Work Text:
As far as Leonard recalls on that day, the rain wasn't merciful towards him. He knocked on the wooden door with a signage of a carved steel formed into two digits of number with his trembling hands. He trembled not because of him being nervous, it was just extremely cold.
He can see how every time he let out a breath, misty substance comes out in his sight. Seconds passed and he finally heard a faint creaking sound indicating the door being opened from the other side.
Leonard stepped a bit and adjusted his collar, then brushed past a teardrop near his gloves which didn’t hold the umbrella. It was raining and Leonard can’t help but feel pity to imagine being buried while it’s raining this hard.
Leonard just hoped the already cold body of today’s news won’t get too cold.
When Leonard entered the hall, as expected, the funeral was meant to be secretive. Not open to the public. As if his death was a stain the empire wanted to hide. In the corner of the room, there was his friendーElias Hohenzollern.
As far as Leonard wanted to admit, he was the last mourner in line. He had something to do a while ago, as a crown prince, he had to put his duty first and then being human second. But Leonard can’t help but feel regret. The lack of grief in the room suffocated him for a bit.
Which he wondered, was this really a funeral? Then, after a while, everyone in the hall lined up to put flowers and say a bit of valediction to the body. Leonard was indeed, in the last line.
All he had to do was to say goodbye and hope for a proper departure. But Leonard didn’t know where the owner of this coffin wanted to go. When it would be his turn after five or six people ahead of him, he started to realize.
There was never Lukas Askanier there in the coffin.
Physically, yes. But Leonard was talking about who Lukas Askanier was. There was no one in the room that truly knew Lukas to the point that no one in this hall would be able to grieve for him.
And that made him feel regret. He felt like there was a lump of guilt holding and tying his feet. So when it was his turn, he couldn’t bring himself to look at the body inside of the coffin. He just remembered a faint memory that was engraved in the back of his mind that he liked the color of pink. But the shade of pink he yearned wasn’t there to greet him. After that he turned his back, then he found himself a seat.
"It's that pleroma rumored guy is it?"
"Elias..."
"Are you coming to his funeral? For someone that you don't even know?"
A few rows in front of him there was indeed a coffin, a body of someone whom he had admired all his life. Leonard never knew who Lukas Askanier truly was, so how could he grieve? But there was still a body occupying the coffin, yet there weren't enough grief.
If there was truly nothing that Leonard could've done to stop Lukas's fate back then, can't he at least grieve for him?
Wrong.
That was meant as self-forgiveness, wasn’t it? But what did Leonard Wittelsbach do to deserve it? Did forgiveness was something that Leonard wanted? Did all of those years that he spent being all ignorant deserve to be forgiven? Did all of the things he had assumed about Lukas Askanier deserve to be forgiven?
Leonard admitted that he was busy convincing himself that he knew the person Lukas Askanier truly was by arrogantly defining the lines and calculating it by his logic and beliefs.
He was arrogant, so God punished him for it.
Lukas Askanier was an endless void of questions, in which Leonard sure that will always stay unanswered. But was his death just a mere fight between two brothers? Was his death just a catalyst of political affairs? Was his death a form of mistakeーformed by negligence and ignoranceーslowly seeping into Lukas’s veins and ended up being the key to a pandora box?
If the two's encounter was fated to be held in this hall of departure, then there won't be forgiveness left for Leonard. He knew that. But just as Adrian Askanier execution date had been decided a while ago, as Elias said that 'you never knew him', guilt had been there all along.
Just as no one had taught Lukas how to live properly, no one had ever taught Leonard how to grieve properly.
Leonard stared at the coffin rows ahead of him. He can’t help but think, if God were about to be more generous, would there be a chance for him to try and save Lukas Askanier?
If, even for a little, Lukas could have lived his life properly, will things turn out to be for the better? Leonard can't help but think that maybe Lukas's death was a form of generosity that God had left for him. Rather than rememberance and glory, an outstanding magician was rewarded with a betrayal of his own worth.
Leonard knew all of this will always stay as a wishful thinking. But if there is a chance…
There was no line near the coffin anymore, so Leonard walked to the coffin once more, then he mustered up the courage to look at what’s lying inside it.
There he found the body of someone that felt familiar to him.
Although it had been years, the Lukas Askanier he truly knew was merely a concept he created decorated with bitter disappointment and doubts. The last time the two of them met was probably in the hall of the academy. There were guards standing not too far from here eyeing him, indicating that a burial will be held in an hour or so.
I wish you could’ve lived a happier life.
“As a crown prince of Bayern who attended his pledge of innocence years ago, I will be taking responsibility for anything regarding his burial.”
That way, maybe...
“Please let the duke of Anhalt know that I will take the matter over his burial.”
I could teach you how to live, so then you might as well teach me how to grieve.