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Gonathan wakes, fuzz in his mouth and fog in his brain.
No. That isn't quite right.
Gigi wakes, brain struggling to process everything around her as she blinks her eyes open.
That doesn't sound quite right either.
But it's far too early for Gigi to have a crisis about whether she is Gonathan or not.
It has been a week, he thinks, since everyone from Libestal had regained their previously lost memories and saved the kingdom from the Stain.
It has been a week since Gigi woke up and looked in a mirror, unsure of the person that stares back.
It's also been a week since she held Amelia Watson's face in her hands and gotten kissed senseless.
Gigi sighs at the memory, one cherished and held close to his, her, heart.
Gigi rouses, hands blindly groping the bed, searching for the little gift her, his, pearl left him, her, when she left.
He finds the little plushy, handmade and sagging in places where the fluff is too little. He wraps his arms around it, bringing it up to his nose to take a deep breath of the faint scent of his beloved. He had doused it in her perfume, had made her keep it for hours, when he realized she was leaving.
Gonathan spends a few moments like that, nose buried in the tiny ambiguous creature, eyes closed and imagining his pearl is the one beside him.
Alas, she cannot spend all morning there, as it becomes clear when Elizabeth calls for her.
Gigi gets up, grumbling all the while as she yells back at her leader. She steps into the bathroom, careful to avoid the mirror, and gets started on her, his, morning routine.
*****
The only time his-her-their, mind is ever calm, is when they are with Amelia.
Her hands would cup his-her-their cheek. And the storm yelling and screaming and raging in their mind would be calm.
In those moments, when there is nothing but Amelia, her eyes, her smile, her love. Gigi and Gonathan are one in the same.
There is no confusion of who they are. There is no second guessing their actions. Whether the loud declaration of love is from Gonathan, whether the quiet devotion is from Gigi.
There are no thoughts during their actions. When they cup her cheeks and press kisses to her face, they don't wonder whose love swells in their chest. When they say something and hear her giggle, they don't question whose fondness threatens to crack their ribs.
During those quiet moments, teeth and tongues dancing, fingers touch and caressing. Gigi is just as much Gonathan as he is her.
*****
Alas, she cannot be next to Amelia every hour of every day of every week. Can't have her hands buried in her hair, and lips on her all the time. No matter that she wishes oh so much to.
It is made clear when he stands in front of a barista, tongue tied and heart beating out of his chest, unable to say his name through the lump in his throat.
The barista raises an eyebrow, pen held in one hand while the other has his cup.
“So,” they drawl, sounding as cheerful as a corpse. “No name?”
Gigi nods, the knot in his chest loosening now that she doesn't have to choose.
She takes the offered cup with shaking hands, thanking every god she knows that she doesn't drop it.
“Thank you.” He says belatedly, scurrying out of the shop and trying not to trip over his own feet as he runs home.
*****
She'd slip up sometimes. Stutter over a word, try to say something before realizing it would be weird to say.
She'd go outside, eyes wide and taking in the sight of cars and skyscrapers. Ears open and ready to listen to the sound of galloping horses.
It's hard, adjusting to this world that she used to know like the back of her hands.
Someone will ask for her name. She'd square her shoulders, pride welling up in her chest and spilling out from her lips. She’d open her mouth and say-
“Gonathan G, humble knight of Libestal!”
-and promptly close it immediately. The others are usually there with her. Roara and Cecilia, Mario and Ceci, at each of her sides. Elizabeth, Lady Bloodflame, would usually say something about an overactive imagination. Would direct the attention towards her.
Gigi is grateful, never claim she isn't. Yet she wishes, frustration brimming in her chest, that she never even stumbled in the first place.
Her wish never comes true, of course it doesn't. So whenever someone asks for her name, she closes her mouth, and lets the girls introduce her.
*****
Sometimes he'd see Amelia. He'd see his beloved pearl and imagine a mustache on her face. He'd open his mouth, and call her Jyonothan.
It's far and few, thankfully. He doesn't think he likes the expression, lost and sympathetic, on her face when he calls her that. He calls her pearl, his beloved, his wife. He calls her any and everything, the light of his life, sunshine, daffodil. He calls her everything he can think of.
He doesn't call her Jyonothan.
*****
Even with all those things. The complications and hardships in their life. Gigi is glad that she was Gonathan, once upon a time.
It feels distant, some days. Like a particularly vivid dream she had.
And some days it's the only thing he thinks he knows. As if he'd never known a world other than Libestal. Never known a life outside of being a knight.
And some days it is an in-between. Something they know happened. Something they overcame and survived.
Their thoughts on it are always mixed. Libestal was the reason this all started, the feeling of wrongness and the task of understanding where one started and the other ended.
And yet Libestal was also where they found love. Where they held a diamond to a woman, watched her declare them married.
Was where they first felt the fluttering in their chest and quickening of their heart. A sensation so unfamiliar then, practically second nature now.
It was where they had their heart broken, and put back together, stronger, with a loving hand and adoring eyes.
It was where they had Jyonothan. Why they have Amelia.
And if there is anything they agree on. It is that Amelia Watson is worth every hardship they've overcome.
Gonathan is a lovesick fool. He bumbles and stutters through every single one of his interactions with Amelia.
And Gigi, she realizes far too late, is becoming just as much the same. She soaks up every scrap of affection thrown her way. Gnaws on the love like a dog with a bone. She preens, chin up, at every compliment sent her way.
Gonathan fell, fast and hard, no matter how he may deny it. He fell the moment he heard her laugh, the glee in her voice.
Gigi falls, fast but slow, something so new and yet as familiar as coming home. She falls the moment she sees her smile, the affection in her eyes.
They both fell. And they thank the gods Amelia Watson was there to catch them.