Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's cold at Sekoto Peak during this time of the year. The white jacket he’s wearing is thin but the tears that slowly come out from him sizzle out from the sheer temperature his body is radiating.

He can't believe it.

Dad… 

Father hasn't shown up.

The cold hasn't bothered him much ever but he’s trembling with pure, unfiltered rage.

He feels like a fool.

Touya had asked him to come, so why wasn't he here? Was Touya really not good enough to even warrant a second of his attention?

Am I so worthless? To not even get a simple ‘No’ for an answer? To give me the illusion that you would come only to not appear?

Am I just not deserving of being properly responded to?

He made me think he was going to come see me…

He laughs bitterly, a heavy feeling making its home within his chest. The sounds he makes are pitiful yet Touya can't bear to try and muffle them. He can't breathe evenly anymore and the creeping feeling of wanting to throw up has risen to his throat.

He- He really tried his best, he was sure that with this new trick Touya had learned to do, Endeavour would look in his direction and pay attention once and for all. Touya thought his father would finally look at him.

I bet he's at the dojo right at this moment, trying to train that masterpiece of his. Stupid perfect Shouto, with his equally dumb and perfect quirk.

That- It should be me.

I should be the one training my quirk, getting Endeavour’s praise and respect, he should be sharing his knowledge with me, not that thing he calls masterpiece.

His vision starts to blur and Touya sobs, hands coming up to his hands to stop the upcoming tears and failing miserably. He sits on a fallen mossy log, the temperature slowly rising up with his distress. Snot clings to his nose and he sniffles, brows furrowed and pitiful.

I can't even stop crying, stupid him, stupid worthless Touya.

Failure.

He whimpers and heaves, breaths coming out ragged. Why didn't he come?! He tried so, so hard. Why is Touya never enough? He’s watching his own tears cling to his eyelashes until they drop, some not even making it to the floor before evaporating.

Why can't he just look at me?

He even invited mom here yet she isn't here either. Touya was sure that at the very least she would come but now he sees he's not even worth it of his own mother coming.

He’s so… pitiful.

His right foot makes the repeated motion of stomping on the ground, a distressing tic he developed. His skin is tingling, shivers running down his body.

Poor little Touya, with a weak body and an even weaker mind.

Why did he exist, if all he could do was disappoint the people that brought him to this life?

He tried and Endeavour wouldn't let him continue, stopping him from bettering himself. Touya was sure that one day, this weakling of a body he called his, would someday be able to contain his own fire.

He was sure. It's just a little training for endurance, even if it hurt, it was better. It was going to work. It had to. Right?

Father…

Why won't you look at me!?

Fire bursts out from what were once his tears and he stands up in a panic, Why won't it stop?! I want it to stop, please!

It doesn't obey his control, quickly continuing to spread down to his clothes. Touya uses his hands to pat and try to extinguish it but it's futile, his fire eats at his own body with earnest enthusiasm until it's all covered and he can't do anything but scream in pure agony.

He was going to die, like this. Touya was going to die in this stupid place waiting for people who don't even care about him. Cold dread clings to him. He doesn't want to-

Dad…

I haven't- He stumbles forward, towards the general direction where he remembers a small body of water, he can't hear his own voice and it hurts to try to beg for help.

The heaviness in his chest feels like turmoil, a hurricane of emotions flare up in his body. Touya feels sick to the very core of his being, shown you anything-

He barely makes it there, falling down to the ground when his knees finally give out, straining to even touch with just the tip of his fingers the refreshing liquid, he’s sure he can't feel it.

Yet! Touya rolls towards the water with purpose, burnt skin sizzling when it touches water, his own fire flickering between blue and red-orange when he watches it eat at the surrounding trees.

I still need…

“TOUYA!”

To show you.

“MY BABY!”

You still…

“MOMMY IS HERE!”

Haven't looked at me.

It's hard to breathe, he thinks. And the starry sky looks beautiful tonight.

“Oh God.” Rei gasps when she sees him, “My baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She approaches, her cold hands bringing a calming sensation to the remaining nerves Touya has when she touches his hand.

“Mom…” His voice is strained, deliriously, it reminds him of that one time Natsu was very sick and couldn't even speak. It feels worse somehow. “I’m sorry mom… I tried so hard, mom. I’m really sorry.” He coughs harshly and it rattles his entire body, pain so unbearable he can't even form a sound to describe it.

“It’s okay baby, help is coming,” She glances to the side worriedly. ”Mommy is here, I’m sorry I wasn't before.” Her frost starts to spread around his body like a protective layer and Touya sighs in relief, not noticing the surprise in Rei’s eyes.

He has always been more comfortable with the cold.

Touya's  eyes drift from his mother to the night blue sky, all full of white shiny spots that his brain feels too tired to remember the names of. He thinks his mother may have told him about them before, when they had a better relationship and mother still had time to care for him.

It’s strange how he can't recall those times where he’d learned which constellations had certain names and which group was called other things because of this or that. With a deep sigh that hurts him, he admires the starry night. 

He's just… so sleepy and he just wants his mother to hold him tight.

“I’m sorry mommy.” He says, closing his eyes with his burnt mouth resembling a smile.

Touya has always liked the stars, maybe he can join them in the sky after this. Perhaps, this time, he will be worth it enough for at least that thing.

“Touya? Baby! TOUYA!”

The sounds of strong footsteps get closer and red-blue lights shine, cutting between the remaining trunks and leaves. Muffled voices that Rei can't distinguish come into the area but she cannot feel anything more than trepidation.

Her first born, her son, her baby. Touya might not survive this and that scares her to the core of her very being. Rei doesn't think she can truly live in a world where one of her kids isn't alive, she would probably remain a shell of what she once was.

When she stands up, Rei prays. She prays to whatever celestial being that may hear her and her pleas, to concede them and let her baby live, please.

Everything becomes a little blurry after that.

People come and go and take Touya away in a stretcher, Rei’s own body following after without a second thought, getting up into the ambulance with the help of one of the paramedics hand’s.

The way to the hospital feels too long and too short at the same time.

Did she turn off the light in the laundry room before going to that mountain? She can't remember, only able to focus on a spot on the floor while she's sitting outside the emergency room.

The Musutafu Central Hospital is clean from what little she has seen on the way and the hero-ward in it is filled with people, families of pro’s all around. Some even give her pity looks when they notice her, staring at the light that hangs above the door that leads to the emergency room, indicating whatever the doctors are doing is not done yet.

Endeavour was at home, Rei doesn't know in which part of the house but she had left the housekeeper in charge of the kids, of the food and the unattended laundry and- Endeavour didn't go.

She remembers Touya mentioning it when her baby had invited her, all excited about his father coming to see him. He had said she should come too, so they both would look at him and his new trick.

Rei barely keeps her composure just thinking about how Enji hadn't gone to see Touya. She, too, blames herself for not getting there any sooner.

Perhaps, if she had, this wouldn't have happened.

Her heart breaks a little just thinking about her baby believing no one was coming for him and guilt makes a home in her chest, remembering the amount of times that her own broken mind had Rei seeing Enji and not Touya.

A memory from years ago comes to her at the thought, her mother visiting when only Touya and Fuyumi were born at the time and she had mentioned that out of those two, despite the colour palette he was born with, Touya looked the most like her.

Touya’s rounded eyes were her's and now, so was her hair. The lashes and the delicate skin he wore were all her own and if her baby’s eyes were a greyish brown, Rei feels like he would be a carbon copy of her.

She smiles at the thought, feeling a little crazy for doing so. Endeavour might not appreciate Touya anymore, despite claiming he’s distancing himself to protect him, but Rei will try to fill that role when they're together once again, she will give the care Touya deserves, even if he’s reluctant to receive it after everything that has happened.

Rei will become what she wasn't during all this time, she will act like the mother she was supposed to. She sniffles and small snowflakes fall from her eyes, dropping to the floor and melting into small droplets of water.

It’s truly all their fault, she muses deep in thought. If she was a better mother, if Enji wasn’t so self-centred, if Touya’s quirk wasn’t defective because of her- There’s so many if’s, if only they weren’t such a broken ‘family’.

They all knew Touya wasn't okay, considering he had tried to attack Shouto a year or two ago, that he was struggling without Endeavour’s guidance and probably needed help. Rei had hoped he was getting better or simply dismissed it, thinking that her baby would give up on those ambitions camouflaged as dreams that Enji had stuck him with.

How foolish it -she, they,- was, to believe everything would be okay.

It’s a few hours later that a doctor with a dinosaur-like appearance passes through the door. “Family of… Todoroki Touya?” He asks, looking around before focusing on her with recognition when Rei rises from her seat.

“Here, Doctor…” She trails off, looking at his uniform where their name card is, “Yoshida.”

“Very well, come with me.” He starts to walk, passing through the door where he came from and to the right, into another hallway that leads to the intensive care unit. Rei’s hope breaks just a little, Enji is still nowhere to be found. “Young Touya’s surgery went well enough, considering how extensive his injuries were.” They turn to the left, “We had the best doctors at hand and were able to salvage most of his skin, only having to use some skin grafts where the damage was more severe like his jaw, neck, arms, etc.” He glances at her while he talks before looking down at the folder in his hands, “His internal organs were and are gonna be taken care of by a specialist with a quirk that lets her regenerate them at the cost of her own energy, so we don’t have to worry too much about that, eventually, they will all be healed enough.”

He pauses his walk right outside room 304 before entering, Rei following close behind. She clutches her chest when she sees him, her baby, laying pale on the bed, IV’s hooked up to him. Doctor Yoshida keeps on talking and she does her best to listen to it while her eyes don’t leave Touya.

“We saw in Touya’s file the information about his quirk so the skin grafts we used were specifically made for quirk fire users like him. Hopefully that relieves some pressure off of him should he use it, though it’s not recommended until he’s relieved from physical therapy. Moving towards what I think might be the hardest part, after the surgery we realised it would be best to induce him into a coma, as we want him to recover as smoothly as possible, taking into consideration his mental health and the possible causes of the incident he was in. Over time, we will be easing him off until he wakes up all on his own.” Rei sits at Touya’s bedside and nods when she needs to, grabbing his hand in a comforting manner. 

She doesn’t know if it’s for his comfort or her own.

“For now, he will remain in this unit, just as a precaution for if something unexpected happens overnight but we’re all pretty sure it won’t.” Yoshida-sensei closes Touya’s folder and checks over him for a minute. “That’s about it, Todoroki-san. I shall leave you alone to process all of this. A nurse will come every once in a while to check everything is alright, just so you know. Have a nice rest of your day, miss.”

Time passes by, with her stroking her son’s hands absentmindedly while staring at him, sleeping peacefully. The red, purple-ish scars on his body are the only reminder that something has happened.

She wants to be better, to do better.

For Touya, for Fuyumi, for Natsuo and for Shouto. 

And she has an idea of just what to do.

“Rei?” Enji’s booming voice startles her, making her look up towards the door, where he stands with a hand on the door handle. He has his eyebrows furrowed and he’s wearing his hero suit. “What… happened?”

“Enji,” She stands up, letting go of Touya so she can properly assess Endeavour. “I want a divorce.” She stalks forward, the decision she made just a few hours ago out in the open, leaving the father of her children astounded. “Our contract is over, I gave birth to a child who then developed the quirk you dreamed of, I’m done with… this.”

“What? You can’t do this, woman!” Enji walks forward intimidatingly and Rei goes backwards in fear, a glance towards Touya calms her just enough to keep standing strongly. “That contract you signed doesn’t end until I say so!”

“You’re wrong, I have read every part of that contract once, twice, millions of times! So long as I gave birth to the quirk you wanted, I would be able to go free.” She strikes back, trying to keep her voice calm in the otherwise quiet hospital.

“ That’s…! You’re wrong.” He denies, shaking his head. “This- this is not happening, Rei.” He takes the seat closest to the door, hands coming up to his face in frustration. “You’re making a mistake with- with this silly tantrum you’re throwing!” He glances to the side where their son is laying, eyebrows frowning in irritation at the hurt on his skin and the bandages wrapped around his body. “And why, because Touya got hurt? It’s only because you didn’t pay enough attention to him, didn’t hold him back from training his quirk like I told you to do, woman.”

A surge of fury comes to her at his words. “ I didn’t pay enough attention to him? Surely this wouldn’t have happened if you were actually being a father to him or the other children but no, all you do and want is Shouto and his quirk!” Her face breaks and all she feels is despair towards the situation she finds herself in. “I don’t know if the doctors told you anything but Touya, our son , is in a coma all because of your stupid ambitions! If you- if you weren’t so absorbed in your ridiculous and un-achievable dream, this,” she motions at them, at Touya, at everything that made this happen, “wouldn’t have happened.”

“Ambitions? Un-achievable dream?! I’ll have you know I am the Number Two Hero, Rei.” Enji raises from his seat in anger, “Touya was a danger to himself and others anyways, stopping with the training was meant to be for his own good! It's obvious this would happen eventually since you didn't do anything to distract him from heroism, don’t you remember how he attacked Shouto all those years ago?!” He bares his teeth, fists clenching while walking towards the entrance of the room. “If you want this divorce you're talking about so bad, me and my lawyers will make sure you’re left with nothing.” He grasps the handle of the door, throwing it open and slamming it behind him when he goes.

Rei falls down to the floor trembling, fear and anxiety flowing through her veins. The decision is done, there’s no going back from this anymore. She will leave this hellish family Enji himself had created and she will do her best to fight and take all her children with her.

She will fight for Touya, for Fuyumi, for Natsuo, for Shouto and for herself.

When her shaking stops, she goes and sits on the chair beside Touya and dwells on the past, when Enji’s eyes weren’t clouded yet with so much jealousy and resentment towards the Number One Hero, All Might, and they were considered a happy family, when her first born’s quirk hadn’t hurt him yet and Fuyumi was barely a newborn. Back to when her mental state wasn’t so destroyed by the man she was handed to, when Touya wasn’t so obsessed with the need to be perceived by Endeavour until the point of almost dying for it, when Fuyumi didn’t need to drag her mother around to help with the chores, when Natsuo’s existence was merely a thought that may come if Fuyumi’s quirk wasn’t what Enji desired and when Shouto wasn’t even born yet.

She thinks back to the time before she even had to sign those forsaken papers, tying her to the nightmare that haunts the very back of her destroyed mind every second of the day.

Time passes slowly, Rei tries desperately to find a solution to the outcome, where to live, where she would work and looking at every available option there is possible. 

The children were oblivious to her wishes and her mother hears and gives possible places for the children and her to live, offers the possibility to help her find a job and even more.

Despite Touya’s coma, Enji’s eyes are still set into training their eight year old, Shouto, without a care. Rei’s son comes into her room at night only to cry and sometimes his left side leaves her trembling with fear, the aggression of Endeavour only getting worse now that he knows she was serious about separating.

Rei records it all, burns and bruises on her body, Shouto’s, the old photos of Touya’s from when Enji trained him too harshly, everything that can make it so she can hold the upper hand against the man.

She sends it to her mother, who promises to do whatever it takes to get them out of that house.

It doesn't go too well, when Enji’s anger transforms into fury and he hits her so strongly that she falls to the floor, too scared to even attempt to get up. 

The other’s voice is a mere background noise in her dissociated mind, and it continues.

The colour red scares her to the core, leaving her shaking and sobbing if she so much sees a speck of it.

Natsuo’s red roots are gone after the first and only time she flinched at them and her son smiles at her after showing he bleached them, claiming they were ugly and about how now he matched with Touya.

Fuyumi’s hair is trickier since her head is filled with red streaks all around but the girl wears hats and caps to hide them or specific hairstyles that their nanny does so they’re covered by white. Her blue eyes are obscured by her new square glasses and when they aren't, she tries to not look at Rei directly.

But Shouto’s hair is impossible to cover though, and Rei tries to hide how much he fears it. His left eye is the same shade as Endeavour and when she sees the kid in the corner of her eye, Rei tends to mistake him for his father.

Despite the harm that caused him, she’s grateful that Touya’s hair outgrew the red. Before, she could only see Enji in her firstborn, back from when he was born and she had to stare at his small body in the NICU’s incubator or when his quirk developed and fire engulfed his hand.

Nowadays, despite the cost of her own body’s vulnerability that she transferred into Touya, Rei’s glad his strands of hair changed because now she can see all of the parts of herself that she missed in him.

Despite all the comfort that comes with visiting Touya along with Natsuo and Fuyumi, coming back to the Todoroki’s estate brings her whole mood down.

The walls feel like they are closing on her and the cries and shouts that come from the training room are so much that they wake Rei up in the middle of the night.

She goes into the kitchen and dials her mother, who attends despite the time, rambling about everything that comes to her mind. 

The stove is lit on and a kettle full of water is put on top, a cup is bought out and three spoons of sugar are in it. She’s rummaging through the cabinets in search of a chamomile tea bag when a voice startles her.

“Mom…?”

She looks to the side where a figure stands, just in time for the kettle to make sound, indicating the water is boiling but all she sees is red red RED and the blue eye and Enji’s here and-

Rei’s mind shatters .

The screams that follow pull her out of the trance and she stares at her youngest son’s body, eyes tearing up with pain at the hot water that she has thrown into his face.

The guilt that surges up when Rei realises what she has done is immense and her shattered psych tries to figure out a way to fix it.

Her hand comes up and the perfect solution comes to mind, lifting it up to Shouto's face in desperation to repair what she has done, her quirk flares up to life and ice starts to spread around her kid’s face.

She tries her best to hold him from moving but Shouto is thrashing around, trying to get back from her. Rei’s fixing her mistake, she doesn't understand why her youngest wants to leave, to get away from her, she was just patching up the hurt!

Rei doesn't even come to her actual senses until much, much later, until there's off-white walls around her and what she can guess is a nurse asks her to follow her, claiming it’s lunchtime in the hospital she now lives in.

She can only pray that once Touya wakes, her mother will have taken all the children away from that house.

Chapter Text

Beep…

Looking back at memories from those times, when she held him warmly on her lap, watching intently at the TV screen where the video of All Might’s debut as a Pro Hero played.

The smell of vomit and the feeling of horrible sickness in his throat, his extremities hurting with the strain that comes with training, the sound of a big hand hitting against skin when his mama tries to plead for him to stop, along with the whimper that his mother lets out at the force of it before falling on the ground too.

The caring touches on his face and the rubbing on his back, the warmth that she expelled despite her piercing cold quirk when she hugged him tight, comforting him when he was crying about how he really didn’t want to be a mean bully like him.

“Stupid woman… To hurt you in such an important part of your development…” The masterpiece’s hands tremble at the words. “What happened to Touya is regrettable but this exceeded the limits…” Endeavour mumbles, walking around outside the training room.

“Where did mama go?”

The man pauses his walk, glancing towards him in confusion for a second before realisation comes, letting out a “Ah?” followed by a tch . He follows it with “She hurt my masterpiece, so I put her in a hospital, to keep you safe.” before going back to walking around carelessly.

Anger blooms in his chest at the response and the masterpiece finds itself frowning, drowning in an all boiling fury. “That was your fault, you’re the one who made her hurt me!” It’s- His trembling is more noticeable and tears come out of his eyes when the feelings in his body are too much. “The one who made Touya hurt himself, too!”

Todoroki Enji… 

I will reject you and your power with all my might.

I’ll never be like you want me to be, just you watch. 

Beep…

The painful screams of his mother’s begging that once came from the room next door are no longer an issue to Natsuo, not since she burned Shouto’s face and Endeavour had sent her away, along with simply moving Fuyumi and him to the other side of the house, claiming it was a security measure just in case they too wanted to hurt his masterpiece. 

Like Rei did.

(Like Touya tried.)

Before his mother, though, he also stopped hearing the voice of his older brother wondering what was his purpose in life when the other had a breakdown in the middle of the night back when they shared a room, not when Touya was no longer even awake to use his voice. Although Natsuo wouldn’t consider that an issue he no longer had to ‘deal with’. Nowadays, he berates himself for not listening to his brother, constantly thinking if Sekoto Peak would have happened at all if only he had heard and seen him when Touya needed it.

Shaking his head, he focuses on the ball in front of him. There is a football game next week in his school, which he’ll be captain for. Fuyumi had recommended he try playing sports to direct his anger somewhere else, explaining she had read in an article in one of her magazines that doing so would make his rage towards their father lessen over time.

As if that anger towards the man that neglected, abandoned them and deemed them failures, the man who made their mother scream, Shouto cry and caused big brother Touya to almost die, would ever disappear. 

Beep…

Fuyumi follows the rules, takes care of the chores when the housekeepers can’t, wakes her brothers up in time for the youngest to welcome his tutors and for Natsuo and her to leave for school, makes dinner when there are not any maids to do so and all the things that her mother once did and can’t anymore.

She occasionally -when Endeavour is not home- helps Shouto take baths when the injuries from their father’s training are too much for him to move, she gives a hand to Natsuo if he’s having trouble and struggling with his school work and she also visits Touya in the hospital every Thursday to leave their mother’s favourite flowers in her stead, all while she simultaneously takes Natsuo to the hospital at Tuesdays when he’s free, so he can leave letters, toys or whatever gift he found for Touya to see if- when he wakes.

Fuyumi sends letters to her mum every other week too, talking about her brothers and how they’re doing but she also attempts to talk to her father in hopes of fixing the broken picture that is her family. And despite the man often blowing her off and dismissing her, Fuyumi tries.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when the pressure becomes too much of a burden to bear, she breaks. Silent cries and cold tears that drop down, emotional turmoil so strong that once they reach the ground they have been converted into ice. When she’s finished, she cleans her mess and goes to sleep with no one the wise.

Beep…

Rei finds herself in an endless loop of waking, eating the demanded foods and taking the prescribed meds the doctors at the facility assigned her, doing whatever activity is recommended by the nurses and then once again, going to sleep.

Sometimes, the routine changes, when Fuyumi leaves a letter for her to read. It’s quite frustrating for the letter to be read to her by one of the therapists instead of doing it herself, given that they sometimes pause and don’t say parts in it if they deem it too unsafe to her deteriorated mental health, but at least she knows her kids haven’t forgotten yet about their mother.

Sometimes, the memories become too much and through her wide and unblinking eyes, she can watch as the nurses and doctors get closer with a syringe, inserting it when they are able to restrain her safely. As her eyes close, Rei can hear the shushing of a few nurses and comforting words come from their mouth.

Sometimes, the routine changes, but no letters are involved. Sometimes, it’s just Rei having a relapse in her recovery. Sometimes, waking up involves having hours of therapy until they consider she’s safe enough to go back to the normal routine of waking, eating the demanded foods and taking the prescribed meds the doctors at the facility assigned her, doing whatever activity is recommended by the nurses and then once again, going to sleep.

Beep…