Chapter Text
****************Flashback start***********
It was drizzling outside, the sky a dark overcast that complemented the solemn atmosphere that Jacob found himself in. It was a Saturday morning. It used to be his favorite day of the week because usually Saturdays meant no school and that he could sleep in. It meant getting up and sleepily making his way downstairs to the sound of his family’s voice where when his mother spotted him she’d scoop both him and the toy bunny he dragged everywhere up into her arms. Then holding him close she’d pepper kisses onto his crown until the last remnants of sleep left him.
He'd always loved being carried warm and close in his mother’s arms on Saturday morning. His sisters Rebecca and Rachel would tease him for how clingy he was and tell him that he was too old to be carried around like a baby and usually Jacob would agree. As a 6-year-old he was a big boy and he didn’t need his mommy to hold his hand anymore or treat him like a little kid. More often than not he would make a face and pull away whenever she’d become too affectionate, and he would tell her that he was a big boy. His mother, Sarah, had always laughed at him then a soft look on her face as she told him that no matter how old he was he would always be her baby.
The only times he indulged were Saturday mornings when he was still half asleep. His mother always took advantage of those moments to hold him close and kiss him and give him as much affection as she could knowing that as soon as he had fully awakened that he'd want to be put down.
Half asleep he would listen to the sounds of his mother moving around the kitchen slowly getting things ready while in the background the TV was on his older sisters would be chattering. He could also hear the sound of his father's footsteps walking around the house getting ready for the day knowing that in a moment they'd all be sitting around the table eating his mother's delicious pancakes and the house would be filled with laughter.
Yes, he loved Saturday mornings. Usually, anyways. Today though Jacob had been abruptly woken up early by his father and told that he needed to get ready. Confused at the change in his schedule the little boy had only wiped at his chocolate brown eyes sleepily staring at A pair of clothes that had been left on the bed for him to dress himself. He wondered what was going on.
10 minutes later his Bunny clutched in hand he'd made his way downstairs only to find himself staring at people who weren’t his family. He twitched nervously tightening his hold on the Bunny in his hand, the other fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt. He glanced around looking for a familiar face and was relieved when he found his older sisters were in the living room as usual. The nervousness only came back when he realized that unlike usual the TV wasn't on nor were his sisters chatting. instead, both of the little girls were pressing together as if trying to find comfort in the other looks of sadness on their faces.
His sister Rebecca was the one to see him first, her brown eyes filled with sadness taking in his nervous appearance. She held out her hand gesturing for him to come over next to them Pulling him up to the couch when he was close enough. “Hey jakey” she murmured one hand holding his while the other was wrapped around her crying younger twin sister.
She wasn't crying although her eyes were glassy with unshed tears; she seemed to think she had to hold it together for her two younger siblings. She'd always been the calmer one while Rachel was a bit more emotional. She glanced down at her little brother, taking in the confused and uncertain face he had on and part of her felt distraught knowing that the day was only going to get worse when he learned what had happened.
She took a ragged breath, the burning sensation behind her eyes heightened and she felt her heart clench for her little brother. She wasn't sure if she envied his ignorance or if she regretted that in a moment his little world would be even more shattered. She tightened her right arm around her little sister and let go of Jacobs hand to instead wrap her arms around him and pull him close as well hoping that she'd be able to provide him some comfort for later.
Jacob was confused. Part of him wanted to pull away from his sister and demand what was going on. He wanted to ask why these people were doing in his house and where his mom and dad were but the part of him that was feeling scared and confused by all the changes to his routine took comfort in his sister's familiar warmth and closeness. This was not usually how Saturdays went and a part of him was upset that he hadn't gotten to wake up in his bed on his own time. that he hadn't been able to shuffle down the stairs rabbit in hand as he was pulled into his mother's warm embrace or to get to have Saturday breakfast and just enjoy the morning.
With wide apprehensive eyes he watched the people around him. He only calmed down when he realized he recognized one of them. His father’s friend Charlie, who he knew was the chief of Forks was there. He glanced at the other men and took in their uniform and thought that they looked like officers as well.
Why were the police there? What they were all doing at his house. Were they waiting for his dad? Jacob looked around nose crinkled in confusion. Where was his dad, or mom, for that matter and why did the officer’s glance over at him and his sister periodically with strange looks on their faces? They seemed to be wary of them as no one approached the children on the couch but at one point when someone glanced over, he thought he heard someone say “poor kids” that same strange look still in their eyes.
He was scared. He didn't know why everyone was looking at him and why today wasn't like any other Saturdays. He squirmed around in Rebeccas hold staring at his sister in uncertainty and said “Rebecca, where is mommy”? Jacob felt his sister stiffen and noticed that more than one pair of the officers’ eyes glanced over at him in something like shock and sadness but he was still looking at Rebecca.
He took in the mid length black hair of his sister that was pulled into a ponytail on her head noticed how it made it easier to see her traditional Quileute features as well as her deep brown eyes that were the same as his. They also shared the same russet colored skin.
Rebecca as the oldest usually never failed to let Jacob and Rachel know that she was the big sister. She wasn't overbearing but more so protective of her younger siblings and she was calm in most situations and dependable and could always be found to give answers and to help whenever he, his mother or anyone needed it. Her twin sister Rachel, while sharing the same features, was quite different. She was more carefree and a bit of a wild child, always being scolded for getting into trouble. She had the most infectious laugh and was always trying to make others laugh as well, which is why when Jacob took in the way Rachel seemed to clutch Rebecca close, sobbing, he couldn't resist asking his next question “and why is Rachel crying?.”
Rebecca stares at her little brother's face eyes wide, uncertain what to say. She glances around at all of the adults who are staring at her with a mixture of pity and sadness on their faces and wonders if anyone is going to step in or if they're really going to let a 12-year-old handle the situation.
Suddenly she wonders where her dad is and feels a small spark of anger in the pit of her stomach, but the anger is gone as soon as it came and she’s left with feeling of dread that ties her stomach into knots. Gently she pulls the arm that was holding her sister away and turns to look at Jacob who is staring at her, his little face still scrunched up in confusion.
He seems to grow apprehensive at her silence this time demanding “where are mommy and daddy.”
Rebecca's eyes fill with tears as she takes in the face of her little brother his big brown eyes glossy with confusion and upset and she can tell that he is overwhelmed and has that slight pout that usually appears on his face when he is about to cry. She takes a deep breath to steady herself and opens her mouth only to hear her father's gruff voice lined with exhaustion and sadness, “hey, kiddos.”
Jacob's eyes flies to his father and it only takes him a moment to yell “daddy” before he is launching himself at the man. Rachel follows suit as she lets out another sob before she too is flinging herself at her father.
Billy lets out a noise of shock but catches his two children in strong arms and pulls the both of them close as they cling to him for comfort. He feels worn out and tired although the morning has just started.
The sound of his children's cries saddens him, and he tightens his arms around them hoping to provide some measure of comfort. He glances up at Rebecca who was still on the couch watching him and her siblings. She looks as if she wants to join them but there's a sense of uncertainty and Billy can't help but let out another sigh. He knows that she is holding herself back because she doesn’t want to burden him with her feelings as well. With another sigh and a gentle look at his too mature daughter he inclines his head and holds out his hand beckoning her over.
He can see the longing in her face to jump into his arms and be comforted as she would have in the past but as quickly as it came the longing look is gone only to be replaced by one of determination as she shakes her head.
“it's OK daddy, I'm OK. take care of Rachel and Jacob.”
Billy's heart breaks for his little girl but he doesn't argue. He knows he'll have to speak with her later and let her know that it's OK for her to break down and that she doesn't have to be strong for him or her siblings but for now he turns to the two children in his arms and whispers soothing and comforting words.
His heart breaks again when Jacob pulls away to look at him and say, “daddy where's mommy?” With a sad sigh he kisses his daughter Rachel on the head and pats her back and whispers to her if she's OK to go with his sister because he needs to talk to Jacob. Rachel doesn't want to let go but a part of her heart breaks when she realizes that her little brother needs her dad a bit more than she does at the moment. So, she nods and pulls her tear-streaked face away from her father's chest with a whisper of “OK daddy and goes back to her sister Rebecca on the couch instantly clinging to her again.
Billy scoops Jacob and his stuffed animal up into his arms, stands up with the little boy and says softly “let's go have a little talk, Jake.” Jacob wants to pout and demand his father answer him now but something about the solemn look on his dad's face has him staying quiet as the nervousness from earlier comes back as if to remind him that Today is all wrong.
Billy takes him to the front where the police officers were once standing. Jacob is surprised to see that they have gone and he wonders when they had left and he hadn’t noticed. His father steps out onto the porch and sets him on his lap while he sits on the patio swing. There's a slight chill in the air as the sun has not come up yet instead being blocked by the gray clouds and Jacob can tell from this moisture and the scent of the sea in the air that it is going to rain.
He's always enjoyed the rain. The Thunder not so much but he'd love watching through the window as a rain poured down and then jumping in puddles when it had stopped. It was something he'd do with his mother; the both of them dressed in raincoats and boots splashing through puddles while their father looked on at them with an air of exasperation as teased his mother about being as much of a child as Jacob was. His mother would usually let out her twinkling laugh and stick her tongue out at his father telling him to come join them and to stop acting like a stuffy old man.
The feel of a raindrop against his cheek snapped Jacob out of the memory and reminded him of why they were out there to begin with. He once again turned to his father, taking in the tired lines on his face and taking in the sad black eyes and the way his father seemed so much smaller than his 6-foot frame.
Jacob had never seen his father look like that and it scared the little boy. He couldn't understand why everyone was so sad and why no one was telling him where his mommy was.
“Daddy?” His voice came out tiny. His father's eyes that had been staring unmovingly ahead turn to his little boy with a slight flinch, his lips pulling up in a tiny grimace. It was replaced by a sad gentle smile. “Hey buddy” his dad's gruff voice said. “there’s something that I need to tell you.”
Jacob nodded, “is it about mommy?” he saw his father wince at the question before he said “yes, Jake, it's about mommy.”
The little boy nodded again eager to hear what his father had to say. “Oh, where is she? I miss mommy. It almost time for Saturday morning breakfast. when is she coming back?”
With each question Jacob watched his father's face get tighter and the look in his eyes get darker. The hands that were holding him were clutching him so hard that Jacob wiggled with a pout
“Ow, daddy you're holding me too tight. It hurts.”
Billy looked startled as he let go of the little boy and breathed out an “I’m sorry Jake”
“It's OK” he said patting his father's arm gently “can you tell me about mommy.”
His father breathed out another little breath before pulling the little boy close to his chest as if to gather strength. Almost as if he could feel how much his father needed to hold him at the moment Jacob let himself be clutched to his father chest waiting patiently for the man to begin speaking.
“Jacob buddy, do you remember when we talked about how people become angels?” Jacob scrunched up his face in thought. “Do you mean like Grandma Lucy?” he asked.
“Yes,” his father nodded voice slightly strangled, “like Grandma Lucy.” “Remember how we said when someone passes away, they go to the sky and that they become a guardian Angel and watch over us they keep us safe?”
Jacob nodded again” yes, I remember mommy told me. She told me that even though I was sad that grandma Lucy was gone that it was OK because Grandma Lucy would always be with me as an Angel watching over me whenever I needed her right daddy?”
Billy squeezed the little boy in his arm tighter “yes, Jake,” he breathes out voice coming out heavy with emotion and repressed tears. “that's right grandma Lucy is an Angel those watches over us. She's always going to keep us safe. both her,” and he let out a slight sob before saying “Both her and now also your mommy.”
Jacob was confused. “What do you mean daddy?” his little face scrunched up. “Mommy said that Grandma Lucy became an Angel because went to sleep forever? Mommy's not forever sleeping so how can mommy be an Angel?”
Billy choked at his son's words and felt tears begin to well up in his eyes.
“oh, Jake buddy I'm so sorry but mommy had an accident. She had an accident, and she got hurt and the doctors weren't able to make her better so she went to sleep like Grandma Lucy”.
by the end of this Billy was sobbing voice gruff with emotion and shoulders shaking as he held his son to his chest. Jacob meanwhile felt frozen trying to process what his dad had just told him. He remembered going to the funeral and seeing how grandma Lucy had laid in the big box looking as if she was sleeping but when he’d touched her and shaken her she hadn't woken up and mommy had told him that Grandma Lucy was in forever sleep and that she had become an Angel.
Jacob pictured his mom in the same box eyes closed not waking up no matter how much he shook her, and he started to panic. He pushed away from his father's chest his brown eyes wide and glossy with tears and said “No! that's not possible daddy mommy said only people who were sick and who were old went to sleep forever so how can mommy!” He felt a tightness in his chest as he watched his father's face and the tears streaming down it “No,” he whispered again before yelling “No! where's mommy! I wanna see mommy now, where is she!”
Tears begin to stream down his face as his voice grew hysterical and he began to bat his arms against his father trying to push away from the man who tried to hold him closer “Oh Jacob” the man soothed through his tears “I'm so sorry buddy. I'm so sorry.”
“No! Jacob screamed and continued to push “I want mommy!” he pushed away once more harshly finally falling out of his father's arms before jumping up and running into the house ignoring the panicked cries of his father as he tried reach for him
“Mommy!”
he pushed through the door of the house running inside “Mommy where are you?” Tears were streaming down his face as he ran into the living desperately looking around for the one face that he wanted to see.
“Mommy!”
He saw his sister gasp as they saw him coming, his face covered in tears sobbing and yelling for their mother. “Jacob?” his sister called but Jacob didn't pause to listen to her he ran up the stairs continuing in search of his mother. he had to find her. she had to be here somewhere! He ran into his mother's room “Mommy?!” He searched through the bedroom and when his search yielded nothing he went to his sister's room bursting through the door as he looked around the small girls’ room for any glimpse of his mother.
There was only one place he hadn't checked and that was his room and as he rushed in he almost believed that he could see her picking up his toys from the ground getting ready to scold him for being so messy but when he blinked through his tears the image was gone and he was left to an empty room.
A shuddering breath made his way out of his body and loud sobs racked his tiny frame as he fell to his knees in the middle of his room crying for his mommy. He curled around the Bunny still clutched in his hand a gift from his mother.
He didn't know how long he cried. he felt as if his world was falling apart. It was Saturday. It was supposed to have been the best day of the week. He should have been tucked in his mother's arms while she set out the materials for breakfast and every once in a while she would place a kiss on his head and rub his back then go back to humming as she continued preparing.
his sister should have been bickering over what to watch in the living room while his father's boots can be heard walking through the house doing odd little chores. It should have been a happy day filled with laughter but instead all he could do was cry. He didn't understand what was happening. He just saw his mommy a few days ago so how could she be sleeping forever? How could she leave him?
She told him that she'd never let him go or leave him and that they'd always be together so how could she be gone? He didn't understand and his body was wracked with sobs at the pain in his chest.
He felt arms scoop him up and a small part of him jumped at the thought of his mother until he realized that these arms felt different and that it was his father holding him. Another wail made its way out of his mouth as he sobbed realizing he was never going to be held by his mother again. That he was never going to smell her sweet scent and hear her beautiful laugh. That they'd never get to jump in the rain again and share jokes and be together.
He cried himself out sobbing until his body couldn’t produce any more tears. His nose felt stuffed, and his eyes burned and there was a pounding feeling in his head. He continued to cling to his father, eventually shutting down from the force of his emotion and exhaustion. As he drifted, he couldn’t help thinking how he no longer loved Saturdays.
**********Flashback end**********************
Jacob snapped out of his memories that had been plaguing him throughout the week. He’d been thinking about his mother a lot recently. About how his life, how everything, had changed those 10 years ago. He didn’t bother to wonder why those thoughts were in his head knowing that it was because his mother's anniversary death date was so close. He pushed the thought away though. He was supposed to be patrolling yet here he was lost in thought. Shaking his head he continued making his way towards his patrol area. He could have transformed and made it shorter but for some reason he didn't really feel like being connected to the pack right now. Wanting a little bit more time there's own thoughts. Not that he hadn't gotten good at blocking the others from reading his mind. They had actually all commented on it wondering at how it got really quiet in Jacob’s mind when he didn't want them to know what he was thinking.
He didn't quite know how it worked. He wondered if it was a byproduct of having great control over his emotions for the past 10 years. His mind flashed to his father, and he had a thought of the man passed out on the couch, bottle and hand, and there was suddenly a slight downturn to his lips. Lord knows it hadn't been an easy past 10 years. But He shook himself to rid of the thoughts. it wouldn't do to get himself into a bad mood, so instead he focused on looking around him trying to distract himself from the heavy thoughts that he had been having today.
He thought about where he was going. Bella! The excitement of seeing the girl lifted his spirits. She had come back two forks about two years ago and she and Jacob had grown close. A lot of his friends and family thought that Jacob had a crush on her or that he was in love with her but that couldn't be further from the truth. Jacob only thought of the girl as someone like a sister. He did love Bella yes, but it was more familial than anything. The girl had become his best friend and the only real person that he'd been able to talk to recently About how crazy his life had become. The girl was smart, and Jacob hadn't even had to tell her that he was now a werewolf because she figured it out on her own. Not that she hadn't known about the supernatural world before he did considering the guy she was in love with was a vampire.
Jacob frowned at that. Edward…. Edward Cullen. Bella and Edward weren't quite together but there was something between them that Jacob couldn't deny he felt the few times he'd been in their presence. He wasn't sure how he felt about the vampire. He knew they were enemies and that they were supposed to hate each other but for some reason he couldn't quite bring himself to feel anything more than curiosity for the other. It was a curiosity he knew born out of the fact that Edward was related to Jasper.
At the thought of the blonde vampire Jacob felt his cheeks flush a bit. He wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but he wouldn't deny it; he definitely had somewhat of a crush on Jasper and knowing that Edward was someone important to the vampire made it nearly impossible for Jacob to hate him.
So instead he did his best whenever he came across the other to hide his thoughts and never quite look him in the eye in fear that the other would be able to pick up on his thoughts. He wasn't mean to the other, but he did his best to respect the rules of his pack by now outright being friends but also respecting Jasper in a way as he wasn't rude to the other.
If he were being honest though he couldn't say that it was hard to be around the vampire. He was actually quite funny with the witty sense of humor that bordered on dry sometimes and Jacob actually found himself enjoying his company. Jacob would catch himself laughing at times whenever the other made a joke only to flush when he was able to see Edwards smirking in what looked like triumph at making him laugh. At times it almost felt as if the vampire was just as curious with Jacob as he was with him
He wouldn't call the other a friend. Although he would never admit it aloud, sometimes Jacob thought that if it hadn't been for the whole natural enemy’s thing that he and Edward could have been. That maybe he could have even been friends with Jasper. That always kind of made him sad. But he was glad that he and Edward seemed to have a mutual understanding surrounding their friendship with Bella and so they tolerated one another and were cordial.
He was close to Bella’s house still lost in thought when a sickly-sweet scent hit him. Jacob froze before adrenaline kicked then and he was running towards the girl's house
“Bella!"
His voice was tinged with fear and he knew that Edward had heard it because suddenly there was a blur of a body in front of him A concerned look on the vampires’ face “Jacob, are you alright?”
he could hear Bella pounding down the stairs in the background heart beating as she wondered what had just happened but Jacob paid it no mind turning towards Edward instead " I smelled another vampire around here” he rushed out eyes wide “it smelled similar to the one that was on that rogue vampire the pack and I got a few months back”
Edward looked around shock on his face as if trying to smell what Jacob did. Jacob could tell the moment he did as his face froze and horror. He could see his eyes follow the trail of the scent coming from the woods and getting as close to as underneath Bella’s window.
The vampire gritted his teeth hands clenched at his sides face wracked with anger and guilt and Jacob just knew that he was blaming himself for not noticing sooner. He almost wanted to tell Edward that this wasn't his fault and that they should focus on handling the situation and not blaming himself, but they were interrupted.
“Jacob? Edward? what’s wrong!” Bella had made it downstairs and was rushing towards then with concerned looks on her face. Jacob and Edward could only stare at the girl wondering how they would tell her that she was in danger. again.