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Everyone on the bridge was minding their own work. So far it had been an uneventful day and while no one wanted to appear lazy, Picard couldn’t fault his crew for letting their minds wander. The day was so uneventful in fact that he was almost craving for some adventure. Something to disrupt the almost boring quietness that had taken over the bridge.
It as only seconds later that he regretted the wish as there suddenly was a blinding white light and then he felt the weigh on his lap before he even saw the entity that had invaded his personal space.
“Mon capitaine!”
“Q!” He made a move to push Q from his lap, but Q immediately wrapped his arms around Picard’s neck.
Will had already jumped to his feet and everyone else was in various stages between surprise and alarm.
“Get off me!” Picard was used to Q taking more than a few liberties but this was a new level, even for him.
Q just grinned. He also sneaked his thumb inside Picard’s collar and teasingly stroked his neck. Immediately goosebumps appeared all over Picard’s skin and he was glad that no one could see his physical reaction to Q’s touch.
“Q, what do you want?!” Will made a move, probably to help Picard but Q just snapped his fingers and Will blinked confused at his feet that now appeared to be glued to the floor.
Picard looked around. Apparently, everyone was frozen to their place as Worf as well as Data made moves that made it very clear that something was wrong.
“One could say I missed you, Jean-Luc. A friend and I were talking about humans and their ridiculous fondness of various types of clothes and how they wear clothes to laze around, to work, to dine, to impress…and don’t you do that, Jean-Luc? You impress in your captain’s uniform.” Q stroked along Picard’s collar with his hands. “You demand respect in this uniform.”
“Captain, should we call security-“
Data’s question was cut off and apparently Q had taken everyone’s voice as well.
Q grabbed Picard’s uniform and pulled Picard towards him. Q’s eyes bore into his.
“But let me tell you, Jean-Luc’ there’s nothing respectful about the things I want to do to you in this uniform.” Q whispered in Picard’s ear and Picard prayed to a higher being that it wasn’t obvious that he was blushing.
For good measure Q wriggled about in Picard’s lap – which to Picard’s shock made it very clear that Q was enjoying this whole scenario very much – before throwing his arms around Picard's neck again.
“You’re wearing the exact same uniform, Q.”
Everyone on the bridge looked very uncomfortable. Including Picard. But to his shame he had to admit that his discomfort was due to him being the centre of everyone’s attention in this situation with Q and not the situation with Q itself. For that he was too used to Q’s antics. Although this was certainly unusual, even for Q.
“What do you think why I’m wearing the uniform?” Q’s tone was positively devilish. His hands stroked over Picard’s chest as if admiring the fabric. Then his hands went further down and they stopped just below Picard’s waist.
Picard didn’t take the bait. “To get a rise out of me.” He deadpanned.
“Oh no no no, mon capitaine!...” There was a brief look of contemplation on Q’s face and Picard felt seriously bad for his crew for witnessing this whole spectacle that he knew Q was only putting on for him. “Or maybe I want to get a rise out of you…”
Picard finally had enough, and he used Q’s short distraction to stand up and sent Q halfway sprawling on the floor. His arms were still wrapped around Picard’s neck, which meant that he was putting a lot of his weight on Picard, causing Picard to lightly stumble forwards until Q’s knees hit the floor. All in all it was just a very awkward position.
“What is wrong with you today, Q?!”
Q let go of him and with an annoyed expression he stood up straight. “I told you I missed a bit of banter. It gets terribly boring sometimes. And then I remember my gorgeous little human captain in his fancy uniform.”
“What are you talking about?”
Q’s senseless utterances were really starting to get on Picard’s nerves.
“I’m complimenting you! Don’t be such a grouch, Jean-Luc! Learn to take some compliments!”
Q disappeared and reappeared next to Picard, whispering into his ear, “And you look just ravishing in that red…” He disappeared again and pop up in his initial place. “I just learned to really appreciate Starfleet’s uniforms…on you.”
Everyone was still looking at them. And it was one thing to have their weird little enemies-not-yet-friends conversations in Picard’s quarters but it was another thing to subject everyone else to Q’s inappropriate comments towards Picard.
Picard closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “Q, can you please leave.”
“Fine, Jean-Luc, fine!” Picard only let himself be worried about the pouty expression for a moment. Then Q just vanished.
One glance at Will let Picard know that everyone was able to move again.
Suddenly Q’s voice rang out once more, “We’ll talk about this later!”
Everyone on the bridge looked at him and Picard could feel the questioning stares boring even at the back of his head. He wasn’t sure if his crew really expected him to be able to explain Q’s clearly mad behaviour. And he didn’t want to make the situation even worse by showing how embarrassed he truly was by Q’s behaviour.
“Keep on route.” He just said, straightened his uniform and sat down again. Data had already turned around again but everyone else’s eyes were on him a second longer before everyone returned to their duties.
Picard seriously regretted that he had wished for more action that day and he was dreading what he would find when he returned to his quarters later.