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It was a picturesque day in a picturesque small town. The cloudless blue sky let the afternoon sun shine over the town’s main street. A gentle downhill slope showed off all the local small businesses, proudly displaying signs of what treasures were held within. At the bottom of the hill, the street ended, and beyond that was a ski lift to bring visitors and locals alike into the mountains to observe the beauty of their surroundings.
It would be more fun to enjoy this beautiful day with friends, but Minho isn’t that lucky.
A group of seniors were here, supervised by their professor, for some networking event Minho didn’t even want to go to. His friends thought it would be fun to explore the town while building potential connections for their future career after college graduation. But, as usual, they were too caught up in an angry religious discussion to notice whether Minho was there or not. Minho was too atheist and too gay to care about religion, but they were some of the few guys in the finance program not caught up in the “brosphere,” and Minho wanted to save some money on housing before he was forced to live on his own.
The wind swept his bangs to the right as he was working his way back up the hill towards the hotel they were staying at. Between the incline and the full force of the sun, he was working up quite the sweat. He debated whether to stop into the nearby spice shop to rest so he could restock his stash for his cooking hobby. Maybe looking at the local art gallery would be fun, as he enjoyed getting lost in other people’s interpretations of the world.
Instead, he locked his eyes on the church on the top of the hill.
It was nothing extraordinary. A simple brick building stood alone, with a cross standing proudly at the peak of its roof. A patch of grass, a lighter green from the recent lack of rain, separated the sidewalk and the stone path that led to the front door from the rest of the perimeter. The parking lot was behind the building, making it stand out even more against the line of multiple businesses deeper into town.
“Why not? I could use a break.” Minho said aloud to no one as he followed the path to the tall doors.
The first thing Minho noticed once his eyes adjusted to the dark hall was all the browns. Brown wooden walls and benches matched the brown carpet clearly worn from many followers walking there before and after services. He ventured further inside to look at the framed pictures on the walls of various patrons and pastors. Though the offices on his right were intriguing, he was drawn to the chapel on his left.
More of the same brown carpet and wooden pews spanned deeper into the building than it looked from the outside. Minho made his way, too comfortably, to the front podium. He turned to look out into the empty space, imagining one of his friends preaching to a full congregation while they found respite from the summer heat.
“Is this trespassing?” Minho whispered, his voice echoing through the rafters as he looked up at the vaulted ceiling. “I hope this isn’t trespassing.”
“Nope. We’re open to the public.”
Minho leaped in the air, startled, and grabbed the podium to keep himself from falling. “What the fuck?”
A young man to Minho’s left, sitting crossed legged and with exceptional posture, laughed lightly and spoke gently. “Oops. Sorry I scared you.”
“You’re not bothered by my swearing?” Minho sat in the front row pew in the aisle across from the stranger, still breathing heavily.
“Nah. I’m not a prick.”
Minho thought of all the religious pricks he had to deal with everyday and chuckled. “So I’m going to hell for other reasons?”
“I don’t judge people I don’t know.” He put a hand through his hair, and Minho noticed how long it was even in the faint shadows. “Religious people who do that annoy me.”
“Good philosophy.” Minho leaned forward and reached out his hand. “Minho. What’s your name?”
He smiled and gave Minho a firm handshake and nod. “Jisung. Nice to meet you.” He swung his legs around to hang off the edge of the pew to face Minho, his feet dangling just above the floor. “What brings you here today?”
Minho was going to mention the nice day out, but felt guilty for not telling Jisung the actual truth. “Getting away from my religious roommates, actually.”
“Ah, not the religious type?” Minho shook his head. “That’s okay. Like I said, I don’t judge.”
“Why are you here?”
“I was taking a break from enjoying the window.”
Jisung stood up before Minho had a chance to ask what he meant. He walked between the choir benches and organ to his right and bent down. The sound of a curtain echoed through the chapel and a rush of light filled the room. Jisung turned to smile at Minho as he sat back in the same spot, now bathed in colored light. His shaggy brown hair, cheeky smile and thin frame was Minho’s physical type to a tee. Although, having those thoughts in the shadow of a cross in slightly different shades of red surrounded by different sections of yellow, blue and green from a stained glass window in a church felt blasphemous somehow.
“Beautiful.” Minho whispered reverently, trying to hide the double meaning by squinting at the design as his eyes adjusted to the light. “It’s really pretty here.”
Jisung hummed in agreement, his wide smile and soft eyes fixed on Minho. “Yeah. Hard not to believe in something bigger out there with all the nature around here.”
Minho raised his eyebrows and reluctantly nodded. “Even the cynic in me can see that.”
“Let me show you.”
Jisung reached out for Minho’s hands, and Minho, perhaps too quickly, slipped his hands in between the eagerly wiggling and excited fingers. Jisung gently guided Minho to sit next to him, their shoulders and thighs brushing together and making Minho blush. It had been so long since he sat so close to someone else, much less someone he was attracted to. They were both fully surrounded by the colored light, sat precisely in the center, as if Jisung had practiced showing others this wonder before.
“So when it’s sunny like today, I think of how grateful I am to be alive and God has brought us beauty through His creation of the sun and atmosphere that protects us. And then,” Jisung jumped up from the pew to rush towards the curtain string, stretched out on his tiptoes as far as he could reach, and the room went dark once again. He sat back on Minho’s right and patted his thigh, resting his hand there without thinking as he looked back towards the blackout curtain. “After a while, I sit here and focus on being grateful for my eyes that can see in light and dark, and that He created us as these incredible thinking and feeling and sensing beings that can truly appreciate the sunny days.”
Jisung’s innocent and proud grin melted Minho’s somewhat hardened heart after years of overhearing fanatical religious rhetoric from his roommates. “That’s…really sweet. Who else have you told this to?”
“You’re the first one, actually.” He looked down in embarrassment, realized where his hand was and moved it quickly onto his leg. “I don’t really have any friends.”
“Me neither.” Minho admitted freely. The combination of being in a church and Jisung’s earnest heart made him more willing to talk than normal. “My roommates are kinda my friends, but they don’t accept me because I’m gay and they’re, well, very religious.”
“That’s a shame. You’re really nice.”
Minho laughed harshly, and he felt Jisung flinch beside him. “Yeah, if I’m not being ignored, I hear all about how I’m going to hell if I don’t change my sinful ways.” He rolled his eyes, slowly getting lost in his anger as he began to rant. “You think I want to be gay? You think I’ve tried not being gay? I finally accepted it about myself just to get shit talked and shamed about it. And then I’m not tough enough to be accepted by the other guys in my class, so I just sit in the corner, seeing the same people day after day, wishing I could disappear instead of being who I am, which is a nerdy numbers guy who happens to be gay. I just wish…”
“Hey,” Jisung purposefully put his hand back on Minho’s right leg, tapping his fingers to try to pull Minho out of his head and leaning forward to look at him more directly. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. God made us all how he wants us to be made. That’s why there’s eight billion unique people instead of just eight billion copies of one person.”
Minho opened his eyes to focus on Jisung’s head tilted to the right, where excess hair fell into the blurry shadows of the newly darkened chapel. “You think so?”
“Yeah. I really do.” Jisung gave Minho’s leg two firm pats before standing up to go back to the curtain. “Maybe the light will help get rid of the darkness in your head. Close your eyes.”
Minho did as Jisung told him. He hadn’t gotten that angry at his roommates’ judgment of him in a long time. Upon reflection, maybe he was still judging himself more harshly than he thought. The light of the stained glass window slowly enveloped Minho where he sat, the muted reds reaching his eyes as the sun wasn’t shining as bright as before. He thought of Jisung’s words as the young man sat back next to him. Science was never his favorite subject, but the human body and mind were quite remarkable in their evolutionary track, and where it ended up in its final sentient form. It wasn’t going to make him magically believe in God, but he could see how this meditation exercise could help a lonely soul like Jisung. When Jisung sat back down, he grabbed Minho’s hand and intertwined their fingers, resting it in the space where their legs touched. He didn’t say anything, but the filtered sunlight and the physical touch helped calm Minho down. After several minutes, Minho opened his eyes, squinting as he did, and looked at Jisung.
“Feel any better?” Jisung whispered, not wanting to disturb the sacred space.
“Yeah, thanks.” Minho whispered back. “You’re cute, you know?”
“Yeah, I’ve been told.” Jisung giggled softly as he gave Minho a smile of relief. “So are you.”
“I am?”
“Of course!” Jisung bumped Minho’s shoulder, refusing to let his hand go. “Hasn’t anyone ever flirted with you?”
“I’m a numbers nerd who happens to be gay.” Minho repeated more calmly. “I don’t get out much.”
“Well, let’s exchange numbers so you can have a friend to practice with.”
Minho couldn’t help but smile back while he pulled out his phone from his back pocket with his left hand so he didn’t have to let go of Jisung’s. “You’re gay too?”
“Yep.” Jisung reached to his right where his phone was sitting on the pew next to him. “I’m still in the closet though. Not everyone here is that accepting.”
“I know that feeling.”
Minho and Jisung faced each other with expressions of surprise and wonder. For both of them, one hand held a phone, and the other hand was still being held by each other. It connected them in a platonic intimacy that made them both feel warm and at peace. Minho looked at their connected hands and smiled before tugging it away and replaced it with his phone.
“I’m glad I wandered in here.” Minho took Jisung’s phone from him and started typing in his number. “Thank you, Jisung.”
Jisung lightly shook his head and tilted Minho’s phone away from the glare of the window’s light. “You’re welcome, Minho. I’m glad you wandered in here too.”
“I was going to leave, but I don’t know if I want to go back to my shitty…intolerant roommates.”
Jisung rolled his eyes and smirked, meeting eyes with a conflicted Minho while they gave their phones back to one another. “Don’t worry about your swearing. Like I said, I really don’t care. As for staying,” Jisung shrugged all the way up to his ears, “we can talk here. Or we can walk around town and I can give you dirt on all the businesses we pass. We can even go up to the lookout point just before sunset when it’s most beautiful. My treat. Or…” He looked away briefly, trying to hide his disappointment about what he was going to suggest next. “You can go and we can talk later.”
“Let’s walk around.” Minho stood up and held out his hand. “I think we both could use some company.”
“I agree.” Jisung took it, and was surprised at Minho’s strength and stability. “Being alone can be good, but being with people is better, I think.”
“Agreed.”
They walked back to the entrance, shoulders touching, until Minho pushed the door open. The cooler afternoon breeze hit them both, and the sun still lit the town as brilliantly as when Minho first walked in. Jisung tried to give Minho space, but Minho wouldn’t let him.
“We don’t have to hold hands if you’re not comfortable with it, but at least pretend like this is a date.”
“A date?” Jisung looked up at Minho, shocked. “We’re on a date?”
Minho stopped for a moment, worry flashing across his face. “Do you not want it to be a date?”
“No!” Jisung waved his hands in front of him. “I do! I just…I’ve never been on one. Not even with a woman.”
“Well, me neither.” Minho looked around to make sure no one was near, then gave Jisung’s hands a quick squeeze before letting go and walking towards the sidewalk. “So let’s figure it out together.” He stopped again when he realized Jisung wasn’t following him. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah.” Jisung looked towards the sky and took a few deep breaths before he responded. “Yeah. I’m good. Just…overwhelmed. In a good way. And grateful for God bringing you here. To me.”
Minho wanted to object, but decided against it. He was sure there would be plenty of time for sensible religious discussion and didn’t want to ruin the moment. “Good. Let’s go explore.”
“Yeah.” Jisung’s genuine grin sparkled in the warm sunlight. “Let’s go explore. Together.”