Archive of Our Own

“This isn’t working, Bambi.”

Those words being spoken by Faline’s voice didn’t hurt him as much as he expected them to, but they stung like a bee sting.

No, their relationship wasn’t working.

There was one time when Bambi wanted to understand why it wasn’t working. Why he couldn’t make Faline happy and feel comfortable with himself at the same time. Why, after every moment they spent together from their youth to their adulthood, the spark was fading, the smiles were disappearing and the gazes were becoming more distant.

They hadn’t had fawns yet. Autumn was coming and the herd was already preparing—deer courting their mates, sparks of hope lighting up the forest, radiant smiles full of affection, glances close to that love that was throbbing, that was felt all around them… All that and yet Bambi and Faline were the only ones who didn’t work together.

After the forest fire a year ago, everything had been different—their home, their life, their relationship.

That vibrant love Bambi once wanted had been burned to ashes with the flora.

“I know.” Bambi replied to Faline.

Faline smiled at him, but it wasn’t a smile that made him feel anything anymore. The smile disappeared after a second, as if it had never appeared in the first place, and Faline returned to the herd of deer that Bambi had been watching when she approached him.

The sting gradually faded.

His role as Prince of the Forest was immediate soon after he found a new home for the herd. His father had taught him everything he needed to know to fend for himself when his mother died. Every afternoon Bambi watched the animals in the forest from high ground or nearby—he focused on each one’s face, watching their progress, their life moving forward.

He saw the figures of his herd’s deer in the distance, but always, always one was missing.

Something was always missing.

Bambi sighed, tilting his ears back. He decided to finish his role as Prince for the day.

There was only one deer who always knew how to advise Bambi, and he headed there, passing through bushes and dry branches along a path that was well known to him. His hooves crunched through the leaf litter that were beginning to form on the ground, and the trees opened to his sides with a new path when he reached his father’s home: it was a clearing half subsided by time that gave way to a large oak-tree in the center, a powerful trunk that opened at the base like a kind of cave held up by its thick roots. The top of the oak still reflected the last vestiges of summer, those green leaves that turned brown and were destined to fall at the beginning of autumn.

Bambi carefully climbed down that ground embankment, and before he could even open his mouth to call for his father, the former great Prince of the Forest was already stepping outside.

“Bambi.”

His father spoke his name as if he expected their meeting that day to happen, as if he knew what was coming and he will calm the chaos and emptiness inside Bambi with the calm tone of his voice. His father may no longer be the great Prince of the Forest, but to Bambi he will always be the biggest and oldest surviving, the wisest and most beloved by all.

He will always be his father. And right now Bambi needed him.

“Hi, dad.” Bambi stopped in front of him, near the trunk, once again falling into surprise at how much they looked alike.

Bambi had grown to be the same adult in appearance as his father; Bambi had a large set of antlers, and his fur had darkened a bit, but the light brown of his youth could still be seen. He was just as tall as his father, just as calm in front of the others, and yet Bambi still respected and wanted his advice.

“Faline broke up with me today,” Bambi began, trying not to lean his head against the trunk. He didn’t want to show any hint of anything in his voice, no pain, no sorrow. It was just like something that had to happen, a weight he wanted to remove. Bambi shifted his front leg absentmindedly, digging his hoof into the ground every now and then. “I don’t know what else to do.”

He tried to make it work, once. Bambi didn’t know if he had been trying hard enough. He didn’t know if he wanted to.

His father tilted his head slightly, his antlers brushing against the wood of the tree. He looked at Bambi intently, understanding the situation with just that, as he always did.

“It’s been a whole year since the fire, Bambi, and you haven’t been yourself since.” His gaze briefly rose to the scar Bambi had, above the shape of his eyebrow. Bambi’s breath caught for a second, a small grimace forming as he noticed the gesture. “I see you downhearted from time to time, son. Sometimes I’m afraid to ask you why, but I know time isn’t fixing it this time. I’ve taught you well, and the Prince of the Forest doesn’t have to show himself like this.”

Even when his life was slowly falling apart?

Bambi’s gaze dropped to the ground for a moment before looking back up at him again.

“Your heart may not be with her anymore, Bambi.” His father spoke gently shortly after, his eyes softening.

“And who is it with?” Bambi breathed, almost pleading. He felt tired all of a sudden.

“All I can tell you is that now your heart is lost, and it needs to be found.” His father offered him a warm smile, sympathizing with Bambi. “You have to find the moment where it was lost and there you will find everything you want to know. You will know how to do everything you could not do, son.”

It had been a year since his life had not moved forward.

A year since he had been missing something.

Always, always missing someone.

Bambi felt that same lost heart echoing in its absence, running through his ribcage, reminding him of a time when it used to be whole, full, happy—but most of all at home. And right now Bambi did not feel at home, not with others, not with himself, because a part of himself had been taken away.

“I think you are getting the hang of it, Bambi.” His father told him at last, nodding slowly before nodding toward the forest. “To give you peace of mind, I can take care of the herd in your place for a while.”

Bambi’s lip trembled and he let out a shaky exhale in return, looking at his father with appreciation. He squeezed his eyes shut, and as he opened them again, he could feel the tears being held back by his lower lids.

His father may not be the great Prince of the Forest anymore, but to Bambi he will always be his father, he will always have his unconditional support, and he will always tell him what he needed to hear.

“Thank you, dad.” Bambi only called him that at times like these, just them being father and son, not Princes or guardians of the Forest.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for, son.”

A wise buck once said that time sometimes didn’t fix things or heal wounds as many believed, but unlike those times, Bambi and Ronno were the exception.

Time fixed their rivalry and turned it into friendship.

What started out as meaningless mockery, ended up being friendly laughter and teasing. What started out as insufferable moments, ended up being moments worth remembering. What started out as Ronno’s meanness ended up being his most forgotten side and replaced by a brighter one.

It had been hard for both of them to get to where they were, but it was worth it.

The time it took to fix was just two months since he met Ronno. Still being such young deer, fawns, they were able to put aside their differences little by little and try if they would be better as friends than rivals.

It was worth it because it worked. It was something that worked between them.

They were able to talk about many things. When a spring afternoon they were alone and they were just fawns trying to get to know each other better, Bambi was excited to be able to share his dreams with Ronno.

“Someday I will confess to Faline.” Bambi smiled widely, ignoring the raised eyebrow that Ronno was giving him. Ronno would always manage to mess with him somehow, even when they were friends. “I will have a future with her, we will live together. Someday I will come home and find her with our children.”

Bambi chuckled at his own words, expecting Ronno to snort in annoyance at his determination or laugh in a less malicious way at his dreams. But neither happened.

Bambi looked up at Ronno and saw him still, standing in his spot, staring down at some flowers that were around a stone. Bambi saw him smile a little, just a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You dream so high, Bambi.” Ronno said softly without any particular emotion, just above a whisper. He breathed a short laugh afterward. “I wish I could.”

Bambi frowned, confused, “What do you mean?”

When Ronno looked at him again, his eyes reflected something completely different—​​a gleam that almost bordered on sadness, something that felt lonely despite Bambi’s company, something on the verge of breaking.

And he asked Bambi,

“Have you ever dreamed of a completely different life?”

Bambi blinked a few times in a row, tilting his head. What did Ronno mean?

Before Bambi could answer, Ronno offered him that same incomplete smile and answered for him,

“No, of course you haven’t.”

Bambi walked back down the same path toward the home he shared with Faline—the leaves of some bushes gently caressed his legs as he walked, the thin branches of the shorter trees softly brushed against Bambi’s large antlers, and the quiet chirping of birds told him that it was already late in the day.

It was beginning to get dark and Bambi’s emotions were on the surface.

A different life…

When Bambi came home and saw that Faline wasn’t in the bushes, waiting for him or asleep, he allowed himself to be vulnerable for the first time without anyone seeing him—he rested his head against the trunk of the nearest tree and gasped, as if he carried on his back the weight of a stuck life, without any progress.

Remembering that moment with Ronno had left him breathless. It had been a year since he had seen him… A year without hearing from him.

“I’m tired.” Bambi whispered to himself against the bark.

He understood that feeling now; Ronno’s last words when they fought before the forest fire—when Ronno left never to return.

Now he understood that the one who took a part of Bambi away from him was the deer that marked him in a thousand ways.

There was a spring day, where the sun’s rays peeked through some clouds, where the breeze moved a field of flowers like waves in a sea, where Bambi and his friends spent hours and hours from morning to evening talking, running, and playing like the teenagers they still were.

It was at some point that day that Flower wanted to give them all something symbolic.

Flower had picked some flowers from the field and placed them one by one on everyone’s ears, keeping them in place with a pinch of oak resin. Flower told them that the resin would come off during the day without damaging their fur.

Bambi and Ronno’s flowers had been stuck between their ears and their growing antlers.

Ronno snorted at his flower, “Really, Flower? Mine sucks.”

Bambi looked at him in alarm, Faline blinked in surprise and Thumper covered his mouth with a big grin, incredulous.

Flower simply glared at Ronno, crossing his arms.

“Then your heart sucks too.” Flower said mockingly, without any real malice. Ronno looked at him in some confusion, tilting his head. Flower smiled lazily at them and hugged his tail. “Each flower I’ve given you represents our hearts. So don’t talk nonsense about yours, Ronno.”

Ronno laughed then, relaxing into a calmness he had learned to have with them over time. Bambi was happy for that.

Thumper’s flower had several small leaves hugging together around the stem.

Flower’s flower displayed vibrant colors different from the rest.

Ronno’s flower was missing a soft petal.

Bambi’s flower hadn’t reached its full growth yet.

Faline’s flower had a bee hiding behind the pink petals, and when it came out of hiding, the bee went straight to sting Bambi.

The group of friends dispersed in alarm and laughter as they were chased by the insect.

Bambi ran as far as he could into the forest to throw it off, and when he found out that Ronno had left with him, running alongside him, Bambi didn’t stop running. Bambi’s antlers got caught in the branches and stopped him dead later, causing him and Ronno to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Ronno helped him free himself and they resumed their run, even though they could no longer hear the bee’s buzzing behind them.

Bambi was happy to run, run, and keep running free with no destination alongside Ronno. He was happy that they had given themselves the chance to be better like that—and if that wasn’t hope, then he didn’t know what was.

Ronno reached a medium-sized ground embankment and climbed it with ease, looking down at Bambi with amused defiantly from above.

“Come on, Bambi!” Ronno wagged his tail, smirking mischievously. “Can’t you keep up with me?”

Bambi chuckled, “Shut up, I’ll be at your side in no time.”

“Prove it to me then, my dear Prince.”

That nickname Ronno had long since begun to call him always made Bambi nervous, making him blush all the way to his ears. It also made him want to get to Ronno much faster. So he did, as always.

Bambi dug his hooves into the ground and climbed up, but when he got to the top, he couldn’t control his speed. He crashed into Ronno and sent them both tumbling over the other side of the embankment, rolling until they stopped against what looked like the trunk of a felled tree.

Bambi was on his back, his legs in the air, laughing angelically as Ronno got up on top of him from having ended up on Bambi’s belly. Neither of them moved afterwards, exhausted from the fall and panting.

Bambi’s laughter ended softly in his throat when Ronno lowered his head and rested it against his, their foreheads and antlers pressing together. It caught Bambi completely off guard—his breathing stopped so suddenly that he felt more nervous than before, his heart pounding, like when Faline came closer to him.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Thump. Thump.

Thump—

Their gazes connected, unwavering, and for some reason Bambi had the simple thought of how easy it would be to lift his snout a little and lick Ronno’s cheek.

For some reason that closeness—

Ronno breathed a laugh, “You’re hopeless, Bambi.”

In no time that thought vanished, and when Ronno slowly moved away from him, Bambi could discern that same look on his face—sad, lonely, on the verge of breaking.

Over and over, he saw it when they were alone.

Over and over, that look disappearing into one of Ronno’s smirks as if it had never existed.

Bambi got up from the ground, but when he was about to ask him, he was shocked to see the state Ronno’s flower had been left in: it had broken in half.

“Ronno, your flower… it’s broken.”

Ronno’s expression turned calm, almost like the eye of a hurricane, his smirk falling into a small one, and he looked at where Bambi’s flower was supposed to be with something he couldn’t quite figure out.

“Yours is lost.” Ronno told him in return.

Bambi visited his two best friends early in the morning, waking up with the first light of dawn. He admitted that he was surprised to see Faline at his side, asleep and curled up far away, even though she had been away from home for half the night. Bambi stood up and quietly left so as not to wake her. He wanted his conversation with Faline to be the last one.

Thumper was already out of his burrow when Bambi arrived, waiting for him with his children jumping frantically around him. Before Bambi and Thumper could properly greet each other, Thumper’s children squealed with excitement and started jumping towards Bambi’s antlers, playing at hanging on them as they used to do every time he visited them.

For Bambi, that family of rabbits was the most adorable of all. He was happy for all of them, even when Thumper complained about how hyperactive his children were, Bambi knew that he meant it with all the love in the world.

Bambi played with them and talked to Thumper about trivial things until Flower arrived.

That was the moment when Bambi told them that he was going to go to the other side of the forest. He told them that he needed to think, to get away for a while, while his father took over as the guardian. Bambi didn’t tell them where he was going exactly, because even he wasn’t sure of his destination. He only knew that he needed to make that journey, to find what he once broke and fix it.

“What a pity Ronno isn’t with us anymore,” Thumper said with his usual dramatic manner after listening to Bambi, pulling his ear out of the teeth of one of his children. “Centuries ago, he would have been so glad to see you out of his sight, Bambi.”

“But they were inseparable!” Flower scolded, giving Thumper a small slap behind his head. Flower looked at Bambi from the ground and rolled his eyes, smiling. “Don’t pay attention to Thumper, he’s still as thick as ever. He doesn’t want to admit that he misses Ronno too.”

Bambi smiled, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. It was funny how the universe had slipped Ronno’s name into their conversation so easily, even though Bambi had never mentioned him.

It had been a year since his life hadn’t moved forward.

A year since he had been missing something.

Always, always missing someone.

He supposed that his two best friends had also realized, like his father, that Bambi had been lost with himself all that time. He supposed that he himself should have realized it much sooner.

“Your heart is confused, isn’t it?” Flower’s question brought him out of his thoughts, his silky voice softening an unspoken but felt truth.

All I can tell you is that now your heart is lost, and it needs to be found.

Bambi’s smile turned tired, holding nothing back, “Yeah. I think it is.”

He would never lie to his friends, and he wasn’t about to start.

Flower smiled sweetly at him, and Thumper reached out to pat his leg in support. Bambi loved them a lot.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Bambi.” Thumper said, grinning at him.

“Thanks, guys.”

Before he began his journey, Bambi returned home to find Faline awake, at the entrance to the bushes. She looked shocked, but something in her face told Bambi that whatever they were going to say to each other, she had it all figured out.

“Are you leaving, Bambi?” Faline asked, her ears back.

Bambi approached her and paused, hoping his look would say it all and more. The news that Bambi was taking some time away had spread like a strong wind through the forest animals, and even more so when his father was going to watch them in his place. But he wasn’t upset.

He was relieved.

“I need to breathe, Faline.” For the first time since they started dating, he had been honest with her. It was a small weight lifted off his back.

“I understand.” Faline murmured, smiling at him with a tenderness that no longer tickled him. Faline brought her snout to Bambi’s cheekbone and licked him, whispering, “I understand you.”

Because of course she did. That relationship had been suffocating them both, and neither of them had realized it until it was too late.

“I wish you the best, Bambi. But not by my side.”

“I know.” Bambi nodded, his gaze softening at their farewell.

It was something that had to happen.

Bambi turned his body and walked away from his first love, but before walking any further, he turned and looked at Faline. From the expectant look she was giving him, Bambi guessed that in his gaze there was that same sad gleam he saw in some green eyes long ago, the same loneliness, the same broken pieces.

“Faline, can I ask you something?”

Faline nodded.

It was already autumn when Bambi went beyond the forest, beyond his home.

The leaves of the trees that surrounded him all the way had already dressed in a sequence of their most yellow, orange, and brown colors. There was a strange beauty in seeing how the leaves felt free, letting go and falling, and although the tree was slowly losing them, it was still standing, enduring with the fauna.

The sound of a leaf falling was deafening to Bambi because with it a year fell. It really was a whole year echoing in his chest, waiting, waiting, waiting for his heart to come back.

And now Bambi realized. He had been slow to do so.

During his journey, walking among tall trees, caressing the flora with his legs and drinking from cool streams, a small robin bird had landed on Bambi’s antlers to rest. At first Bambi thought it was a leaf because of its orange color that had gotten stuck, but when the robin chirped and settled down, Bambi didn’t say anything to them—he let them rest. The little animal didn’t bother him.

It wasn’t until he had to jump over a fallen tree trunk that the robin woke up from their deep sleep later. Bambi chuckled with an apology, and the robin flapped their wings to clear their head, but they didn’t move from Bambi’s antlers. The bird began a pleasant conversation which Bambi quickly settled into—the robin was called Niyati, he had slept on Bambi because he was exhausted from his flight, and he told him about his migration travels.

When Niyati had grown tired of talking about him, even though Bambi was delighted to listen to his traveling companion, the robin asked him about the meaning of his own.

“It doesn’t have a clear meaning, but…” Bambi moved his ears and smiled softly, deciding to tell him everything. He didn’t mind sharing. “I think I’m looking for the meaning of my life.”

Bambi told Niyati that there was a deer that he didn’t get along with. Their unexpected rivalry made them fight from time to time, with teasing or even pushing being fawns. He told Niyati that those same teasing sometimes hurt Bambi, but despite that, time healed the wounds.

Their friendship began one chaotic day. They were fawns.

Bambi remembered it well.

“One day there was an attack in the forest.” He told Niyati, lowering his head so that his antlers wouldn’t hit a thick branch. “It was frantic. Some of the Man’s hounds started to chase the herd, but two of them broke away from the group and came after me. I ran like I’d never run before in my life, trying to distract them with anything. Nothing worked, until… Until Ronno came running up beside me.”

“Run faster!” Ronno shouted, urging him to do so, glancing back as the hounds’ barking grew closer.

Bambi was getting tired of running, panting every now and then, but Ronno didn’t give up on him. He pushed him with his head to get him to jump and run faster, faster, faster.

“G-go, Ronno!” Bambi panted.

Ronno growled, “I’m not leaving you behind, you moron!”

Bambi’s heart raced at that, but his hope didn’t last long when the two deer came across a dead end—a large moss-covered rock that rose to the sky, surrounded by trees so tall and so dense that you could barely see what was beyond, whether it was flora or a fall to the ground.

The only ones who didn’t stop were the hounds. Bambi was pushed against the rock and Ronno’s antlers sank into the flesh of one of the dogs, sending it flying away. The other animal growled at them angrily, without moving.

Bambi didn’t know when it happened, but the side of Ronno’s snout was red.

“R-Ronno… You’re bleeding!” Bambi was very scared by all the rage in the air.

But, for the first time, he was scared of what could happen to them—of what could happen to Ronno.

“I’m not leaving you, do you hear me?” Ronno muttered under his breath, licking the blood. He glared at the hounds. “I will fight, even if it costs me my life.”

It cost Ronno a scar on the side of his snout, but he saved Bambi’s life.

He saved that hope of changing, of being better with friendship, of being able to do everything with time.

They were better, but one day something changed. As teenagers, Bambi and Ronno fought, argued with shouts, forehead to forehead, and Ronno left the forest. Days later, there was the big fire that took Bambi’s home with it.

Remembering those moments always left Bambi breathless, and he couldn’t help but stop against a tree trunk. Bambi bent his front legs to slowly drop to the ground and lie down, slowly making himself comfortable.

Niyati moved from one point of his antlers to another closer to Bambi’s head, but when Bambi didn’t look at him, Niyati flew and landed on his nose. Bambi looked at him, and saw in the robin’s eyes how his understanding of everything that had happened in Bambi’s story melted into kindness and sorrow.

“So, is he the one you’re looking for?” Niyati asked quietly.

Bambi had always been missing something.

He had always been missing Ronno.

“Maybe I’ve always been looking for him,” Bambi confessed.

Niyati chirped, slowly brightening, “You’re in love.”

“Love…” Bambi tried to smile, and was surprised to succeed, but his heart was still lost. “Love hurts so, so much, Niyati.”

“Maybe it hurts, and to tell the truth it almost always does, but hey.” Niyati flapped his wings, looking intently at Bambi. “It has its good points. Love knows no distance, it has no continents; sharing your being with someone has no limits, happiness lasts, and yes, there may be some tears, but isn’t that the reason why it is worth fighting for that love? Isn’t that the true meaning of a life?”

Bambi felt a pressure in his chest, with all those feelings on the surface.

“I long for it with all my strength.” Bambi said after a pause, holding back tears. “I want to see him again.”

He wanted to fix it. Start over.

“I’m sure you will.” Niyati chirped, flying towards Bambi’s antlers. “You will find what you are looking for.”

“Faline, can I ask you something?”

Faline nodded.

Bambi looked at her, “Have you ever imagined what your life would be like if you had taken a different path?”

Faline’s eyes softened with compassion—but not for her, but for him.

“No.” Faline replied, shaking her head. “You dream so high, Bambi.”

There was an ache inside Bambi.

Ronno.

Ronno had always been his answer.

Ronno had always been the difference.

All that time his heart had been with him, and Bambi never appreciated what he had until he lost it.

Bambi walked along the stream until the water could no longer be heard and he left it behind, entering what seemed to be a new land, with less leaf litter under his hooves than his home. The treetops still had those vibrant green colors, no dryness on the branches, as if summer hadn’t ended there yet, as if autumn was having a hard time getting started.

Bambi didn’t know that was possible. He was amazed.

That’s why he didn’t look at the ground, but at the sky.

That’s why he didn’t see the trap until it was too late.

A sharp pain in his hind leg made him let out a choked bellow. Bambi’s body shook and collided with the trunk he was passing, making him fall to the ground hard. Niyati chirped loudly and flew away to see what had happened, becoming alarmed as well.

Both Bambi and Niyati saw it—with heavy breathing, Bambi slid his gaze to the metal object that was biting his hind leg, just above his hoof. The device was anchored to the ground with more metal; it looked old, as if it had been there for months—forgotten. Blood had started to ooze from where the skin had been pierced.

It was a trap of the Man.

Suddenly, his heavy breathing slowed and the adrenaline left his body. Bambi felt tired, too tired.

“Bambi! Are you okay?!” He heard Niyati scream, flapping his wings in alarm. He pecked hard at the metal, trying to get Bambi loose without success. His little beak was stained with blood. “Oh, God, oh, God. I’ll go get help! Wait here for me! I’ll be back, okay?!”

But Bambi didn’t hear him anymore. The flapping of wings faded away and Bambi was left alone.

Feeling dizzy, he rested his head against the thick root of the tree that jutted out of the ground and his antlers made a dull sound as his muscles relaxed. Bambi was tired, too tired to go on. Too tired to stand. He couldn’t move, no matter how much he thought about it, no matter how much he wanted to.

All his instincts as the Prince of the Forest had been devoured by the journey, the trap, and the exhaustion.

“I’m tired… Ronno.” Bambi breathed in a whisper, not surprised that his last thought before closing his eyes was of the deer that had marked him in a thousand ways.

“I’m tired, Bambi!”

When Bambi wanted to confront Ronno to find out what was wrong with him, he didn’t expect him to yell at him.

Bambi had taken them both to a secluded place, wanting to understand Ronno’s behavior lately. For weeks now, Ronno had returned to his arrogant, mocking, and insufferable deer facade—and always when Bambi was with Faline. Bambi was fed up with being greeted with bored looks for no reason, with meaningless mocking smirks, with unfounded hurtful words. Ronno had returned to his worst self, and Bambi felt like he was drowning in the past.

Because he thought time had fixed it.

He thought Ronno had changed.

They were teenagers.

So why? Why was he behaving like that?

“Did I do something to upset you?? What’s wrong with you??” Bambi yelled back, digging his hooves into the dirt. He was starting to lose his mind.

Ronno charged forward with a growl, and the next thing that happened was a frenzied flurry of movement, a real, physical fight between the two deer, antlers crashing again and again, pushing each other away.

They were really fighting.

There was a moment when Bambi groaned in pain when a point of Ronno’s antler tore the skin above his eye, right in the shape of his eyebrow. A trail of blood slightly blurred Bambi’s vision, running down his snout.

Bambi felt Ronno stop dead in his tracks, quickly moving away from him. Bambi gasped and saw pure anguish in Ronno’s expression. Bambi didn’t understand why he was looking at him like that, why that pain was being reflected in Bambi as well.

“I’m tired, Bambi.”

Bambi’s ear twitched at that. Ronno’s voice—

“I’m tired of this! Of everything! Can’t you see it?? Can’t you see what you’re doing to me with—” Ronno panted, his chest rising and falling in an attempt to control his breathing. His eyes glistened watery, his mouth showing clenched teeth. “You don’t understand. You’ll never understand me.”

Ronno turned around, starting to walk away, away, away.

“Wait!” Bambi screamed, desperate, scared to lose him, because he had finally done it—he had lost him. Just like that, Ronno was gone.

A part of himself was gone too.

“Don’t go…” Bambi whispered in vain.

Shadows loomed over the forest, leaving it empty.

Just like Bambi’s heart.

Bambi saw through his half-closed eyes as a different shadow loomed over him.

“—mbi.”

Bambi was tired.

“Bamb—”

Suddenly, he felt pain in his hind leg and heard a loud clang in the distance.

“—n’t worry, I’ll get you out of here.”

It was a voice—it was calm, but with a worried tone. It was masculine, but with a husky sound.

“Stay awake.” The voice ordered.

Bambi groaned softly as someone lifted him up, letting all his weight fall on the back that the voice belonged to. He felt movement around him, as if he were floating on a cloud.

He felt every emotion on the surface.

He felt his eyes water.

He felt the words slip from his lips against the stranger’s skin.

“I’m tired… Ronno.” Bambi repeated, whispering it over and over. Ronno’s name slipped out too easily, even though he wasn’t there with him. “So tired. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Hold on. I’m not leaving you.”

I’m not leaving you, do you hear me?

That voice. That fur. That smell.

A tear fell to the ground.

Ronno.

The first thing Bambi heard when he became aware of his surroundings was the sound of leaves rustling against each other in the gentle wind. The first thing he felt as he moved was a familiar pain on his hind leg, but this time not from a bee sting, but from a weapon of Man.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the figure of a deer surrounded by night and moonlight—

—that figure that had always been missing from his herd during his watches.

It was Ronno; he would recognize him anywhere. His dark fur, his scar, his green eyes… Those eyes that were now looking at him with something enigmatic in them.

Their gazes met and Bambi’s world shook. His head hurt. And because of the tiredness that still lingered in his body, he still didn’t get up.

“Ronno.” Bambi whispered, throwing his head back, dragging it across the ground. “It’s you… It’s really you.”

Ronno’s scar wrinkled as a small smile tugged at his lips. Ronno was lying down on his legs, head up, unlike Bambi, who was fully lying down. Despite the darkness of the night, Bambi noticed that Ronno wasn’t too far away from him, but not close either.

“Long time no see, my dear Prince.” Ronno said in a low voice, seeming to try out the weight of those words on his tongue.

Bambi’s heart raced. That nickname…

It hurt. It hurt and made his stomach tingle at the same time.

Ronno let out a soft sigh, “What are you doing here, Bambi? Is… Is Faline okay?”

After all that time without seeing each other, Bambi thought he was dreaming—he thought they would yell at each other again, hate each other, grow apart like that day when they were young. But he never imagined this: this calm, this small naturalness that remained between them.

It was like Bambi stopped breathing.

It was like a bitter joke from the universe, that Ronno assimilated that Faline and Bambi were still together. But wasn’t that what was supposed to happen? Bambi had been forming that future all that time. He had been forming a bond with her that he knew was going to break soon, because his heart was not in its place, with Faline, but with the deer that took it.

Bambi had never felt like such an idiot before as he did now.

“She’s fine.” Bambi murmured, swallowing. But I haven’t been. Because of you. Always because of you.

When silence rose over them, without breaking eye contact, Bambi asked him what it took him a whole year to cope with,

“Why did you disappear… Ronno?”

And there, that was when Bambi saw it again—Ronno’s eyes reflected a gleam that almost bordered on sadness, something that felt lonely despite Bambi’s company, something on the verge of breaking into a thousand pieces. That look again.

“Why I disappeared, you say.” Ronno looked away, lowering his head to one side. The tone of his voice sounded tired, heavy. “The reason has always been in front of you, but you never see it.”

“I want to see it.” Bambi blurted out quickly, hoping his eyes would say it all and more. But he knew he had to be the one to say it himself, “No. It’s not that. I think I see it, now.”

Ronno’s head snapped up at Bambi, blocking their gazes once again. The darkness of the night hid what seemed to be the slightest change in his expression, still indecipherable, still in the shadows of the Ronno he knew.

Without saying anything, Ronno stood up from the ground to his full height and turned around, starting to walk away, away, away like that time—

No.

No, no, no.

It was an impulse, an automatic reaction. This time Bambi cursed his tiredness and headache and got up as quickly as he could, lying down on his legs like Ronno had been before. The sting of his wound didn’t let him think clearly or get up easily.

“Where are you going?” Bambi didn’t want to acknowledge the slight panic rising in his voice.

Ronno stopped and looked at him. He seemed uneasy, tense, like he was fighting to hold back something.

“Please don’t go,” Bambi begged.

One of Ronno’s ears twitched back, his hooves digging harder into the dirt where he stood. However, despite looking uneasy on the outside, Ronno’s eyes softened for him, as did his voice as he reassured Bambi,

“I’m not going anywhere.” He said, slowly looking him up and down. “But you need to rest. It’s still nighttime, go back to sleep. Let’s leave the deeper conversations for tomorrow.”

Bambi’s body gradually relaxed.

Ronno then walked away, but that time with the promise of returning filling Bambi’s chest.

The chirping of birds was what woke Bambi the next day, instead of the first rays of morning sunlight as it usually did at home. For the first time he allowed himself to truly rest, without his role as Prince of the Forest getting in the way of his needs. It took him longer than expected to wake up, but he didn’t care.

Bambi blinked and raised his head, surprised that he no longer felt the sting of his wound. He glanced at his hind leg and saw it was wrapped in leaves, with something creamy inside. He moved a little and lay down on his legs on the ground, keeping the healed one out.

Now that it was daylight, Bambi could see his surroundings more clearly—he was surrounded by bushes, creating a large area full of grass, very spacious, where several animals could fit inside. It seemed to be a rather cozy bush cave of sorts, because when he looked up at the sky, Bambi found tall branches bent like an arch, their green leaves swaying in the breeze, with the warm sunlight occasionally peeking through their gaps. It seemed like someone’s home—

Someone—

Like a wave crashing against a cliff in its constancy, the memories of the trap and last night came back to Bambi.

It was Ronno who found him in the forest, lying on the ground. It was Ronno who spoke to him in his coming and going of consciousness when Bambi was tired. It was Ronno who carried him on his back when he couldn’t move. It was he who had surely licked and healed his wound. It was he who promised to return. It was Ronno’s home.

Just as the last wave of the tide crashed into Bambi’s mind, a creaking sound made him look towards the entrance.

Ronno had stopped there when he locked eyes with Bambi, but he resumed his pace closer to him, gently bobbing his large antlers so they wouldn’t get caught in the branches. He stopped in front of Bambi.

“You’re awake.”

That time Bambi got up from the ground, able to stand, and took a step closer to Ronno—just one. Bambi’s heart ached at the sight of him. It hadn’t been a dream. Ronno was there, he had found him, alive, breathing, changed.

They were both now adult deer; Ronno was the same height as Bambi, but what differentiated them mostly was the color of their fur and the irises of their eyes. While Bambi’s fur was still that light brown of his youth, Ronno’s had darkened a bit more. His large set of antlers were also darker than Bambi’s, but just as tall and majestic. While Ronno’s scar adorned the side of his snout, Bambi’s did so above his eyebrow.

It hurt to look at Ronno and remember all those times they spent together. All that youth lost to echoes of a past broken by time.

And all Bambi wanted to say to him was I missed you, I missed you, I missed you.

But instead, came out a weak, “You look fine, Ronno.”

Bambi wondered where he went last night, but was glad that Ronno’s posture looked much more relaxed, calmer.

“Unfortunately I can’t say the same for you.” Ronno replied, a nostalgic amusement shining in his gaze. However, that amusement and small smirk disappeared to give way to a quiet, almost worried voice, “You didn’t stop saying my name.”

Bambi’s ears twitched forward, his tail held high.

“You didn’t stop saying my name when you fell unconscious in the forest, not even when I came to my home and you fell asleep.” Ronno grimaced a little, breathing out through his nose softly. “You kept apologizing in dreams.”

Bambi felt it all at once. He felt every emotion on the surface.

He felt his eyes water.

He felt the words slip from his lips.

“You left, just like that.” Bambi’s nose twitched as he spoke, holding steady even though he didn’t feel that way. He stared into those eyes and didn’t stop for anything. “You left and you didn’t come back. I didn’t hear from you for a year. I missed you… God, so much. Every day, every night, I felt like I was missing something. Maybe you were right, maybe I didn’t understand you back then. But I want to understand. I want to know everything. I don’t want you to disappear from my life again. I want you in it, Ronno.”

The silence after those words felt too heavy, too much to bear. But if Bambi could bear everything he was feeling, he could handle that too.

“Do you want to know the reason I left?” Ronno asked him slowly, each syllable caressed by sorrow and unbreakable softness. “Because of you, idiot.”

Ronno closed his eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath before continuing, “My heart ached every time I saw you, Bambi. It broke every time I remembered your dream about your future with Faline, every time I saw you building it. I ended up hating you for it. I hated you when we fought that day because I felt too much for you, for everything you were making me feel. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

Ronno looked away, biting his lower lip, “I left because my life was never going to be complete in that forest. I wasn’t going to have a different future there.”

Have you ever dreamed of a completely different life?

Bambi could see it, now.

It had taken him a while to do so.

He took another step closer to Ronno, separating them only a short distance from their faces.

“I’m sorry I was the reason you left.” Bambi said quietly, affected, as if he feared that Ronno would leave him again with a simple sigh.

Bambi told him about Faline then; he told Ronno how their spark had faded over the months, how their smiles had disappeared and their gazes had grown distant. He told him how their relationship had never been meant to work, because a part of him had been taken away—because Bambi’s heart had always been with Ronno, and he hadn’t realized it until he lost it. Bambi told him how his life was not able to move forward without him, without the deer that marked him in a thousand ways.

He allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of someone for the first time. In front of Ronno.

Bambi realized that Ronno had always shown his most vulnerable side in front of him, with the look he gave him when he asked Bambi if he had dreamed of a different life, with the distant expression Ronno gave him when they climbed that embankment, with how tired he looked of a life he could not have when they argued. Ronno had always looked vulnerable.

Ronno suffered from love and Bambi from its absence.

Like a flower that broke in half and another that was lost.

Now Ronno’s gaze was reflected in Bambi’s like a mirror, as if a great weight had been lifted from their backs, as if they now saw their future more clearly. For the first time, they had been honest with each other with their hearts exposed.

“I was an idiot when we argued. I was a kid.” Ronno then apologized, sliding his gaze to Bambi’s scar. He was giving him an expression full of regret. “I hurt you, Bambi.”

Bambi shook his head, “I never blamed you for it. I hurt you too… You got that scar because of me.”

The little distance between them was shortened by Ronno, who rested his head against Bambi’s, bringing their foreheads and antlers together. Bambi’s breathing stopped so suddenly that his heart shuddered, unable to move away.

“It was worth it.” Was all Ronno said, looking at him meaningfully.

Isn’t that the reason why it is worth fighting for that love? Isn’t that the true meaning of a life?

Niyati was right.

Bambi was still alive because of Ronno. He was always the one who gave meaning to Bambi’s life.

Bambi wanted to tell him how much he made him feel, too. How much he loved him. How foolish he had been to not realize it. But Ronno didn’t deserve those words right now—not when they were both at their most vulnerable.

Bambi would fix it. He would start over.

“Ronno… Are we okay?” Bambi murmured, not separating from Ronno.

Ronno exhaled slowly, “Yeah, we are.”

A tear fell to the ground. Bambi hadn’t been able to hold back his watery eyes any longer. He cried silently, his head pressed against Ronno’s, until he felt a tongue gently licking the trail of his tears. Ronno also licked Bambi’s scar, making him close his eye.

Bambi felt terribly relieved.

Without realizing it, his legs weakened from that relief, making Bambi slowly fall to the ground, making Ronno follow him. They lay down on their legs, closer than before, and looked into each other’s eyes.

“I think you need more rest.” Ronno told him.

“Can I rest with you?” Bambi asked, testing the waters. Ronno stared at him, but nodded silently.

Bambi snuggled closer to him and Ronno pressed himself closer to Bambi, as if he never wanted to let go.

Bambi understood that feeling now. He was never going to let go of something so precious to him again.

Never again.

Bambi woke up with a start at the beginning of the night, a slight panic choking his lungs. He looked to his side and realized that Ronno was gone.

Getting up from the grass, Bambi looked around, searching for him in the bushes, until he came out of Ronno’s home. He felt relief wash over him when he saw him. Ronno was outside, lying down, looking up at the sky—at the stars.

Bambi walked over to him with calm steps. Ronno turned his head at the sound of his hooves.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Ronno said.

Bambi lay down beside him without hesitation.

He gave Ronno a look that was half amused and half relieved, “Somehow I can feel when you’re gone now.”

“I’m sorry.” Ronno smirked at him for that, despite everything.

They both awake and looking at the stars, Ronno asked about everyone else, about their friends, about Faline, about Bambi’s father, wanting to know how life was going in their new home. Ronno had found out about the forest fire shortly after it happened, and he confessed to Bambi that he wanted to go back when he found out, but he was a coward with himself. Bambi didn’t blame him for it, and told him everything he wanted to know.

“It must be hard… being Prince of the Forest.” Ronno teased fondly.

“Don’t tease me, it is.” Bambi laughed, making Ronno’s smile grow.

They had always been better like that.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Ronno confessed, turning his gaze to the sky. “When I found you in the forest with that trap, I thought I was dreaming. I was able to get to you thanks to Niyati, that little robin. I knew him for a while. He helped me heal you and feed you when you were unconscious.”

Ronno continued, sliding his gaze towards Bambi, “Has he ever told you what his name means?”

Bambi shook his head.

“It means ‘destiny’.” Ronno replied.

One afternoon Ronno took him to see a place near the forest—it was a field with many flowers about to change for autumn. Among its grasses the humidity of the season could already be seen, but the place was still having a hard time getting started.

In the middle of that field there was a pair of deer, nuzzling their necks.

“It’s beautiful, don’t you think?” Ronno asked him, as if in that way he was testing the waters, too.

Bambi looked at him, and for the first time, he saw how happiness and excitement shone in Ronno’s eyes. For the first time, Bambi felt like he was a fawn again.

“Yeah, it is.”

Shortly after, Ronno challenged him to a race across the field, and Bambi was overjoyed to be able to run, run, and keep running free with no destination alongside Ronno again.

“Come on, Bambi!” Ronno grinned mischievously, trotting away from him. His strong legs moved faster. “Can’t you keep up with me?”

Bambi chuckled, “Shut up, I’ll be at your side in no time.”

“Prove it to me then, my dear Prince!”

Bambi chased after him until Ronno stopped, and whether he meant to or not, Bambi couldn’t help but crash into him. They both fell to the ground and yelped at the sudden impact, but Bambi burst into laughter. He was very happy that they had given each other the chance to be better like that.

Bambi was on his back, his legs in the air, laughing angelically as Ronno got up on top of him. Their gazes connected, unwavering, and for some reason Bambi had the simple thought of how easy it would be to lift his snout a little and lick Ronno’s cheek.

That time Bambi did it.

Ronno inhaled sharply at the affection, making Bambi blush slightly.

Thump. Thump.

Thump.

They stared at each other until Bambi smiled warmly, a smile just for them.

“Will you let me fix what I’ve broken?” He asked Ronno quietly, looking at him meaningfully.

Ronno smiled, his eyes soft, “You already did when you came to me.”

Bambi’s eyes became watery again, but he didn’t allow the tears to come out. It was the first time in years that he felt that way, that sensitive for someone he cared about.

“I’m sorry I made you wait.” Bambi whispered.

That was the moment. Ronno deserved that moment.

“I love you.” Bambi whispered it to him with all the meaning of the word, with all the intensity of the feeling.

And the beautiful expression Ronno gave him for it was as if a big weight had really, really been lifted off his back. His eyes also shone with the same feeling that Bambi’s shone with. For them, only for them and their future.

Ronno lowered his head and nuzzled the side of Bambi’s face tenderly, “I love you too, Bambi. I always have.”

Bambi felt his heart echoing in his chest, running through his ribcage, reminding him of a time when it used to be whole, full, happy—but most of all at home. And right now, Bambi was at home. He was with Ronno, and he wanted to be with him forever.

Bambi had found what he had lost.

That close, Ronno smelled good, felt good. Bambi felt his breath catch in his throat when Ronno licked his snout shortly after, a slow kiss to his cheek that made Bambi shiver. Their faces nuzzled with a bit of desperation to keep feeling each other.

He longed for it with all his might.

Bambi gasped, “Is this how you’ve felt every day?”

“It’s not enough.” Ronno said softly against his fur, licking his cheek as Bambi moved closer to him. “This isn’t enough to show you everything I’ve been feeling for you.”

“Then show me.” Bambi almost begged, feeling himself burn. “Show me the life you dreamed of. Because being like this with you, always, makes me want to have it.”

Ronno did, when they returned home.

They felt closer than they had ever felt before.

Love knows no distance…

Bambi loved every touch, every caress, every pressure, every affection.

…sharing your being with someone has no limits…

He loved what they were when they were together—better, happy, with hope.

…happiness lasts…

He savored everything they had missed in the past with a tear.

…and yes, there may be some tears…

Bambi loved the deer that marked him in a thousand ways.

Isn’t that the true meaning of a life?

Bambi had found it.

The next morning, they woke up curled up together, but they didn’t move. Bambi rested his head against the base of Ronno’s neck, nuzzling him occasionally, careful not to hit him with his antlers. Meanwhile, Ronno gave Bambi short licks, grooming him in his own way with small, tickling kisses.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Ronno said quietly, as if it were something that had to happen.

Bambi laughed angelically, looking up at him, “You dream so high, Ronno.”

Ronno raised an eyebrow, and Bambi grinned fondly at him.

“Who did I get that from?” Ronno snorted, laughing too.

Bambi felt that laugh against him. He felt that happiness in his bones.

“I want to grow old with you too.” Bambi said in return, licking him. “If I had to start my life over, I would try to find you much sooner.”

“I’m here, I’m not leaving again.” Ronno assured him, bringing his nose close to Bambi’s to nuzzle it. He whispered slowly, “My dear, dear Prince.”

Bambi shivered at the pure affection of the nickname.

“Let’s go back home then.” Bambi told him, breathing comfortably against his fur. He licked Ronno’s nose. “Come back with me.”

Ronno looked at him with understanding, offering him immense relief when he kissed him and whispered that this was the life he had always dreamed of.

A future with him.

A future together.

Going home was hard. But it was also a new beginning.

The news that the Prince of the Forest was returning reached all the animals, and when Bambi stood before his father with Ronno at his side, he was the first deer to welcome Ronno back into the herd.

“I’m glad to see you well, son.” His father spoke gently to Bambi, smiling at Ronno afterwards. Ronno offered him a bow as an apology for all the trouble caused, but Bambi’s father shook his head. “Glad to see you too, Ronno. I’m glad to know that you found each other. That’s what matters.”

“Thank you for everything, dad.” Bambi thanked him with a nuzzle.

“Be happy in your own way, Bambi.”

Faline stepped out of the group of animals and approached Bambi, kissing him on the cheek for the last time. It was a sweet farewell.

“Live well, Bambi.” Then she approached Ronno and smiled tenderly, “I’m glad to see you again, Ronno. I wish you the best. Take care of him.”

Ronno looked at Bambi and in his eyes was the gleam of everything they had been through together; it was the reflection of sadness, happiness, tenderness and love—everything they had been feeling every day together.

“With my life.” Ronno promised Faline.

Thumper kept hugging Bambi and Ronno’s legs until Flower pulled him away from them to give them something—flowers. This time, their flowers were the same: they were called myrtles, and they were the representation of true love, of hearts that beat as one.

Bambi didn’t know how Flower had managed to keep those flowers alive in autumn, but he was very grateful.

He loved all of them a lot.

A bird’s chirp was louder among the sounds of nature, and Bambi and Ronno looked up at the sky.

There was Niyati, singing for them.

Bambi and Ronno smiled widely at their dear friend, destiny.

Bambi was finally at home.

He could finally breathe.

Time often healed the wounds that had been reopened.

Some days Bambi watched the forest accompanied by Ronno—his mate, his husband, his soulmate.

Some days he came home to find Ronno building it bigger, talking to Niyati as he parted bushes, laughing at his stories until he turned around, until he smiled at Bambi and went to him, nuzzling him as if he were the most precious thing in his world; some days Ronno came home and Bambi welcomed him with a new sparkle in his eyes, showing Ronno with every gesture, with every part of him, how much he loved him and would continue to love him.

There were times when a loved one marked you in a thousand ways.

Sometimes you didn’t know what you had until you lost it.

Because sometimes hearts got lost, but they always tried to find their way back.

And along the way, it had always been Bambi and Ronno—it had always been them and their hearts longing to be found.