Work Text:
1949
It was January and it was freezing, but the workload at Nonnatus House wasn’t any less than usual. The NHS was just a newborn, but starting working properly. Both nuns and lay nurses worked around the clock and had barely time to sit down to eat.
Sister Ada wasn’t well and the other sisters had started noticing changes in her appearance and behaviour.
One morning, on a snowy day, right after Lauds Sister Ada called Evangelina and Julienne in her office.
“I need to show you something…” said Ada letting the two younger nuns sit at her desk and closing carefully the door behind her.
She unhooked her scapular and removed her dress, and she remained in just her slip.
Julienne and Evangelina immediately noticed that she wasn’t wearing a brassiere and had a bandage around her bust.
She removed the gauze around her breasts and revealed that she was bleeding from her left nipple and her breast was black and blue.
Ada took a deep breath, looked at the two younger women and said: “I fear I have breast cancer… I am so sorry.” She covered her mouth and started sobbing.
“I am going to call Dr. Turner!” said Evangelina jumping on her feet and going to the phone.
“I know that I am dying, I thought it was nothing, just a little lump, like the other times, but I was wrong.”
Julienne got up from her seat and hugged as tight as she could Ada, trying to put little pressure on her upper body, and helped her into a chair.
“I am so sorry!” said the older nun between sobs and tears.
“You’ve been unwell for months now”
“I know, I was such a fool and my pride prevented me from seeking help sooner…”
“When did you notice that something was amiss?” asked Julienne kneeling in front of Ada and holding her cold hands.
“Before Advent started,” said Ada “With Christmas and everything else I didn’t want to be a bother… that’s why I didn’t say anything.”
“Shh… are you also sick to your stomach?” asked Julienne, looking how pale and skinny Ada looked.
“I am, I am sick almost every day. And my appetite has almost gone completely.”
Evangelina arrived back carrying a bowl, some bandages, a bottle of Dettol, an emesis basin and some flannels. And also brought Ada’s nightdress.
“The doctor is on his way. You are going to change in your nighties and you’ll go to bed. You look yellowish.” said Evangelina, putting all the supplies on the desk.
“I fear it spread to my liver or my stomach.”
The older woman let out a sickly moan and Evangelina put the kidney dish in front of her.
Julienne and Evangelina looked at Ada, the vomiting episode had left her dizzy and weaker than before.
“You are really in a bad way, we’ll help you, don’t worry. Now, have some small sips of water.”
“I am so sorry, it’s 6 in the morning and I’ve already bothered half the world.”
“You need to be taken care of, that’s it. Come on, let’s try your blood pressure and then we’ll see if you are fit to go upstairs,” said Evangelina.
Julienne took the blood pressure cuff and tried to take a reading.
“I can’t hear the diastolic, 80 over… I guess 50, but it can be even lower.”
Evangelina took Julienne’s place and clocked Ada’s pulse.
“It’s racing. I guess above 85.”
Ada was sobbing again and said: “I vomited blood yesterday.”
Julienne looked at Evangelina with gloomy eyes.
Dr. Turner, the best and kindest physician in the world, was already at Nonnatus House at 6:30 in the morning.
“The doctor’s here!” said a voice from the hall.
Patrick was shocked when he saw Sister Ada’s state. He had seen her once a week, at the clinic, for over eighteen months, but he had failed to notice her weight loss and how sick she looked.
Ada had a sofa in her office, she used it when she was on call at night or when after a night out she needed to catch up on some sleep. It was a providential asset that day.
Julienne and Evangelina helped Ada on the sofa and after a careful examination, Patrick’s diagnosis was metastatic breast cancer.
“I am referring you to the London Hospital for an emergency x-ray set to see how bad is the organ damage.” said the doctor clocking Ada’s pulse and feeling the glands in her neck.
Patrick kneeled on the floor and took Ada’s hand.
“I can feel a mass in your lower abdomen and around your liver, as well as, a mass in your left breast. I need to ask you another question… are you experiencing any vaginal bleeding?”
“I am…” said Ada, looking away from her sisters and the doctor. “almost constantly for the past month.”
Julienne thought back at Ada asking her for sanitary towels a couple of weeks prior, but she would have never imagined they were for her.
“Sister Ada, you are to be on bed rest. I am prescribing you oral morphine and something for the nausea. I’ll help you upstairs, then I’ll phone radiology at the hospital and I’ll drive you there.”
Sister Ada looked so out of colour at that moment that they all feared she was going to collapse.
The three of them managed to get Ada in bed and Patrick volunteered to stay with her while Julienne and Evangelina phoned at the Mother House.
Sister Monica Joan sensed that something was wrong and she was pacing up and down the hall.
She was semi-retired, but that night she had been called out to assist a dying woman.
“Sister Monica Joan, Sister Ada would like to talk with you,” said Patrick getting out of Ada’s room.
Monica Joan got into the room, it was lit by the dim light of a cold winter day. Ada seemed even paler.
“Monica Joan, I am dying… and I wish you, Evangelina and Julienne not to worry about me. We all come there at some point.”
“You are not an old lady, you are fifteen years younger than me… what ails you sister?” asked Monica Joan getting closer to Ada’s bed.
Like the other sisters, Monica Joan hadn’t noticed the illness afflicting Ada.
“I have breast cancer… like all the women in my family before me.”
“From the array of supplies, I discern that it’s more than just a lump in your chest…”
Ada opened the front of her nightgown and showed Monica Joan how bad her left breast looked.
“Oh, dear sister”
“I have metastasis almost everywhere in my abdomen.”
Downstairs, Julienne took a piece of paper from a notepad and started redrafting the roster.
Less than five minutes later, Julienne found herself in tears and hyperventilating.
“I am sorry” said Julienne trying not to sob.
“Breath, in and out… you are panicking,” said Evangelina taking Julienne’s hand and squeezing it. It was very cold.
“Feel dizzy…” said Julienne closing her eyes.
“I can imagine, it’s the shock. Let’s have some sweet tea and we’ll deal with everything together.”
Just before lunch, Patrick arrived back with Sister Ada.
She had red eyes.
As soon as she saw Monica Joan said: “Can you accompany me to the chapel?”
“Of course!” said Monica Joan, putting her arm around Ada’s shoulder and leading her towards the chapel.
The doctor asked Julienne and Evangelina to have a quick chat with him.
“So… I don’t know how to put it in delicate words… she has cancer everywhere pelvis, liver, kidneys, lungs… I fear the end is nearing us. She is only 57, but I fear she won’t see Easter.”
“We are going to take care of her here,” said Julienne.
“What do we need?” asked Evangelina.
“I’ll give you two prescriptions, one for oral morphine and the other one for intravenous morphine. It will help her to get a bit more comfortable. But I fear it will be very hard. I’ll be here, every step of the way.”
At dinner, the whole household was at home.
Sister Ada managed to get enough strength to get to the dinner table, she wanted to have an honest talk with all the Sisters and the lay nurses. She just wanted to tell all of them that she was dying. That evening was the last time Ada sat at the dinner table.
The news hit all the residents of Nonnatus House as a bomb, they barely ate and all retired to their rooms as soon as the plates were taken away.
That night Sister Bernadette was first on call. Evangelina and Julienne insisted on sleeping with the door of their room open, just in case Ada needed something during the night.
Evangelina arrived back from the bathroom and found Julienne in front of the little mirror they had in the room feeling her breast around.
“I am just making sure that everything is alright, my mum died from it too… and I am terrified,” said Julienne who turned away from Evangelina and started crying again.
They had just broken the Great Silence.
Evangelina hugged Julienne and held her for a very long time, when her sister was a bit calmer, she sat on her bed and started going through her diary.
“I think the change is hitting me… I missed my period by almost three weeks this month. And I understand why I feel hot and cold all the time.”
Evangelina was going to be 50 very soon and it made sense.
“I am midwife… but suddenly I feel like… no, right now it’s not the right moment,” said Evangelina wiping a tear from her overheated check.
“You feel like you’ve lost your calendar,” said Julienne sitting next to her.
Evangelina burst into tears.
“I am fine, it’s just that all of a sudden I feel so emotional, I have hot flashes and I feel so tired,” said Evangelina “You know, I’ve never cared about it, but now I feel like it’s a matter of life or death…”
Julienne left Evangelina some space. She needed to cry, to have a glass of water to have her body temperature back to the normality.
Julienne poured her some water and offered it to Evangelina with a sad and compassionate smile: “You are a bit overwhelmed by everything…”
Evangelina wiped her forehead and said: “Right now, I feel a bit selfish, I am complaining about a fact of life, something all women in the world go through, while our dear Sister Ada will face death soon…” She burst into tears again.
It wasn’t like Evangelina to be that emotional, but Julienne was sure it was the mixture of a taxing day and the hormonal imbalance that came with menopause.
Julienne sat next to her and held her until her breath slowed down.
They managed to drag themselves to bed and fall asleep quite quickly.
At around 1, Julienne heard the door of their bedroom opening. She opened her eyes and switched on the light on the bedside table. She sat up and went to Sister Ada’s room, where the older woman was sleeping, hopefully well.
Evangelina was either in the kitchen or the chapel, but considering her mental state a couple of hours prior it was more likely to find her in the chapel.
She was on the chair closest to the altar, her place when she had to have a serious chat with the Almighty.
Julienne didn’t want to bother her, so she sat in the chair closest to the door and said a silent prayer. It was mostly a series of questions to the Lord, and she hoped she would find the replies.
Evangelina turned around and saw Julienne: “Did I wake you up?”
“No, I woke up because I heard movement, but I wasn’t sleeping well…”
“I don’t want Sister Ada to die,” said Evangelina, in tears again.
“Neither do I, but we take what the Lord give us. Now, we should go to bed and try to have some proper rest, tomorrow morning we’ll be useless. And it’s going to be a marathon, both physically and emotionally.”
As soon as Julienne and Evangelina were back in bed, the older one said: “I’ve never been so emotional, I am sorry.”
“It’s the change and today was so stressful and tiring. We will deal with everything, but now, we need to sleep.”
They didn’t sleep at all.
Weeks passed, and they were now starting Lent. Sister Ada was weaker and sicker and everyone, nuns or lays was taking care of her 24/7.
Julienne was spending all her free time taking care of Ada and keeping up with the paperwork and bureaucracy. Evangelina was the same, except for the office work, she was a sworn enemy of paperwork, and she was thinking quite often that the best successor for Ada would have been Julienne, she was a natural in that office.
Their bodies, on the other side, weren’t coping well with all the deal of stress they were going through.
Julienne was living off tea, some toast and some fruit, Evangelina was the same, she hadn’t eaten that little since the war.
The only one in the household who had kept her appetite was, of course, Monica Joan.
Sister Bernadette and Dr. Turner started to worry about their well-being and her health.
One morning, Dr. Turner, after the routine check on Sister Ada, said: “After your morning rounds I’d like to see you both in my office… today Sister Ada seems quite well settled and your sister and co-workers could spare you for half a day.”
At 12:30, Julienne and Evangelina were at the surgery.
“Ladies, I wanted to see you because I see that you are under a lot of stress and it is affecting your general health… and I don’t want any of you to get sick”
Julienne looked at Evangelina, she had lost quite a bit of weight, and she could understand how strangely her habit was hanging on her body. They both looked tired and pale, Evangelina and Julienne hadn’t been that thin since the war.
Patrick took Evangelina’s and Julienne’s folders from his file cabinet and said: “I’ll weigh you and try your blood pressure and I’d like to have blood tests for both of you.”
Julienne went first, she removed her scapular and tunic and remained in just her slip and stockings.
“Can you pop on the scale? Please,” asked Patrick helping her on the scale and taking the reading.
He helped her on the examination table and tried her blood pressure, clocked her pulse and took a sample of her blood. He did the same with Evangelina.
He sat back at the desk and waited for the two nuns to get dressed.
“So… I have the readings from your January medical. The data I collected today are concerning me. Sister Julienne, you are just 100 lbs, you’ve dropped 15 lbs, your blood pressure is 85 over 55. I bet you are running on adrenaline. Your pulse is above 80.
Sister Evangelina, you’ve dropped 25 lbs and your pulse is very fast. Your blood pressure has been 120 over 70 since I’ve known you, now it’s 100 over 60. You both look quite pale. Now, I need to ask you a very personal question, how are your menstrual cycles?”
Evangelina replied first: “I think I am going through the early stages of menopause, I have hot flashes and I’ve had very erratic bleeding since January, last was last week.”
“I don’t remember the last time I had a period…” said Julienne looking at her feet and being very aware that she was working herself sick. She put mindlessly a hand on her lower abdomen.
“I’ll keep a close eye on both of you… Sister Julienne if you don’t get your cycle back in a couple of months I’ll refer you to a gynaecologist.”
He smiled and folded his hands on his desk, waited a few seconds and said: “I phoned the Mother House earlier today, I asked your Mother if you could come for lunch at my place, she was very nice and compassionate and said yes.”
Julienne and Evangelina were very grateful for that invitation, that lunch was the first meal they enjoyed in weeks.
Death arrived for Ada as welcomed as an old friend.
“I was glad when they said unto me, let us go to the house of the Lord,” said Ada on Palms Sunday at 3 in the morning.
“Keep up the good battle, my dear girl.”
Julienne jumped on her feet and went to wake the others.
Ada waited for the whole household to be in her bedroom before taking her last breath.
Her last words were: “Love is kind”
“It’s 3:40,” said Evangelina, writing the time down on a piece of paper.
“Can you go to the clinical room and get a death box? And alcohol with two flannels. I am going to call the doctor.” said Sister Bernadette.
The lay nurses took all they could in their hands, from rearranging the rota to giving nuns time to rest and grieve and they put the kettle on to dispatch cup after cup of sweet tea.
Patrick arrived at 4:30. Julienne was waiting on the landing. She was leaning against the wall and she was clutching her lower abdomen. She had stepped out of the room because she was so much in pain that she was starting to get nauseous and dizzy.
“Sister, you need to lie down. And I am very sorry for your loss.” said gently Patrick putting his hand on her shoulder.
“My cycle is back. And I am not feeling well.”
Monica Joan managed to send Evangelina and Julienne to bed and asked the doctor to give Julienne something strong for the pain.
“Can I go to their bedroom?” asked Patrick after he had finished the death certificate.
“Of course, I am acting senior sister, so you have my full approval. My sister needs to be put out of her misery.”
Patrick wasn’t used yet to Monica Joan’s elaborate eloquence and vocabulary.
The doctor knocked at Julienne’s and Evangelina’s door and he was invited to enter.
Evangelina was at the desk writing something down, while Julienne was doubled over in pain, sitting on her bed. She was pale and cold.
“Sister, you need to lie down and have your feet a bit elevated, in an upper position than your abdomen.”
Julienne was feeling so bad when they’d arrived in the bedroom that Evangelina had helped her change and helped her on the bed. Now Evangelina helped her against the pillows.
“You both have earned your rest. I’ll call the Board of Health tomorrow morning and ask for some supporting staff, so you can rest and mourn in peace.”
“Thank you, doctor, I’ll go downstairs to get Julienne a hot water bottle. Some sweet tea and some paracetamol.”
“Sister Julienne, I’ll leave you something a bit stronger to take now, you look miserable.”
After the strong painkiller, the paracetamol and a wise application of a hot water bottle and sweet tea, Julienne was finally sleeping and Evangelina got up to start her day. She went to Sister Ada’s room and Sister Bernadette had just sent Monica Joan to get some rest and breakfast before calling the Mother House.
“Julienne isn’t well at all, I hope she sleeps until lunch and this afternoon she isn’t going to do anything.”
“You looked quite weary too…”
“Don’t worry… Let’s pray together.”
That evening the nuns and the nurses were having a light dinner together. Julienne insisted on sitting at the table, but she looked so pale and drained that Evangelina feared she didn’t have the energy to stay upright and that she was going to faint as soon as she got up from the sofa, but she was, thankfully, wrong.
“I delivered a bouncing baby girl, over 8 lbs… her parents decided to name her Ada. It’s just a case, but it made me smile.” said one of the nurses.
"The Providence works mysteriously," said Monica Joan smiling back at the young woman.
Later that evening Evangelina, Julienne and Monica Joan were in Ada’s room, they were praying together.
“When I look at you I see Ada, it’s like her soul is divided in half and each of you got a part… that’s our Lord’s infinite love. Keep up her legacy, you are the future of this order and of this house. You are the best part of Ada and of all of us.” said Monica Joan remembering a chat she’d had with Ada a few weeks prior.
"Are we her best part?" asked Julienne with tears in her eyes.
"I've worked with you for barely a year, but I assure you that I can see Sister Ada in both of you. You two are my greatest examples," said Sister Bernadette joining them.