Chapter Text
Horse and the infant
Odysseus: Did I just have a heart attack!?
Zeus: No, but I need you to murder this infant.
Just a Man
Odysseus: I'm just a normal guy! I can't kill a baby!
*Kills it anyways*
Full Speed Ahead
Polites: People! Maybe they're friendly!
Eurylochus: Let's kill all of them.
Open Arms
Polites: let's ask the people who tried to mind control us for directions :3
Odysseus: sounds like a great idea, nothing can go wrong there.
Warrior of the Mind
Athena: you're being too nice, time for an extended flashback
Odysseus: But why tho?
Athena: Exposition— I mean, DON'T QUESTION A GODDESS.
Polyphemus
SHEEP!
Ope, now someone (probably Eurylochus) killed one.
Unfortunately, a cyclops is here, and THAT SHEEP IN PARTICULAR was his favorite. So he's trying to kill Nobody.
Survive
Many do not survive.
Remember Them
Odysseus is grieving Polites in particular, and decided to try mercy for a change. Athena doesn't like this.
My Goodbye
Athena: You're a loser, and we're not friends anymore.
Odysseus: Has anyone ever told you that you have a habit of pushing people away?
Athena: *flips him off, and leaves*
(Meanwhile, Perimedes: “I want to yeet babies!”
Everyone else: WTF!?
Perimedes: It's– trauma, or something lmao)
Storm
Big storm time. Oh hey, an island.
Luck Runs Out
Eurylochus: Someday you're gonna fail, and people might die.
Odysseus: Nah, could never be me. I'm too awesome! (Please ignore what happened with the cyclops)
Keep your friends close
Odysseus: I got this really dangerous wind bag. Please keep it closed.
His crew: Oh I bet it's secretly treasure! Let's open it– OH NO A HURRICANE!
Ruthlessness
Poseidon: You really should've killed my kid.
Odysseus: WTF!?
Poseidon: You heard me. *Kills hundreds of innocent people*
Odysseus: BYEEEEEEE! Fricking weirdo…
Puppeteer
Eurylochus: All of your men were seduced by this witch lady.
Odysseus, a loyal husband: Wtf!? … I guess I gotta go save them…
Eurylochus: Or you could let them die.
Odysseus: Bro… I thought we talked about this at like- song three. Please stop being so murder-y.
(He does not)
Wouldn't You Like
Hermes: I got a plant for you <3
Odysseus: Am I being offered drugs rn?
Hermes: Nah– Well, maybe. But it'll help you save your men!
Odysseus: … Gimme.
Done For
Odysseus: Did you do something to my men?
Circe: I only revealed their true forms
Odysseus: You turned them into pigs…
Circe: Yes :D
There Are Other Ways
Circe: Sleep with me!
Odysseus, a loyal husband: No thanks
Circe: Oh, okay.
Odysseus: … Can I have my men back?
Circe: Sure. Also, why don't you go to the Underworld to find a dead prophet.
Odysseus: You know what, why not?
Circe: Also I'm eating Elphenor. (He's already dead anyways)
Odysseus: What!?
Circe: I said ‘have a safe trip!’
Odysseus: You very much did NOT
The Underworld
Odysseus: FIVE HUNDRED MEN DEAD! AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE INFANT I KILLED!!! CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!?!?!?
Polites, as a ghost: Hey
Odysseus: *sobs* I should've known…
His mom, also dead, apparently: I was waiting for you to come home, but… Now I'm dead…
Odysseus: *sobs harder* Why is this my life!?!?
No Longer You
Prophet: You're gonna die. (Metaphorically, but I'm not saying that part because I'm a bitc—)
Odysseus: But… But I miss my wife
Prophet: In the future I see her with someone who's a terrible, awful person. (It's you.)
Monster
Odysseus: *having a mental breakdown* I'LL BECOME A MONSTER TO GET HOME! RAWR!
Suffering
Syren, pretending to be his wife: Kiss me, uwu
Odysseus: Nah, I don't wanna get my socks wet. Anyways, do you… hypothetically… know a way to avoid the god of the ocean?
Different Beast
Odysseus: I'm a monster now! RAWR!
His crew: okay sure! So are we!
Odysseus: Posers. I'm the OG, y'all are just copy cats. Anyway once we finish with all the syren murder, I know JUST the place to go
Scylla
Eurylochus: I opened the wind bag
Odysseus: Okay, well- I'm gonna sacrifice six men! So there!
Mutiny
Eurylochus: I can't believe you let six men die!
Odysseus: you wanted to sacrifice like- way more to Circe. Just saying…
Perimedes: *stabs Odysseus*
Eurylochus: Since I'm captain now, I say we eat cows that belong to the god of the sun (not Apollo actually)
Odysseus: No!?!? Dude, you'll like– die!
Eurylochus: That's fine. I'm hungryyyyyy
Thunder Bringer
Eurylochus: “Heyyy… I know I started a mutiny, opened the wind bag, and killed the cows you told me not to, but can you sacrifice yourself for me?”
Odysseus: *still recovering from his stab wound* no <3
Zeus: *kills Odysseus’s crew*
Legendary
Telemachus: I wanna fight everything my dad almost died to!
The suitors: can you fight?
Telemachus: not really… 👉👈
Little Wolf
Suitors: WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU!
Telemachus: But I'm just a little guy!
Athena: I'll help you win the fight :3
Telemachus: *loses anyways*
Athena: … D:
Telemachus: Athena why did you even help me?
We'll be fine
Athena: *trauma dumps*
Telemachus: You're my very best friend now!
Love in Paradise
Athena: Let's get this kid his dad back… Where is he anyway? He should've been back with the milk by now…
Odysseus: *wakes up in an island*
Calipso: I'm in love with you <3
Odysseus: Ew no, I’d rather kill myself.
Calipso: *Cries*
God Games
Athena: Zeus, please let Odysseus leave.
Zeus: Convince these five other people to let him go, and I will
Athena: *does what he asked*
Zeus: well jokes on you, I'm a sore loser *kills her*