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It takes a moment for Soonyoung and Jihoon to remember sometimes that they are not pure athletes. They are college students. Silly, whiney, busy college students–in one of the most prestigious universities in South Korea at that.
Along with the ride of being a student-athlete, is the hectic schedule of examination week. It was finally finals weeks of their semester and he and Jihoon have been much, much, busier than usual.
The haze and buzz of finals week sends every student into a mental spiral and twice so if you’re an athlete. Thankfully, their coaches have halted training for the time being, giving way for their studying and finishing projects.
Soonyoung isn’t dumb or insensitive, no of course not. But when you have 10 classes all chasing your ass with deadlines and exams and you can’t roundhouse kick them away, rational thinking and social awareness doesn’t necessarily come as a priority. So there isn’t a doubt that Soonyoung is agitated and a tad bit more high strung this time of the semester.
When he raises his voice at Jihoon, begging him to stop bugging him, the regret only sinks in when he hears the footsteps walking away from him and and when he sees his boyfriend’s slouched back turned away from him.
Soonyoung breathes deeply. It’s been a total of two weeks, three days, and 12 hours since he’s last seen, hugged, kissed Jihoon.
“I miss him.” Soonyoung says as he clicks submit, finally, for his final paper for a particular subject that he’s been complaining about throughout the semester.
“Has he really not been talking to you?” Wonwoo asks amidst trying to chase down and keep up with his own deadlines.
“No.” Soonyoung pouts. “I feel terrible, Wons.”
Soonyoung has spent most of his time studying and meeting deadlines with less than reasonable professors. But Soonyoung is only human, and he fails to remember one thing: Jihoon is just as busy, and Jihoon only cares for his well-being.
He and Jihoon had reserved a room in the university library, hoping to get more privacy and less disruption from people around them.
Jihoon, however, finishes his more theoretical paperwork earlier than Soonyoung and they have been doing them since 8:00 A.M. that morning and it was nearing 1:00 P.M. All Jihoon wanted to do was to get Soonyoung to take a short break or to at least let him eat one of the sandwiches Jihoon had packed for them to snack on.
On any other day, Soonyoung would have happily stopped studying and bask in Jihoon affectionately nagging. He always reminds Soonyoung to take vitamins, to drink water, to eat well, and Soonyoung absolutely loves it. Just, not when he’s 10-pages deep into the paper he’s been desperately trying to finish.
So when Jihoon pushes the sandwich and iced coffee (which Jihoon had also made for them!) towards him for the third time, the combination of Soonyoung’s stress and sleep deprivation finally cracks him.
“JIHOON, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’M NOT HUNGRY. WOULD YOU STOP PESTERING ME AND LET ME FINISH THIS?!” The memory of the pain in Jihoon’s eyes and the overwhelming dejection in Jihoon’s body language still haunts Soonyoung.
The worst part of it all is Jihoon texts him immediately after.
“I’m sorry, Jagi. I won’t disturb you for now. But please do eat, okay? I’m not mad, btw. I love you.”
The thought that Jihoon still isn’t even mad at him after that is causing every sensation of guilt throughout Soonyoung’s chest to pulse through his entire being.
“Ugh, Wons what do I do?!” He says, voice muffled straight into his pillow.
“Soonyoung, just talk to him.” He says, finally done with his paper for tonight. “He told you, he’s not mad.”
“That makes it so much worse!” Soonyoung complains, kicking his feet on his bed like a whiny five-year-old. “I would much rather he be mad, or upset, or whatever!”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Wonwoo says confused.
“Wons, you don’t get it. Jihoon worked hard for that sandwich and the coffee! He was only concerned and now look what I’ve done! He hasn’t messaged me since last week!” Soonyoung wasn’t exaggerating.
Jihoon had deliberately woken up earlier that day so he can make breakfast for them and pack them sandwiches specifically because Soonyoung was so tired and has been tired for that entire week.
All Jihoon wanted was to make sure he was eating on time and he was hydrated but Soonyoung was just so stressed and his momentum could not be cut off for it.
The last time he had texted Jihoon was a week ago and Jihoon was nothing but kind in his reply and Soonyoung might be overthinking but he feels as if Jihoon is being too cautious now not to disturb Soonyoung after his outburst and it’s eating Soonyoung up.
“And I don’t know, Wons. Something’s different. Jihoon legit hasn’t texted anymore, and something is off.” Soonyoung says, concern evident in his tone.
It’s true. That text last week was truly the last message he got from Jihoon. Prior to that, Jihoon still messaged him small greetings after his outburst, short but still sweet. He still managed to send in small reminders for Soonyoung to take care and to eat and take his vitamins.
So this sudden silence doesn’t sit well with Soonyoung.
“Hey, come on. You’re practically done, right? Just talk to him.”
–
Soonyoung is a patient guy, at least when Jihoon is concerned. Another two days pass by and still no texts or messages from Jihoon, not even a reply from this morning’s text asking him if they could see each other. Whatever it was that Soonyoung felt about it previously has now blossomed fully into anxiety.
So Soonyoung plans to do what he does best when he’s worried about Jihoon: he corners Hansol.
Except Hansol runs away the moment he sees Soonyoung, leaving a wide-eyed Seungkwan behind.
“Bye, Hyung!” Seungkwan says, chasing after his boyfriend.
What the fuck.
“Hansol and Seungkwan ran away from me.” He says, slamming his tray on the cafeteria table. “Why the fuck did they run away from me?”
“What do you mean?” Minghao asks, taking a sip of his water.
“Like they deadass sprinted away from me when they saw me. Hansol specifically!” Soonyoung practically breaks the wooden chopsticks in his hands out of frustration.
Hansol and Seungkwan have never, EVER, had a problem with him. If anything, the couple had a soft spot for him, having seen firsthand how much he pined over Jihoon and how devastated he was over the apartment keycard fiasco. And Soonyoung hasn’t seen them since Jihoon’s last game which was right before finals week started so there was zero reason for them to be avoiding him.
Soonyoung knows this is about Jihoon.
Please talk to me, Jagi.
–
Thankfully, for Soonyoung, it takes only a few hours since they ran away from Soonyoung for Seungkwan to give into his whiney texts.
“Sollie, come on!” Seungkwan says, dragging Hansol in front of Soonyoung, who is at Jihoon’s favorite cafe, hoping he can at least grab coffee for him (if he actually replies to him) or catch a glimpse of him.
“Ugh, Boo! Hyung is gonna kill us!”
“I don’t care!” Seungkwan says, scolding his boyfriend forces him to sit down in front of Soonyoung. “We need to tell you something.” Seungkwan firmly says as he faces Soonyoung.
“Please tell me this is about Jihoon.” Soonyoung desperately says, practically begging the couple and Soonyoung visibly sees Hansol’s eyes soften up. “Is he mad?”
“No!” Hansol says immediately. “He’s not mad, I swear! But you have to know…”
Soonyoung leans in, clearly anticipating what the younger had to say. Hansol contemplates, for barely a second, if he really should tell Soonyoung.
“Oh Good God, Chwe Hansol! Jihoon hyung is holed up in his studio and he’s been crying for days!” Seungkwan impatiently blurts out and Soonyoung's heart almost cracks at his words.
Is it his fault? Did he make Jihoon cry?
“Is it because of me? Because I yelled at him?” He asks, tears welling up in his eyes.
“No, hyung, I promise it’s nothing like that.” Hansol says assuringly. “It’s just, one of his classes, he failed.” Soonyoung’s eyes widened in worry and shock.
“Failed?”
“Yes. His professor said something–” Seungkwan begins “---and it wasn’t nice. Thankfully his almost perfect previous record made him reconsider and he was given another shot. So he’s been practically locked up in his studio to finish up the song.”
“Why didn’t he tell me? Or you guys could’ve told me?” Soonyoung softly says, not wanting to scare away the two.
“Hyung didn’t want to bother you since you had a lot of deadlines to keep up with and exams to deal with. And as for us, he made us promise not to tell.” Hansol replies shyly, his head down staring at his feet.
“I’m sorry, hyung. We’re saying this now because we’re really worried, Jihoon hyung’s been in there for a week now and we’re not even sure if he’s been eating properly.” Seungkwan says and Soonyoung gives him a firm nod before dropping some cash on the table.
“Thanks, guys. Get yourself some coffee and pastries, yeah? This means a lot. I have to go.” Just like that, Soonyoung is sprinting towards his car and heading to Jihoon’s studio.
Lee Jihoon, you stupid boy.
—
“ Jagi?” Soonyoung says as he peeks his head through Jihoon’s studio door. Thank heavens Jihoon didn’t change the passcode.
Soonyoung lets himself in and notices Jihoon’s sleeping figure on the sofa, and the scattered cans of coke zero and iced coffee on the table. He sighs deeply, feeling the gush of guilt once again creep throughout his chest.
He takes initiative and gathers all the trash on the coffee table to one plastic bag and throws it over to the studio’s garbage bin. He wipes the table clean and places a new bag of food he bought along the way.
He sits on the floor, right where he can sit face-to-face with his boyfriend who is sleeping peacefully, but with a frown still etched on his face. He touches his brows gently, softly caressing Jihoon’s soft skin, his lips forming a pout as he realizes just exactly how much he’s missed Jihoon.
“Jihoonie, I miss you so much.” He slowly whispers and plants a gentle kiss on Jihoon’s forehead. “I’m sorry, Jagi. ”
Jihoon slowly flutters his eyes open, feeling a sudden weight on his face and a worried Soonyoung greets him.
“Soonyoung?” He softly says, sighing into Soonyoung’s touch as the latter caresses his cheek. “What are you doing here?”
“ Jagi, why didn’t you tell me about your class?” He says, pulling the boy up slowly, inserting himself into the couch to allow Jihoon to lean and cuddle into him.
“Hmm..” Jihoon says, cuddling closer into Soonyoung. “...you were so busy, Jagi. I didn’t wanna disturb you.”
“Jihoonie, I’m so sorry.” Soonyoung starts, hugging Jihoon tighter into him. “I’m sorry I lashed out on you. I was just so stressed and it’s not an excuse but I’m so sorry”
“Soonyoung, it’s fine.” Jihoon says with sincerity. “I admit I was a little upset, but I shouldn’t have pushed you either. I was just worried, okay?”
This is exactly why Soonyoung felt bad. Jihoon is so giving. He’s not as physically affectionate as Soonyoung, yes, but he loves so loudly, when you know how to listen. He writes songs for Soonyoung, he buys Soonyoung’s medicine when needed, reminds him to take his vitamins, he offers to cook his favorite dishes, he does so much and Soonyoung barely manages to keep his heartbeat at bay.
“Still I’m sorry, Jihoon.” Soonyoung replies “I promise, promise, I’ll communicate better next time when I’m stressed.”
Jihoon hums and buries his head deeper into Soonyoung’s chest, enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend.
“Jihoonie, please tell me about this project? What happened? I can’t stand seeing you like this. And please don’t kill Hansol, he means no harm.” Jihoon slightly chuckles at Soonyoung’s last sentence but he sighs, nonetheless, and tells Soonyoung everything.
“It’s a pretty big class. It wasn’t weird that our final project was a song.” Jihoon begins, sitting up to face Soonyoung and holds his hand. Soonyoung draws circles on Jihoon’s knuckles with his thumbs, gently gesturing for him to continue. “And I thought all was well but then my professor said it was lacking, almost mediocre to everyone else’s.”
Soonyoung’s jaw tightens. “Okay, go on, Jagi.”
“And I just, when he said I failed, I almost burst into tears. I could’ve lost my scholarship, could’ve been suspended from playing baseball for the rest of the season, I almost put the team at risk.”
And there it is.
Soonyoung knew Jihoon took criticism well. Screaming coaches were basically a norm in their field as athletes. Even in Jihoon’s music, he took criticism well, whether it was from friends or professors, Jihoon never took things to heart. So the stress he was experiencing must have been more than that and now Soonyoung understands.
Jihoon was not just worried about his grades, he was worried for his team. He was worried about them, not himself.
Oh, Jihoon, you and your selfless heart.
“Oh, Jagi.” Soonyoung says and pulls Jihoon into a hug, allowing the other to cry into Soonyoung’s shoulders. “Jihoonie, I had no idea, I should’ve been here with you.”
Jihoon doesn’t respond, just cries more, drenching Soonyoung’s shirt in his tears that can’t seem to stop flowing.
“I just, I was so scared, Soonyoung.” He says in between sobs, still latching onto Soonyoung. “Was it that bad? Was my song that terrible?”
“Hey, don’t ever say that.” Soonyoung says, pushing Jihoon slowly off him and gripping his shoulders. “Jihoonie, your songs are amazing. You are so talented, okay? One professor cannot invalidate your entire portfolio of songs, okay?” Jihoon slowly nods, sobs slowly fading. “Come here.” Soonyoung says, and once again, lays Jihoon’s head on his chest as he puts his arm around Jihoon’s shoulders, gently stroking his arm. In turn, Jihoon wraps his arms around Soonyoung’s waist, allowing himself to drown in the comfort only Soonyoung manages to give him.
They stay like that for a while, Soonyoung’s hand shifting from stroking Jihoon’s arm to playing with his hair and Jihoon drawing lazy circles around Soonyoung’s torso with his fingers. “I missed you, Soonyoung.” the shorter suddenly says.
“I missed you too, Jagi. ” Soonyoung replies, kissing the top of Jihoon’s head.
“I finished the song, by the way.” Jihoon says. “I finished it right before you came in. Kinda why I was practically dead asleep on the couch.”
Soonyoung giggles softly until he remembers that if Jihoon had slept immediately after, he probably hasn’t eaten yet today.
“You’re hungry, aren’t you?” Soonyoung asks, slowly getting up and setting out the food he had ordered.
“Just a little bit, I ate lunch but it was really quick since I wanted the song over and done with. I’m satisfied with it, though.” Jihoon happily says, and helps Soonyoung take out the food and bottles of water he brought with him.
The aroma of the dishes Soonyoung bought hits Jihoon’s nose almost instantly and immediately, his mouth waters. Okay so maybe he was hungry.
Soonyoung opens up the cup of rice for him and Jihoon immediately attacks the food Soonyoung prepared for him. Soonyoung laughs a little, always endeared by the way Jihoon stuffs his face with food.
“Good?” Jihoon nods with enthusiasm, his mouth still stuffed with rice, meat, and kimchi. “Eat lots, Jagi, you deserve it.”
JIhoon hums in response but continues munching on the food Soonyoung brought. Soonyoung smiles fondly at his boyfriend and slowly starts eating his share of the food too.
“Oh wait!” Jihoon muffles as his cheeks are filled up with rice and meat. “Listen to the song!” He excitedly says while he fiddles with his studio equipment and allows the song to play around them as they eat.
Wow, Soonyoung thought. Jihoon quite literally just went through hell and back revising this song, experienced the five stages of grief when his professor failed him, yet still, he manages to be excited about his music. He listens to the song and watches as Jihoon happily continues to munch on his food, food that Soonyoung bought him.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” Soonyoung blurts out.
“You flatter me too much.” Jihoon replies, his cheeks a shade of scarlet. “You’re the amazing one!”
“We literally just fought because of me.” Soonyoung says with a pout.
“First of all, we didn’t fight. I gave you some space but we weren’t fighting! I literally told you I wasn’t mad!” Jihoon whines and shoves a spoonful of rice into Soonyoung’s mouth.
“I know, jagi. It’s just, I feel really bad, you really had the right to be mad, I swear!”
“Well, I wasn’t, okay?” Jihoon says in between sips of coke zero. “We’re human, Soonyoung, you were stressed and so was I, we just dealt with it differently. If you were here with me in the studio this past week, I might have suddenly burst like that too.” He says casually. “Don’t think about it too much, okay? We weren’t about to break up over a fucking term paper”
Soonyoung chuckles at his lover’s words endearingly. “I love you.” He says suddenly, surprising himself. “That was weirdly sudden, but yes, I love you. So much.”
“I love you too, Soonyoung.” Jihoon says and feeds the other a piece of meat. “Never forget that, okay?”
Soonyoung gives him a cute nod and pecks him on the lips. He looks back at their silly little argument and is thankful to know that Jihoon is rational, definitely more rational than him. Always willing to comply with his silly antics and so willing to give way for Soonyoung and manages to be the rational one in the relationship.
“Oh my god!!” Jihoon says as his phone notifies him of an e-mail. “Soonyoung, my professor messaged me! Look!”
Mr. Lee:
I appreciate your willingness to comply with revisions. This was fantastic. Do know, I have always had faith in you and I know your previous draft could become so much better.
My method in making you revise it was scary, and probably mentally scarring, I apologize. But know that you are one of my best students. You will go places with your talent. You aced this final project and your grade has been changed in my records as a 1.0, the highest grade.
Sincerely,
Prof. Cha.
“I’m so proud of you, Jagi!” Soonyoung says, hugging Jihoon tightly sideways. “I knew you could do it! I told you!” Soonyoung thinks the professor was still fucked up form practically threatening Jihoon that he failed, but Soonyoung knows how to read a room and know that this means so much more to Jihoon than some weird ways of this professor.
Well, he is right about one thing, Jihoon’s going places and Soonyoung will be there in every single one.
“Thank you thank you!” Jihoon says peppering Soonyoung’s puffy cheeks with kisses.
“Why are you thanking me, Jagi?” Soonyoung says in between giggles.
“The song was about you!” Jihoon says “I wrote it with you in mind so this grade is definitely your doing!” He cheekily says and plays the song again, a little louder so Soonyoung can hear the lyrics.”
It’s what you do to me
I’m wrapped around your finger and I can’t stop
You know I got a soft spot for you.
This is for him? For Soonyoung? The boy who burst out in the library? The tiger dude? The guy who accidentally proposed an indecent act in the school’s auditorium? That Soonyoung ?
“For me?” Soonyoung says, eyes wide in pleasant surprise.
“Of course!” A hand warmly caresses Soonyoung’s cheeks and Jihoon smiles softly. “You should know by now right? I barely talk to anyone outside of my team but you’re that exception. I’ll always have a soft spot for my jagi . You have no idea.”
You’re my soft spot too, Lee Jihoon.