting for him, so Remus put on his headphones and opened the file containing the longer WIP he had. He had got stuck trying to figure out what kind of a case Sherlock was investigating. He wasn't all that interested in the private-detecting, but it was sometimes necessary plot device and he was writing about a famous detective, so he couldn't ignore it completely.
A quiet ping interrupted his music and distracted his thoughts. Remus checked his email and noticed that he had another comment. It was a reply from Padfoot that made Remus chuckle.
"I apologise, but can't help it. I just don't like tea. My roommate sometimes makes me some and I drink it, but I'd drink poison if he offered me some."
"Let's hope he doesn't feel murderous then. Stay safe and don't drink any poison even if it's offered with a pretty smile."
There wasn't any flash of wit about the case, so Remus decided to have some dinner before continuing. Perhaps he should read something for inspiration.
As he stepped out of his room, Remus noticed his roommate sitting on their sofa, smiling softly at his phone. The smile combined with Sirius' glorious locks tied to a messy bun, made Remus melt a little.
"Oh hi! I wasn't sure if you were home. You were so quiet," Sirius beamed and Remus was sure he was blushing like an idiot.
"Hey! I was just listening to some music. With headphones," Remus replied and tapped his head. He sounded weird even to himself. Sirius probably thought he was a complete idiot, because he couldn't even speak with the other man around. "I was just getting dinner," Remus added and awkwardly pointed at their kitchen, like Sirius didn't know where their food was held.
Remus quickly escaped the situation and practically ran into the kitchen. He didn't feel like cooking, so he just boiled some pasta and covered it in ketchup.
"Bon apetit!" Sirius exclaimed as Remus walked past him.
"Thanks," Remus mumbled and entered his room.
It was delusional to think Sirius could ever like him, when Remus hadn't had a proper conversation with him in seven months.
When his old roommate Peter still lived with him, they had been friendly and often spent their evenings together. Then Peter moved to Bristol, Sirius moved in and Remus lost his head completely. He was so nervous Sirius was going to notice his crush, he avoided the other man at all costs. Remus had been lurking in his bedroom for so long, he missed his sofa. It was a very comfortable one, even though it had been cheap.
Back then, Remus had read a nice Lord of the Rings fic every now and then, but after Sirius moved in, he had wondered if there was anything about the predicament he had got himself into. The first set of roommates he could come up with was Holmes and Watson and the rest was history. He had inhaled the fics until it wasn't enough and he had started to write his own. It was awful really.
*
Remus squeaked with excitement, when he noticed that one of his older fics had received a comment. It was one of his favourites and he loved any reactions to it. He didn't even recognise the name, so it might be a new reader.
"Oh my god. It was so funny, though all the pining made me cry and I was sure for a moment they were never going to get their shit together. Wonderful work, can't wait to see what else you have written."
It was such a lovely comment Remus' whole body trembled a little and he let out a small giggle. Then he realised he would have to reply it and groaned. He had made a promise to himself that he would reply to all the commentators, since it seemed rude not to. Unfortunately he found it pretty damn difficult to talk to strangers, even though it was just a short comment. Padfoot was the exception, since he had commented so much, he almost felt like a friend.
Remus decided to get back to it at a later date, since he really didn't feel like it. His longest fic was almost done, just needing some read-throughs to make sure there wasn't too much typos or any inconsistencies. He was very eager to finally have it out there, so he could focus on something else - probably another fic, but still.
The final edits took Remus a little over a week, before he was ready to start publishing his work. He had noticed that he had ended no less than four chapters, the epilogue included, to John falling asleep. As he had used that in a few fics too many already, he had done some rewriting to fix that.
Remus hadn't bothered to read any instructions on how the platform actually worked nor had he figured out how to publish an entire multichapter fic, so he just posted the chapters whenever he had time. He could publish in some kind of a schedule as many others did, but he wasn't quite that disciplined.
While Remus was editing the second chapter, he got a notification of a new comment. It wasn't exactly a surprise, when Remus saw it was from Padfoot.
"Hi Moony, just me letting you know I'm here, on the edge of my seat, waiting for the rest. I honestly don't have any idea where this is going, but I'm sure it will be great."
"Hey, I'm glad to know you're there. There will be at least one more chapter today and then we'll see."
There was also the older comment Remus had ignored for a week. Well, not ignored as such, because he had read it at least twice a day, but he felt like a dick for not replying. The same person had even left kudos to some of his other fics, which made it even worse.
Comments about crying made him feel conflicted, because it was great to know he had made a person feel strongly, but making people cry, wasn't usually a nice thing to do.
"Thank you so much! It makes me happy to hear you enjoyed the story," Remus replied and grimaced at his awkwardness.
After the second chapter of his new fic was done, Remus decided to take a little break and then publish chapter three, before going to bed. He was surprised to find Sirius in their living room, sitting in an uncomfortable looking position on the edge of the armchair, staring intensely at his phone.
"Hello!" Remus greeted and Sirius startled, dropping his phone. "Sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you."
Remus rushed into the bathroom, feeling embarrassed about scaring his roommate. He shouldn't have said anything, when the other man was clearly focused on something important.
"I was just reading a bit," Sirius said as Remus was trying to slip past him.
"Huh?" he asked and froze on the spot.
"I was just reading a bit. Before. You didn't disturb me. Or you did, but it wasn't anything important," Sirius explained.
"Oh. Good to know. Um. Happy reading," Remus blurted and fled into the kitchen with an awkward little wave. His face felt so hot, he was afraid, he might burst into flames, which would be preferrable to acting like a bloody lunatic. "Happy reading? What the fuck?" he mumbled.
Remus spent as much time as he could in the kitchen, hoping Sirius would go back to his reading and Remus could sneak into his room without any more horrible encounters. When he took a peek into the living room, Sirius was indeed focused on his phone. Remus took his meal and tiptoed towards his room.
"You don't need to sneak around for my sake," Sirius suddenly stated and Remus almost dropped his plate. "I know you live here too, so you don't need to hide."
Remus didn't know what to say to the confirmation that Sirius had indeed noticed that he was acting strange. So like the weirdo he was, he just stood there like a deer in the headlights, nodded and backed into his room, like Sirius might attack him.
As soon as Remus was in the safety of his room, he groaned. How was it so impossible to act like a functioning adult in front of Sirius for three consecutive seconds?
Remus edited the third chapter while eating and was ready to publish it in no time. There was a comment from Padfoot "Still going strong. I don't usually care for the cases, but this seems interesting." so he replied it with a quick 'thank you', before moving forward with the third chapter.
Remus decided he needed some sympathy from kind strangers online, so he added an end note:
"You wouldn't believe how awkward encounter I just had with my roommate. He probably thinks I'm insane and I'm not sure he's wrong anymore. I will probably publish the rest in a fast pace, since I can't leave my room ever again. I will just keep writing shit until I starve to death."
It wasn't too late yet, so Remus decided to edit one more chapter. He could only hope Sirius was going to go to sleep at some point, so he could go take a shower before bed.
When the fourth chapter was ready, there was a comment to the third chapter from Padfoot and it was just what Remus needed to hear:
"The chapter was great as always. I'm sorry to hear you doubting your sanity. I'm sure you are not crazy, but kind and talented. If it makes you feel any better, my roommate hates me and I'm certain he would prefer me to live anywhere else than here."
It did make him feel a little better, but he wanted to comfort Padfoot back:
"I can't believe anyone could hate you, since you are so lovely. Your comments always make me happy and I seriously think your roommate would be lucky to have you."
There was still a light shining from under the door, but Remus didn't feel like writing anymore, so he switched off his computer and decided to read for a bit. Sirius was bound to go to sleep soon, even though he was a bit of a night owl.
Just a couple chapters into his book, Remus' phone beeped to let him know about a new email. There was a new comment from Padfoot on the fourth chapter:
"Oh Sherlock! Why would he say that? No wonder poor John is devastated. I wonder what's going to happen next."
"That's for me to know and you to find out 😏 Probably tomorrow!"
"Noooooooo! You can't leave me hanging!" Padfoot replied almost immediately.
"Sorry. You would hate me even more, if I stopped after the next one," Remus decided to tease him a little.
Padfoot had replied his comment in chapter three, thanking Remus for his kindness, which he immediately took back, by commenting "I hate you" under chapter four.
"Sure, whatever. Go to bed, hun 😄" Remus replied, before putting his phone away and picking up his book.
When he finished the chapter, he switched off the lights for a moment to see whether or not the light was still on on the other side. As it was dark, he sighed and put down the book. Finally he could go to sleep.
*
Remus kept publishing new chapters at a fast pace and avoiding Sirius as best as he could. It seemed that the other man was also avoiding him, since Sirius had stopped spending time in the living room and lurked in his bedroom like Remus. If they met somewhere in the flat by chance, it was very uncomfortable and they hardly spoke to each other.
All of it made Remus' insides squirm with guilt. If he weren't such an incredible creep, Sirius could still live comfortably in his home. Now Remus had driven him into hiding. He even considered finding another place to live, but it would be such a hassle and he honestly didn't think he could afford it. He just had to hope that he got his feelings under control and Sirius stopped being uncomfortable around him.
All of the awkwardness did wonders to Remus' productivity, since he managed to finish publishing the 27 chapters in little over a week and started another long one that he had been thinking about for a while. Padfoot kept faithfully commenting everything he wrote, though his friend seemed to be a little out of spirits too. Remus hoped that there wasn't anything serious going on.
"Remus?" Sirius suddenly said loudly after a few weeks of quiet and Remus startled. He hadn't even noticed that Sirius had come into the kitchen. "Can I say something?"
"Sure," Remus mumbled, not knowing what to think. Perhaps Sirius was going to confront the awkward situation. Or maybe he was planning to move out.
"My friend James, who has been out of the country since I moved here, is coming back in two weeks and he might stop by sometime, if that's okay for you," Sirius explained and surprised Remus.
"Yeah, of course. Any time. I won't mind at all," Remus assured and Sirius' face melted into more genuine smile Remus had seen in a while.
"Thanks!" Sirius beamed and Remus' heart skipped a few beats. "I'll leave you to it."
Sirius left the kitchen and Remus almost wanted to stop him and apologise, but he kept quiet. He wouldn't know what to say anyhow.
*
Remus woke up with the most random thought in his head that made him laugh in his half-asleep state. It was his day off and he didn't have anything planned, so Remus thought he might as well write the fic that was almost bursting out of his fingers.
Even though Remus' fics were usually pretty clear in his head, it often took him a lot of effort to get them written. This time was quite the opposite and his fingers just flew across the keyboard, as he wrote the story, while giggling softly at the ridiculous events.
It felt like no time, when Remus selected his first explicit rating and started the publishing process. As it was pure crack, he wasn't quite as meticulous with his tags or the editing as usual. It made him laugh how weird the whole thing was and he couldn't wait to see the reactions to it. There probably wasn't a lot of people searching the pairing, but at least his subscribers would see it and he hoped to make someone laugh.
Remus finished his last read through to the end note:
"This is very far from the stuff I usually write, but I had this idea and it made me giggle, so I had to write it. Pure crack from start to finish. Voldemoriarty is the most powerful ship name ever and you can fight me on that. Thanks for reading, if anyone got this far. I would love to hear what you thought."
Remus grinned and pressed the 'Post'-button at the end of the page.
It was actually a lot later than he thought and Remus was a bit hungry, so he decided to get some food. He wasn't at all disappointed to notice that Sirius wasn't home. He even decided to try his luck an settled on their sofa to have his meal and it was even more comfortable than he remembered.
As Sirius didn't return during his supper, Remus decided to do some housework that had been neglected severely. It was boring and tedious, but Remus was quite pleased with himself when he was done and their flat was cleaner than in weeks.
Before going to bed, Remus checked the reactions to his newest fic and was delighted to see that there were some. He even had a comment:
"This wasn't something I usually read, in fact I don't think I have ever seen this paring, but it was funny as hell. Well done!"
"Thank you so much! I just hoped to make someone laugh with the ridiculous idea."
Remus fell asleep easily, but he also woke up quite soon to a weird sound. He had no idea what time it was or what had woken him, but he listened carefully to hear the sound again.
There it was again, a low sound from the other side of the wall. First Remus thought Sirius was moaning in pain and he was rushing to his aid, when a thought stopped him. What if Sirius wasn't in pain, but was moaning in some other kind of sensation. Remus would make himself a right fool, if he rushed into the room, while Sirius was wanking, or worse, having sex.
Feeling like a true creep, Remus leaned against the wall between their rooms to hear if he needed to worry. Then he heard Sirius burst into laughter, and slumped back on his bed in annoyance.
"Rude," Remus groaned and reached for the earplugs on his nightstand.
When he woke up in the morning, Remus had forgot the nightly incident. He just wondered why he was wearing one earplug and found a second one under his pillow, though he rarely used them. He instinctively reached for his phone and checked if anything interesting had happened during the night.
The mystery of his earplugs was completely wiped out of his mind, when Remus noticed a new comment from Padfoot and it was a long one too.
"'Moriarty finds the perfect associate to execute his ingenious plan to destroy his mortal enemy, but there are some unexpected complications. Will the new accomplice manage to fulfill the deepest desire of Moriarty's heart? Will Voldemort learn about the power he knows not? Will the unexpected couple get out of the bedroom for long enough to actually achieve anything? Read to find out!'
"OMG! That summary nearly killed me and I was at work, so I couldn't even read it immediately. The anticipation wasn't wasted as it was weirdly hot, unsettling and hilarious at the same time. I seriously howled with laughter and probably woke up the entire neighbourhood. What on earth gave you the idea that these two would make a good couple?
"'It was a little weird that Voldemort didn't have a nose, right? But he was also kissing Moriarty's neck on that perfect spot, making him shiver all over. He could probably get over it. Then Voldemort's mouth travelled across his cheek and he licked into his mouth with his exceptionally long tongue and as the kiss deepened, their noses didn't bump into each other. He was so totally over it. There was probably going to be wonderful things that tongue could do and who needed a nose anyhow?'
"I honestly don't think I have ever laughed this much at a fic. It was wild from start to finish and I couldn't have stopped reading even if the house was on fire. You should write more smut too, it was smoking and it would be even better, if both parties had a nose. Or if they were somewhat likeable characters like, I don't know, John and Sherlock. *Sends his best puppy dog eyes* Pleeeeeease Moony. 🐶"
Remus grinned at the comment and did a little celebratory jive. He laughed at his silly behaviour and set to reply the comment.
"Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I'm so happy that it made you laugh and I'm not the only one with a weird sense of humour. I just woke up thinking that Voldemoriarty is a great ship name and the fic pretty much wrote itself.
"I don't think I will write any more smut, because it feels kind of personal. Also, I already feel a bit like a creep, writing these when they are inspired by a real person I hardly know. Adding smut to it seems like a line I don't want to cross. I'm sure there is a lot better smut than I could write anyhow."
There was a sound outside his room, so Remus figured Sirius must be home. He didn't need to go anywhere, so he picked up his book and started to read. Apparently Padfoot was online too, since he replied to Remus pretty quickly.
"Weird, kinky and funny sounds like me. I wouldn't mind at all, if you wrote smut inspired by me. Your roommate should be honoured to be your muse. You are my favourite, so I don't have any doubts that smut written by you would be the best out there."
"You flatter me, yet I'm not swayed. I'm sure most people wouldn't appreciate being written about in secret. I just have to hope my roommate will never find out."
*
Remus had just finished preparing his lunch, when the doorbell rung. He started to walk to his room to be out of the way, as Sirius rushed to the door.
"Prongs!" Sirius screamed when the door opened.
Remus just had time to see a bespectacled man with a messy hair standing behind it, before Sirius rushed to hug him.
"Padfoot!" the man shouted and Remus froze.
"Did you say Padfoot?" Remus blurted without meaning to interrupt.
"Yeah," the man replied. "Didn't you tell your awesome nickname to your roommate, Pads? James Potter, nice to meet you."
"Remus Lupin. The pleasure is all mine," Remus replied, but he couldn't ignore the nickname so he turned to Sirius. "Um. Does Moony mean anything to you?"
"Moony? Why are you asking," Sirius inquired, but Remus could see he recognised the name.
"I recognise the name Padfoot from his comment section," Remus replied inconspicuously, because he wasn't sure, if Sirius wanted James to know about his interest in fanfiction.
"You read his fics too?" Sirius asked, sounding suddenly excited.
"I am Moony," Remus admitted and Sirius' jaw dropped. "I guess I am the roommate?"
"Oh my god! I am the roommate!" Sirius exclaimed with a huge grin. "I can't believe I'm the roommate!"
"What's going on?" James asked, looking confused.
"The author I've talked to you about, apparently that's Remus, so that makes me the roommate he has been writing about and he's obviously the roommate I've been writing about," Sirius explained. "So I guess we have been crying at each other about our unrequited feelings towards each other."
Sirius glanced at Remus uncertainly.
"That sums it up pretty nicely, yeah," Remus confirmed hesitantly and tried to scratch his head, but couldn't, because he was still holding his lunch.
"Should I come back in an hour, so you can talk? Or something?" James asked awkwardly.
"No, no. You just came back and I need to eat and leave for work anyhow. We can talk later?" Remus replied.
"Yeah, sure we can talk whenever. We do live together," Sirius shrugged.
"Great!" Remus beamed. "Have a nice day, you two."
"Thanks! I'll see you later," Sirius replied with a bright smile that Remus could hardly turn away from. "Hey!" Sirius suddenly exclaimed and Remus turned around to see him smirk. "You wrote 'The Power They Know Not'."
"Yeah. Why?" Remus confirmed uncertainly.
"Interesting," Sirius smirked and gave Remus a once-over that made him blush. "We can talk about that too."
"Are you sure you don't want me to leave?" James laughed and made Remus blush even harder.
"No. I truly should get going," Remus replied and turned to walk away again. He was almost at his door, when he realised something. "Wait a minute!" he said and turned back towards the men, who looked startled by his perhaps too harsh tone. "I have been wasting my finest Darjeeling on you and you said tea tastes like dishwater!"
"Too bad bro. This was a very quick relationship fuck-up even for you," James laughed and Sirius groaned dramatically.
"We'll talk later," Remus appeased with a chuckle. "But no more nice tea for you!"
"Oh, poor me," Sirius pouted and almost seemed genuinely sad.
*
"Are you sure you want me to publish this?" Remus asked nervously. "I think someone might guess this is about us."
"Yeah, of course! I won't mind if people know we're together," Sirius assured and gave Remus a quick kiss. "Do you mind?"
"No, of course not," Remus replied immediately.
"Good. Then post it already. You have obsessed over it for long enough. You can't spend as much time writing about me now that you have the real me," Sirius pouted.
"Sherlock is much less needy than you are," Remus mumbled, hardly noticing Sirius' protesting snort. He read the summary one more time before pressing the 'Post'-button:
"John uses his pathetic pining and totally unrequited feelings for his roommate as an inspiration while he writes fanfiction about a famous set of roommates. Fortunately he has TheViolin, his most avid reader who is in a similar predicament, to commiserate with."
Remus felt Sirius lean even closer and the tickle of his breath in his ear, before Sirius whispered: "I still wouldn't mind if you wrote smut inspired by me."