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Chapter Text

She's twelve. She's already twelve, and she's yet to get her words.

As far as she's been informed, everyone in the whole universe gets them: the words their soulmate utters to them when they first meet, inked somewhere on their skin.

Soulmate, on the other hand, is the official name for the person who is meant to be someone's life partner. Ultimately, once the words are said and a connection is established, it'll be up to the soulmates to decide how their relationship will build up from there. It's almost always bound to turn romantic, not because they have to but because the deep emotional connection that is shared between the soulmates is practically impossible to resist.

It's extremely rare for soulmates to decide on a platonic relationship, and even rarer to reject your soulmate. To have to reject your soulmate... she's heard that it can be so traumatic for both parties that it has been known to kill. But that happens so scarcely. Who would after all purposefully hurt themselves?

According to her mother, it's rare to find someone over the age of ten with their skin still unmarked, like her case; rare, yes, but not unheard of.

Her parents, they're the lucky ones. They're each other's soulmates, having found each other early in life, and she can't help but want that now. She often catches herself wondering about her own happily ever after, and it's close to impossible to have to imagine such scenarios without the words to start the fairytale in her head.

She's grumbling. She knows it's ridiculous, but it's irrational. She doesn't realize her muttering under her breath attracts someone's attention.

"You'll get your words soon enough, Kara," her Aunt Astra says as she steps towards her. At this point, she's so used to her aunt being able to see right through her, like always. She's almost sure her aunt knows her more than her own mother. Her aunt gives her a gentle embrace, to which she receives wholeheartedly.

Her fists tighten as she grasps at her aunt's robes. She's twelve yet she's expected to act like the adult that she is, but she allows herself this one time to feel childish; it's Aunt Astra so it's a safe environment.

"It's not fair," she complains lightly. "Kal isn't even a year old, yet he already has his words." Kal-El is her baby cousin; his blue eyes and curly fringe are his most distinct features, besides being absurdly adorable. Written on his left ankle, there's a loopy fancy script that ironically reads "Hi, er. Hi."

Her aunt loosens her hold on her and she takes that as an indication to let go, her arm falls useless to her sides. Her aunt bends down to meet her at eye-level, tapping her lightly on the nose in a playful manner. The mere action gets the desired effect: the corners of her eyes crinkle as the edges of her lips tug upwards; she's giggling, like the child she'd once been.

"Patience, little one."

She's then left to watch her aunt's robes billow in the breeze as she exits the room, possibly to attend to her duties. Her aunt's movements are fluid and precise, and she can't help but feel crestfallen for the woman. Her aunt is so fierce and formidable on the battlefield yet so kind and graceful in her judgment; it makes her heart pang at how her aunt still hasn't met the person who will utter the words "Looks like we'll be here for a while" etched onto her palm in a messy handwriting. She's amazed at the woman's compassion and her willingness to trouble herself with her niece's silly little anxieties over not having her words when she herself hasn't even met her soulmate yet.

She briefly contemplates if her aunt's encouraging words are really meant for her, or for herself.

#

Just a week later-- no, not even a full week, more like a little over five days later-- aliens drop ships and soldiers all around Krypton, with the intention of conquering them through brute force. They're ugly creatures: extremely tall, bony, wrinkly and brown. They hold a tremendous amount of intellect, and they're about as intelligent as they are vicious.

Every Kryptonian fighter is deployed, every weapon available is fired, but the creatures --they call themselves the Dominators-- are ruthless. They eradicate everything and everyone that gets in their way without even blinking.

Her aunt...

She's watching her aunt give her all in the battle that takes place everywhere; she prays to Rao her aunt comes out of this alive and that she comes out on top. She screams from her place by the window when Aunt Astra gets struck by a laser beam that hits the back of her head. The horrific scene of absolute gore and utter disbelief makes her regurgitate right there.

It's her mother who later finds her on her knees, still by the window, in a puddle of her vomit and tears.

"Aunt Astra's gone, she's gone, she's gone... she's gone."

She'll never get to meet Aunt Astra's soulmate.

Aunt Astra deserves more than what she got.

#

She feels like she's floating, and not at all in a good way. She feels like someone has tossed her into the ocean with an anvil chained to her feet. The pain, the loss, everything weighs down on her as she tries to fight it but she can't. She can't. Just a couple of days ago, she'd been fretting about her words, or lack thereof. It'd been vapid at best, but it'd been simple... manageable. Her Aunt had just been there wrapped around her like she'd always been.

And now her beautiful, brave Aunt Astra is gone.

She isn't sure what she's supposed to do, so she runs. From her house's study, she dashes towards her room in seek of comfort. She hears voices from the living room, she slows down and tiptoes. It's her parents and Kal's parents.

"We don't have a choice, Lara!" Her father is saying to Kal's mother. "The Dominators-- they've already destabilized Krypton's core."

"Lara," her mother says, much more gently than her father. "There's no other way to guarantee their safety."

Aunt Lara sobs, forehead connecting to Uncle Jor-El's shoulder as she cradles baby Kal closer to her.

Uncle Jor-El looks gravely ashen as he stares at his son, posture signaling defeat. "When?"

"At the rate we're seeing? Kara and Kal-El would have to be at least three lightyears away in the next two hours."

Her eyes widen as she stumbles back, words robbed from her. She wants to burst in; she wants to argue; she wants to yell at them. She wants to question just why are they not thinking of themselves. She wants to reason with them, wants them to come too because they're family. Kal is just a baby; he's going to need his parents.

But then she hears her mother's voice crack at the mere mention of her name, and she suddenly remembers there's only so much room in an escape pod for a single passenger.

Her shoulder blades meet the wall and she lets herself slide down.

As far as she knows, they only have two available pods.

#

Her mother's grasp on her hand hurts, but she doesn't dare tell her to let go, not when this is the last time she'll ever hold her hand. They're running to where they know her father is waiting, but they don't run at their top speed. Despite the urgency of the situation, she knows they both just want as much time to spend with each other as they can possibly get. She can hear the ticking in her head, drawing nearer and nearer to their doom.

She picks up on the telltale sound of take off. She looks up and doesn't miss the streak of light and smoke that shoots across the sky. That's it right there; that's her destiny literally being written in the stars before her eyes: to follow her cousin to the planet Earth, where she'll raise him, teach him their ways and protect him from danger. It's a mission she intends to fulfill, for Uncle Jor-El and Aunt Lara.

She wishes she had the chance to say goodbye to her Aunt Astra just as she'd done with Kal's parents earlier. Oh but fate really is cruel when it wants to be.

Her father is there by her pod, waiting. Reading the tension in his shoulders, she can see the despondency he's so desperately trying to mask.

Her mother lets go as her father clutches her shoulder.

"Your pod's coordinates are interlocked with Kal-El's. You will follow him to Earth," he says in that stern voice she's used to hearing, and she's grateful for the bit of normalcy.

In the bravest tone she can muster, she replies, "I'm not afraid, Father." She pictures her Aunt Astra, tries to mimic how she holds herself in battle so she won't give away just how terrified she actually is.

"The trip is long," her mother says, "but you'll sleep most of the way. We'll be with you in your dreams. You'll journey to Earth to look after your baby cousin." She can't take the defeat in her mother's eyes, but she can't look away, not when she knows she's never going to see them again. "Because of the Earth's yellow sun, you'll have great powers on this planet. You will do extraordinary things."

"I won't fail Kal-El," she promises, "or you."

Her mother surges forward to plant a kiss on her forehead, and the back of her mind reminds her that this is the last time she'll ever get her mother's maternal affection and guidance. She takes it; she takes it all. "Don't you ever forget, Kara. You belong to the House of El, a house of hope. In your darkest moments, never give up hope. I love you."

She's about to say it back --to attempt to convey all her emotions, everything she's thinking, all her fears, how it physically hurts to have to leave them; those three words unsaid as they get caught in her throat.

Somewhere in the building, an explosion reverberates and they all know the Dominators are closing in. Before she knows it, she's shoved into the pod, strapped in. The pod automatically senses her and the door locks. Her eyes snap to where her parents are--

She wishes she hasn't.

Dominators are there. Her father is lying motionless on the floor, eyes open and lifeless.

Her mother is being lifted into the air by a hand curled dangerously around her neck. She shrieks at the monsters to let her mother go, but her pod already takes off.

Her eyes are closing as coldness wraps around her, the pod readying her for hypersleep. She tries to fight it. All she wants to do is thrash around or turn the pod back around for her parents.

She can't do either. The cryochamber can't not put her to sleep and the pod has a set destination.

Her eyes feel heavy.

It's cold.

The last thing she hears is an explosion.

#

She is jolted awake when her head bangs against the glass of her pod hard.

She's awake.

That means she's arrived.

She blinks as she takes in her surroundings: a barren empty desert. She's arrived, and she's alone. Kal's pod is nowhere to be found. She's just left her home only to find herself alone. Where's Kal?

Where's Kal?

She becomes uneasy at the thought of her baby cousin alone. She panics at the idea of dying here alone in a strange new planet.

Almost seemingly out of nowhere, there's a man standing in front of her pod, effortlessly ripping off the broken glass pane as if it were paper. Rationally, she should be scared, but she gets a clear view of the man's familiar features and she feels a strange sense of calm.

Perhaps it's the recognizable eyes or even the fringe?

No, on the man's chest is her family's coat of arms that perfectly matches hers.

It can't be... but she asks it. "Kal?"

The man smiles warmly and extends a hand. "Hello, Kara. You've had a long journey."

#

She doesn't understand how she's able to walk, much less stand. All she wants is to do is go back to the bed, curl up and cry.

She just wants to cry and be the child she never got to be.

Her cousin --her once baby cousin, now a fully grown man-- informs her that she's late by twenty-four years. She knows he's not purposefully being insensitive, that he's joking to lighten up the mood for her sake, but it doesn't work. Her perception of time is different from his. To him, all twenty-four years of his life, he's just a human with what looks like tremendous power. To her, it's only been a couple minutes --maybe an hour tops-- since she's made a promise to Kal's parents and her parents. She promised she'd take care of him. Part of the reason why she'd agreed so easily is because she thought she'd have time to grieve over everything she's lost.

Watching over Kal-El is supposed to give her some sort of peace.

But no. Once again, fate decides to backhand her.

Her biggest dilemma in life was just supposed to be her not having her words, but then she had to watch Aunt Astra get shot in the head, had to watch her mother get strangled, had to live with the fact that her entire planet was blown to bits by aliens!

And now she's robbed of her plan of healing the way she'd wanted to by twenty-four years.

Kal squeezes her hand before letting go, only to drop to his knees to gather her petite frame in his arms. She wants to be mad at him, wants to tell him that she's far more mature than how he's treating her, but… she loves it.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she says lamely, desperately trying her best not to cry. She's already being childish by accepting the hug, she can't add sniveling to that.

"Doesn't matter to me, Kara. What matters is that you're here now. I'm really glad you're here." He sounds so sincere. She wants to be petty, to be bitter at the fact that Kal wasn't raised by her, but she can't; the people who raised him had clearly done a much better job than what she would have anyway.

The thought leaves a bitter aftertaste. "I… I was supposed to watch over you."

"I'm sure you would have done great."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Kara. But right now, you'll need to stay with the Danvers, okay?"

"What? You're— We're… I'm not staying with you."

Kal-El stiffens at her defeated statement. He pulls back and looks at her gravely. "I can't… It's not that I don't want you around. You're family. But with me being Superman? It'd be too dangerous. I have a lot of enemies, and they will not hesitate to use you to get to me. You're still relatively new to this planet. You're still getting used to your new surroundings. With a longer exposure to the sun, you'll soon develop powers like mine, but until you are able to control them, you'll need to stay hidden."

She understands, she really does. Strategically, it's a reasonable request, but given what has just happened — at least, what she thinks has just happened— she wants him to stay.

"The Danvers are great," he goes on. "They're scientists. They helped me understand my powers and how to use them."

She nods her understanding.

"Hey. Kara. Look at me." She doesn't realize she's been looking down. She lifts her head. "This isn't goodbye. Goodness, you just got here. Please remember, Metropolis isn't far from Midvale, so I'll always be around when you need me."

She wants to laugh at how ridiculous her life has turned out. "That's my line."

He laughs for the both of them. "You'll forgive me if I'll be the one who'll look after you here on out, baby cousin." He laughs harder when she hits his shoulder. "I'll come back soon, all right? I'll even bring Lois!"

Her nose wrinkles at the unfamiliarity of the name. "Lois?"

His smile goes tame and he blushes a little. "My soulmate."

Not even a year old and he'd gotten his words. And now she learns he, once again, has beaten her to meeting their respective soulmates. She can't bring herself to be mad, however, seeing how happy he is.

Her planet is dead. Everyone she knows is gone. It's not that she deserves to get her words now; it's that there's no one out there who should have her as a soulmate. They'll only end up with nothing but grief.

She smiles, much more genuinely now. "I can't wait to meet her."

#

Kal introduces her to the Danvers before flying off, promising to be back soon. The matriarch approaches her with great caution, not unlike she's inching towards a scared child. She then realizes she's still twelve or thirteen years old; in Krypton, she's a young adult but to a human, she's still a child. The woman gives her a kind smile, one that makes her feel warm inside.

"I know I'm not your mother, and I will never try to replace her, but you're safe now," the woman says. "My name is Eliza. And that man over there is my husband, Jeremiah. We'll be looking out for you from now on."

She nods, unsure of what else to do. The woman holds out her hand and she takes it.

This is the beginning of a rewritten chapter in her life.

#

Kara Zor-El is no more. From the ashes, Kara Danvers takes her place. Kara Zor-El is dead, but all of Kara Zor-El's baggage just has to be brought over to Kara Danvers. Logically, she knows just because she has shed her Kryptonian identity doesn't mean all her psychological trauma would magically go away, but there's no harm in hoping right?

Eliza and Jeremiah have another daughter, their actual biological daughter named Alex, and she's positively sure she hates her. She hasn't outright said it but it's clear in the way she glares at her over dinner, only to quickly cover it up with a faux smile that manages to pass genuine.

She understands her dislike; she's just some alien her parents decided to take in. Any teenager would likely feel the same when their orderly routine has been shaken.

She just wishes Alex will someday warm up to her.

#

Her first day of school is... complicated, at best.

She doesn't understand the curriculum, not really.

The science and math are easy enough, she'd grown up on it. Seeing her excel in both areas, she is placed in pre-calculus (she'd already taken the full course of calculus at age four) and Advanced Science 8 (her father had taught her quantum physics and organic chemistry; granted she forgot a lot of it, but the basics they teach in this school is laughably easy).

English is simple, but literature is hard. She's never heard of a Shakespeare and it makes her wonder if she really needs to be acquainted with his work; they're poetic, she'll give him that but that's it.

Foreign language is a subject she's okay with. Her mother was a judicator, who found the use of learning different languages an asset in her line of work. She'd grown up listening to the different melodies and rhythms of the languages of different worlds that her mother had to learn. She ends up choosing ASL and French.

Social Studies are awful. She knows about her own planet's history, and twelve others. She doesn't know Earth's history or geography or governments; she literally crash-landed two days ago, give her a break!

But then... there's the social aspect to it.

Everyone avoids her like the plague.

Apparently, no one wants to be friends with the new girl who's way too smart, way too athletic (the yellow sun is doing wonders for her), way too hungry (again, the yellow sun is all the power source she needs, but food in this planet is actually better compared to Krypton; she doesn't understand why kids find the cafeteria food disgusting), and just plain strange (it's not her fault her ears are sensitive to the bells and chattering, and that her eyes can suddenly see past lockers).

Kids in this world are cruel. They shove past each other in between classes, and give one another as bad a time as they can. At the end of the day, one boy makes fun of her for walking home instead of taking the bus.

She grits her teeth instead of yelling at him that she physically can't without freaking out.

Kal wants her to have a normal human-type childhood. She's going to do her best to have one for his sake... it's just proving to be more difficult than she'd anticipated.

#

Jeremiah takes her out one day. Not out-out, just far enough that the house almost disappears into the horizon, overlooking the majesty of the sea by a cliffside.

They sit down on a bench, where she tries to sit casually, like how she's observed children in this world do. It's hard; she's trained from day one to have a posture so rigid, having to train herself out of it to slouch to appear more human proves to be a challenge.

"I made these for you," Jeremiah says with a kind smile. He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a pair of spectacles. She doesn't understand, her eyesight is perfect, much better since she's been soaking up the power of the Earth's yellow sunlight so why she'd need glasses is beyond her.

Her doubt must have been obvious because Jeremiah is chuckling. "The frames are lined with lead," he explains as he hands them to her. "They'll suppress your vision, help you fit it, help you make your life..." More human-like? "... easier." Ah.

She puts them on and the whole world goes duller. Not in a less vibrant way, but a more manageable way that allows her to think; she can focus much better now. There isn't a constant annoyance of seeing every single speck of dust that blows in the air around her anymore; her vision is back to the way it was before leaving Krypton.

She's thankful, so she conveys the message by saying just that.

#

A couple of days later, Kal makes good with his promise and comes back. This time, he's in a vehicle, driving, with a woman in the passenger seat.

"Hey, Kara!" Kal says as he exits his vehicle and approaches her.

He's dressed differently compared to last time: his hair is slicked back, meaning the curly fringe she's familiar with is gone; he's wearing glasses (lead-lined too, most-likely), a button up shirt, pants and leather shoes. It isn't just his outfit that's different, so is the way he carries himself. Last time she saw him, his posture had been straighter, looked more sure of himself, and just radiated confidence and strength. Now, he's clumsy, shy, almost like he doesn't want to call attention to himself if he sneezed wrong. If she doesn't know this man, she wouldn't have guessed he's Superman.

It's amazing how he's able to do that, all for the sake of his identity.

"Hi, Kal," she replies.

"Nice glasses!" He says. The way his lips tug upwards into an expression of pure earnest ecstasy makes her heart twinge in a bit of envy. She wonders when she'll be able to have that.

He shoots his arm to his side, to which the woman takes with a roll of her eyes. There's an ease about them that she only ever saw with her parents. She knows it's that soulmate bond between them, but there's something more. There's this trust that runs deep between them anyone can easily detect as they make their way to her. She doesn't know how long they've known each other, but it has to have been years, seeing them be so comfortable with each other. Even with the soulmate bond, most soulmates can't have that same level of reliance.

The woman, once close enough, extends the hand that isn't connected with Kal's towards. She is able to easily spot the words "It's nice to meet you, Miss Lane" on her forearm.

"Hello, Kara. It's nice to finally meet you." She can tell the woman has a professional background; her poise is relaxed but straight, her smile is warm and inviting, her appearance seems to mean a great deal for her job, judging by the careful application of makeup.

She shakes the woman's hand cordially. "It's nice to meet you too, Miss Lois Lane." That takes the woman aback just a bit. She lets her lip quirk upwards just a bit. Seeing Kal's reaction, this reaction isn't a typical one for the woman. "Sorry. Kal mentioned he'd already met his soulmate, that her name is Lois..."

"I didn't tell you her last name," Kal interjects.

One side of her lips curl higher; she revels in that feeling when people underestimate her. "I can see your words." She points at Lois' exposed forearm.

Kal laughs out loud, bringing Lois closer to his frame; the woman blushes slightly, looking a bit flustered. She feels right at home, so she laughs too.

#

Lois Lane, she later learns, is a no-nonsense woman with the wit and two Pulitzers to back that up (she doesn't know what a Pulitzer entails but by the way Kal had said it, it's a huge honor), but she also has the tendency to become rattled and still find humor and irony in it. She can understand why Kal becomes a babbling mess of pride and adoration when he talks about her: she's his perfect match, a loving partner for Clark Kent and a journalist ready to expose the truth about anything with the aid of Superman.

By the time they have to get back to Metropolis, Lois has carefully instilled this idea of helping people with more than just a punch to defeat a criminal or flying a victim out of a burning building; words have an impact too.

#

She doesn't realize she's ripping her blanket seam by seam until she's literally punched in the face. If she hadn't had all that time soaking up the rays of the yellow sunlight, it would have hurt, but it didn't even sting.

Her hand flies to her cheek, more for shock than actual pain.

"Sorry," Alex says, standing over her. She's out of breath, sweaty and alarmed. It's quite literally the first thing Alex has said to her in the month she's been here. The hostile look in her eyes are non-existent; she actually looks apologetic. "You were... screaming in your sleep. I've been trying to wake you up, but you wouldn't..."

She nods; she doesn't mean it, but it comes out frantic.

"Does... Does it hurt?"

"No!" She winces at the volume. "No. It doesn't. Thank you. For waking me up."

"It's fine. I... I get nightmares too sometimes. Not as bad as yours, but... yeah."

Her head tilts in confusion. "Really?" Alex has the ideal life for a fourteen year old human girl. How could she possibly get nightmares?

Alex nods. "Yeah. Happens to the best of us." Alex steps back until the back of her knees hit her own bed, causing her to sit. Alex pats her bed in invitation.

She stares at Alex's hand for the longer part of half a minute. She meets Alex's eyes in a panic when she realizes what Alex means. "I can't! I-I have a perfectly good bed, I can't possibly disturb you further..."

Alex's snort cuts her off. "Please, Kara. I'm not offering for the sake of it. Hey, maybe I'll chase the bad dreams away."

"Really, Alex. It's okay. You've given me enough: half your room, half your closet..."

"Kara." The look Alex gives her is enough to make her cave.

She pushes her way out of her own twin-sized bed to get to Alex's full-sized one. As she settles in, Alex throws the covers over her body.

"Thank you," comes her meek response.

"Hey. What are sisters for?"

Her back is against Alex, so Alex doesn't see the way she beams fully. "Right. Sisters."

#

It's been a week, and she hates herself for not being able to keep the nightmares at bay. She hates herself for not being able to get in her new family's car. She hates herself for not being able to just. Move. On.

She tries. She really does, but the way she seizes up and the sudden thinning of air around her whenever she sees any sort of vehicle happens involuntarily and she despises that about herself.

Eliza, Jeremiah and Kal all suggest therapy. Alex tells her to think about it.

She wants to deny. She wants to kick and scream and say "no!", but one look at Kal-El and she can hear her father tell her sternly: "It's for your own good."

She accepts. 

Begrudgingly.

#

"Hello, Miss Danvers, how are you doing today?"

"Kara, please. And I'm doing well, thank you."

"All right then. Kara. My name is Dr. Quinzel, but you can call me Harleen. Do you know why you're here?"

Hands clench into fists. "My cou-- My family thinks I should."

"But you don't."

"Logically, I know I should be here, but I highly think it's unnecessary."

"Humor me then."

Hands wringing together. "I... I get nightmares every night and... I can't get into... small spaces."

"Okay. Let's start with the nightmares. Can you tell me what they're about?"

Breathe out. "My parents. My aunt." Force down sob. "Me... getting crushed. To death. By ast-- by... a car accident."

"What happened to your parents and aunt, Kara?"

Close eyes. "They... they were murdered. Right there, in front of me."

"Is that your fault?"

Tears ooze out on their own accord. "Yes! I was stuck that pod! I could've-- I was stuck... for so, so long, helpless. I can't--" Breathe in. Breathe out. Fists relax. Fingers fiddle with blouse. "Why can't I be okay again?"

"You can be okay. And I'm not just saying that. From what I'm hearing, Kara, you're incredibly smart and insightful. Is you being stuck in a... pod?"

Eyes snap open. "I-I meant car, sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. Is you being stuck in a car for so long the reason why you can't get into tight spaces?"

Hands open, flat against lap. "I-- I'm... Yes."

"So you're aware that you need to get over this traumatic event for you to be --as you say-- okay again."

"Yes! But how?"

"Kara, my job isn't to tell you how. If it was, I'd be a counselor, not a therapist. I'm simply here to help you through it."

Bite back sarcasm. "I understand, Dr. Quinzel."

"Just Harleen, Miss Danvers."

"Harleen." Compose self. "How often would I need to see you?"

"That depends on how fast you get a hold of things. From what I'm seeing, I'd like to see you every week."

"Okay."

"And I'd like to start you on some anti-anxiety medication."

Panic. "U-Uh, no. Please. That won't be necessary."

"Will you tell me why you think it's unnecessary, Kara?"

Breathe. "I just..." It won't work on me. "I want to get over this myself. Without the need for drugs."

"Kara, the medication I'd prescribe you on won't--"

"No."

"All right, then. No medication. For now. But should your panic attacks get worse, Kara, I'm going to need to give you something. Nothing too bad, just a low dose of something like Prazosin or even Venlafaxine to help control the symptoms."

"I understand. I just... don't want it."

"Okay. Have you ever fainted from one of your panic attacks or unknowingly attacked anyone?"

Shake head. Don't think about accidentally hurting anyone with newly-developed strength. "No."

"All right. Same time, next week, Kara. I expect to see you again."

Nod. "You will."

"Oh and Kara, I know it's just words I'm saying at this point, but you have to learn to forgive yourself. That's the first step to being okay again."

#

"I told you we should've brought the umbrella!" Alex tells her as she quickly strips out of her soaking wet clothes.

"The sun was out this morning," she reasons as she takes off her top. Since that night of sharing Alex's bed, Alex has been diligently and patiently walking with Kara to school instead of taking the bus or having Jeremiah drop them off. "How was I supposed to know the weather was going to drastically change?"

Alex hops in her place as she puts on comfortable gray sweats. "I wish you had weather predicting pow-- oh wow, I didn't know you had two."

Her eyes widen. She looks down at her chest--

Alex laughs. "No, you freak. Your words."

She whirls around and, without meaning to, uses her speed to get to her sister. Alex is dazed for a second, but she's used to her randomly using her powers in the confines on their room. "I have my words?!"

Alex looks stunned. "You didn't know?"

She slaps her palm on her face. All this time, her words have been on her back! And all she's done in Krypton is complain she hasn't gotten them yet. Wonderful.

"Apparently not," she answers.

"I didn't know aliens get the words too."

Her hand drops. "Everyone in the universe gets them."

"Oh. Well... want me to read what they say? You can pick which one I can read first--"

"Wait, hold on. What do you mean?"

"Kara, it's a set."

There's a pause in the room to allow her to process what Alex has just said.

"I have two soulmates?"

"Yep, congratulations."

#

Instead of having to read them, Alex borrows her father's digital camera to take a picture of her shoulder blade and the middle of her back before transferring them to their laptop for her to view them.

On the middle of her back, just right below her shoulder blades, there is an elegant script that says "Green Arrow," which mildly perturbs her. What in the world would prompt her soulmate to say something about a colored arrow as their first greeting to her? Does that mean she has to pick up archery?

The one on her shoulder blade disconcerts her even more, where an almost childlike handwriting reads "You're on fire!"

"I don't know if I should laugh at the thought of you being on fire in front of your soulmate, or keep you locked in here away from all fires forever." She pauses. "Wait, are you immune to fires?"

She throws a pillow at Alex's face as an attempt to cover up how excited she is at finally getting her words, even though they're just a tad absurd.

(But hey, she's an alien trying to live her life as if she isn't, why shouldn't her life be absurd?

Everything is okay. She can have her words. Krypton blowing up hadn't been her fault; it was the Dominators'.)

#

"Umm..."

Clark-- not exactly Kal anymore, if at all; something she realized earlier after their fourth meeting: if Kara Zor-El is gone, so is Kal-El-- grins at her good-naturedly, donned in his red and blue suit, still adorning their family's coat of arms. "We're not driving anywhere. If I'm being a little honest, I don't like cars too."

There he goes again, belittling her as if she were a child. It's been a few months; she should be used to Clark treating her that way, but she still isn't. She wants to stomp her foot, but that'll be even more childish. She settles for crossing her arms over her chest. "Where are we going?"

Clark's grin never wavers and actually stretches wider. "There's no place like home."

"Umm... what?"

That effectively wipes the grin from Clark's face. He mutters something to himself, something about telling the Danvers to make her watch... something. "Just get on, please."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

She kicks at some dirt to make her frustration just obvious enough before begrudgingly climbing onto his back.

"And I can't fly on my own because?"

"You can't."

She grins, all teeth. "Yet."

#

She tells him how Dr. Quinzel says she has post-traumatic stress disorder. Classic symptoms are nightmares, panic attacks, avoiding triggers, always feeling on edge, feeling guilty and taking blame... And guess what? She has all of those symptoms, or at least that's what Dr. Quinzel tells her.

Dr. Quinzel is adamant about the medication.

She continues to refuse.

"But I do all of the homework she gives me," she says. Despite the wind roaring in their ears, they talk at their normal volume since they have super hearing.

"Homework?" He asks, slowing down as he descends into snow.

"Yeah, she makes me read stuff about PTSD and makes me do a bunch of breathing exercises."

When he puts her down, right in front of a great palace of ice, he gives her an indecipherable look.

"What?" She asks eventually, feeling self-conscious.

"Nothing. You're just sounding more like Kara Danvers and less like Kara Zor-El now."

The corners of her lips pull upwards. Being surrounded by kids with a certain colloquial speech pattern and having to live with a fourteen-year-old teenager can do that to one's articulation.

She changes the subject. "Care to tell me where in the world we are, other than the fact that this is obviously the Arctic?"

"Right. Kara, welcome to the Fortress of Solitude."

She grimaces. "That's a mouthful, but oddly has a nice ring to it. Did you name it?"

He shakes his head, not as a response but more to clear his thoughts. "Uh, well... Anyway, this is my headquarters."

Her eyebrows knit at him. It's a sweet sentiment for him to have brought her here, but she doesn't understand why. "And you brought me here because?"

"One, I want to start training you as you're getting your powers. Two... well, you'll see once you get inside."

#

Her life slowly turns for the better in the next few years.

Her family sells their Ford in exchange for a convertible. Jeremiah tells her it's not for her sake, but for the family's.

"It was about time to get a new car," he says as he polishes the left side mirror.

But she knows better. She elects not to say it and instead, embraces her adoptive parents.

A year later and a half later, she can now take the bus with no ill consequences.

School is still easy (she's getting proficient with social studies and literature; in fact, she learns to love the latter) and kids are still cruel, but she learns you only need one friend to live through it.

She and Alex push their beds together in the center of the room so she doesn't have to be embarrassed sharing Alex's bed all the time. She now considers Alex as her closest friend beyond a sister.

She stops seeing Dr. Quinzel around the same time she is able to get a good night's sleep for a whole month. Dr. Quinzel calls her a quick success story.

Clark keeps taking her to the Fortress of Solitude to train her in both her combat skills and her powers. She loves to hate the training, since she doesn't need it; the world only has room for one superhero, but she humors him anyway. It's particularly fun and completely satisfying whenever she wins a sparring match.

She graduates from Midvale High with one of the best grades, just behind Alex. She later obtains her Bachelor of Arts degree in Marketing from National City University, where she also minored in journalism (Lois and Clark really rubbed off on her). A collection of odd jobs and internships later, she lands a sweet job as a personal assistant to Cat Grant. The job isn't that difficult and it pays well enough for her to get her own space in the heart of the city.

Krypton is gone; it's in pieces and it has been for decades now. She's not human, never will be, but she's found a home in their world and in a family she loves to her core.

She just can't wait for the day she finally meets her soulmates.

Chapter Text

It's a little too late now to take it all back; she's already outed herself to the world a little while ago: that one defining moment in her life where she realized it couldn't hurt to have two superheroes protecting the world. She's gone ahead and bitten the bullet, accepting the destiny Clark has always wanted for her (which was ultimately her decision; Lois had told her time and time again that even if she chose to live a normal human life, he'd still love her regardless).

It's been roughly five months since she put on her family's coat of arms that, for the people in this world, symbolized the pinnacle of strength and protection, and she's proud every single time she puts on her suit and do her round of heroics.

Granted, she's nowhere near as good as her cousin, but she's getting a lot better. That is until she loses the trust of the entire city when she gets influenced by red kryptonite. She wants to call Clark or Lois or both and ask for advice, but she doesn't. This is something she has to fix on her own.

As she mentally sorts out how she can possibly win the people's trust back, Siobhan shows up, even though Ms. Grant has already dismissed her from her employment. She calmly stands and tells the other woman to leave. Siobhan, however, refuses and tells her that she ruined her life. Before she can even move to call security, Siobhan demonstrates her newfound ability, to which she learns about it the hard way. Siobhan shrieks at a decibel no human should be able to.

She is flung out the window, disoriented and ears bleeding. She can't think; the pain and the confusion are too much for her to realize she's falling to her death (for her civilian life at least).

Still several feet up in the air, she is ultimately 'saved.'

She is put down a few seconds later, being steadied on her feet. She stumbles a little and rubs at her ears; they're still bleeding and they're still ringing like church bells. The world is still spinning, spinning, spinning, but she's just able to make out the figure that had just saved her as... just a regular guy.

Except he can't be since he was just able to catch her falling at terminal velocity.

"You're on fire!" He exclaims alarmingly. He moves forward to most likely put it out, only to jerk backwards at the last second. "I-- Nope! I..."

She's still staggering a little and her head still feels like it's going to split in half. She glances down on her sweater and would you look at that, she really is on fire. Damn, and the pink sweater is one of her favorites too. She pats the flames down, still trying her best to keep her balance.

"You... don't seem that bothered by the fact that you're on fire," the man says slowly, sounding a little aghast at her completely calm demeanor.

She squints at him in an attempt to glower at him to intimidate or to make a point, but the back of her mind is pretty sure her glares just comes across as a look of utter confusion. "I didn't need you to save me."

The guy freezes, almost as if someone had just pulled a gun on him. She isn't, however, the best judge since her head still feels like it's not screwed on straight and she's dizzy; she probably had just imagined it because not even a second later, the guy has the audacity to laugh, albeit sounding a bit forced. "You just fell from a skyscraper so if I hadn't been there, you... woulda gone splat."

The heat blazes on her face and the air she inhales is dry, and that's when she realizes she's at least forty miles away from the city, in the desert. How in the world did she get all the way out here? The guy is a... teleporter? He has to have some sort of ability for him to have saved her from going --as he so elegantly put it-- splat.

Wait, skyscraper...

He mentioned skyscraper.

Siobhan.

She'd just been thrown out of a building by a vengeful former employee who can apparently knock her down and make her ears literally bleed by just her voice.

"I have to get back to the city," she declares.

She's only barely able to pick up the small unsure "Okay?" when she already takes off in flight, shedding her civilian clothes since there's no use for them anymore, being scorched and all.

It takes her a moment of quiet soaring to replay the conversation in her head. Her flight stutters when it dawns on her that the guy --the guy who'd just saved her-- had said her words and she didn't even so much as flinch.

She'd said something too that means something to him. She doesn't exactly recall what she'd said but the guy clearly reacted to it before covering it up. The unmistakable crackle of lightning catches her attention because, instead of it coming from above her like it should, its source seems to be coming from the yellow streak of electricity that follows her aerial path.

She zeroes in on the incredibly fast-moving thing and--

Oh, so he's not a teleporter, but a speedster.

Whoa.

Despite it being really cool, she still needs to find out who he is since, after all, he's one of her soulmates and obviously someone good and with tremendous power.

She drops down and lands almost gracefully; almost being the operative word since she's still rattled by the scream. Her hair whips around wildly as does her cape; she's only able to catch an incredibly rapid burst of light and before she even has time to think, the man stops short in front of her.

"How'd you do that?" He's gawking at her, mouth open with the edges curling upwards; he's amazed as far as she can tell.

"I'm Supergirl," she says simply, and hey, the name's grown on her.

The guy just tilts his head in confusion. "You're who now?"

She bristles, feeling a light shade of insult that colors her core because how can her own soulmate not have heard of her? She studies him for a second, looking at him properly now. He's wearing a red suit: a superhero suit, complete with a cowl to obscure his face and an emblem of a lightning bolt on his chest.

She mentally shakes her head. This is her soulmate (well, one of them at least). She wants to make a good first impression. She stands straighter to convey confidence, even though she's dead terrified inside, and says, "I'm your soulmate."

The guy smiles, all genuine and happy. He takes off his mask and the smile stays and, if anything, her heart does a little backflip at the way his eyes seem to twinkle as he gazes at her. "I was really kinda hoping so since you said my words, but then you flew away. Huh. Never thought I'd say that before."

She feels-- and probably looks-- sheepish. "Yeah, sorry, I'm still... a little disoriented from the scream."

Later, she discovers three things about her first soulmate: his name is Bartholomew Henry Allen ("But just call me Barry. Please!"), he's called the Flash when he's in his red friction-proof suit, and he's from another Earth.

"What do you mean you're from another Earth? I mean, how many Earths are there other than this one? You know, we're... Earth!"

"Theory of the multiverse," he answers back almost absentmindedly, fully focused on finding... something about stars and a lab?

Sure, why not?

"I still can't believe it, and I'm from another planet!"

That quickly diverts Barry's attention away from the computer. He spins around, and he's making that face of complete fascination as he'd done when he'd witnessed her flying.

"What?"

"Oh y-yeah, I'm an alien."

"You're an actual alien?"

"Yup."

He grins. "Cool."

#

They team up and they're able to defeat Livewire and the newly self-named Silver Banshee. They move around with each other flawlessly, as if they've already been teaming up for years. For some reason, that rouses the people to trust in her once again, and for them to cheer for their new hero, the Flash.

She stands by his side, in the desert where they had met, and she can't help but feel miserable; she's standing in her signature pose to summon bravery, but if she's being honest to herself, she's scared; it's the same level of fear she'd experienced when her parents made her go into the pod that had brought her to this planet.

She wants to ask if his theory of using their combined top speeds would really get him back to his own --his own universe-- but instead, she asks, "Do you have to go back?" I just got you.

He glances at her, and there's a hint of sadness hidden in his eyes that she wouldn't have detected if she isn't paying attention, and that's just a bit of comfort knowing she isn't the only one who hates this. "I have to. I have an obligation to my own Earth."

She sighs. Of course she understands. The work of a hero is never done, and the deeds of a superhero will never be over.

He inches his way towards her to close the distance between them. He caresses her cheek with a gloved hand and, for a moment, she's just mesmerized by the beautiful green hue of his eyes and the sincerity that glazes over them. "I'll come back for you, Kara Danvers." He drops a featherlight kiss on her forehead before stepping back, beaming in a completely dopey way that just melts her heart. "Or Kara Zor-El. Which is your alien name. 'Cause you're an alien. Which I think is very cool."

She laughs at the absurdity of it all. She's from another planet, and he's from another universe. They both possess powers and they're both superheroes. They both have secret identities, with bosses who have complete faith in the heroic alter egos. It's probably these traits that made them soulmates in the first place.

"We haven't even gone on a first date yet..." She says.

"Are you kidding me? Saving the day together is totally a date!"

She can't help but fly to him and give him a proper kiss, making sure she relays her desperation for him to come back because he has to.

As seconds tick by and they're still a tangle of limbs, she can't help but think who her other soulmate is going to be.

#

Of course she tells Alex about it that same evening, blushing and squealing like a high school girl.

"Kara," Alex says as she places a gentle hand on her sister's shoulder, laughing at her fumbling around with her words that don't seem to string along right. "Slow down. Yeah? Okay? You good? Now start from the top."

"I met one of my soulmates today."

It's a couple seconds later she's bombarded with questions.

It's moments like these she's grateful she has a sister, and she's even more grateful that it's someone like Alex.

"I can't wait to finally tell Mom!"

"What do you mean you're telling her?!"

"Hey, last year, she was mad at me for you not dating at all! I kept telling her you're the kind of person who'd rather wait for their soulmates, but she still wouldn't get off my ass about it. So yes, Kara, I'm telling her."

#

Barry --wonderful, amazing Barry-- keeps his promise and comes back the next week. Not by accident this time, evident by his arms full of gifts.

"Oh Rao, you didn't have to, but thank you!" She says, receiving the flowers and doughnuts gratefully, maybe blushing just a little bit.

"A-And this too," he says almost shyly, handing over a medium-sized plain white paper bag.

"Barry!" She admonishes lightly but smiles to make sure she appreciates it. She opens the paper bag and she is treated to a box... for a phone and clothes. "Uhh..."

Barry laughs a little, but she can tell he's still a bundle of nerves, the complete opposite of what he'd been last week. If anything, it reminds her a little bit of herself: Kara Danvers, the babbling mess of a human; Supergirl, the epitome of bravery and confidence. The same principle seems to apply well to Barry Allen and the Flash.

"The sweater and pants are to replace what I burnt up last time," he explains.

"Barry--"

"I know, I didn't have to. I wanted to, okay? Oh and..." He takes the box from her hands, opens it for her and shows off this beautiful phone; it's black with sleek edges and entirely wrapped with a premium glass, and it kind of makes her pocket feel heavy just by looking at it. She wants to scold him, that she shouldn't be showered with lavish presents since she isn't that kind of person when he speaks first.

"It's a phone. I mean, yeah, obviously it's a phone. But I didn't buy it! My friend made it. It's reinforced with a titanium alloy and carbon fiber that'll hopefully hold up to your strength and he specifically programmed it to, you know... so we can talk and call and text and stuff, even when I'm back on my Earth..." he falters a little. "But... you already have a phone... Of course, you have a phone! Uh, I'll just, you know, take this back and we'll just--"

"No!" She protests too quickly, startling him a little when she takes the box from his hands possessively. "I happen to like being able to talk to my soulmate when he's saving the world in another universe. And yes, I do have a phone, but who says I can't have two?"

Barry, still slightly taken aback, is gawking at her, as if it were the first time he'd truly seen her. She starts to feel a tad self-conscious and is about to tell him to stop when he pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her.

"You're amazing, and I'm way too lucky to have you as a soulmate," he says honestly.

She almost tells him that he's not the only soulmate for her.

Almost.

For now, she just wants to have this private moment to themselves, the beginning of their blossoming relationship.

They stay like that for a while. She's never felt more at home than right now, in his arms.

#

I have something to tell you.

What?

I love you.

What do you want, Barry?

What? I can't just randomly tell my wonderful and adorable girlfriend I love her?

Barry.

Fine.

Um...

Can we please watch Dragon Ball Z tonight? please please please!

I'll tell Ms Grant I'm leaving early tonight...

I LOVE YOU.

#

Do you have any of my STAR Labs sweatshirts?

...

I have all of them

For real?

I'm returning three of them!

Don't have your scent anymore!

Make them smell like you again!

#

BARRY!

WHAT?

I WAS OFFERED A NEW JOB!

I'M GONNA BE A REPORTER!

HANG ON I'M COMING OVER IN TEN!

I'M BRINGING PIZZA, POTSTICKERS AND ICE CREAM!

PUT ON WIZARD OF OZ!

#

I miss you, Scarlet Speedster

I miss you too, Girl of Steel

#

Barry's visits become more frequent. His smile never wavers and he's more confident in himself when he's around her now (which is just a bit of a bummer; while she loves that he's more sure of himself around her, she finds his stammering charming).

He's always thoughtful and incredibly sweet, always bringing her stuffed animals, tops to replace those she keeps tearing or discarding whenever she becomes Supergirl (Alex wouldn't stop laughing when Kara finally told her about it), her favorite foods or cheesy one-liners. She appreciates everything he's done for her as Barry Allen and everything he's taught her as the Flash; in fact, now that's around more often, he's more than willing to lend a helping hand protecting National City. He's saved so many people that the locals won't stop boasting to Metropolis about how they have two guardian angels instead of just one.

He makes time for her, even though he has his hands full by being a CSI by day and hero by night (and occasionally day too, should the need arises).

When it's finally the time he's supposed to meet her sister, who has been excited to meet one of her soulmates, he is terrified and has actually tried to back out twice.

There's a timid knock on the door and when she opens it, she finds Barry on the other side. He's armed with a bouquet of daisies, freesias, gardenias, and a jittery smile; it's almost like he's reverted back to being the nervous wreck he had been when they first started going out.

"It's just Alex," she reminds him gently.

He swallows. "Right. Alex. Your sister. Who knows how to wield thirty government weapons--"

"Which I'm pretty sure you can dodge."

"--And knows how to torture people with just an index finger--"

"I may have exaggerated a little on that."

"--And she's already punched you--"

"That was training!"

"--And if she has no problem punching you--"

"It was one time."

"--I'm pretty sure she has no problem knocking me out--"

She rolls her eyes and silences him with a kiss on the lips, to which he melts into. She presses her forehead against his, looks straight into his eyes and says, "You'll be fine."

There's the ghost of a smile on his face, he's still panicking, but he's significantly calmed down.

The dinner goes well actually. It takes Barry less than five minutes to relax and start talking about science with Alex, and while Alex is brilliant, she's totally not as big of a nerd as Barry is, who launches into different theories about practically every branch of science.

When her sister hugs her goodbye at the doorway, Alex says, "I like him. He's good to you."

She's pretty sure she smiling so widely that it makes her look like a lovesick idiot. "Yeah. He is."

Alex snickers. "And he's scared of me. That's a win in my book."

#

He brings her pictures. Not just pictures on his phone, but actual physical printed photos stuck into photo albums.

"That's my parents," he'd say, or "That's Joe; he raised me," or "That's the best sister in the world! Her name's Iris," or "That's my brother, who I didn't know exist till a couple months ago, but he's great! He has my back. I love him," or "My best friends, they saved my life."

And she gobbles it all up because he's so earnestly excited showing her his life that she's now a part of.

"I'll take you to my Earth one day and introduce you."

She can't help it; the edges of her lips tug upwards in a sincere grin as her heart stammers in her chest. She looks at him as he's flipping through another photo album to show her.

"I'd love that."

#

She'll admit that Barry having to meet Clark... makes her maybe just a tad nervous.

Over the years since she crash-landed in this world, Clark evolved from being her cousin to a brother figure. He's never really been the overprotective kind of brother that threatened the boys she brought home since she's never brought anyone home. She stuck to the principle of waiting for her soulmates instead of garnering relationships that would have been doomed from the start.

And it's that unknown variable that's been making her edgy all day. James commented on her lack of pep when she brought him her latest report, to which she answers in rapid fire all her fears: Will Clark give Barry one look and just deck him? Will he threaten Barry through gritted teeth behind a faux smile? 

Rao, there's so many ways everything could go so wrong--

"Relax, Kara," James says to her, big calm hands on her shoulders. "If I know the big guy, which I do, he's gonna like Barry. Even a blind man can see how much that man cares for you."

She doesn't know which man he's referring to, but she takes it.

#

"You're Superman," Barry says in slight awe when they finally meet in the DEO. "Wanna race?"

Clark smiles at him good-naturedly as he slaps his palm against Barry's shoulder with a strength equivalent to that of a human joking around. "Let's do it."

Barry wins by far.

She doesn't understand why she'd been anxious in the first place as she watches Clark sling an arm around Barry's shoulders as they both drink from their beers even though they're both well-aware of their hypermetabolism.

(It's Lois she should have been worried of. She's still apologizing to Barry as they both enter her apartment, still slightly horrified as she remembers how Lois jabbed her manicured finger into Barry's chest, threatening him that if he ever hurt Kara, it wouldn't be Superman he'll be running from. She still has no idea how Lois managed to get her hands on a cold gun.)

#

By the time she comes back to her apartment from another day of running around the city for new things to report on (other than herself), Barry's already there.

But he's not passing time watching his shows on her TV or reading a book or browsing on his phone, nor is he in civilian clothing. He's passed out on the couch, still in his Flash suit, and she can tell that he's had a very long day.

Judging from the array of colorful and lovely flowers gripped in his fist, she suspects he came over to surprise her, only to succumb to his exhaustion.

She pulls out her phone --the regular one, not the one Barry had given her-- and calls her favorite pizza place.

"Yeah, I'd like to order four large pizzas for delivery," she says as she squishes her phone between her ear and shoulder to go retrieve her blanket from her bed. "Uh huh. Yeah, two with ham, bacon and mushrooms. And the other two with pepperoni, olives and jalapenos." She places the blanket over her boyfriend while carefully taking the flowers from his hand. "Okay. Yes. Thank you!"

She ends the call and quietly tiptoes around Barry to change. Then she watches him, looking so peaceful yet so tired, putting her above him in this selfless act of showing up for her. She drops a gentle kiss on his temple before turning on the TV to catch up on Game of Thrones.

(Barry really got her hooked).

#

"So," she starts saying as she takes her third potsticker, "what're Caitlin and Cisco up to recently? You haven't really talked about them in a while."

"Who?" Barry asks before covering it up with, "O-Oh right, yeah. Caitlin, Cisco... they're, uh, there. I-I... I haven't really talked to them in a while."

"Okay."

Something is definitely wrong.

#

She's just about to start watching the latest episode of Game of Thrones when Barry makes an impromptu visit in the middle of her apartment. She's all smiles, but she's quick to notice his red-rimmed eyes and hunched posture. She immediately turns off her TV and puts her food down on the coffee table. She uses her speediness to swiftly be in his immediate grasp.

"Hey, hey, I'm here." She clutches his hands in her own as if they're lifelines.

He stares straight into her eyes, as if he's looking for answers he'd been longing for. She briefly wonders for a fleeting moment if that's how haunted she looks whenever she cries and he just holds her in his arms. She holds his gaze, unsure of what she's really doing but willingly does it anyway if it gives him comfort. His eyes water and he pulls her into an embrace, as if he'd been drowning for a long time and she's the air he desperately needs to breathe in. His face is pressed against the crook of her neck, and she can't help but think how awkward the position is for him given that he's several inches taller than her, but he doesn't seem to care; all he cares right now is her.

She's not the answer, but if that's what he's expecting from her tonight, then she'll try her best to be.

"I got you."

Several minutes later, she's able to maneuver him over to the couch. He's still a mess, blurting out incoherent phrases that don't really make sense, at least not to her. She gives him a glass of water and tells him to breathe so he can explain. He takes the water gratefully, barely able to thank her before downing the drink like he'd hadn't drunk in a long while.

"Now tell me. Slowly, okay?"

He nods, not looking at her.

He explains that he'd done something horrible, that he'd been at it for the last three months.

She's a little shocked. Three months? "What... Barry, what did you do?" But she has had an inkling that something had been wrong for some time now, she just doesn't know what.

He whimpers throughout his explanation: in a moment of weakness, he'd traveled back in time --all the way back to when he was eleven-- to save his mother from being killed, and thus his father from being incarcerated and eventual death. He'd saved them from their horrible and untimely demises and for the past three months, he'd been living in this alternate reality where his parents were alive.

But there'd been a price. He isn't supposed to meddle with time and upset the cosmic order of balance; he began to lose his memories in his old life, and some of the lives of the people he loves worsened: Joe hardly cared about his job and Wally was a speedster but he got hurt bad...

It had come to a point where he had realized that he needed to fix it, so he was forced to beg his most hated adversary to kill his mother in effort to restore the original timeline, only to come back with a lot of lives ruined, especially his friends' and his family's: Joe and Iris are estranged now, Wally is getting nightmares, Caitlin is turning into Killer Frost, Cisco's brother is dead, and a lot of regular people are turning into metahumans, just like they had been in the alternate timeline.

He expects her to be angry, like the others had been. He wants her to berate him for such a stupid thing he'd done when he knows very well he wasn't supposed to.

"Why aren't you mad?!" He demands, just barely through all the hiccuping. "I have you. I have you, and I just had to go back and ruin everything for some stupid fantasy..."

A tear finally makes its way down her cheek; girl made of steel but her heart isn't. "Do you not understand? Barry, I would have done the exact same thing if I had your powers! Do you not know how badly I want to reunite with my parents? My family? My entire planet?" She tugs him closer by the collar and promptly throws her arms around his neck. "Don't you dare apologize for a moment of weakness. You're human! You made a mistake and guess what? You're allowed those!"

"I'm sorry," he says brokenly. "I'm sorry."

She doesn't say anything. She just holds him, just like how he does for her whenever she comes close to giving up.

#

He ends up staying the night. He falls asleep almost instantly, curling around her like a question mark that doubts himself.

She's not the answer. She'll never be the answer he's looking for. But the moment feels so right, so fragile, that she pretends she is.

As she plays with his hair, she finally understands what the fuss is all about: being with your soulmate is an experience that surpasses all other pleasant experiences in life and everything just falls right into place... but she won't go so far as to call it perfect. Barry is a dork, he rambles when he's excited or nervous, he's charming, caring, understanding and easy on the eyes... but she still feels like a part of her is missing. It's not that Barry isn't enough for her, it's just that there's literally another person out there in the multiverse who's meant to be her soulmate.

She strokes his hair as he breathes lightly against her neck, fast asleep.

She loves him... and she hasn't even told Barry yet, despite the numerous times he has.

She loves him, but she still doesn't say it... unsure of herself why she finds it hard to.

#

She wakes up the next day to an empty bed and the smell of chocolate and ozone in the air. It's enough to rouse her awake and out of bed.

"Uh, good morning?" She says to the literal burst of lightning running around in her kitchen. If she had been wearing her glasses, she wouldn't be able to see him in the midst of all the yellow electricity at all.

He skids to a stop in front of her, flour in his hair and chocolate on the side of his lips. He's grinning as he leans forward to give her a quick kiss on the lips. She laughs into the kiss as she feels the chocolate being transferred to her upper lip, to which she licks off when he pulls away.

"Good morning," Barry answers. There is no evidence of last night on his face other than the slight swelling in his eyes that indicates he had been crying.

"So what is the Flash up to today? Other than defiling my kitchen."

" Oh I," he begins as he turns around to her island, picking something up, "was making you--"

"Oh my god is that chocolate pecan pie?!"

Barry looks more elated, if that's even possible, at her ecstasy. He sets the pie down on the center table in the living room, already prepared with a plate, utensils and a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, just for you, babe. I know it's breakfast, but you're an alien who can't get any ill effects from eating wrong so, I made your favorite!"

She takes a hefty slice for herself on the place Barry provides her with when she stops to squint at him. "How did you know this is my favorite?"

His hand runs through his hair to the back of his neck, looking sheepish. "Lois may have yelled it at me... along with twenty seven other ways to make you feel better, should you ever have a bad day."

Of course Lois would.

Barry exhales as he closes his eyes in defeat. "It's more of a thank you, really. You know, for putting up with me last night..."

She puts down her plate and approaches him. "Barry Allen, you listen to me. Don't you ever feel bad for opening up to me the way you did. I'm relieved and really happy you came to me because, like it or not, Barry, we're soulmates. We're each others' support systems. Get that through your cowl and thick skull that I love you and that I am always here for you."

Barry freezes and stares at her with an unreadable expression that can only be thought of as pure joy or utter shock.

She loves him. They both know she does but she can see it still does a number on him to hear her say it.

She love him and she means it, with every fiber in her body.

#

Alex tells her, practically begs her, to tell him about her other soulmate because it's not fair to him. He doesn't deserve not being told after showing his complete devotion to her. And she promises she will, she just doesn't promise when.

It's about two months later when she finally gathers enough courage to tell him.

The next time he comes, I'll tell him, she promises to herself

And he does come, three days later.

But it's not a friendly visit or for a date. He's wearing the Flash suit and a grim look on his face; he's here on business.

"I need your help."

The request alone alarms her. Barry rarely ever asks for help. The fact that he needs to travel to her universe to ask for her assistance...

She wastes no time asking, "What are we up against?"

He's always there for her, helping her out with her world's bad guys and training her to utilize strategy than just having to rely on brute strength alone. And even if he hadn't done all that, she'd still fight alongside him, have his back and lay down her life for him. Soulmate or not, she is indebted to him.

#

It's the first time she travels through a breach and... it's a strange sensation. It's like the pressure presses down on her everywhere, there's a cold rush of wind that chills her to the bone and she's seeing flashing colors.

"That," she starts as Barry helps her not fall over, "was cool."

He laughs. "I know."

"And that's how you travel every time you visit?"

"Yup." He kisses her temple. "Worth it."

"Barry!" Someone says, and she realizes she's in a warehouse... no, a hangar, with a number of other people she's never met. She recognizes a few faces here and there, from Barry's pictures and stories.

The same guy who called Barry's name continues, "I thought you were bringing an alien!"

She exchanges glances with Barry, sharing a private smile between them as they both start walking towards the group.

"Y-Yeah, I did." Her lips quick upward at his stammering. He proudly gestures to her with an open hand. "Alright, everybody. This is Kara Danvers, otherwise known on her Earth: Supergirl."

"What makes her so 'super?'" And she so called it! Barry rolls his eyes and hands her a five dollar bill before she takes off, hovering a few feet over everyone to carve out her emblem on the ground with her heat vision. She relishes it all: the wide-eyed stares and gaping mouths. The way Barry looks at her with a healthy mix of complete admiration, adoration and pride makes her makes her heart stutter.

"I'm convinced," someone else says and she beams more widely.

As soon as she lands, Barry tells her each of their real names one by one and instructs everybody to tell her their superhero alias when she mentions their name.

"Okay," she nods. "I think I got this. Sara?"

"White Canary."

"Jax... and Professor Stein?"

"Firestorm." And she has to admit, that's a pretty cool superhero name.

"Uh, Ray?"

"Palmer! Er, the Atom?" 

"And... Mick."

"Hmm? Oh, Heatwave."

"Uh, Iris, Felicity and Caitlin?" Now she's getting into familiar territory, having seen these faces from the number of times Barry told her about them.

"Yep, you got it!"

"Yes! Okay, Cisco?"

"Vibe."

"Thea?"

"Speedy."

"Dig."

"Spartan."

"And you're Oliver."

The man stiffens a bit that would have gone unnoticed if she isn't perceptive. "Green Arrow."

Her steps falter and eyes widen.

Of course her other soulmate is a superhero too!

Chapter Text

She knows that he knows that they're both well aware they're soulmates, if his initial reaction to her words are anything to go by. Before she even has the time to open her mouth to acknowledge him, he tears his eyes away from her and focuses on the screens towering over them, requesting that they start. She feels just the least bit dazed but eventually decides to approach him later. After all, their world is in certain imminent doom; she'll fawn over her soulmate later.

She follows Oliver's line of sight, where the monitors flicker to life, projecting images of their adversary.

She stumbles backwards as a hand flies to her chest. She knows she can't slow down her heart that way, but she does it anyway. The nails on her fingers push into her insignia, clawing at it as she does her best to control her breathing.

Dominators.

Of course.

Has the universe decided that she'd had it good for too long that it just has to dig up past wounds for its own morbid form of entertainment?

Barry, ball of nerves that he already is, starts describing the enemies they're up against: there really isn't much to say, however, since Earth doesn't have much interaction with alien lifeforms, much less this specific race, so any human having intel on them is damn near impossible.

Except... she isn't human. She isn't from Earth. And she has first-hand experience on what they're like when she wishes she doesn't.

"... don't know much about them really," Barry is saying.

"Except that they're really strong," she supplies, voice cracking at the end. She remembers her mother effortlessly being lifted into the air by the throat, the blue tinge on her mother's lips as she had struggled to breathe, the look of bravery her mother puts on anyway for her sake. She fights back the damn emotions and adds, "And very ruthless."

She tries to reign in all the fear and the panic and the sheer hopelessness that ravages all her attempts of rallying courage. She suddenly feels like she's twelve again: alone, lost and scared. All efforts to put on the fearlessness she's always carried with her ever since she put on the cape and her family's coat of arms fall flat; she just can't. She deludes herself into thinking it's for the sake of appearances in front of her soulmates, but it's really for her sake. She cannot let herself get sucked back into that blackhole of anxiety and misery. She can feel herself crack at the edges and she fears her faux confidence will eventually ooze out and expose her for being the true coward that she is.

However... this is an entirely different universe, so it can't be the same Dominators that destroyed her home planet.

Right?

But dear Rao, they look exactly the same.

Everyone is giving her a blank stare of complete disbelief. It's a few tense seconds she realizes why and she immediately jumps into her explanation. "Oh, they... they came to my planet. The first time was before I was born. They did experiments on a lot of people... killed a lot more. Then they came back almost two decades later. They were hellbent on conquering us. But my people..." She wills herself not to think about her Aunt Astra. "They weren't about to give up without a fight," she chokes back the sob that threatens to bubble up, "so they destabilized our planet's core. They're the reason my cousin and I left for Earth."

Barry's eyes connect with hers, meeting the despondency swimming in them and it registers in her mind that the sorrow he's showing is meant for her; she's never told him this story. A thousand anecdotes about her past, but she's never dared open that can of worms.

She's long reconciled that she can never go back to her home planet, that she's made a new life for herself here, that she has an army of loved ones who would die for her, that her soulmates belong in this alternate universe, that her life is anything but ordinary, and that she wouldn't have it any other way. It's the nightmares, the guilt, the visions and the panic attacks that threaten her peace every time she is forced into a situation that requires her to talk or even think about it.

She conveys her apologies through her gaze, silently imploring his forgiveness. Barry, being the amazingly understanding person that he is, shakes his head, as if to say, "there's nothing to forgive."

Thea ignores the tension in the room and decides to slice through it with, "They're not the only one with superhuman strength I hear. Barry says that you're more powerful than a locomotive?"

She tilts her head Barry, mouth open to deny it but finds herself unable to answer.

He shrugs at her, small proud grin, and says, "Stronger, really. She can hold up a thirty-story building easy."

It's the first time she's met his friends when, usually, it's him with her friends, so she shouldn't be surprised he's showing her off. She hopes she isn't blushing.

"Technically, it was only twenty-six floors--"

"I'm rounding."

"But then it's not true and an exaggeration."

"It's still pretty awesome."

"You know, Clark can--"

"We'll use Kara as a standard for training," Oliver interrupts them, which is probably for the best because she and Barry could have gone on for hours.

She doesn't know the extent of what Barry has told them about her and her overall abilities, but she assumes they at least have an inkling of what she's capable of if Oliver easily comes up with a training strategy. Tactically, it's a wise and sound plan.

Everyone else seems to agree, nodding or humming in the affirmative before splitting off, probably to suit up or, in Mick's case, find food.

Barry calls for her and Oliver. "Really quick," he promises. "I was excited about the two of you guys meeting each other." She notices how Barry almost sounds nervous.

She can feel her heart hammering in her chest. Of all the times to meet her other soulmate, it just has to be before an invasion from an alternative version of the alien race that had terminated her kind.

She smiles, or at least, forces herself to. She's had more than a decade's worth of practice to put on false cheerfulness for the benefit of others. "Yeah, me too." She sticks out her hand. "Nice to finally meet you, soulmate."

Barry coughs in surprise.

Her body goes rigid; yet another thing she's never had the chance to tell him. She'd been working up the courage to tell him and just when she's about to, damn Dominators ruin her opportunity. And now, here they are, with him finding out in one of the worst ways possible.

She isn't able to answer him however; Oliver's cold stare takes her voice away and is it just her or is he mad at her? He glances at her hand once and says, "The training, you can't hold back."

She's taken aback, agony lancing through her that she can only describe as pain akin to being stuck in the chest with a hot poker. She recognizes that feeling, the one her mother had described to her about: she'd just been rejected by her soulmate. She drops her hand and tries to recover. She stutters, "Uh, you sure about that? I-I just met these people..."

"These people need to understand this isn't gonna be easy." He levels her with an unreadable expression that sends a cold feeling down her spine. "Don't hold back. Especially against me."

He's already walking away when she says warily, "Okay..." She glances at Barry and he gives her a sympathetic look; she doesn't understand why he's being so comforting when she's just blatantly hid things from him, when she's been so willing to expose her origin to a new group of people when he so willingly had told her everything about him. "Um..."

"He's... like that with everyone." He plants a gentle kiss on her forehead, so loving and understanding that it almost makes her want to kick herself; how did she deserve him? "It makes sense he's also your soulmate... if you only have two?"

She nods. "Two, and why does it make sense?"

He averts his gaze and opts to look down, heaving a sigh that relays his uneasiness. "Because you're not the only one." He pulls down his collar with his forefinger to expose a sentence with the same neat handwriting as the one on her back: "And do your parents know that you're here?"

Oh.

His lips press into a hard line before he tells her, "He, uh... He rejected me too." His smile is bitter. "He'd made it very clear he doesn't want a soulmate when he strangled me the second he realized I knew his secret identity."

Oh.

"He's actually the first person to train me. He... He shot me when I tried to make him change his mind."

Of course they're all each other's soulmates. She recalls her mother telling her that a person having two soulmates is rare, and having all three be each other's soulmates is even rarer.

So, not only does he have Oliver Queen as his soulmate too, but he is also well versed in the pain of being rejected by a soulmate, and he's endured it for so much longer than she has; she's only known the man for a whopping half hour and only known he's her soulmate in the last ten. She can only imagine the kind of pain Oliver's subjected onto Barry (both emotionally and physically). From what she can gather based on their interactions, they'd both already agreed on a platonic relationship, even though Barry is clearly in torment at the rejection.

It all suddenly becomes painfully clear: why he constantly showers her with gifts, why he always tells her she's the best thing that has ever happened to him, why he doesn't bother waiting longer to tell her he loves her, why he's always worried she'll leave him when he'd confessed what he'd done...

It's because their other soulmate has already refused to make a connection with him in a romantic way. They're allies and really good friends. Heck, the man even trained him. But a platonic bond will never be enough --a completely severed bond between soulmates would just be too devastatingly traumatic, so he'd settled on a non-romantic partnership with Oliver just so he can at least have him in his life.

"Why?" She asks simply, nodding off to where Oliver had disappeared to.

"Because... he doesn't want to."

She tries to wrap her head around that. How do you not want your soulmate? Soulmates are what make people feel... lighter, brighter, happier and complete. She should know, she has Barry. (Granted, she doesn't feel entirely complete, but you get the idea).

As if reading her mind, he continues, "He said it's too dangerous. That once people --very bad people-- find out that he found his soulmate, much less both of us, they'll want to use that against him."

She looks at him incredulously. "But you're the Flash!" She whispers loudly and angrily, suddenly wanting to punch the walls. "And I'm Supergirl! We have superpowers! Pretty sure we can hold out on our own, Barry!"

He shrugs. "That's just Oliver for you..." He shakes his head and shoulders, as if relieving himself from the dread, and throws her arm over her shoulders. "C'mon, Supergirl, let's get you ready for training."

She lets him change the subject; let them focus on the doom and worry about their silly Oliver-related problem later.

"But I am ready." She waves her arms and gestures to her suit. It's not like she has to meditate or yell out some magic word for her powers to activate.

His nose scrunches, humor written all over his face. "Well, I mostly meant let's show them how much of a badass you are."

#

UnSurprisingly, the first one down is Mick, or rather Heat Wave, who insists on using his flamethrower weapon instead of actually training his combat skills. She mentally admits the firearm he possesses is impeccable and commends his mastery of wielding it, but like her sister had said when she started training her to reteach all the training Clark had given her that she'd forgotten, you can't rely on one skill (or on her part: brute strength) alone. Connecting it with what Barry had also told her, you have to utilize everything you have to your advantage against your enemy.

Thea and Diggle, Speedy and Spartan respectively, form a team together and attempt to blindside her, with Dig as the offensive distraction while Thea shoots a grappling hook arrow from her place on top of one of the crates to zip her way past her to stab her with an arrow. The plan would have worked if the bullets Dig keeps shooting at her are fired at a more rapid speed, and if Thea had been more precise with her timing. They're both down when Sara attacks.

Sara, taking on the mantle of White Canary, is a skilled martial artist, weaving through the air and using every single part of her body like a well-oiled machine. It's almost like facing Alex again, and she uses that to her advantage, the muscle memory that allows her to foresee and block every attack Sara lands on her. Had she been a regular human, she would have been rendered groaning on the ground by now, especially when Sara manages to clip her cheek with one of her batons.

Sara feels cocky, evident by how she tells her, "Better try harder than that, Supergirl."

She doesn't have to; she notices Sara's stance be a little too wide and unguarded, obviously underestimating her as a worthy sparring opponent. She takes her opportunity and uses a dirty trick Clark once taught her to knock the other blonde on her ass.

When Sara's back connects with the floor, guilt colors her core a little when she hears the thud be louder than it should be. "Sorry," she says all too quickly and moves to help her up.

Sara waves baton in dismissal. "Don't be. That was great. Good job."

The conversation gets cut short when her enhanced hearing picks up on the telltale thrust of powered flight. Ray Palmer, otherwise known as the Atom, uses his shrinking technology to do an aerial sneak attack on her, but thanks to her superhuman vision, she is able to spot him quickly. She hovers up in the air and faces the direction he's coming from. Probably knowing he's been spotted, he grows back to human-sized and shoots energy blasts at her. She can feel the strength in the energy that bounces off her skin; she has to commend him for the hard work he'd done making this technology. She shields her face, more out of habit than protection. Seeing his fire power fail at taking her down, he shrinks back down and circles her. She theorizes this as a tactic to disorient her, but she's already prepared for when he grows back to his normal size and takes the brief window of opportunity to grab him by the torso and hurl him down with the other fallen heroes.

They all moan. Thea's face makes it look like she doesn't want to get up, and Mick's pure defeated position makes it clear he's done; it's only been like twenty minutes, maybe half an hour, tops.

"She really is a badass," Thea comments as she forces herself to get back onto her feet.

"Yeah," Sara rasps back, catching her breath. "It's kinda hot."

She wants the compliments to stick and resonate something warm within her, but Oliver just comes out of nowhere, dressed in his glorious suit of dark green leather. She hates him for his rejection; she hates him for hurting Barry; she hates him for looking so damn good in his supersuit. He stares at her, crystal orbs of blue coated with frustrated determination. He orders everyone to go again.

This time, they all try a different tactic and attack all at once instead of doing it one at a time. Strategically, it should work, but all their weapons and efforts are nothing to her. She takes pity at them using up their ammo and lands back on the ground to take the combat hits.

#

"Um... are you sure you want me to keep going?" She asks uneasily, body facing Oliver but she doesn't look at him directly. She can't deal with the unadulterated fury in his eyes; she muses on whether or not her own anger and pain reflects onto him, onto Barry and right back to her.

"Yeah," he answers as he scrambles to his feet, exhausted, much like the rest of the others. "Yes." She's about to argue that he can't keep pushing themselves like this when he continues on saying, "Just give us... five minutes." There's a twisted sense of satisfaction that surges in her veins when he hunches over, hands on knees, and practically pleads with her, "Please."

She turns on her heel and is about to approach Barry just to counteract the Oliver-ness when Cisco beats her to it. He holds up a small handheld device and accuses her soulmate of leading them to an alien war without telling the rest of the team he himself had assembled.

Oh no. From the exasperated rage that renders him shaking, she knows exactly what he's referring to; Barry had told her months ago about Flashpoint already.

"Tell us what?" Sara demands of them, eyes fixated on Barry.

In a brief moment of panic, Barry meets her eyes and she doesn't have to be a mindreader to know he needs her there by his side. She doesn't use her powers and instead walks over to him at a reasonable human pace. She doesn't take his hand; she doesn't want to give away that she knows a huge tidbit about their changed lives without even having met them beforehand. She brushes her shoulder against his bicep and she can feel him calm down to some degree.

"Jax and Professor Stein found a message from me in the future..." he takes in a deep breath, "saying that, right now, I can't be trusted."

"And why would future-you say that?" Sara asks, trying to make sense of it all.

She desperately wants to hold his hand, comfort him in anyway she can, knowing that this is crushing him from the inside out, knowing that he can never fix his mistake, but she tames herself.

"I think because... I went back in time and changed the timeline, and now, things here are different than before I left..." He pauses and doesn't have the heart to look anyone in the eye that makes her own heart break. "Including some of your lives."

"S-Some of our lives..." Thea repeats shakily. "Like who? What?" The young woman is a regular human being so she recognizes that she's overwhelmed by the existence of the impossible such as superpowers, time traveling, parallel worlds and now aliens. She's almost empathetic.

Barry exhales and rubs at his face with his open palms before letting them drop to his sides. "Cisco, Caitlin, Wally... Dig..."

Dig looks startled, and rightfully so. How does one react when finding out your friend has time traveled and, inadvertently, changed your life? "Me? Why? What happened?"

Barry tries to say it, but the words don't come out. She wants to answer for him, but she is the newcomer amongst them, the outsider; at the most, she isn't supposed to know. Hell, she's pretty sure they don't even know she and Barry are soulmates, just that they're in some weird-ass long distance relationship.

It's Oliver that answers for him. "Apparently, you had a daughter."

Dig's stance straighten and his gaze on Barry hardens. "I had a daughter, Bare?"

He nods meekly. "Baby John... was baby Sara."

Dig uncross his arms and he looks more rigid. "So, let me get this straight. You-- You just erased my daughter from my life."

There's no way aroudn it. "Yeah..."

Sara steps forward, finally regaining her composure to give Barry a piece of her mind. "You can't just go back and change things like that, Barry!"

"I know," comes his weak reply that goes unheard.

"You know how hard it is for me?" She demands of him."To not alter events? To bring my sister back? But I don't, because I know," she gestures at Dig, "the implications."

The hair on the back of her neck stands up in agitation. She wants to pick Sara up and throw her, not hard but just hard enough for her to back off. From her fighting style alone, she knows the other woman can take it.

Barry understands the repercussions of what he'd done. Up until a few years ago, he'd been gifted with this ability to move faster than a bullet twenty times over. And instead of causing harm and using his powers for his own benefit, he uses it to protect people. He's still learning just what he is actually capable of. No matter how many times Barry has told her that she's way more powerful than him, she often thinks he's wrong, that he's the more powerful one, not just in physical prowess but in overall skill, character and wit too. Despite all the bad things that has happened to him, he remains in his conviction of helping others.

He'd been forced to live through a tragedy from his future enemy. And just a few months ago, he had to relive the same tragedy in the same house, in the same room, with a different parent, with a different enemy.

She understands that a mistake as colossal as what he'd done can't go unpunished and isn't easily forgivable, but her overprotectiveness overrules her logic.

"All those aberrations we spent the last eight months traveling through time trying to correct, you just decided that it was okay for you to create your own?" Ray says.

He could have stayed in that fantasy life. He could have kept up the charade, went on dating her without her ever knowing and continued on with his picture perfect life. But he himself had come to the realization that what he'd done is wrong, that he needed to go back to his former life and fix things. He'd learned that what he had was far from the ideal life for anyone, but it was his own version of a messed-up perfection: he had an amazing adoptive father, two kickass siblings and an arsenal of friends.

"I told you, man," Jax says. "We should've told 'em before."

He practically had to beg his most hated adversary to kill his mother all over again --goddammit-- just for him to have the timeline restored!

He is well aware of the repercussions of what he'd done. Whenever he stays over and they lay in bed together, she is tormented by just how much Flashpoint haunts him in his nightmares, how much it kills him to have caused his mother's death, how much he had screwed everything up for everyone else.

"Guys!" Felicity says. Her voice is urgent so they immediately know something's wrong. "Guys, it's Lyla. The president's been abducted by the Dominators. She needs us now."

There is a palpable tension in the room, knowing a decision needs to be made immediately if they want their President to live another day. It's Barry who eventually breaks the ice.

"Okay, you guys go, all right?" he says with renewed vigor, which doesn't quite match his hunched posture of utter defeat. "I'm gonna sit this one out." He gestures to her. "Obviously, you have Supergirl. She's just as fast as I am." She wants to argue that she isn't; she's nowhere near as quick as he is, but he doesn't give her room to talk. "Get the President. We can talk about this later."

They all break off. Trust him or not, Barry had been the one that called the shots. The order's been given; they have a mission to finish now.

Barry approaches her cautiously, almost like he's having second thoughts about coming near her. He reaches over and takes one of her shaking fists she doesn't realize she's been making.

"You still trust me, right?" He asks. Staring intently into her own, his eyes possess a blend of raw guilt, shame, torment and anxiety that makes her chest sting.

"I'll always trust you," she reassures him with a soft intonation she hopes communicates her conviction. "Always." She doesn't care how many times she'd have to remind him because, if there's anything she will never tired of, it's the truth

He nods, grateful. The haunted look that ghosts his features doesn't completely disappear, but it subsides greatly. "If you need me, I'll be there."

Oliver, from his position, not having moved since he asked for those five minutes, scoffs. "Guys, hey!" Everyone stills and turn their attention to him. "This is crazy! Everyone is going, including Barry." His voice then goes into a much milder tone, something she didn't know is possible with him, as he declares, "I'm not going without him."

She doesn't quite get him. He rejects both her and Barry, and yet he still goes through great lengths for them (or for Barry at least). The complexity that is Oliver Queen gets her head spinning.

Dig levels the archer with a look she can't decipher its meaning; however, it inflicts something within Oliver, who winces perceptively. "Then you'll be here, where he--" He jerks his head in Barry's direction with obvious irritation. "--can't screw things up more."

"Okay. You know what?" She doesn't mean for it to come out the way it did, clipped and sharp, but it does. She doesn't know these people at a personal level, which fuels her vexation towards them even more. Barry probably senses this because he takes her hand in his and gives her a reassuring squeeze. She exhales evenly to control herself. "It's okay, Oliver," she tells him. Despite him having cut through her with his rejection, she takes his defense and protection for Barry with grace. "I'll go with them. We'll get the President. You stay here with Barry."

It fills her up with something sour to have said those words. It's not that she doesn't want Oliver and Barry to be left alone, she wants to be the one who stays behind with him. It's the first time in her life she regrets having all these incredible powers that she has. If she had been a regular human at least --regardless of whatever skill set she may have-- she'd have no reason to go with these people she doesn't know and would have been able to stay behind with Barry.

Satisfied with the proposal made, everyone turns on their heel and head for the exit. Oliver remains where he is, stoic and expression unreadable. She feels her hand twitch for him; he may have rejected them but she knows he can feel the soulmate bond pulling them together, obvious from the way he immediately jumps to Barry's defense and the longing in his eyes when they glance at each other after she comes up with the new plan. She wants to hold her hand out, but she knows he won't take it due to his damn stubbornness so she stays put.

Barry lifts a hand and runs his thumb across her cheek. "I love you."

"Don't say it like that," she pleads.

He doesn't offer a verbal response and instead leans forward to close the gap between them to connect their lips together. He pulls back a second later and rests his forehead against hers, both their eyes remain closed. Her hand comes up and she lays it on top of his that's still resting against her face. She ignores the murmurs around them and bottles this moment as their own.

"I'll be back before you know it," she tells him before giving him one more kiss. They part, with him giving her a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"In a flash?"

She drops her hand and groans, turning away from him to follow the others.

"Hey, c'mon, it was funny!"

#

She lands not so gracefully behind the group advancing towards the building. At this point, she doesn't care what she looks like in front of these people; they'd made it clear that they don't trust her soulmate, so why should she trust them?

With her x-ray vision, she scans her immediate vicinity and finds an elderly man tied up in the second floor of the abandoned structure. "The President's in there," she tells them, who all respond with a collective gasp and shocked expressions at her sudden appearance. Had she not made any noise when she landed?

"How do you know that?" Heat Wave asks in a flat tone.

"I can see him," she offers plainly.

He tilts his head in confusion and widens his eyes in question.

"Oh," she says when she realizes, "I have x-ray vision." So Barry never told them about that particular power of hers. Why?

"Oh." Heat Wave's face change into that of great interest, leaning forward. "You can see everyone's bits with those little peepers."

Now she gets why Barry never told them.

"No," She answers all too quickly, refusing to allow the idea to stick to her mind. In theory, yes, she is capable of seeing past everything with the exception of lead; she'd learned the lesson the hard way during her first day of school after PE. Technically, she can control her extended vision, but she prefers to wear her glasses well into her adulthood so she doesn't ever slip up or be tempted (She can't ever imagine a scenario where she'll ever be tempted --she respects everyone's privacy equally-- but it's better to be safe than sorry).

Plus it helps with the whole hiding-her-civilian-identity so it all works out.

"Ignore him," White Canary advises while giving Heat Wave a pointed look that commands him to behave.

But she actually likes Heat Wave, or rather Mick Rory. The man is obviously someone with a background of thievery and misdeeds, but he hasn't expressed any doubt or dislike for Barry or his past actions, so to her, Heat Wave's antics are not at all bothersome and are far more pleasant than any interaction with the White Canary.

She chooses to ignore the input made by the blonde and aims a question at Heat Wave. "How did you get the name Heat Wave exactly?"

Heat Wave smirks at her, sardonic and proud. "I burned my family alive and I like to light things on fire."

Her eyebrows shoot up in astonishment; that's a response she definitely did not expect. "Well... isn't that a..." She tries to think for an appropriate response. "... colorful backstory."

"My shrink thinks so. By the way, I'm not gonna call you 'Supergirl.' It's stupid."

A year ago and she'd agree with him. She kind of wants to inform him that she hadn't thought of the name herself. Heck, even Clark hadn't come up with his own hero alias either (She's going to have to call Lois later on and ask why she chose such a mundane and lazy name). However, in the past year of heroics, she's grown to like it, but that doesn't mean she thinks it's a clever name (She often catches herself get jealous at Barry's hero moniker because of its uniqueness and ingenuity).

She opts not to comment and instead requests to just call her by her actual name.

"That won't work either."

"Well what are you gonna shout if you need my help?"

After a moment of deliberation, he eventually says: "Skirt." She cringes at the proposal.

"Seriously?" Speedy asks rhetorically, laughing exasperatedly.

"Seriously," he confirms. "And I'm not gonna need your help." And with that, he exits the conversation by turning his back on her and heads to the nearest entrance of the building.

She nods to herself and follows his lead, continuing to pay no regard to the rest of the group. She doesn't care if Heat Wave thinks he's as tough as nails; she'd protect him first before the others.

#

The first thing she notices about the warehouse is the unsettling feeling that gives off this vibe that something's not right. The others notice this too, taking each step cautiously as they look around for any threat.

"So... how'd you meet Barry in the first place?" The Atom asks her. She isn't sure if he's genuinely interested or filling the eerie silence.

She almost doesn't answer him. She doesn't owe him an explanation, but she knows she'll end up having this conversation one way or another so instead of beating around the bush, she opts to tell the truth. "He accidentally ended up on my Earth when he was training."

"How exactly do you accidentally end up in a whole 'nother universe?" Firestorm asks.

She shrugs. She doesn't know too. "You'd have to ask him."

"Just out of curiosity," White Canary starts, "why d'you pick him?"

"Pretty girl with superpowers and is an alien? I know a lotta guys who'd have jumped at the opportunity to date you," Speedy adds.

She starts to feel more and more irate at the constant stream of questions and at the blatant assertion that she's the kind of person who'd just date around instead of waiting for her soulmates. It's none of their business.

She somehow manages to curb her irritation and calmly replies with, "I didn't have a choice. I wasn't exactly there when the universe decided for us to be soulmates."

Someone's footsteps falter behind her. She doesn't bother herself by looking to see who it was.

"Oh," someone mumbles under their breath.

Before anyone else can do anything more, the President steps out into the light, quivering from fear or exhaustion or both but looks relatively unharmed.

"Get me outta here!" The President begs, holding out his hands that have been cuffed for a non-verbal plea of release.

She's about to dash forward to free him from his bonds when she hears a low rumble she'd recognize in her nightmares. She looks up and, with her x-ray vision, finds a handful of Dominators with weapons just waiting for them.

"Release the President!" She demands of them; there's a slight sense of pleasure at being able to yell after what has just transpired in the last hour.

"We knew you would come," one of the Dominators say through their telepathic communicative abilities. She isn't as startled as the others are; she already knows what they can do, has seen it.

"D-Did you guys hear that? 'Cause I heard it. In my head," the Atom says.

"Yeah, we heard it," White Canary answers, brandishing her batons.

"Well, if nobody else is freaked out by it, far be it for me to panic."

They're all readying for the inevitable fight. She knows there is no negotiating with these creatures; despite parading around for their vast knowledge, they're far too merciless for diplomatic relations.

She doesn't see the trap right away.

The Dominator blasts its gun at the President before turning on some sort of device. She isn't given time to react to the sudden death of the President when they're all clutching at their heads, trying to relieve themselves of the searing pain that boils within their skulls.

"Supergirl!" Heat Wave croaks out desperately. "Do something!"

She can't, she can't! She is rendered useless once again at the hands of the Dominators, falling onto her knees before the world around her melts into darkness.

#

She's unstable, trying her best not to crash onto the ground face first. Her head almost feels like when Siobhan forces her out of CatCo building just by screaming. When she stops seeing double of everything, she straightens herself and the first thing she sees is the Flash's iconic symbol.

"Barry..." She looks around. None of the others are there with them. She doesn't understand. "What happened?"

He's approaching her, with that signature smile of his. She wonders how he does that, how he smiles like he doesn't bear a whole world on his shoulders. Then she thinks that she's like that too.

"You didn't kill me, so my day's looking up."

Anxiety washes over her like an ocean. She's had a few nightmares about killing him, that she'd get influenced by red kryptonite again and end up murdering him.

"I-I'm so sorry."

Two nightmares come true in one day. Since coming to this Earth, it's the first time she has the urge to go back home and run into her sister's arms; she wants the comfort her sister always brings her and the hope that surges through her.

"You're not the first superhero to be mind-controlled," he reminds her, taking off his cowl.

"I'm sorry." She doesn't know what other words to offer to him. In one day, she's somehow screwed a lot of things up: she hid the truth about her true reason for coming to Earth, she didn't tell him she has another soulmate, she willingly left his side to form a team with a group of so-called heroes she doesn't even know, she almost just killed him--

"Hey," he says, taking her hand in between his. "Don't, okay? I'm fine. Something like this was bound to happen in our line of work." He taps her nose lightly.

She doesn't deserve him: all his love, admiration, pride and easy forgiveness.

#

It's raining, almost like the sky is weeping in joy: the heroes has come back to reality after being whammied by aliens, that is something to be quite happy about.

"So what's it like being all mind-controlled and stuff?" Felicity asks Mick. Why she is holding an umbrella over his head, she doesn't know.

"Like someone put a mixer in our heads set on high," Jax answers good-naturedly. Really, if Felicity's going to shield someone from the rain, it should be Firestorm, right?

"Yeah," Thea says. "Sounds about right."

"Barry," Ray calls out. "About before? Message or no message, we're with you."

She grins a little as she connects her forehead with Barry's bicep.

"Thank you," he says back, relieved.

She can see Jax nod his head in agreement and Thea smiles. Sara and Dig don't respond and their postures become stiffer, but there isn't any indication that they don't disagree. She takes it. Maybe they all can be friends after all...

"Great," Dig says, "Now what?"

"Call Lyla," Oliver answers (damn him and his suit). "Tell her these Dominators aren't here peacefully."

Dig nods once. They all turn to head back into S.T.A.R. Labs to recuperate from any injuries they may have gotten, when, without warning, a beam of light concentrates around Sara and Ray and they just disappear.

Shit.

"Sara!" Oliver shouts.

"Ray!" Felicity screams.

No. This can't be happening.

Two more take Dig and Thea.

"EVERYONE, INSIDE, NOW!" Barry orders them all at the top of his lungs.

She untangles herself from him and is about to fly Mick and Felicity indoors when she suddenly can't move. She sees the same light shine aggressively around her. She only has time to look up to find Oliver and Barry being surrounded by the harsh luminosity when she is once again knocked unconscious.

Chapter Text

She awakens to not only feeling incredibly weak but also to a completely new definition of pain; a terrifying combination she never wants to find herself in since it very rarely happens to her, if ever. She tries to curl up in a ball as a poor attempt to relieve herself of some of the pain, but she then realizes belatedly that her wrists and ankles are bound by what seems to be cool metal. She forces herself to open her eyes and, through heavy lids, it takes a few slow seconds for her mind to realize that her restraints are glowing a vibrant green.

Her eyes open further in a panic and she finds herself staring up at more green lights; the same intense shade of green that will forever spell a bad time for her: kryptonite.

She should know that she has absolutely no way of getting out of this with brute strength since it's slowly being siphoned out of her --if it hadn't already completely left her-- but the need to escape trumps her logic as she struggles uselessly against the metal.

"It is of no use, Kara Zor-El." The cold and monotone voice that intrudes her thoughts without any warning renders her immobile with absolute terror. "The last daughter of Krypton of the thirty-eighth dimension, you and Kal-El escaped, but now, we finally have you."

She covers up her cowardice behind an icy glare as she quite literally spits, "Go to hell."

His smile, it's vicious and it is exactly the product of her nightmares for the past twenty-odd years. "You first."

Six sharp metal rods stab into her sides. Her eyes burn, her throat hurts and her ears are piercing. She's screaming in absolute agony and doesn't realize it. She eventually and thankfully gets knocked out from the sheer amount of pain that her body can't handle anymore.

Meanwhile, in another world, Oliver dreams...

Chapter Text

This probably has to be the most stupid thing he has ever done. No, scratch that, this is the most stupid thing he has ever done. At least when he'd been younger, he's had his excuses but now? He can't pin this as a drunken escapade or an idiotic dare or simply to remain undetected from his parents. He's thirty-one, for God's sake! He isn't young anymore to claim to be dumb enough for stunts like this!

But here he is, doing it anyway...

He swings his other arm, doing his best to evenly distribute his weight so he doesn't fall because... this is actually a considerable height. He works out often enough but by God, is he old...

This action, however, causes unnecessary noise that's actually louder than he intended it to be. From the inside, there's a loud thud which is quickly followed by a yelp. Before he knows it, there's a flash of yellow and he's staring at a bleary-eyed Barry.

"Ollie?" He rasps roughly as he rubs his eyes. Kara comes up from behind him, also barely awake and quite honestly looking irritated. "What the hell are you doing?"

He breathes out through his nose, straining to hold his weight. Sure he goes to the gym, but that doesn't mean he can stay like this forever. He isn't some alien like Kara is.

"I..." He hates to have to meet Kara's eyes, "lost my key." 

"You know doorbells and cellphones exist for a reason, right?" Kara deadpans.

He tries to be as sarcastic as she is, wanting to roll his eyes at her, but he isn't able to due to not being able to withstand his growing embarrassment. Sighing, he says, "I didn't... I didn't want to wake you..."

Barry crosses his arms over his chest, adopting the same tired look as Kara. "So... you climb our tree..."

"To break into our house--" continues Kara

"His own house," corrects Barry immediately.

"--To break into our bedroom at ass o'clock."

"But couldn't because we locked the window."

"And just left yourself hanging like an idiot, waking us up thinking there was a burglar trying to kill us?"

His mouth opens to make an argument that he hadn't purposely left himself hanging, it's just that he isn't physically... able... to get down... for some goddamn reason?!

Yeah, he elects to not say anything at the last second because that's a horrible defense and not a good enough reason to wake the two when they're clearly so tired from a day of jobs and heroics. So he ends up just saying softly, "I'm sorry."

"You better be, you--"

Kara immediately shuts up and he is about to ask why when the branch he's holding on to makes that awful snap and before his stomach can turn, he's already in the comfort of his flying girlfriend's arms, with the said girlfriend looking down on him still with that slight crinkle between her brows.

"You're lucky I love you," she tells him as she flies through the window and into the safety of their bedroom.

His lips press together into a hard line in an attempt to shut himself up.

"No," Barry says as he locks the window. "He's lucky you can fly."

It's his fault he ended up in this situation.

#

... ended up in this situation.

God, he knows why he's in this situation; he's the mayor so yes he knows the obligations of being a vital leader for his city, but...

He's so riddled with guilt that being a city official doesn't exactly scream important right now when he just blew his daughter off to watch her act in the talent show that she'd been incredibly excited for, all for this damn meeting that he doesn't even know what it's for.

He'd said no?

How could he?

At the moment, this meeting had seemed important. When he'd been sworn in, the needs of the people outweighed the needs of his own. But the glare he'd received from Kara, disappointment from Barry, annoyance from William and Connor, and Dawn's own crushed expression should have all been more than enough to let him know it hadn't been just him and his needs anymore.

He cuts Malcolm off with whatever the hell he'd been proposing by standing up to rush out the door, not forgetting to throw in some sort of an apology that mostly likely came out as a guttural noise of indifference.

"Finally came to your senses?" Dig asks as he closes the door to the driver's side. "This is going to be a nightmare for Felicity."

"Which is why I hired her because she's a miracle worker. Let's go, Dig."

"Don't need to tell me twice."

And they're off...

... only to arrive an hour too late, an empty auditorium greeting him with its darkness and silence embracing him entirely, as if congratulating him on his award for finally pulling his head of out of his own ass.

His phone pings and it's a message from...

... Connor, with a video attached.

Here's my sister's performance, if you still care.

Dawn_Talent_Show.mp4

He shouldn't have, but he clicks on the video and it's his baby girl, his perfect princess, singing, her voice being a beautiful phenomenon on its own, courtesy of Barry and Kara.

"And what do you do
When the one who means the most to you
Is the one who didn't show?

You should've been here
And I would've been so happy..."

His voice is small and frail as it carries into the large empty space, "I'm sorry..."

#

"... I'm sorry, Dad, but I can't," He whispers. His stomach is scratching itself inside out, his mouth is deprived of saliva and he doesn't understand how he's able to stand well enough for this conversation but he is anyway. "I'm not as strong as you."

He puts the gun against his temple, squeezes his eyes shut and pulls the trigger.

Click.

Nothing.

He screams as he throws down the gun, fingers tangled in his hair as he pulls hard.

Jesus, he's going insane.

"Of course it doesn't work!" He snarls, eyes still shut as hot tears ooze out as he collides himself into the rock wall with his shoulder, hitting as hard as he could because the pain makes it better. "I'm fucking hallucinating!" He punches a boulder, wanting to bleed. "Dreaming!"

A hand curls on his shoulder and it takes him by surprise. He jerks backward and his eyes snap open.

"Barry?"

Barry looks worried, green eyes shining with tears. With the light that creeps in through the cracks of the cave shining down directly on Barry, it highlights every bit of angle and corner of the man that he loves so much.

"Wake up."

He shakes his head, as if the gesture would correct his hearing. "What?"

"Wake up."

"Barry, I-I'm not--"

"Ollie... please wake up."

His body shoots forward as he gasps for air, lungs screaming at him that what he's breathing in isn't enough. His entire body is drenched in cold sweat and it takes him a minute to calm himself, just enough to be somewhat rational. It takes him another minute to realize his right shoulder hurts. It takes him ten seconds later to see his knuckles bruised.

"Kara... was a little too rough... trying to wake you," Barry explains as Barry gently brings the glass of lukewarm water to his lips. He drinks obediently and doesn't complain. "We don't really know what happened but you punched her in the face."

Ah. "Where is she?"

Barry sighs. "She's downstairs. She's feels... guilty."

He rolls his eyes and kicks the covers off of him. He doesn't think twice about it and heads towards their kitchen, where he finds her curled up against their fridge, arms wrapped around her knees.

He's quite grateful Barry doesn't stop him and instead just wordlessly follows him as he sits next to Kara while Barry takes the other side.

"Are you okay?"

"You're the one who's just had a nightmare and a broken shoulder, and you're asking me if I'm okay?"

"My hand hurts too you know," he jokes lightly. He regrets it not a second later when her face darkens and she hugs her knees tighter. "It's not your fault, you know."

"I broke your shoulder."

"And I punched you in the face." He sits next to her. "You were just trying to wake me up from a nightmare, Kara."

"And I didn't even get to wake you up. And now your shoulder is broken."

He decides to borrow one of Barry's jokes. "I've got a spare." He leans in to kiss the top of her head. "I'm okay. Really."

"I... know," she says in a volume that's barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm okay."

"... Okay..."

He leans against the fridge. "Thank you." He glances at Barry, who was against the doorframe, watching quietly. "Both of you."

#

... both of you now? He thinks to himself as he races down the hall.

"What the hell is happening?" He demands as he stalks into the med bay, discarding his bow and quiver to the floor.

With Caitlin right on his heels as are the others as they come barreling in, she says, "I think we're losing them."

He has a death grip on each of Barry's and Kara's hands as their bodies go on spasming. Caitlin and Cisco keep telling him to let go, but he can't bring himself to. Letting go of their hands would feel like losing them completely so he stays put and glares at the two. Eventually, Caitlin just scowls back but begrudgingly has to accept that he's there to stay.

#

... there to stay?

No, he's not.

As soon as his hand is about to touch the doorknob that leads to Barry's private room, he stops himself. It's the umpteenth time he's come up here and he's never had the courage to actually get in there.

There's laughter that blossoms from inside the room, followed by the harmony of another.

The bouquet of flowers in his hand suddenly feel like a thousand pounds with poison barbs and he immediately goes on to find the nearest trash bin to toss it away.

The nurse behind him clicks her tongue and says, "what a damn waste," under her breath.

He straightens his tie and fixes his coat before entering the elevator to the third floor.

He walks away.

It's okay.

Kara'll take care of him.

#

... him.

Him.

Who is he?

Oliver Queen.

He's the mayor, right?

Maybe.

Of what city?

Wasn't it Starling?

No, pretty sure it's Star.

But he grew up in Starling...

Or is he the CEO of Queen Consolidated?

Don't know.

Oliver Queen?

Who?

Don't know.

Isn't he the Arrow?

No, that can't be right.

Green Arrow?

What?

Don't know.

#

"... don't know!" He yells at his wide-eyed sister. "I don't know anymore! Everything's wrong!"

"I know. It's going to be okay, Ollie."

#

"Ollie!"

Chapter Text

She wakes up to a start, eyes adjusting to the sunlight trickling in through the crack between the curtains.

Her gaze widens upon realizing...

She's back in her old room.

Not the loft she formerly shared with her brother, but... her childhood home.

Wait, no. That's not right. She... She's lived here her whole life; what is she saying?

Ollie.

She blinks.

Right.

She'd screamed his name before this whole thing—whatever this thing is—reset. She has to get back to the others. Back with her brother.

Or... had it just been a dream?

Wait, of course it'd been a dream.

She pinches herself just to make sure and, sure enough, it hurts. Fuck, maybe Tommy's right: all the drugs she'd experimented on when she'd been younger fried her brain.

She's about to get off the bed when she realizes she can't.

She's wrapped under the arm of Roy.

God, she's missed him. Too much that she's sure it's incomparable to anything else.

But... why does she miss him? He's been with her this whole time... even as her mind screams at her that she's wrong. Which in itself is wrong, because everything clicks together perfectly.

Just when she thinks the mind games can't get any worse...

Mind games? 

What the fuck is she saying?

She very gingerly attempts to get away from his grip, but the hold around her tenses as he scoots closer to her, making disgruntled sounds yet still nuzzling her face. She's one kiss away from having an anxiety attack as her mind races at memories she's convinced are spliced together from years of drug abuse and psych issues.

"Thea..." He whispers discontently. She gasps inaudibly at how real, at how beautiful he looks in the low light. "What are you doing? It's too early... for anything!" he moans.

Her eyes sting then quickly blur at the sight of his face when it pops out from under the pillow; tears spill. It's been too long since she's seen him, been too long since they had been forced to break things off between them when they're clearly not meant for each other.

Wait...

No...

That never happened.

No, they've been together for years now, ever since he'd been one of the guards hired to secure the venue of the Queen mansion when her brother had decided to throw another massive party following his umpteenth release from jail.

She closes her eyes to compose herself as her hands hastily wipes at the salt all over her cheeks.

She refuses to accept that she's going crazy.

"I have to go," she replies softly, trying her best to swallow back down the sad that threatens to bubble out of her.

Four years. They've been together four years. Why is she crying? Why does it hurt?

"Go where? It's..." he pauses and makes a quick glance at the clock, "Jesus, it's barely even six. Who are you and have you done with Thea?"

She feels like she's been punched in the gut. 

Who is she?

"I know." Her smile feels tight. "I have to go and—" Yeah, go and do what exactly? Or more importantly, go where? She doesn't know; all she feels like she knows is she needs to go. She wracks her brain for excuses that are reasonable enough and not completely far-fetched. "I have to go and meet Ollie." 

"What? Now?"

"It's important."

"Sleep's important." Stubborn. 

"You're tired."

"And you're mean." But there's a finality to his voice that lets her know that he's letting her go.

Debating with herself, she decides at the last second to just go with it: she leans in and drops a kiss to his head. Her chest screams at her that this isn't right. She wishes to take it back immediately; he smells exactly like he should... except butterflies don't flutter.

...

She and Roy had broken up, that's the real memory. 

...

He's been gone for years.

...

He asks for her hand.

...

Right?

...

She needs to find—

Someone.

...

He turns his away from her, never to be seen again.

...

She needs just about anyone.

#

She realizes she really has nowhere to go, no destination in mind, as it was barely the start to the day. The sun has extended its salutations to the city for barely half an hour, and knowing how hard her brother works, he doesn't wake up with the sun.

She feels stupid, having circled around the city once in her car. She doesn't know what she's going to do now; she can't bear being a nuisance just because she's having a breakdown. Maybe she really is going insane, with all these intrusive thoughts and crazy scenarios that bounce around in her head, sticking to her long-term memory as if they're the truth.

Perhaps she should get her bow and stick an arrow in some lowlife's eye—

God, what is she even saying? As far as she's concerned, she doesn't even know how to shoot, much less an arrow. Years of useless aim during yer younger years playing laser tag taught her that.

She comes to a stop light and frustratingly hits her steering wheel. 

She really is slowly descending into madness.

Is she in the Matrix?

To humor herself, she lifts a hand and examines it, pale fingers glowing radiantly in the sun. She brings up her other hand and very delicately traces her left forearm...

Something's missing on it.

She rubs it raw, as if expecting makeup to smear and reveal the mark of... of something important that she knows is etched to her bone, yet nothing happens. All that's revealed is red, angry skin.

Everything in her head feels right, and at the same time, it doesn't. She has bits and pieces of every single memory that pretty much contradict each other.

She remembers her parents, who are alive and well and happy; she remembers that her father is dead, her mother had bled out, murdered, right there in front of her, and that her actual biological father is Malcolm Merlyn.

She remembers that her brother had been missing for over five years and that he had come back as a killing machine, a shadow of the brother she loved before the accident until she realized he's still the same and he still loves her; she remembers him bring a typical kid of a billionaire before eventually going to college, where he now leads a quiet domestic life.

She remembers Roy.

She remembers red leather, arrows and bad guys; she remembers running Verdant.

She remembers words... dark words that had contrasted nicely with her porcelain skin, a set, imprinted at the bottom of her right foot and her left forearm; she remembers wanting a tattoo on those exact same spots but never getting around to getting them.

She remembers dying; she remembers almost dying from a cut on her knee that'd infected rather nastily.

She remembers the overwhelming urge to kill everyone after being brought back to life—

Her passenger car door abruptly opens and without even thinking, her right arm comes up, set in motion to slam the intruder's throat.

But the man just blocks effortlessly, like he'd anticipated her attack. When she's allowed a fraction of a second to think, she sees his face and realizes she knows this man.

"John?" She asks, gulping down breaths as she calms herself down, bringing her arm down. She mentally shakes her head, the name doesn't sound right, but she knows she isn't wrong.

The man smiles good-naturedly at her; the crinkles around his eyes emphasize whatever kind of bond they have. He trusts her, and she trusts him too.

"John's good, but you call me Dig. All my friends do."

And just as the light turns green, her memories of this man slide into their rightful place: missions, lectures, injuries, near-death experiences and countless hours of babysitting baby John.

The car behind her blares their horn obnoxiously at her but she can't bring herself to care. Things for her are finally coming into focus.

She glances at him and there's this understanding of her realization, of her memories sort of making sense.

"This is about the fifth time we've met actually," he says as he looks at the road ahead pointedly, silently urging her to drive. "Always different but all ending the same."

She grits her teeth as she puts the car into first gear and drives. She knows what he's talking about: that damned stupid feeling of deja vu.

"Nothing here is real," she states quietly with finality.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him nod. "Right. Whoever's doing this to us..." He shakes his head. "Point is we can't exactly trust any of our memories right now."

She nods, understanding... but she still has one question to ask since she doesn't exactly remember this part. "With whatever's messing with us... resetting and all..."

There's a pause before he asks, "Yeah?"

"What exactly are we doing that it resets all over again?"

A beat.

"We try and get Oliver."

#

She discards her bow, crashing into him like her life depended on him. "We have to go!"

"Thea?" And it did. She wouldn't be where she is without him. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be—"

"We don't have time!" She cries. "Everything's gonna go back to—"

Everything begins to shake violently, like the Earth is threatening her.

"Thea? Thea!"

"Ollie!"

Her hands reach forward once more, yet she clutches at emptiness.

#

"Ollie!"

#

"Ollie!"

#

He instructs her to drive to Palmer Tech.

"Why there?" She asks as another asshole blows his horn as they drive around her.

"Because another one of us is there."

Right. Ray Palmer. She vaguely remembers meeting him once or twice before this whole world had shot to hell and had gotten rebooted.

They are greeted by a receptionist with seemingly intelligent eyes and a rather nervous demeanor, almost stammering as she politely asks how she can help them.

"We're here to see Mister Palmer," Dig replies smoothly.

The guy next to her, raven hair pulled back into a neat ponytail that actually looks good on him, pauses whatever he's doing to gawk at the pair of them, fearlessly asking to see the owner of the building without so much as a prior appointment.

She knows these two, having been introduced to them last year, after the crazy fiasco that is Vandal Savage.

Caitlin and Cisco.

She knows that's the right memory of them because her only memories of meeting these two were through weirder circumstances that she's pretty sure her mind isn't that creative at making up.

The woman — Caitlin — actually stutters this time as she replies, slightly stunned, "I-I'm sorry, but you'd have to have an appointment with him first."

Just as Caitlin is about to say more — probably apologize again — the elevator dings and the doors slide open to the man they've just been needing to see.

"Ah! Dig! Thea! Great! I've been meaning to find you two!" He greets as he walks to them, extending his hand for a greeting, to which she takes warmly.

As soon as she does, she remembers who Ray Palmer is to her and her friends: the billionaire guy with a genius brain and a fancy superhero suit that can shrink, having built it himself. She remembers the ridiculous crush she's had on him, up until it is realized that Ray and... some blonde woman she just knows is named Felicity are soulmates.

...

Wait.

Soulmates?

Now where did that come from?

She remembers soulmates... being a thing; she remembers soulmates being complete fiction and just a term of endearment for people to get into other people's pants more easily.

She doesn't know which is which.

Should she trust her memory of the spectacled blonde relaying how hers and Ray's words are completely mundane but sparks still flew, with her freaking out and consequently quitting her retail job fifteen minutes later?

Wait.

Words?

Now where did that come from?

She gently strokes her forearm.

"Uhh, Thea?" One of them says, she isn't too sure who.

She snaps out of her reverie. "Yeah, what?"

"We're going."

"Oh yeah, sure." She follows them out and takes out her keys. "Where to exactly?"

Ray turns his head to look at her, flashing his award-winning Colgate smile that's she's sure has landed him on magazine covers before. "Your workplace."

*—*—*—*—*

They meet Sara Lance there in the basement of the Verdant, where it's completely covered in thick cobwebs and utter disappointment. She sticks a finger against one of the boxes and almost physically cringes at how much her finger becomes discolored. She should really clean up the place...

"'Bout time you fellas got here," Sara says. She isn't too sure what that smirk means.

She remembers this place as pristine, walls once outfitted with weapons and red leather, green leather encased in glass...

"The Arrow cave," she mumbles under her breath without really thinking. She remembers her brother hating that it's called that. Despite the low volume, the others had caught what she said.

Sara's smirk transforms to a smile. "Great. You're remembering."

She shakes her head. "Not really. I have my memories. It's just a matter of—"

"Believing which ones are real and which ones are fake?" Sara and Ray finish for her, as if it'd been rehearsed.

She nods, slightly dazed, still she realizes: "I've said the same thing before, haven't I?"

Sara nods in lieu of a verbal response, but Dig supplies her with an actual reply, "Yeah, you did, but we're all going through the exact same thing, so we get it."

"Which brings us to our dilemma," Ray says.

"Right. How in God's name are we getting out of this damn world?" Sara says, tone becoming a bit sour, but hey, could she blame her?

"Shared hallucination," Dig says.

"A dream," Ray supplies.

"Well whatever it is, we need to get out 'cause it really sucks to have to wake up to my dead sister be all happy when in reality, she's very much dead."

She remembers Laurel hiring herself as her wedding planner; she remembers Laurel succumbing to her injuries at the hospital.

Silence creeps in for a moment, tension enveloping around them like she knows happened last time.

Dig sighs. "Every time we group together like this and try anything, we're just thrown right back to the beginning."

Sara's eyes widen in disbelief, probably at Dig's resignation, as she throws her hands up in frustration. "Then we try a different tactic!"

"Yeah, that's what you said last time." Dig shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. "Didn't work."

"So what works?" Ray asks.

Dig visibly hesitates to answer, but she knows exactly what he's supposed to say so she says it.

"We leave Ollie behind."

*—*—*—*—*

They're stumped. Obviously everyone is opposed to the idea of leaving Oliver behind in this twisted reality, but they see no other option. If the right memories are to be trusted, then she knows that all their prior attempts have failed. They've exhausted their ideas over seven resets and nothing. Everything in her gut is telling her not to leave her brother behind when he's saved her so many damn times, but what else can she do?

She remembers almost killing him on multiple occasions involving arrows or even just her bare fists; she remembers wanting to kill him for getting himself arrested again.

Everything's so messed and all she wants is her brother, her rock... but she can't, not unless she wants to be tossed back to the beginning, so instead, she goes to the next best thing: Queen Consolidated. Despite the urgency of the crisis she's in, she just wants— no, scratch that, she needs to talk to someone.

Before she can get in, however, she stops dead in her tracks; the sight of Roy at the entrance, bouquet of glowers at hand, stabs her in the heart.

Her chest feels heavy with blended emotions.

"Hey!" Roy says, smile stretching wide as he approaches her with his arms open with the intention of embracing her.

How can someone not real have so much genuine love in his eyes?

She knows she'll pretty much lose it if she gets lost in his arms, much less smell his familiar scent that'll forever remind her of home, so she resorts to dodging him by giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

He rolls with it and takes it graciously before presenting her with the flowers. She accepts them with a smile.

They're tulips.

She remembers Roy giving her red roses.

"So I was thinking... you know, maybe we can go grab lunch together before we head back to work?" He suggests.

She remembers Roy being a purse snatcher before turning into a vigilante, red leather; she remembers begging her father to give him a job at the company.

"Oh, sorry. I can't. I have to do this business... deal— thing back at Verdant." She berates herself for such a lame excuse.

Roy's smile slightly falters. "But you're... You just got here."

"Right. I just needed to talk to Dad."

"Your... dad's not here, he's in Australia. Thea, what's going on?"

Crap. Of course her dad isn't here and of course she doesn't know. Stupid fake reality...

"Nothing, I just—"

Fake reality.

Of course.

She shoves the flowers his way, removes the ring on her finger and stands straighter. God, she's such a bitch. "I can't do this anymore."

Flowers hit the sidewalk faster than he can get his words out. "W-What... What? You're... You're breaking up with me?"

She can't look at his eyes; it'll continue to haunt her even when she does leave this place, so she looks at his hair.

"I'm sorry. It's just—"

"Thea, I swear to God, if this is a it's-not-you-it's-me bull—"

"No," she reassures quickly; even she hates those kinds of breakups. "It's just... we're not meant to be."

He surges forward and grabs her hands. His eyes look into her, imploring for her to change her mind.

But she's still staring at his hair.

"I can change. Tell me what it is, okay? I can change!"

She remembers words, etched on her forearm — You just said my words — and on her foot — It's nice to meet you.

"You're not my soulmate."

"Soulmates don't even exist."

"They do."Â And you're not one of mine.

She walks away.

God, she can't do this anymore. This place really likes to dig into her.

To hell with it, she thinks, I'm meeting Ollie.

*—*—*—*—*

After an entire minute of waiting at the door to her brother's house against all logic, the door swings open, revealing exactly the man she's looking for.

"Barry!" She greets as she surges forward to do her best to embrace the man in the wheelchair, hopefully in a totally not awkward way.

She remembers Barry running, surrounded in lightning and red leather; she remembers Barry being struck by lightning, paralyzing him from the waist down.

"Hey, Thea," he says back as he returns the hug. When she pulls back, he asks, "So what can I help you with? We weren't exactly expecting you today." He backs up to allow her to come in.

She does, ducking her head a little in shame at the impromptu visit. "Right. Sorry. I was just, you know, in the neighborhood."

"Like always." He laughs, a genuine smile spread across his face.

She remembers being more than just a little mad at Barry for something he'd done; she remembers being there with Ollie at the hospital when Barry wakes up from his months-long coma, first instinct was to smile at them widely.

"Sorry," he says as he turns on the spot and pushes himself further into the house. "It's a bit of a mess..."

She scoffs. Nothing looks out of place, except maybe for the N64 system and controllers in the living room; Barry having obviously just played with it prior to her visit.

"Trust me, this is nothing." She decides to not beat around the bush. "Where's Ollie?"

Barry whips around to face her fully, looking slightly tired. "Upstairs. I just barely got him to rest... He's been up all night trying to..."

She nods, giving him a silent affirmation that she understands and that he shouldn't feel obligated to explain. Besides, he's not real...

There's this self-loathing that overwrites all previous expressions on his face that she's become all too familiar with. "He resigned from your dad's company, just stays in the house and what? Just take care of me?"

She scoots towards him and squats to be at his eye-level. She takes in one of his hands to force him to look at her.

"Ollie hated working that god awful business job with people who only care about money. He's doing this, yeah, mostly for you but also for himself. To him, taking care of you isn't at all a bother."

She remembers being furious at him; she remembers crying for him.

And she thought with Roy it'd been more than just confusing; with Barry, it's downright painful.

"Right," he says quietly. "Thank you, Thea." He laughs shakily. "When d'you become so wise?"

She kisses him on the cheek. "The day Ollie basically gave me a nightclub to run."

He runs a hand through his hair, a habit he does when he's trying to compose himself. When he drops his hand, he looks pointedly at the living room, at his gaming system.

There's a wicked smile on his face and she already knows what he's thinking.

"Bet I could wipe the floor with you on Super Smash Bros."

She smirks back; the subject's been dropped. "I grew up with an older brother and his best friend. I think I can handle myself."

She remembers eventually forgiving him in the rain, after he saved her and the others from brainwashing aliens, after he saved her brother from her.

*—*—*—*—*

She wakes up to the sound of the front door creaking open.

She cracks an eye open and she's met with the TV screen glaring at her, displaying the home screen of Mario Kart 64. She groans and makes a move to rub her eyes, up until she realizes she has makeup on and leaves her face alone. She opens her eyes all the way and finds Barry, passed out on the far edge of the couch where she'd helped him maneuver himself there.

"Hey, Thea."

She turns her head and finds the owner of the hushed greeting.

"Kara, hi," she whispers back.

She stands up and helps Kara with her load of groceries.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, sure, no problem."

They head to the kitchen and drop the groceries on the counter. She probably looks slightly abashed as she looks at the blonde, judging from Kara's slightly confused expression.

"Sorry for dropping by unannounced—"

Kara cuts her off with a gentle laugh, almost akin to that of a wind chime swaying in the breeze. "It's okay, Thea. We love having you."

She takes it and smiles.

"Should I make more food? Is Roy coming over too?" Kara asks as she starts to put the groceries away.

Thea's smile falters, just in time for Kara to look up to see it.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She nods all too quickly.

This is fake so it doesn't matter.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... Roy and I are no longer together."

The carton of milk in Kara's hands nearly drops at the revelation. "What? But—"

She waves a hand dismissively. "It's fine. I just... came to the conclusion that he and I aren't exactly meant for each other. Not like you are with Barry and Ollie."

Kara is stunned for a moment before her expression melts into one of understanding. "I get it. Did you meet someone else?"

Her eyes widen and she can feel her heart stutter a bit. She knows that soulmates exist now. She's known soulmates exist her entire life, she just temporarily forgot. She knows they exist, but she's also painfully aware that she hasn't met any of her two destined lovers.

"No, no. Not yet. I just need some time on my own."

Kara nods. "I understand." God, she's so happy Ollie had fallen in love with this woman.

Before a comfortable silence can settle between them, heavy footsteps and a gruff voice from upstairs sounds.

"Kara?"

"In the kitchen, babe," she sounds back before giving her a wink, "with a guest." Barry groans from his place in the living room, making it obvious he's woken from his slumber and that he's not happy about it. "Sorry, Barry."

"Who's— here..."

She turns and sees her brother. It feels like they've done this before, have seen each other so many times right before they're all pulled back and forced to start over again. If she doesn't know her brother or isn't observant enough, she never would have seen the slight panic in his eyes before he easily slides an expression of joy.

"Thea," her brother says as he approaches her with his arms wide open. She moves closer and lets herself be engulfed. Everything is fake, but her brother is real. "What are you doing here?"

She flinches; that's exactly what he'd said right before everything...

For some reason, her voice gets stuck in her throat and almost breaks down crying. She's had to deal with everything alone. Sure, the others are there with her, but they're not there for her, not like her brother, who's provided her with solace ever since she'd been a kid.

"Nothing," she answers, sounding forced. "I... wanted to see you guys."

Ollie laughs as he lets her go. "You saw us just a couple days ago at our engagement party."

She smiles, or actually pushes herself to.

She remembers her brother barely smiling in the past few years, truly believing that he isn't deserving of his own happy ending with his soulmates; she remembers helping him plan his proposal to Barry and Kara, chasing after his happy ending.

Her heart aches for him.

Everything here is fake, but she's never seen him this genuinely content, no burden looming over his shoulder or ghosts haunting his eyes.

He's happy.

Should she really ruin this for him?

*—*—*—*—*

She eventually bids the three goodbye when, in the middle of their conversation after dinner, Kara's head bobs forward, accidentally falling asleep; understandable, of course, after a day's hard work.

"I'm sorry, Thea," Kara says as she readjusts her glasses before standing up to hug her goodbye.

"Hey, you're Starling's best reporter. You work harder than anyone else I know. Don't be sorry."

Kara gives her a sheepish smile before she moves on to Barry.

"You still owe me a rematch," he says as they bump fists with each other.

She laughs as she heads out the door. "Why, when you and I both know you're gonna lose again?"

Oliver walks her out.

"I'm really glad you came," he tells her as the breeze picks up.

She remembers the relief that almost knocks her out when her mother comes into her room to tell her her brother is alive after five years believing he's dead.

She returns the smile. "Me, too."

She remembers the relief watching him finally proposing to the two people he loves the most, finally chasing after his own happiness.

She rushes forward and embraces him, tight because everything may be fake but this moment between them is real.

He rubs her back soothingly as he whispers, "You have to go now."

She freezes. "Wait, what?"

He roughly shoves her aside and expertly throws a dagger forward, the thing having come from nowhere unless she missed it.

Deathstroke goes down, with a blade in his good eye.

She stares at him with wide eyes as the pieces come together.

"You know."

His face morphs to adopt a brief look of panic as he looks around, as if anticipating for something to happen.

He knows. He knows this isn't real. He knows that they've been at it for a few times now. He knows about the reboots.

He probably doesn't mean to but he pushes her away.

"Go!"

"But, Ollie—"

"Get out of here! Go!"

So she runs, cellphone at hand, calling the others.

"Where?" She demands.

"Smoak Technologies!" Ray yells back, sounding out of breath. There's metal scraping against metal and guns shooting in the background.

She doesn't bother asking why or what the hell is going on, she turns off her phone and keeps running, tears clouding her vision.

Her brother knows, and he had chosen to stay. If she had asked, he'd probably say it's because he knows if she got him to leave with them, everything would restart again, but she knows better.

She remembers seeing his own set of words when their parents had taken them to Coast City for a beach vacation: one on his ribs that reads 'And you're Oliver'Â and the other one on his left thigh that reads 'Actually, it was only one guy.'

He chose to stay for Kara and Barry, the soulmates he'd rejected in real life.

*—*—*—*—*

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*—*—*—*—*

They take off the wires that'd been attached to their temples and force their way out of the freaky chamber-like tubes they'd been in.

"You good?" Ray asks Dig, stumbling around as he tries to gain his balance just as the rest of them are.

"Yeah. It was just a dream but it still hurts like a son of a bitch," Dig responds, gingerly holding on to his side as if his bullet wound had retained from the dream world.

She's still dizzy, fingers digging into her temples to find some sort of relief as her mind is still stuck trying to comprehend what the hell just happened when she gasps.

"What?" Sara says urgently.

"You okay, Thea?" Ray asks.

She looks around to make sure. She locks eyes with Dig and gestures around wildly. "He's not here!"

But it's Sara who says it. "Who?"

"Oliver! My brother! He's not here!"

There's a stunned silence that settles amongst them, thick with panic going haywire.

"Thea..." Sara says gently. "Oliver wasn't... with us."

She looks at Dig, who just nods.

All she can do is stare back.

No, that can't be.

That's... That's not possible! She's sure he'd been taken along with them. She's sure he'd been with them. She knows her brother! She knows she hadn't been talking to a fake...

Hell! They even had talked about how they couldn't leave Oliver!

Right?

Why are they pretending like they don't know?

Or had she actually gone crazy in the time spent in that god-awful reality?

Before she can say anything or even do so much as blink, a blue sort of light catches all of their attention and the portal thing opens up to Cisco and someone else jumping out.

"Oh thank God I found the right place in the ship," Cisco says, out of breath, as he puts his hands on his knees.

"We're here to rescue you!" The other guy in the yellow suit that almost looks like Barry's says.

He uses his speed to stand next to her and Ray, probably to grab their hands so they can make the speedy escape, but his sudden presence next to her startles her so bad that it gets her mouth running.

"No! Don't touch me! I'm not leaving without my brother!"

The guy just sort of stands there, shellshocked. She doesn't get it; in fact, she almost slaps him just to get him to look away when he stutters out, "You just said my words."

...

Oh god why now?