Work Text:
The room was silent. The silence consumed him like a hungry tiger.
He stared at the paused movie on the tv, attempting to remember which one he was watching before all this.
He eventually gave up once his mind kept coming up blank. He looked around the room, trying to find something else to distract him from his racing thoughts and the rising panic in his chest.
The cursed corpse that Gojo had given him had been thrown into a corner near by as soon as this had started, and was currently sleeping as if nothing had happened at all.
Yuuji wished he could do the same thing, just go to sleep and pretend like the whole thing with Junpei had never happened, pretend like he didn't have his heart ripped out of his chest and thrown away like it was nothing at the Juvinile Detention Center, pretend he'd never eaten that stupid finger in the first place. He wished he could forget it all happened, even just for a moment, but he couldn't, and that was what led him to the state he was in now.
This wasn't the first time this had happened. His first night alone after he'd eaten the finger and got settled into his dorm room he had broken down, quietly sobbing into his hand as he processed the death of his grandfather and now his own inevitable death and everything else that he had been pulled into, it was the first time in a while that he had cried like that, and now wasn't much different.
His breath hitched as he tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Grief tore through his body, clawing at his heart and tearing it open till the blood drained out of him completely.
He'd been stuck in this basement for at least a month now, not allowed to contact anyone except for Gojo, and recently when he'd met Nanami and been allowed to briefly see Ijichi and Ieiri again, but he still wasn't allowed to see his friends. He desperately missed them, all he wanted was to see them again. To see Kugisaki's smile again, and her reaction to all the new places she'd come across throughout Tokyo, and to see Fushiguro's constantly grumpy face, and hear how he'd sigh whenever Yuuji and Kugisaki would bother him about any stupid thing they'd thought about at that time. He missed them so much, and all he needed at this time was their presence, their comfort.
So when he met Junpei he was overjoyed to finally be allowed to hang out with someone his age again, and Junpei was nice, they got along well and bonded over movies that he knew others likely wouldn't watch with him. He thinks Kugisaki and Fushiguro would have liked him too.
That thought threw him over the edge, he finally let the tears fall as he struggled to take in a breath. His lungs burned like someone lit a match inside of them. His mind was racing, everytime he tried to grab onto a thought and keep it in place it slipped away just as fast. The only thoughts he was able to latch onto were the worst ones, ones about Junpei and how he failed him, ones about how horrible he was for not telling the others he was alive, ones that said he shouldn't even be alive. That he didn't deserve to be alive. That he should've died in Junpei's place.
A loud sob ripped its way out of him, and he moved his hands up to claw at his arms, he dug his nails desperately into his skin, leaving it red from irritation. It hurt, but the pain didn't bother him, the stinging from his arms kept him in reality.
However not enough, because he didn't notice the sound of the door opening behind him, or the footsteps of a taller white haired man that had just entered.
Gojo almost immediately noticed something was wrong, when he first entered and heard the sobs he assumed they were from the tv, but he soon noticed it was paused. Which could only mean it actually came from the pink haired boy rocking back and forth on the couch.
He took a step forward and called out to him, but Yuuji didn't seem to hear him. Gojo wasn't sure what to do, he was supposed to be the funny guy, he wasn't good with serious situations!
Then an idea popped into his mind, he wasn't good with serious situations but he knew someone who was serious all the time. Gojo pulled out his phone and called the familiar number.
"What?" a voice on the other end spoke once they finally picked up.
"Hey Nanami!" Gojo greeted cheerfully, it was almost as if there wasn't a teenager currently having a panic attack on his couch.
"What do you want?" Nanami asked, as uptight as ever.
"Sooo, I kind of have a um- a situation here."
"What did you do?" Nanami's voice was accusatory and Gojo gasped in mock offense.
"Why do you assume I did something?" he asked in a offended tone. before thinking for a moment, then continued before Nanami could answer, "Anyways, I didn't do anything, but Yuuji is kind of uh- having a panic attack right now and I don't know what to do."
Silence, followed by rustling came from the other end of the phone. "I'm on my way, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to do much." Nanami responded before hanging up.
Gojo sighed and tucked his phone back into his pocket, and turned back to the teen. He walked closer to him and looked over the couch.
His eyes widened once he noticed blood dripping down the boys arm. He instantly ran over in front of him to try and figure out why he was bleeding. He noticed Yuuji's nails were covered in blood and he quickly deduced it was from the insecent scratching he was doing to his arms.
Gojo grabbed his arms and held them in front of him, preventing him from causing himself anymore damage. That seemed to be the wrong move however as Yuuji just panicked even more, a scream came out of him and he stared at Gojo with wide eyes. He attempted to rip his hands out of the older mans grip but he kept his grip firm.
"Hey hey, Yuuji it's me. It's Gojo." he tried to reassure, but Yuuji once again couldn't seem to hear him.
The teen began muttering something under his breath as he squirmed beneath Gojo's grip.
Gojo bit his lip and decided against speaking anymore, instead he just continued to hold him until Nanami arrived.
---
Nanami burst through the door, rushing down to the two by the couch as fast as he could. "How is he?" he asked, barely masking his worry in both his voice and his expression.
Gojo took a deep breath and shook his head, "He's not calming down at all. I've just been here holding his arms to keep him from scratching at himself. I tried to talk to him but he barely even noticed me."
Nanami sighed and knelt down beside Gojo. "Itadori. Can you hear me?" he questioned, shoving Gojo to the side so the boy could see him.
Yuuji's wide eyes darted towards the blond man, he opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly, shaking his head as another sob ripped out of him.
"Itadori. Hey, it's me. It's okay." Nanami attempted to comfort, taking Gojo's place completely, replacing the hands on his arms with his own. He cringe slightly as blood seeped onto his palms, but he didn't have time to think about that right now.
"Nana- Nanamin?" Yuuji gasped out, before breaking into yet another fit of sobs.
Nanami allowed his face to soften for once and he loosened his grip on his arms a little bit, "Yes, it's me Itadori." he answered.
Yuuji's lip trembled and he lunged forward, throwing himself into Nanami's arms.
Nanami's eyes widened, taken aback, before he slowly wrapped his arms around the boy. "It's okay. It's going to be okay." he comforted, rubbing circles on Yuuji's back. He wasn't used to this, and was certain he wouldn't be able to truly calm the boy down.
He looked up at Gojo and sighed, "You should call that Fushiguro kid. I think he'd be able to help." while he worded it in a way that was up for negotiation, his tone made it clear that it wasn't.
Gojo looked around for a moment, thinking hard about it, "I don't know, they don't even know he's alive. This wouldn't be a good way to reveal it." Gojo attempted to negotiate anyways, he was never one to stand for rules or order.
Nanami narrowed his eyes at him, "I don't care. Call him. Itadori needs his friends right now, and he really likes Fushiguro, he's told me." he said, his voice even more stern, despite his soft face due to the shaking kid in his arms.
Gojo sighed and pulled out his phone, "Okay then." he muttered, before dialing the shikigami user's phone number.
For a moment the room was silent, save for the ringing of the phone and the muffled sobs from Yuuji. Nanami held him tight, maybe he wasn't the right person to truly bring Yuuji out of this but dammit he was gonna try.
Eventually Fushiguro answered after a couple spam phone calls and texts from Gojo, "What do you want?" he asked, his voice annoyed but groggy, it was clear he had been asleep before this.
"Hey Megumi! So uh- Do you think you could come down to the basement really quick? We kind of have a situation." Gojo said, hoping that Fushiguro didn't just hang up on him right then and go back to sleep.
There was nothing from the other end of the phone for a while, and then a sigh, "What exactly is this situation, and how is it important enough that you have to wake me up at two in the morning for it?" Fushiguro grumbled, though there was some rustling on the other side of the phone that told Gojo he was likely going to come anyway.
"It's hard to explain over the phone, but it has to do with Yuuji."
The noises stopped.
"Is this some kind of sick joke?"
"No, I swear it's not. I wouldn't joke about this. He's alive, and he needs you're help right now Megumi."
Silence once again.
"Okay. I'll be there soon. I swear to god if this is some fucked up joke though I'm going to kill you." Fushiguro threatened, hanging up as soon as he was done talking.
Gojo laughed and turned back to Nanami and Yuuji, the sobs were quieter now but not done. and it was clear he was still somewhat panicked.
"He's on his way." he said, and Nanami just nodded.
--
Fushiguro opened the door to the basement and trudged in with a sigh, he looked around, it was a room he'd never been in before. There was a table and kitchen nearby, and around the wall he could see a red couch sat by the end of the room.
Gojo stood in front of the couch, perking up as soon as he saw Fushiguro, "Megumi! You're finally here."
He couldn't see anyone else in the room and he narrowed his eyes at his teacher. "What is this about?" he hissed, the thought that this was all some sick joke kept bouncing around in his head repeatedly. Even if he knew Gojo would never joke about his dead student.
"Over here." he beckoned, waving his hand towards him to signal to Fushiguro to come over to the couch.
Fushiguro groaned and made his way over, he could hear quiet sobs but when he first entered he'd just assumed it was some stupid show Gojo was watching on tv, but he was soon proven wrong by the sight of Nanami holding a shaking Yuuji in his arms.
Fushiguro's eyes widened as he took in the sight of his friend, his alive friend. He looked at Gojo, silently telling him to explain.
"Yes yes, Yuuji's alive. Why and how aren't important right now. When I came back I found him panicking and crying, we tried our best to help him but really I think only you can." Gojo explained, gesturing towards the pink haired boy still sobbing in Nanami's arms.
Fushiguro didn't say anything, instead he walked over and knelt down beside the two on the floor.
Nanami looked at him and reluctantly let go of his hold on the teen, allowing him to pull back and take in the new presence in the room. Though he didn't seem to notice Fushiguro at all.
"I'm going to leave for now Itadori, I can come back later if you'd like." he told Yuuji.
Yuuji just nodded, eyes still too wide and breath still shaking. Nanami stood up and him and Gojo walked out of the room with one final look back.
Fushiguro stared at Yuuji, he'd never seen him like this, hair messy, arms bleeding from crescent shaped wounds that were clearly self inflicted, tears streaming down his face as he shook like he was wearing no clothes in negative degree weather.
Once he realized that Yuuji still hadn't noticed him, he crawled to sit in front of him. He was unsure how to handle this type of situation, he had never been good with dealing with emotions, not even his own, and especially not others, but he felt like he had to try for Yuuji.
"Itadori." he started, though he was still unsure of what to say or do.
Yuuji's eyes seemed to widen impossibly larger as he finally recognized the figure in front of him. Seeing Fushiguro instantly sent him into an even larger panic.
"Shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm-" he sobbed again, and Fushiguro cautiously reached his hands out to rest them on Yuuji's shoulders.
"Hey, Itadori. It's- It's okay. I don't know why you're apologizing but it's okay." he attempted, doing his best to be comforting.
Yuuji didn't say anything else that was coherant enough for Fushiguro to make out, he just started desperately mumbling and rocking back and forth, clawing at his arms once again.
Fushiguro acted immediately, grabbing his hands to stop him from doing any extra damage to himself. "Hey hey, don't do that. Itadori, it's okay."
Yuuji squirmed under his grip, less than he did Nanami's but it was still hard for Fushiguro to keep hold on him. "Itadori, calm down. It's okay. I'm right here." he continued to try, spouting out comforting phrases until he realized words weren't working. So he did the next best thing he could think of and pulled Yuuji into his chest, holding one hand on his head, running his fingers through his hair, and his other hand on his back, rubbing it in what he hoped was soothing motions.
The two sat like that for a while, Yuuji sobbed uncontrolably into his chest until he didn't have anymore tears left to cry, and Fushiguro just held him, allowing him to let it all out. Everything he'd been feeling over this past month, everything that had been draining him and weighing him down till none of it mattered anymore.
After a while, Yuuji's sobs finally stopped, turning into small hiccups as he processed the situation with a clearer mind. Fushiguro was here, Fushiguro was holding him, Fushiguro was comforting him.
He didn't feel like he deserved it, so he pushed himself away from the other boy, rubbing at his face to get rid of the tears that remained until he reached a point where there were none left and he was just irritating his skin once again for no reason, chasing that same burn from before that punished him in a way he felt he deserved.
Fushiguro instantly grabbed his hands again, slowly pulling them away from his face and laying them in his lap, he interlocked their fingers and squeezed, bringing Yuuji back to reality once again.
"Fushiguro? Why are you here?" he stammered, still shaken up from his previous panic.
Fushiguro sighed, looking Yuuji up and down. “Gojo called me. Are you feeling better now?” he wanted to ask how he was here, he wanted to ask how he was even alive, he wanted to know why he wouldn’t tell them that he was still alive, but he didn’t, instead he focused on making sure Yuuji was okay. He was sure bombarding him with questions wouldn’t help anything anyway.
Yuuji was quiet for a moment, looking at anything but Fushiguro. “I um- Yeah, I’m fine now. Thanks.” he whispered, settling to look at their intertwined hands between them. Normally he’d probably be getting all flustered and pull them away, but he was too exhausted, too weighed down by the thoughts plaguing his brain, to do so.
“You’re welcome.” Fushiguro wasn’t sure what else to say, he was never good with these situations, never good with handling feelings and emotions.
The two were silent for a while, it would have been comfortable if Fushiguro couldn’t practically hear Yuuji’s thoughts going a mile a minute. He didn’t know what he was thinking, but he could tell it still had an effect on him. Maybe he had calmed down but he certainly wasn’t okay yet.
“Can I ask, what exactly caused this?” Fushiguro’s voice was soft, and when Yuuji didn’t say anything he squeezed his hands lightly in encouragement.
Yuuji felt water building up behind his eyes once again, he shook his head, trying to will it away. “I- I just.. A lot has happened, and uh- I guess it was all just too much. I don’t know.” he muttered, he didn’t want to burden Fushiguro with his problems, they were his not Fushiguro’s, he should deal with them on his own.
Fushiguro stared at him, his usually bored expression a lot softer, he removed his hands from Yuuji’s and frowned when the other boy visibly deflated at the action. Slowly, he moved his hands up to cup Yuuji’s cheeks, making the other boy look at him.
Yuuji didn’t say anything, though he was a bit surprised he didn’t pull away from Fushiguro’s touch, instead he melted into it. Welcoming it, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that told him that he didn’t deserve this, that he didn’t deserve Fushiguro’s comfort or soft touches. He couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment.
Fushiguro gently leaned his forehead against Yuuji’s, looking him in the eyes, trying his best to portray all his feelings and care for the other boy in just a single look.
“What happened Yuuji? Talk to me.” he whispered, rubbing his finger along his cheek in what he hoped was a soothing manner.
Yuuji bit his lip and darted his eyes away for a moment, before bringing them back. “I was just, well, I guess I feel bad. I felt bad for not telling you guys I was alive, even though it wasn’t my choice it was Gojo’s, but I just still feel horrible. I feel horrible that you had to watch me die, I’m so mad I wasn’t able to control him sooner. If I had then- then-” he didn’t even realize he had started crying again until his voice was breaking and Fushiguro was wiping away his tears. “Then none of this would have happened.” he mumbled, a sob tearing its way through him.
Fushiguro tightened his grip just a little and shushed him, “Yuuji, it's not your fault. None of us knew what to do there. It's a miracle you can control Sukuna as much as you do, you don't have to control him all the time and his actions aren't your fault.”
Yuuji cried harder, “But that's exactly why it is my fault! I can control him, so I should be able to control him all the time. He shouldn't get loose and be able to do stuff like that at all!” he argued, shaking under Fushiguros grip.
Fushiguro shook his head, “No. It's okay Yuuji. You can control him, but that doesn't mean you're going to be able to control him all the time. Yuuji, it's not your fault.”
Yuuji opened his mouth to argue again, but decided against it. Truly taking in Fushiguros words, he moved his hand up to grab one of the ones on his cheek.
They were quiet for a while as Yuuji's tears died down once again.
“Thank you, Megumi.”
“Don't thank me, I'm here for you, okay?”
Yuuji nodded and smiled, Fushiguro smiled back.
Maybe it'd take a while for Yuuji to accept that it wasn't his fault, maybe they'd end up in this same situation a couple more times, but that was okay.
Yuuji was drowning, and Fushiguro would always be there to pull him out.