Chapter Text
Raph woke up stiff. He shifted and heard the breakroom couch creak underneath him. Right – they’d had a turtle pile in the break room last night to watch Jupiter Jim IV. He’d been too tired to go downstairs in his own bed.
Sleeping in the breakroom wasn’t as bad as it sounded. It was a pretty big space and served as their living room and kitchen. The massive couch faced the projector and the blank wall. The left wall was the kitchen – cabinet, counters, sink, coffee maker, and whatever leftovers hadn’t quite made it to the fridge. They had a table with mismatched chairs, currently covered in uncharged ipads and trinkets from the Hidden City. The room had three doors. One led downstairs to the bedrooms and bathrooms. One led out back where they took deliveries. The last one led to the pet shop.
Raph eyed the coffee maker hopefully, as if he could somehow make it start working just by looking at it. It gleamed uselessly. He sighed and glanced down at himself. He was still wearing yesterday’s clothes – red robes with a white flower print and his cloaking brooch clipped to the collar. It had a few Dorito-colored fingerprints from last night’s snackfest. He should probably change.
Eh. He was already late to feed the animals. He brushed it off as best he could and headed into the store.
The Hamato Haven was laid out like a fat rectangle with the front door at the opposite end. The walls were lined with glass tanks and cages for creatures of all sizes. The left wall was the reptile section. Miniature wyverns, basilisks, and albino feathered snakes filled the tanks, most of them sleeping or basking under their heat lamps. Farther down the wall, fire rats, Kodama Nezumi, and colocolos filled the rodent section, along with a few church mice.
The right wall held an assortment of birds, including a leucistic raven and a steller’s jay whose wings glimmered with actual constellations. They also had a church grimm twice the size of an average rottweiler. The grimm tended to sleep in front of the church mice all day. Raph sometimes wasn’t sure it was alive but for the small curls of green smoke that sometimes wafted from its nostrils.
Along the length of the floor stood three sets of shelves laden with a variety of pet supplies. They had both human and yokai vendors, so the supplies included everything from hay and canned dog food to basic healing charms and glowing beetle larvae (which made the wyverns who ate them glow in the dark).
Mikey was already up, stepping deftly around the sleeping grimm and levitating a tray of rodent food behind him. Instead of a long robe like Raph, he was wearing a loose orange tank top with long black pants. They were tied at the waist with a broad sash that could unfold into an apron if needed.
“Who’s up for fresh greens?” he said cheerfully, waving at the fire rat cage. “Yeah? Would you like some peas? And how about some hickory sticks to burn, as a little treat? Yeah?”
The leucistic raven cawed from its cage.
“You already got your breakfast, Lucy. Shush.”
Raph snorted and leaned against the doorframe. “Do I need to check on the sick room?” Raph asked, nodding his head towards the side door. The sick room was where they isolated and cared for sick animals. There were currently only two patients: a miniature kelpie with fin rot, and a hare from the witch’s village. The hare had a series of scars beneath its fur. Leo had “found” it last week. When the previous owner showed up, Mikey met them at the door. They hadn’t been back.
Mikey popped the last hickory stick inside the cage and closed the door. “Nah, I checked on them both already. Kelly’s about the same, but Trixie let me hand-feed her today!”
“That’s great, but could you please stop naming them? That’s how you get attached. You, as in you personally. You cried when we sold that tokage last week.”
“They deserve names!” Mikey retorted, shaking a finger at Raph. The food tray floating in the air shook along with him. “They’re not just products, they’re thinking creatures! It helps them get socialized!”
“You’re right, but –”
The front door flashed a brilliant blue. The “open” sign on the door flipped on its own, Yokai script facing inward, English script facing outward.
The door had a portal that could lead either to New York or the Hidden City. Mikey, Raph, or Donnie could switch the store’s location by flipping the sign. Leo himself was the only one who could flip it from the outside, since they were his portals. Which meant it had to be Leo coming through. Based on the sign, the door had flipped back to the human world.
Mikey slapped at his cloaking brooch. His clothes stayed the same, but he now looked like an average human teenager, complete with thick chin-length braids and spots of vitiligo across his nose and shoulders. Raph fumbled for his own brooch, but he hadn’t pressed it yet when two familiar figures tumbled through. He sagged with relief. Until he saw that his remaining brothers were covered in mud and definitely not in their human disguises.
“Good evening, brethren!” Donnie announced, springing to his feet.
“It’s morning, Donnie!” Raph snapped. “Why are you two so filthy?”
“Spa day?” Leo offered, grinning up from the floor.
Raph took one step forward.
Donnie and Leo scrambled back against the door.
Donnie cleared his throat. “W-well, our dearest Papa and our unfortunate creator got in a bit of a spat –”
“For the third time this week –”
“– and threatened divorce – ”
“– for the third time this month –”
“– so Draxum told the Big Heads that Papa went missing –”
“And they sent an agent after him!” Leo finished.
Raph blinked a few times. “But…don’t they know –”
“That Splinter lives in his human mansion during fights? Of course they do!” Leo threw his hands up. “But no, the precious Star of the Battle Nexus goes missing and suddenly it’s, ‘Oh, let’s send another yokai who can’t talk and has no legal rights straight into the waiting arms of the EPF!”
Raph’s hands balled into fists. Half the reason the Hamato Haven existed was to rescue yokai creatures who found a portal and wandered unwittingly into the human world. Some of the errant yokai were taken in by well-meaning humans. Some were picked off by city wildlife.
Some got caught by the EPF.
Mikey’s eyes widened. “The EPF has cameras all over the city. They’ll find it in no time!”
Raph’s mouth set in a grim line. “Donnie?”
“I’ll find it first,” he promised.
“Good. Okay.” Raph breathed out hard. “Mikey, finish with the animals and handle the customers. Today’s truck day; I’ll handle stocking. Leo will wrangle dad. Donnie will run surveillance.” He paused. “After you two shower. How exactly did you get covered in mud?”
The twins exchanged looks.
Leo grinned nervously. “What’s that, Donnie? The mud is overstimulating? How deeply unfortunate, better get that shower pronto, no time to chat –” He sliced a portal in the air with his katana and the two dove through it. The portal closed with a small pop.
Mikey frowned at the spot, though he looked lost in thought. Raph stepped over and nudged him.
“Hey, Donnie will find yokai before the EPF does. Besides, it’d be pretty stupid for the EPF to steal a government agent.”
“Stupid doesn’t mean they won’t.” He turned and hugged Raph, then peeked up at him with eyes that would melt a glacier. “If Donnie can’t find it by lunchtime, can I call Draxum and do a tracking spell with him? Please?”
“Hell yes,” Raph said flatly. “It’s his fault the agent’s here in the first place.”
“Aw yeah! Emotional blackmail for the win, babeeee!”
Lucy cawed in agreement.
After Leo finished showering, he portalled himself over to Splinter’s place.
Their dad had revealed himself to the world in rat form several years ago. It had been part of his plan to rescue the turtle tots from Big Mama. (It was a whole thing.) The reveal had been messy, but it worked. Splinter had access to his truly massive human estate, acquired over the years as Lou Jitsu. He'd used a some of his money to fix up Draxum's castle, but he'd also restored his own actual, physical estate. The land included a mile-wide yard filled with native trees and a creek that encircled a surprisingly small mansion. But the mansion just went down instead of sideways. It had two stories above ground and five below, low enough to connect directly with some of the larger sewers and a portal to the caverns near Draxum's castle. The mansion gave Leo and his brothers access to human and yokai worlds, but Leo and his brothers had originally grown up in the sewers. Until they went exploring straight into Big Mama’s clutches. Splinter had rescued them and brought them here to finish growing up, but the sewers would always be their real home.
It wasn’t as bleak as it sounded. The turtles didn’t fully belong to either human or yokai worlds, and sometimes the pressure to do so got intense. But in the sewers, they could play, claw, climb, and generally wreak havoc without worrying too much about whoever was watching. Even Splinter preferred the lower levels of his mansion, especially when he was feeling sorry for himself. One of his favorite haunts was the massive theater room three stories down. It had a projector screen the size of a semitruck and an attached bathroom and kitchen.
Leo portalled himself right in front of the screen. Sure enough, his dad was sitting in a pile of cushions, surrounded by a dozen kinds of cake.
Splinter shrieked and blurred. Only Leo’s preemptive dodge saved him from being kicked in the face. It didn’t quite save him from being near-choked. Splinter shot passed him, squealed as he headed straight for his beloved screen, and hooked an arm around Leo’s neck to break his own momentum. Leo landed flat on his shell. His odachi went skidding in opposite directions. Splinter landed on Leo’s chest and stared down at him, wild-eyed.
“You – how did – you can’t make me go back! I’m your father! I can ground you! I refuse to listen to that maniacal old goat –”
“Who said anything about going back?” Leo wheezed.
“ – and his measly attempt at…wait, really?”
Leo shrugged awkwardly. “You’re right. You can out-ninja my portals. I’m mostly just here to get Raph off my tail.” He craned his neck and his face lit up. “Oooh, you’re watching The House of the Women of Roses! In the original Spanish! Did you already watch Season 3? I’m only halfway through and I’m dying to see if Maribel found her cousin’s letter in the birthday cake. It’s the only way she could possibly find out about Sebastian.”
“Er…no, I’m on Season 2.”
“Whoops, spoiler.”
Splinter hopped off. Leo rolled himself over to the pile of pillows and grabbed the nearest slice of cake. Splinter settled very cautiously next to him. This wasn’t the first fight Splinter and Draxum had had. Usually Mikey would try to immediately reconcile them, Donnie would try to capture Splinter with an AI bed, and Raph lure him into a blanket trap with a freshly purchased cake.
All that sounded exhausting. And useless. Splinter was a ninja master. Couch potato or not, the old rat was still too fast to catch, even with Leo’s portals. That was fine. Leo really had come here to bring Splinter back, but he was in no rush. Leo could wait him out.
In the meantime, he really did love telenovas. He shoveled another bite of carrot cake into his mouth and sat back to watch the show.
Donnie sat cross-legged on his bed, freshly showered, surrounded by screens both technological and mystical. He and Leo had agreed never to tell Raph of this morning’s canned bean fiasco, with the full understanding that they would use it against each other at the soonest future opportunity. Now all he had to do was find a yokai of unknown species in a city of 8 million humans, a few thousand yokai, coyotes, red foxes, skunks, snakes, crows, pigeons, and bats. Simple.
Well. Simple if you were Hamato Donatello.
It was painfully easy to crack into the Big Heads' mystical security system. After all, their spells guarded against mystical attacks, not a blend of magic and technology. He’d planted a few bits of spyware the last time he’d hacked in, so he had an updated list of active agents, mystical signatures, and visual appearance. He ran the physical appearance data through a conversion program, turning the magically recorded data into 1's and 0's, then loaded everything into his facial recognition software. He had a backdoor into every street-facing camera in New York. He started running the facial recognition against the security camera films. He would have liked to just spy on the Big Heads conference room directly, since that would tell him exactly who they sent out, but Draxum had been the one to create their security wards and Donnie couldn't crack them without alerting him. Meaning that Donnie could absolutely crack them, but he didn't want another lecture on...whatever it was he was lectured on. Donnie never paid attention unless it was interesting.
Since his programs practically ran themselves, he pulled up a few screens to check on their little friends at the EPF. No unusual activity or reports yet, but there were a few juicy new files ripe for the taking on an unencrypted server. Donnie sent a few bits of programming to check for trapware, just in case, then –
Ding! A message icon popped up on his DisChord screen. It was from April O’Neil. They’d met years ago in an online game room, insulted each other with pinpoint accuracy, and became the closest thing to friends Donnie had ever had. He helped her get a crane license and she actively listened to all his rants on technology, capitalism, and ideal fabric textures. They even knew each other’s real names, though they had only chatted or talked online and had yet to meet in person. He opened the message.
Sherlock_Corn: Hey Donnie! U doin anything 2day?
He glanced at his other screens. Mystic spyware, security footage, and government files glowed back at him. He smirked.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Bold of you to assume I ever spend a moment idle.
Sherlock_Corn: like normal busy or i-could-solve-an-unexpected-problem busy?
Bootyyyshaker9000: I am intrigued.
Sherlock_Corn: i got a dog!!
Bootyyyshaker9000: I scoff at your mundanity. Intrigue retracted.
Sherlock_Corn: you would absolutely not say that if you saw this guy
Sherlock_Corn: [Error: File could not be sent].jpg
Sherlock_Corn: aw cmooon
Bootyyyshaker9000: I told you I’d make you a new phone.
Sherlock_Corn: u know what i am taking you up on that! then we can meet in person and I can show you my dog!!
Bootyyyshaker9000: I literally live in a pet store
Sherlock_Corn: great, then you can help me pick stuff out for him. i don’t have anything at all.
Sherlock_Corn: don't glare at me like that, he was gonan get hurt if i didn’t help!
Donnie had been, in fact, glaring daggers at the screen. He and his brothers spent every day selling products to people who made spur-of-the-moment pet purchases. They’d walk in with their brand-new pet with no idea how to care for it. Donnie had several powerpoints prepared for people like that. Raph made sure they sat down through the whole thing. And their shop still ended up caring for half of those pets when the owners dropped them off in the dead of night right outside their door.
This was also why, when people came into their shop to buy a pet, they were run through a very vigorous screening process. First by Leo, then by Mikey. Then Donnie. The three of them were…efficient. Raph used the word “terrifying.”
Bootyyyshaker9000: Do you know how often we help reckless individuals who “just got their pets”? Who just picked up a puppy or a kitten or a phoenix because it “looked cute”? Who expect us to make caring for it doable but not hard? Who DON’T EVEN STUDY THE POWERPOINTS??
Sherlock_Corn: D, I promise, this is different.
Bootyyyshaker9000: IN WHAT WAY. IS IT DIFFERENT.
Sherlock_Corn: he was in trouble. I could help, so I did. I don’t know of any shelter that would take him. But saving him makes him MY responsibility. When I stepped up, I stepped up all the way.
Sherlock_Corn: and I’ve been a dog walker and a dog sitter and my landlord allows dogs. which this guy legally is. so.
Sherlock_Corn: Please help?
Sherlock_Corn: I, April O’Neil, am asking for the help of an expert to properly care for my new dog. I have come to you, Hamato Donnie, for said expertise.
Donnie grumbled under his breath.
But…he knew April. (He had stalked her quite thoroughly before sharing his real name.) If she said she stepped up all the way, she had.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Minus fifty Donnie points for a spur-of-the-moment pet choice.
Sherlock_Corn: So you’ll help, O most intelligent and correct genius of our time??
Bootyyyshaker9000: CURSE YOU AND YOUR ATTEMPT AT FLATTERY
Sherlock_Corn: it worked tho <3
Bootyyyshaker9000: You’re a manipulative adrenaline junkie with no sense of refinement and bad taste in pizza. I am sending you six powerpoints and a quiz. Take the quiz to earn back your Donnie points and meet me at 50 South Euclid street at 2pm.
Sherlock_Corn: U DA BEST DONNIE
Bootyyyshaker9000: Don’t state the obvious.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Plus one Donnie point.
A blur of yellow caught his eye. He paused the scan of security feeds. It was the mouth of an alley right next to a seldom-used yokai portal. The screen showed a mammalian yokai with bright yellow fur. It looked small, with big tusks a fluffy yellow tail. He cross-referenced the description with the database, found the agent's name image, then forwarded it to his brothers in their phones’ group chat. They could all be on the lookout while his scans finished tracking the agent down. He’d barely finished when another notification popped up. The government files. No trapware detected. Donnie grinned with all his teeth and began digging gleefully into EPF secrets.