Chapter Text
Kazuha was quick to abandon them as soon as the ship ported, almost even before it did, though Kuni did not understand how a person could be so excited to be in Inazuma.
(Except that he could. Except that he was the exact same, that day in the tavern, when he’d heard Ajax’s voice in person for the first time in months. How he’d rushed to enter despite himself, how hard he had tried to contain the bubbling in his chest when Lumine said that they’d arranged a date for them. So, really, he understood.)
Kazuha was gone with only half a goodbye, leaving behind only leaves fluttering in the wind. Behind him, Beidou laughed, a comment about typical Kazuha, the moment they’re able to see Heizou again. And, yeah, Kuni understood it.
That did not mean that he was happy about being practically abandoned on the port of his homeland. Beidou had all-but kicked him off board when business had been conducted, stating that she’d be back at the arranged date before finishing preparations to sail away.
He had not moved in the hours since, practically frozen on the port.
He knew that coming back to Inazuma would be daunting, would be hard , but he didn’t expect it to be as difficult as it is. As soon as he stepped off port he would be in Her land, under Her rule, and it caused uneasiness to stir within him.
(And yet, what was that feeling in his chest, aside from the dread? That distinct aching, not from fear of Her, of confronting the one who abandoned him?)
One step forward.
(What if, after all this time, after having Her memories of him erased, She was still as She once was?)
Another step.
(Or, yet, what if She was completely different? What if all that was left of Her was Her name, Her title?)
And yet another step. And another, and another, until he had made his way from wood planks to the smooth stone of Ritou, faced with–banners, advertising a beetle battle of all things. He hadn’t known what to expect–he had not stepped foot in Inazuma after acquiring the electro gnosis, hadn’t had any plans to, not before he erased the memories of himself and certainly not after. A Shogun-sponsored beetle battle event had been far from the realm of what he thought possible.
He ran a finger across the banner close to him–the sun was setting, business on Ritou was dying down, there was nobody here to tell him hands off.
Maybe…maybe She had changed, after all. Maybe She had given up her pursuit of Eternity.
It was a ridiculous thought, to him. But it was a ridiculous thought that let him move forward, let him leave the port behind him.
Kunikuzushi’s life went like this:
Created by the new Archon of Eternity with the hopes of obtaining a soulless puppet that could rule all of Inazuma in her stead while she went on some stupid, fruitless journey of “obtaining Eternity” or whatever it is that she was trying to do. He never really found out–cast out immediately for the crime of having a soul. It was whatever, and he’s totally over it. He was…free, not dead, whatever, and the Raiden Shogun existed, so he guessed that She got what She wanted, in the end (and Kunikuzushi would come to know what betrayal felt like, at the end of it all).
And then there was the second betrayal–made friends with some blacksmiths, mistakenly thought he meant something to them (because of course he didn’t–how could he, oh soulless puppet he was meant to be, ever mean something to someone?). In the end, he was chased out, almost killed–had a friend who wasn’t so lucky.
The third time was by a young boy that Kunikuzushi had made the mistake of getting close to. He should have known better–should have known that nothing good would come from feelings (after all, he had loved Her for the brief moment that he was allowed a mother–a creator–and had cared for the very people that chased him from his second attempt at a family). The boy died, breaking the promise he had made, and Kunikuzushi was left alone for the third (and final) time in his life.
It’s whatever. He’s fine, really.
(Kunikuzushi was not fine, had never really been fine. Hadn’t even tried to lie to himself about it, either. He felt those betrayals burn hot for years, motivating him through everything he did.)
In the end, he bargained for the electro gnosis, tried to become a God, and failed miserably. He shouldn’t have expected anything less, after all. He was a defective puppet banished from birth, after all.
(Defective in the sense that he had a soul, had feelings, which is not what She had been aiming for. Banished for daring to love, to fear–to…everything –he continued to do so. Despite the three betrayals, he hated, and yet he loved, too–a certain harbinger he would pretend to despise and yet would constantly find himself watching when the younger wasn’t paying attention. He kept his distance, yet loved him all the same despite himself. Even in lapses in judgment, even when he let himself admit his own feelings for a brief moment, he would never dare imagine reciprocity.)
And then he erased his existence from Teyvat, as any sane, well adjusted citizen in his position would do (because Kunikuzushi is fine, he is fine as he has been, he is fine, he is fine, he is fine).
He had lived in brief bliss, no knowledge of the betrayals, no knowledge of anything in his past until the Traveler stuck their nose where it didn’t belong.
And, then, really, he was fine. No longer a lie to try and convince himself despite everything. He had Nahida, he had…friends, real friends, despite how they all treated each other, and then, eventually, he had that harbinger, the one he shouldn’t have loved, but still did even after everything, who loved him back despite not remembering who Kuni is–was, he is different now.
(In the future, he would also have a certain leader of a certain temple, someone else to love even though he did not think himself worthy.)
Yet, he wishes for one more thing–wishes for the love of the mother he had never known as such.
The love of a mother who didn’t even remember creating him.