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The bell rang as the door to the bookshop opened and closed again. Crowley groaned as he melted the snow on his head and shoulders away. It had been snowing for the past two days and if there was one thing he hated, it was getting cold while trying not to slip on the pavement.
“Aziraphale?” he called out, waiting for the angel to pop out from somewhere.
And it didn't take long until he saw his friend approach him with his usual kind smile and with a small pile of books in hands.
“Oh hello, dear. You’re here early?”
“I was bored and all the plants were watered, and it’s terribly cold outside.”
“There’s fire in the fireplace, you can warm yourself a little. I’ll be closing soon.”
“Thanks, angel.”
He waited until he was in the backroom to take his sunglasses on and put them on a messy table. Then he fell on the couch in front of the fireplace, trying to absorb as much heat as possible to restore some feeling in his limbs. He closed his eyes and listened, waiting for Aziraphale to start politely but firmly ask his customers to leave the shop. But the light smell of old books, cocoa and some scented candle, combined with the creaking sound of wood burning and the heat consuming his entire body made his eyes heavy and he started dozing off. And when Aziraphale finally entered the backroom of the shop, he found him quietly snoring, his head falling to one side. He put a cup of tea on the coffee table as his lips curled into a smile. He then sat himself into one of the two chairs and started reading his book. He had other plans for their evening, but that could wait.
Around an hour later, when he was on page 401, Crowley slowly rubbed his eye and stretched like a cat.
“Did you sleep well?”
Crowley, who had not noticed him, shot up, suddenly completely awake.
“Oh I’m sorry, dear. I didn't mean to startle you.”
“‘Tis fine. How long was I sleeping?”
“About an hour.”
Crowley laid back on the couch and twisted his neck and turned his head so that he could still look at Aziraphale.
“Sorry, I know you had some plans.”
“No need to apologise. We should still have enough time to catch the movie.”
“The movie? Is that what we’re doing tonight?”
“Would you like to do something else? I’m sure I could return the tickets.”
“No, no. Just that you always take us to fancy restaurants or on a walk, movies are always more of my thing.”
He started cursing at himself right away. “Us”. How could he let it slip? He was always so careful when referring to the two of them because while he knew how he felt about Aziraphale, he wasn't sure of what Aziraphale felt about him. Yes, there were moments when he caught Aziraphale looking at him and then quickly looking away. Or moments when Aziraphale brushed his hand with his, probably thinking Crowley didn't notice. But these could have been signs of affection and deeper feelings as much as they could’ve been mere coincidences.
Aziraphale noticed the “us”. And he also noticed how uneasy it made Crowley. That’s why he didn't answer anything, his smile just grew a little bigger.
“Well, I think you’ll enjoy the movie.”
“What’s it about?”
“Time and space travel. And it is accurate, both historically and scientifically.”
“Hmm, sounds good. And when does it start?”
“At 19 exactly.”
Crowley checked the time on his watch. It was less than five minutes until 18 o’clock.
“Well, we should leave soon.”
≍≍≍
One thing Aziraphale forgot to mention was that the movie was not only sci-fi, but also horror. Aziraphale, who was surprisingly good with it, was having a great time. Crowley, not so much. He was tense almost the entire movie and jumped more than once. And then, when one of the characters was caught by surprise and the alien monster started eating his insides, he jumped so much people behind them started muttering some angry words.
“I’m sorry, dear, would you like to leave?”
Crowley wanted to answer. He really did. But when Aziraphale suddenly held his hand in his own, trying to give him support, all words disappeared. So he just made weird noises and shook his head, trying to hide how much it affected him.
“Are you sure?”
“Mmm.”
Aziraphale kept Crowley’s hand in his for the rest of the movie, occasionally rubbing the back of it with his thumb, which resulted in Crowley not only being fine with the rest of the movie, but also screaming internally for a good hour. The way Aziraphale’s hand was wrapped around his, trying to give him as much support as possible, with the worried looks Aziraphale shot at him every once in a while, made him go crazy.
≍≍≍
“I’m really sorry about the movie. I can't believe I didn't notice it’s a horror movie. If I knew, I would’ve picked something else,” said Aziraphale as they were walking through a dark park.
“It’s fine. I survived so…” Crowley shrugged.
“And I also apologise for dragging you into this cold again.”
“Yeah that’s worse. It’s freezing!” Crowley rubbed his hands together and then let them fall back.
When they were sitting in the cinema, Crowley’s hand in Aziraphale’s, he felt so close to him he had never before. He felt warm and safe and happy. And he knew he wanted to feel this again. So, as his arm was swinging next to his body, he tried, as subtly as possible, to touch Aziraphale’s hand again.
“But the horror scenes aside, the movie was good, wouldn't you say?”
“Hmm?” Crowley was so distracted by his task that he had not heard a word Aziraphale said.
“I was asking you if you liked the non-horror parts of the movie.”
“Yeah I guess. The part with Newton was funny.”
“Oh yes, I agree with that. It was hilarious.”
“Hm-hm.”
A moment of silence followed. Crowley was still trying to touch Aziraphale’s hand while Aziraphale was just enjoying the moment and Crowley’s presence. Snowflakes were falling on them, covering them in a thin layer of snow, the crunch of snow under their feet was the only sound breaking the peaceful silence.
“Would you like to come over to the bookshop for a glass of wine or something?”
“Well if you don't mind…”
“Not at all.”
They went silent again.
“I think next time I’ll choose something different. Something that’s not horror. If you ever want to go to the cinema with me again.”
“Nah it was fine. I mean…” Crowley exhaled all the air from his lungs, giving himself a little more time. “Having… you there… kind of helped… I think…”
“Oh really?” Aziraphale beamed at him and Crowley’s heart skipped a beat.
“Hm-hmm.”
“Well I… I suppose I’m glad I was helpful.”
“Yeah… uh.”
“What?”
“Um… I liked… Or um… appreciated what you did… back there…”
“What do you mean, dear?”
Crowley stopped walking and looked at Aziraphale, trying to hide how nervous and uncomfortable this conversation was making him feel.
“I think you know what I mean.”
“Are you talking about… when I… held your hand during the movie?”
Crowley nodded, staring at snow because he could not look into Aziraphale’s eyes.
“Did it help?”
Another nod.
“I’m happy it did.”
Crowley took a deep breath and tried to look into Aziraphale’s face, but couldn't. He liked the feeling of his hand in Aziraphale’s. He loved it. And he really wanted to feel it again. So he took all the courage that was in him and asked. Or at least tried asking.
“I was… Maybe you…”
“What?”
“Nothing, forget it.” Crowley started walking again, as quickly as possible, but Aziraphale soon was by his side.
“What is it?”
“Like I said, forget it.”
But Aziraphale already had an idea of what Crowley was trying to ask for. So he just smiled to himself and slipped his hand into Crowley’s. And when he did, Crowley’s heart skipped a beat again.
“Is this alright? Is this what you were trying to say?”
“Hm-hmm.”
They kept on walking, in silence, this time a little more awkward, with Crowley trying really hard not to show how nervous he was. And then he decided he had enough.
“Are you sure this is alright?” “Listen, can we just stop this?” They both said at the same time.
“Sorry, you go first.”
“No, you go.”
“Okay, well… I really like this,” Crowley lifted their hands. Somehow, the moment he started talking, all his nervousness and insecurity disappeared. “But I have to admit, “this” makes me feel… I don't know, not really good.”
“If you want-” Aziraphale was about to let go of Crowley’s hand, but Crowley tightened the grip.
“No. Please. It’s not that.”
“What is it, then?”
“Well… I don’t really know how to explain it, you know.” He knew perfectly how to explain it - they had always been comfortable while being around each other, and they had been comfortable this entire evening, but now it was different. Now, they were strange and nervous and maybe even a little scared, and he didn’t like it. In fact, he hated it. And he wanted it to go away. “I mean… We’ve known each other a long time, you and I. A very long time. And I know that we’ve had our disagreements, our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I always felt…” He took a deep breath. “I always felt good around you, you know. I knew I could rely on you, and you could always rely on me. And now, with this,” he lifted their hands again, “it feels… weird.”
“What are you trying to say?” Aziraphale asked, a small frown forming on his face.
“That I don’t want it to feel weird. I don’t want… us to feel weird.”
Aziraphale lifted his eyebrows in surprise, while Crowley cleared his throat. Was that really it? Was he about to spill it all out?
“And I…” Crowley let out a deep sigh and stopped walking, taking Aziraphale’s other hand. “I think what I mean to say is that I like you. A lot. Have, for the longest time. And… I just… I really don’t want us to feel weird, not again. If you get what I mean.”
There was a silence which Crowley spent kicking himself for stumbling over his words and not saying it better, while allowing Aziraphale to work through what he had just said. For a moment, they were standing there, the snowflakes covering them in a thin layer of white powder.
“Oh Crowley,” came after the longest minutes of Crowley’s life. “I wasn’t expecting to hear this.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“But I’m glad I did.”
“You are?” His voice flew a little higher.
“Yes, very.” Aziraphale wiggled his hand out of Crowley’s grasp before placing it gently on his freezing cheek. “I like you, too. And I didn’t like the tension either.”
Crowley stared at him, wordless. Was this really happening? Was Aziraphale saying what he thought he was saying? Did he mean it? Was there-
All of his questions were answered and silenced when Aziraphale stood on his toes and slowly placed a sweet little kiss on his lips, warm lips meeting cold, their connected hands never leaving each other, Aziraphale’s right still secured on Crowley’s cheek.
And at that moment, a bell nearby started chiming midnight.
It was magical, them standing in the night, snow falling quietly everywhere, not a person in sight, the sound of the bell being the only noise.
It was nice and warm and loving and gentle.
It was everything Crowley had ever wished for.
And it was also too short, because before he could properly lean into the kiss, Aziraphale was pulling away, beaming at him, tightening the grip around his hand, pulling him.
“Come on, then, it’s midnight and it’s freezing, we should head back to the bookshop. I reckon there will be some coca ready by the time we get there.”
And Crowley followed, a stupid smile of love on his lips which were still buzzing, the cold suddenly disappearing from his body, being replaced by the sort of warmth he had never felt before, but which he enjoyed and cherished.
Oh how happy he was that Aziraphale had chosen that movie.