Chapter Text
Shen Jiu opened his eyes to a blurry world.
Before he opened his eyes, he saw his life flashing inside his head. He was an orphan, turned a slave, turned a killer, then the master of Qing Jing before ending his life as a human pickle with the Xuan Su sword in his mouth.
Now he woke up again as a baby in a woman’s arms.
Her name was ‘Mother’.
He wasn't a normal baby, that was for sure. Shen Jiu’s awareness was of a soul with a few hundred years of trauma and pride, so instead of crying when he was hungry, he just tried to meditate to forget the hunger. Instead of crying when he soiled his nappy, Shen Jiu just tried to open his nappy by himself (although he mostly failed to do so). If he was feeling bored, he just stared at the ceiling with all the hanging stars and moons.
His mother commented all the time how odd of a baby he was, and surprisingly hard to take care of. Shen Jiu wondered why, since he should be easy to take care of– he seldom cries (he won’t cry if he doesn’t need to), he doesn’t ask for cuddles so his mother is free to do whatever she needs to do (not that she has anything to do. Shen Jiu started to suspect that theirs was an upper class family as her mother never seemed to do any chores. ). They could leave him alone on his cot and he would be silent and just meditating, disturbing no one.
The only thing he couldn’t control was his nightmare. It often left him awake with throat hoarse from screaming and face wet from tears. His nightmare mostly focused on all his traumas, which well, a lot. And it made him reluctant to sleep if he could. His mother was very unhappy with it, and they went to paediatrics all the time yet the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with Shen Jiu.
Oh, and he hated his name. Shen Jiu. why? This might be his second life, this was supposed to be a new life, even though Meng Po forgot to give him the soup of life. But why was he destined to be named Shen Jiu everytime?
All in all, he was reborn as a baby in this new world. It was fascinating. There was no qi, the air quality was bad, but the rest was surprisingly convenient. He saw that his room was always set to an even temperature despite daytime or nighttime. There was this good lighting inside his room that was way better than the lanterns and candles he was used to. His clothes were different in style and materials, and he knew his diapers were always new– they didn't wash or reuse the old ones. He has dolls made from the softest material, even softer than fox fur. His food was surprisingly nice as well, with a taste of fruits and vegetables that he never even heard before (his mother always coaxed him to eat using the name of the food ingredients, stating fruits and vegetables will make Shen Jiu grow stronger). Even the milk he was given was more nutritious than the ones he had when he was a Peak Master.
Slowly he recognised his new family. Papa Shen was a rich man, judging from how he talked and dressed up. Mama Shen was a popular social butterfly, looking young and beautiful despite her age. It seemed like she used to be a famous actress before she married Papa Shen. It was a wonder why she chose to take care of Shen Jiu by herself when she could hire nannies, which showed her determination to rear her children by her own hands. Shen Jiu also has an older brother named Shen Qi, whose name was too uncomfortable to be true. Yue… no, Shen Qi was seven years older than him, and was hailed as a young master of many talents. Shen Qi could speak in five languages fluently, good at polo sport and riding horses, top of his class (which he skipped two grades) as well as very mildly tempered. Just like Yue Qi.
It made him uncomfortable to get close. He didn’t want another Yue Qingyuan case, who abandoned him and lied to him all the time. He knew Yue Qi still loved him as a brother till the end, however he wasn’t the Yue Qi Shen Jiu loved; he was already Yue Qingyuan the benevolent leader of Cang Qiong. This made Shen Jiu ignore and avoid his older brother a lot in the beginning. Yet just like Yue Qi, Shen Qi was adamant to be with him all the time, teaching him writing, talking and walking.
Slowly he got used to it. It felt like a dream, when he received all the attention from his brother. Even with his hot-tempered anger and cold avoidance, Shen Qi still called him first whenever the boy returned back home. Their mother kept scolding the oldest boy for not washing hands before hugging his little brother. Shen Qi always brought something new for Shen Jiu – from plushies to flowers to little trinkets. Shen Jiu’s room almost turned into a hoarder heaven.
His life this time was a far cry from the miserable orphan beggar life he had. Shen Jiu had no shortage of food and clothing, always able to do whatever he wanted, and wasn't hit or abused at all. He was the baby of the family, which meant a lot of cuddles and squalled for everything he did. Even with his cold demeanour, his family still followed him with cameras (a device that documented moments with detailed visual and sound, sort of like a special talisman that records things; but even better), documenting Shen Jiu’s ever developmental milestones. He felt treasured and pampered to the bone.
It was novel, and felt good.
After seeing how obsessed her first son was with her second, Mama Shen started to pay more attention to both of them. She spoiled Shen Jiu and Shen Qi endlessly with food and trips together. She dressed them up in matching clothes, getting them many photoshoots. Because Shen Jiu was a cute toddler, his mother had no hesitation in dressing him with flowery, flowy dresses meant to be for little girls. Shen Jiu acted nonchalant about it, but Mama Shen caught him looking at the mirror, twirling and nodded with satisfaction as if Shen Jiu was 70 years old instead of 20 months. Shen Jiu seemed to move better with a flowy skirt too. He was really a cute toddler, and Mama Shen was proud of her gene that made good kids.
While Shen Qi showed interest in language and sports, Shen Jiu seemed to be attracted to music. The boy was surprisingly able to play some melody on the antique Guqin Mama Shen bought as a room decor years ago. So she gave him simple music lessons, as she herself could play piano for a bit. However, she was in for a very big surprise. Shen Jiu’s talent in music amazed her. With his little hands, he already mastered Canon in D within 2 days. It made her and her husband so proud that they created a music room for Shen Jiu to play with. Far from the generic chaotic sounds toddler make, Shen Jiu was able to create a melody which made little birds come and perch on their balcony railings, listening to the melody.
So, Mama Shen did what every proud parent would do. She recorded the moment with glee, and then shared it with all her friends, family, and fans about how great her son was.
And everyone agreed with her. Within days, the video of Shen Jiu playing the piano and guqin became a national trend albeit just for a day. Suddenly everybody wanted to invite Shen Jiu to talent shows, socialite tea parties and kids shows. When Mama Shen asked her sons about it, she was very surprised when her first son was very against it, stating that Shen Jiu was too young to meet that many new people. Meanwhile, her second son suddenly closed himself and became even more silent than before, even refusing to play anything for a while.
She realised her mistake, so she stopped sharing the stolen moments of her second sons. She apologised and promised to her sons that she wouldn’t do it anymore. Soon, the trend died, and people moved on. And with it, Shen Jiu’s interest in music returned slowly but surely. He played every morning, while Mama Shen accompanied her son’s music hour while drinking expensive tea that both mother and son liked. In the end, Shen Jiu’s musical talent was so magnificent that the Shen parents decided to enrol their son to the best musical education possible.
(The funniest thing was everybody thought Shen Jiu was a little girl. Mama Shen documented him playing while using a light green little dress, with his shoulder length hair tied at the back with green ribbon. His chubby, focused face and little hands were so cute, further tricking any video viewers. Thus people thought the Shen family’s second child was a girl instead of a boy. That created a problem in the later years, where people wanted to marry their sons to Shen Jiu, thinking he was the best daughter-in-law candidate.)
Papa Shen believed that he had chosen the best wife for him. Why? Because aside from her beauty and brain, her genes matched well with his as they have produced two little perfect humans. His firstborn, Shen Qi, was the well mannered, intelligent heir. Their second, Shen Jiu, was the beautiful music genius daughter son he always wanted. They made a pretty picture, sitting together in a high-end Chinese restaurant, eating their soup elegantly while chatting about Shen Qi’s achievement and Shen Jiu’s new songs.
He himself was the fuerdai of an entertainment empire – his father built the family’s TV business, and his uncles spread the business to cover publishing companies and advertising agencies. Their family became one of the most influential families, due to their connections in the entertainment and news industry. He was groomed since he was small to be the perfect heir, and he did his best to satisfy his father’s demand. The only thing he chose for himself was his wife, whom he met in one of the end-of-year entertainment parties for celebrities.
(She unintentionally spilled tea onto his light grey jacket because she was rushing to the corner, but it was all forgotten when she started to play the guqin for the whole room).
And while he was absolutely content with two sons, he was thrilled when his wife told him that they are going to have a third one.
Shen Jiu knew how it was to have sisters and brothers.
When he was still a snotty street rat, he lived together with three younger boys (annoying, always burdening him and Qi ge) and two other girls (they were all older than him, and they doted on him, so Shen Jiu likes having sisters). Sisters are better than brothers.
Or so he thought. Qiu Hai Tang sort of messed it up for him. Shen Jiu enjoyed the serenity and safety when he was with her, but he also disliked her naivete and pushy spoiled princess behaviour. It made Shen Jiu think having a little sister was not desirable.
Afterward he has little ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ in the Cang Qiong Mountain. It felt like he was inside a den of haters who scrutinised every single thing he did. The only solace he had was when he visited the Red Pavilion to sleep. The Jie Jies were very soft and gentle, and they protected him as much as they could.
And on top of it all, Qi ge was the ultimate big brother slash betrayer that made Sen Jiu wonder why he was even born at all.
So in essence, Shen Jiu knew what it was like to have little siblings, and he didn’t really enjoy it.
This made him avoid looking at his mother’s growing belly. He didn’t know how to feel. He saw how it made his parents and Shen Qi happy, so he should be happy too. Yet he wasn’t, not really. Honestly, if he could, he would like to be the last of Shen children, because he knew he would lose the attention from his family. He was jealous of a baby who was not even born yet, what a petty human Shen Jiu had become. He was too pampered with the attention he got from his current family and now it made him hate an unborn kid!
So he kept quiet and just turned around whenever they were having “baby” moments.
He thought he was subtle; however one day, when his mother was seven months pregnant, they had the baby’s first kick moment. Shen Qi was so happy he cried himself to sleep. Their father and mother cuddled and kissed. Shen Jiu just sat on the opposite sofa, watching them in silence. He turned away and returned to his Chinese poetry book.
Shen Jiu was surprised when his father suddenly squatted in front of him. Papa Shen put his hand and wrapped it on Shen Jiu’s little fist. Shen Jiu then realised he was holding the book too tightly, so he let go.
Papa Shen smiled softly, “Do you want to go out with me, son? Just the two of us.”
Shen Jiu just nodded, because it was very novel for his father to ask him like that. He also saw his father signalling his mother to stay, while Shen Qi was still napping beside her on the sofa.
His father brought him to a nearby park, cajoling him with the toys some street vendors were offering, but Shen Jiu disliked them all. He didn’t need toys. He knew he was being prepared for the scolding because he was not acting like a good child, a good older brother.
“I am sorry.” he apologised. “I will do better.”
“Why are you sorry?” his father asked, and it made Shen Jiu feel even worse.
“... I am not acting like a good brother. I should be happy like gege.”
Papa Shen squatted again, this time taking both Shen Jiu’s hands. “Are you not happy with your new little sibling? Why?”
Shen Jiu didn’t know how to explain that little siblings always hurt him, so he just shrugged.
“Shen Jiu ah,” Papa Shen stood and suddenly carried Shen Jiu up. He was still small enough for his father to carry him. “Your mother and I still loved you very much.”
Shen Jiu closed his eyes and hid himself on the nook of his father’s neck. Funny how it felt so comfortable and so novel. Having a father was a new thing, and it didn’t feel quite as bad as he thought. Shen Jiu used to avoid men, but Papa Shen was not like any men.
“Regardless of anything, we were very happy when you were born to us. Shen Jiu is one of papa’s most precious treasures. No matter what happens, Shen Jiu is loved and always treasured. Papa hope you can share the love with your little sibling soon, but if you don’t want to, then tell Papa and Papa will make you feel better.”
Shen Jiu wondered what that meant.
“Just don’t try to keep it to yourself. Little boy like you shall just enjoy your time. Papa and Mama are always here to listen.”
It was cute how Papa Shen, who was surely smaller than Shen Jiu’s real age, tried to comfort him. It was novel, yet it was touching. It wasn’t the best thing he could have said; yet the emotion just shone through and touched Shen Jiu. Shen Jiu didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or to cry, so he settled for both.
His father bought him a stack of Chinese Calligraphy set for him (Shen Jiu’s request, to Papa Shen’s silent acceptance that his little boy was going to be a Chinese scholar type), and they went home in smiles.
Shen Jiu watched as the little baby slept.
They were in hospital. Unfortunately, his little brother was born prematurely. He was so small, unable to breathe by himself, so he was incubated in the Baby ICU for three nights already. His mother was still crying and feeling sorry for birthing him too soon, while Papa Shen was trying his best to support his wife.
Shen Qi and Shen Jiu were finally brought to hospital to meet their newest sibling.
“His name is Shen Yuan”, their father told them. Shen Qi immediately watery eyed while watching his baby brother in the incubator. Shen Jiu watched Shen Qi’s sobbing and turned back to the little baby fighting inside the incubator.
Silently, he wished his little brother Shen Yuan to get better soon. Shen Jiu didn’t know how, but he could try, he would be the best brother Shen Yuan would ever have.
(The nurses were squealing. They liked to gossip, and since their newest patient was the famous Shen Family, they watched them like hawks. They praised Papa Shen for his handsome and gallant behaviour, supporting his wife. They envied Mama Shen’s beauty and grace, as well as silently supporting her to get better soon. They giggled at Shen Qi, whom although only ten years old, already looked so handsome, who knows how handsome he would turn out to be. And they squealed for the beauty of Shen Jiu, who looked like a silent and cool beauty watching their baby brother closely. The Shen family became sort of spectacle and conversation topic for the week they spent in the hospital, and everybody praised them for being perfect – a gallant husband, a delicate wife, a handsome first son, a little baby fighting for his life, and … a beautiful daughter).