Work Text:
"Miss ya Baljeet."
"Right back at you buddy."
Buford snapped his head up, staring at Baljeet. "What did you say?"
"I said 'right back at you Buddy.'"
"Buddy? Is that all Buford is to you?"
Baljeet froze, looking at Buford in confusion. "Um…yes? Buddy…a friend, a pal, someone you hang out with."
"I torture you day and night, give you wet willies, call you loser, smash your iPod and this is how you treat me?" Buford stood up, walking over to Baljeet menacingly.
"I fear for my underpants." He gulped as Buford lifted him off the ground. "Please! Do not hurt the vegetable mimosa!" He scrunched up his face, waiting for the blow, only to find himself back on the ground again. "Wh-what happened?"
"You're not worth it." Buford stalked off.
"Gee, what was that all about?" Phineas asked, coming up to stand next to Baljeet, Ferb in tow.
"I do not know; he is acting moody today. He does it quite frequently."
"Maybe we should go check on him." Phineas started in the direction of Buford's house, only to have Baljeet stop him.
"No. I will go. He is my bully; I will check on him."
"Well…alright Baljeet, if you're sure—"
"I am sure. I shall see you later."
Phineas watched as Baljeet took off his vegetable mimosa costume before heading in the direction of Buford's house. "That was odd; he's usually afraid of Buford."
"They have a very symbiotic relationship," Ferb stated matter-of-factly.
Phineas raised an eyebrow. "Ye-ah. Hey, where's Perry?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baljeet walked up the front steps to Buford's house, nervously wiping his hands on his overalls. "Well…here goes." He rang the doorbell, shuffling from foot to foot as a tall, broad shouldered woman answered the door. He gulped nervously. "Uh…hi. I am Baljeet; is Buford here?"
"Oh Schnookie Wookums, there's someone here to see you!"
"Mom! I told you not to call me Schnookie Wookums! It's embarrassing!" Buford appeared at the door, glaring at his Mother. He looked down at Baljeet. "Oh. It's you. Go away." He slammed the door in Baljeet's face.
"Well…that did not work." Baljeet turned to go, but stopped at the sound of muffled voices behind the door.
"Schnookie Wookums, that wasn't very nice. You had a guest. Now let him in."
"But Mom!"
"Buford Van Stomm…"
"Alright, alright. Fine." He opened the door, glaring at Baljeet. "Come in. But be quiet; I might have to pound you."
"Awww…my little Schnookie Wookums has a friend!" Buford glared at his mother.
Baljeet laughed, following Buford upstairs. "Haha. Your mother calls you Schnookie Wookums."
Buford whirled around, his fist clenched. "Wanna make something of it?"
"It is a very nice nickname."
"Whatever loser." Buford walked down the hall, turning to a door on his right. "Now, this is my room; you touch anything in here, I'll punch your face in, got it?"
"Like I'd want to touch anything in your room." Buford glared at him. "I mean…I will not."
"Good." Buford opened the door, revealing a spacious bedroom with a large window, a desk with a computer to the right, a bed to the left and a small night table next to the bed containing Biff. Scattered over the room where clothes, shoes, and numerous books.
Baljeet picked up one of the books, reading the title. "One Hundred and One Ways to Torture Your Nerd." He cringed. "I will be putting that down now." He glanced around at the other books on the floor: Medieval Torture Rituals; How to Properly Beat Up and Insult a Nerd; 101 Put Downs. "Do you have anything in here that is not about torture?"
"No. I like torture."
"Apparently." Baljeet looked around, his eyes landing on a ragged old teddy bear in a corner. The bear was almost worn through, with one black button eye missing. "Aww…you have a teddy bear." He walked over, picking the bear up by one scruffy ear.
"Hey! That's not how you hold Teddy Boo-boo!" Buford jumped off the bed, walking over to Baljeet. He snatched the bear from Baljeet's fingers. "You hold him like this." He pulled the teddy bear to his chest, wrapping his arms around it. "That way he doesn't fall."
"I see."
"You wanna hold him?"
"No, that is alright. He is your bear."
"What? You got a problem with teddy bears?"
"No—"
"Good. Hold him." Buford thrust the bear back into Baljeet's hands before sitting down on the bed.
Baljeet stared at the bear, nervously clutching it. He walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Buford. "What happened today?"
"What happened where?"
"At the Unification Day parade. All I did was call you Buddy."
"I don't like Buddy."
Baljeet looked at Buford in confusion. "Why not? Buddy is a friend. You are my friend Buford." He paused. "You scare me, but you are still my friend."
"Good. I like being scary."
Baljeet rolled his eyes. After constantly being around Buford, he was used to his moodiness. "But…why do you not like being called Buddy?"
"I want more."
"I am afraid I do not understand."
"Of course you wouldn't." I want to be your boyfriend. "I want to be your Bully."
Baljeet laughed. "But Buford; you are already my bully."
Buford's eyes lit up. "I am?"
"Yes. You are my bully and I am your nerd." He pulled a book out of his overalls. "See? I am your nerd and you are my bully." He opened the book. "According to the Nerd rulebook, I must always accompany the bully everywhere and put up with his teasing. I do not always like the rules, but I follow them."
"Really?"
"Really?"
Buford nudged Baljeet in the shoulder, almost knocking him off the bed. "So…I'm your Bully?"
Baljeet smiled, nudging the bigger boy back. "Yes. And I am your nerd."
Buford smiled. "I love you Baljeet."
"What?"
"I said get out of my room loser." He jumped off the bed, grabbing Baljeet by the back of his overalls, throwing him out the door. "And give me back my teddy bear!"
"Fine! Don't expect me to come back here again!"
"I won't!" Buford slammed the door. He watched as Baljeet emerged from his house a few seconds later, walking down the street. He grinned, picking up the worn out teddy bear. "I am his bully and he is my nerd."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baljeet walked down the street, stopping when he was out of sight of Buford's house. He stared at Buford's window, smiling as Buford walked over to it, teddy bear in hand. "I am his nerd and he is my bully."