Work Text:
Shen Qingqiu could do nothing except lay there, trapped in his nightmares. It had started again, the phantom pains throbbing in his body, his flesh being torn apart, his insides feeling as though they were painstakingly needled and stabbed by the tormentor he thought he had long since killed. The darkness engulfing him did little to distract him from the physical torment he was put through, and he could hear Qiu Jianluo’s cackles viscerally wrecking him.
“-ngqiu- SHEN QINGQIU!”
His eyes fluttered open, and he vaguely registered greyish-silver robes and the flash of a silver guan, a mole below one of the phoenix eyes. But the face meshed into that of Qiu Jianluo’s, and he couldn’t make anything out and the pain just got worse and his hands were pressed down tight and he couldn’t breathe-
Shen Qingqiu kicked blindly at the figure, screaming at the top of his lungs as Shen Jiu possessed him. His childish kicks did hold real repercussions as the figure was pushed back a distance. As the adrenaline calmed down, so did his walls and soon tears were rushing down his face. He muttered to himself like a madman, telling himself that he just should have gone to the brothel, his jies wouldn’t have made him feel like this, he shouldn’t have thought he was strong enough to sleep alone…
“Shen… Shen-shixiong?”
As the rough, usually gravelly voice of the Bai Zhan War God penetrated his eardrums, a soft mellow tone compared to his usual gruffness, Shen Qingqiu became properly awake and aware of the state of the room. Liu Qingge was moving toward him, brows crinkling in worry, a strange emotion behind those irises (was it pity?) as he moved from where his landing had knocked over an empty table and a couple pillows. Immediately, anger flared up within him, but even then the grief and mourning (for all he lost till then) did not leave him.
“Are you happy now, Liu-shidi? Happy to see the person you hated the most like this? This is how I end up every night. Does that satisfy you?” Shen Qingqiu spat every word as he pulled himself up, his voice wavering at the last few words.
“Shen-shixio-”
A wave of his hand, and Liu Qingge was cut off. “I do not want to hear more. This master will be sleeping elsewhere. You will not be disturbed any more by my troubles.” As he stepped away, he heard a swoosh and then fast footsteps. He turned out to glance back. Liu Qingge was now less than an arm’s length away.
“Shen-shixiong, this shidi apologises for forcing you into a room with me, I had just thought it would save money… I did not mean to infringe upon you or hurt you.”
“Ever the good shidi, always considering what’s best for everyone. Maybe break fewer doors and the other peak lords won’t have to worry about costs, you brute. Now, I will be leaving, do not follow me.”
Liu Qingge’s face visibly twisted into confusion.
“Where are you going at this time?”
“It does not concern you-”
“It very much concerns me, Shen Qing- Shen-shixiong! I need to know where you are because your safety concerns me!”
“Oh, to the abyss with you and your concern, Liu Qingge! I told you, I’m fine! I will be staying somewhere you noblemen consider beneath you anyways, maybe you’ll also fall to your vices like your fellow high class men and follow me there anyways!”
Liu Qingge paused, his eyes widening in shock. “You… you! You shouldn’t go there!”
“And why shouldn’t I? Enlighten me, shidi, you seem to be the expert in judging what I should and should not do?”
“You cannot possibly be seeking carnal pleasure after you had just reacted like a woman violated?”
Shen Qingqiu’s emotions, which had been simmering beneath the surface as the interaction was going on, finally peaked, and his face reddened in fury as he coldly spat his words at Liu Qingge.
“You and your misconceptions! Have you ever considered knowing what I seek for when I go there? Of course you wouldn’t, you seek every opportunity to hate me!”
Liu Qingge looked stumped. For a moment, it was as though Shen Qingqiu could see a thought flash by in that seemingly empty head. Finally, he whispered.
“I never hated you.”
Shen Qingqiu, who by now had been expecting Liu Qingge to try and come back with a retort, could only stare dumbfoundedly at his shidi’s admission.
“What? How could you not? What was all the rumours… all the accusations… all the fights… what were they for?”
Liu Qingge took a sharp breath before he started speaking, this time retaining a low voice that emanated from deep within his gut.
“I never hated you. I thought you hated me, and so had just tried to reciprocate it. I was irritated when I found out you were going to the red light district, because I… I didn’t think it was for a person as grandiose and noble and upstanding as you to delve into material pleasures like those. I duelled with you again and again because they were always more fun with you, especially because you were unpredictable. I was angry at times when you would cheat, but again because I thought you were lowering yourself from what you are and should be. And then… you tried to kill me.”
Shen Qingqiu, who had remained calm all this while as he heard out his shidi, felt his body seize up. Rage flared up at the last few words Liu Qingge spoke.
“I NEVER TRIED TO KILL YOU! If your stupid fuckface decided to look behind instead of stare at me, you would have noticed a fucking ghoul about to tear your throat apart! I could have killed you anytime I wanted as a spiritual cultivator, do you not understand? I could crush you like an ant between my palms if I wanted to, but I let you roam around after what you thought was a failed attempt on your life! Have you stopped to consider other possibilities, Qingge?!”
Liu Qingge could only stare blankly at Shen Qingqiu as the words (including the swears, incredibly uncommon and yet strangely natural coming out of his shixiong's mouth) slowly turned the cogs in his brain.
“You don’t know what it’s like to roam around, begging for scraps, do you Liu Qingge? You don’t know that honour has no place when it's your life on the line, do you, Liu Qingge? You don’t know what it's like to be stepped on by a rich kid who had it all, after climbing tooth and nail up the damned mountain with bloodied hands as some slave who escaped with half a soul, only to have his position threatened by a spoilt brat, do you, Liu Qingge?!” Shen Qingqiu’s voice wobbled as he lost his strength to speak.
“You’d rather assume the worst of me than even talk to me, don’t you, Liu Qingge?”
With that, Shen Qingqiu dropped to the floor like a puppet whose strings were cut. The last thing he heard was his shidi's pained voice call out for his name as darkness overtook him.
—
He awoke to soft sobs emanating from his side, his body wrapped in soft quilts, his head well supported. The white walls that greeted him were different from the walls of the inn, and he realised he might know where he was a lot better than he thought. He slowly pushed himself up, only to be greeted by his disciples crying beside him, his hands wrapped by theirs.
“Shizun, are you okay?” Ning Yingying asked, tears still dripping down from her glossy eyes. Beside her was Luo Binghe, also tearstriken, gripping his pinkie finger tightly. Ming Fan was standing there, with a pained face, pretending the wetness on his cheeks were of a different origin.
He softly pat Ning Yingying’s head, and with a hiss devoid of bite told the little beast to unhand him. With a nod at Ming Fan, the disciple started to update him on all that was happening on the peak during his trip. As he continued listing what the disciples had managed to cover, the door opened to reveal Mu Qingfang stepping in with his records. A glance, and Ming Fan stopped. The three disciples bowed to their shibo before rushing out.
“Shen-shixiong, you had a qi deviation last night and Liu-shixiong brought you in… may I check your meridians?” With a nod, Mu Qingfang gently placed a hand on his and thumbed at his vital points.
“Very muddled and tangled, Shen-shixiong. It would do you great good to have someone’s assistance untangling them for the sake of your cultivation. However, if I am permitted to ask… how long has it been like this, shixiong? This level of damage can only happen if something truly harmful were to happen to you that impacts your method of cultivation… What happened to you?” Shen Qingqiu wanted to snap at him and tell him it was none of his business, but with his lack of energy, and the clear concern in Mu Qingfang’s face, he decided to grace him with a fair bit of knowledge anyways.
“Promise me you would not share this with anyone, Mu-shidi?”
“I am under a sworn oath to never share any person’s personal information with another, shixiong. Unless what you admit were an intention to bring harm to innocents, I will not share any information with anyone you do not desire me to.”
Shen Qingqiu then spoke in a low tone, slowly detailing the events of his life, wincing even as he thought about the memories. He went through how he had been an orphaned child, how he had ended up a slave in the Qiu household, what they did to him there (this earned a wide eyed look from Mu-shidi, who asked if the slave brand on his back was a part of what they did to them, who dropped his head shamefully as he received his answer), and how he escaped by setting the entire mansion on fire. He then detailed how he had hoped someone would rescue him whilst he was stuck in the mansion, but could not bear it as he laid there violated again and again by the young master with nothing but the hope that his Qi-ge would return to save him, and how he managed to end up here via a long journey. As he neared the end, Mu Qingfang had apologised for all the ways he had allowed the collusion of the other peak lords in his humiliation, which was dismissed by a flick of his hands.
“I’ve never told anyone anyways.” Shen Qingqiu laid down once more, tired from having lived through his life once more within that small monologue. A passing thought occurred to him, that he had gone on the mission with Liu Qingge.
“Where is Liu-shidi?”
Mu Qingfang looked at him warily as he spoke. “Liu-shixiong is outside. He told me he had a lot to apologise to you for, but did not specify, though now I can guess what he meant. Would you like him to come inside? I’ll leave to give you your privacy.”
Shen Qingqiu nodded his head in acquiescence. Mu Qingfang left, and perhaps the calmest entrance of Liu Qingge greeted him. He sat down beside Shen Qingqiu, and warm hands wrapped around his cold one.
“This shidi is truly sorry for all he has done to harm his shixiong. Begging for forgiveness, though I am aware that I should not get any given what I’ve done.”
“Oh, shut up.” Shen Qingqiu wrapped his fingers around the hand cupping his palm and turned the other way. He felt a soft petal-like feeling upon the back of his hand and turned back in confusion, when he noticed his hand pressed flush against Liu Qingge’s lips.
“Shixiong…” Liu Qingge’s voice, unlike what he normally sounded like, sounded pitifully wronged. “I am so sorry for what I’ve done… but I repeat what I had said to you that night. I never hated you… I have only myself to blame for all the misconceptions I had about you. This shidi… cannot put his emotions to words the way you do, but I hope you would forgive this stupid one for his mistakes and let me make amends to you. All I wanted was your affection, shixiong… Will you allow me to receive your affection, Shen-shixiong?”
Stunned, Shen Qingqiu could do nothing but gape at him and his surprisingly vulnerable admonition for a bit. However, a few days later, after a number of slaughtered wild beasts that Liu Qingge claimed was good for Shen Qingqiu’s cultivation, he received his answer in the form of a flushed kiss, of soft lips meeting his and warmth emanating where their bodies touched.