Work Text:
When I woke up I felt disgusted. I hated having to work to look how I wanted. Why couldn't I just be born that way?
I quickly got out of bed and pulled off my shirt then slipped on two sports bras. I turned to my side in the mirror. Flat enough. I pulled a tank top and a hoodie over my head then hopped into some sweatpants.
"Andrea, are you ready for school?" asked my mom as I stepped into the living room.
I cringed at my deadname. But, I was too scared to tell her what I preferred, and I was surprised she hadn't figured anything out yet. I mean, I cut my hair, I refused to wear makeup, and I told her I wanted to join the wrestling team. She didn't say anything more than, "It's too dangerous."
"Sure, mom," I told her, and we went outside and hopped into her car. The ride to school was pretty quiet, just like always. She told me bye as I got out of the car and headed off to the school. Then, I looked down.
It looked fine this morning, I thought. My sports bras were failing. My chest was puffing out, quite obviously beneath my hoodie. Why couldn't i just be born with a flat chest?
I didn't have anything else with me that I could you to try and compress my chest more. I had to deal with how it was now. I hated my life.
I rushed off to the bathroom, scowling at the sign that said Women. I wished so desperately that I could use the other one without risking getting suspended. I don't want to cause trouble, I might say if I got caught. I just want to be me.
A group of girls with long, blonde hair stood at the mirrors, laughing and spreading thick layers of lip stick on their big, puffy lips. I continued through the room until I reached the stalls. I pushed past girls stepping out of each one and then suddenly bumped into someone familiar.
"Oh, Andrew!" Allison exclaimed with a sweet smile. She looked so pretty ever since Claire helped her find her beauty. I owed a lot to Claire for that.
"Hey, Allison," I muttered, trying to push past her.
"Is everything okay?" she asked, looking concerned. She must've seen the glistening in my eyes.
"I'm fine," I lied. It was no use. She saw straight through me.
"No, what's wrong?" she asked sympathetically. I took a shaky breath, staring down at my chest. "Oh, Andy. Hey, it's okay, alright?"
I shook my head. "I want to look like me."
Her eyes narrowed with sympathy. "Hey, remember when Claire completely changed my look?" I nodded. She sighed. "For the longest time, I thought that I had to dress like how people saw me. And people saw me as a nut-job. A creepy, friendless loner. But that wasn't me. I shouldn't have let them defined me. I should have defined myself. But instead, I started dressing how they wanted me to. I wasn't brave enough to do what Claire did for me. Look, Andy, you're so much braver than I am. You defined yourself. You're not scared to show everyone what you want to look like. And it doesn't matter if it's not perfect. It's the effort that shows that you are you."
I sniffed. "But you're the only one who thinks that."
She shook her head. "Nuh uh. Anyone can see that you're trying. Trust me."
"Really?" She nodded with a sweet smile. I took a deep breath. "It's just frustrating. I wish I didn't have to try."
She smiled bigger. "One day you won't. If you really want, you can make it permanent. Whatever you decide is right for you."
I smiled back. "Right. Allison- thank you."
"Of course," she said. "You deserve it. You were nice to me when most people weren't."
"They just didn't see the real you," I said.
"I didn't try to let them," she added. "But now I know better." We both smiled, then suddenly she turned to her backpack. "Hold on, I think I can help you just a bit." She pulled a tiny camisole out of her bag. "I'm definitely a lot smaller than you, so this might be tighter on you. It could help."
I beamed. "Of course, thank you!"
She smiled and handed me the shirt. I rushed into a stall, and slipped it on under my other tank top and hoodie. I burst out of the stall grinning.
"Perfect!" she exclaimed.
I gave her a tight hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Of course," she said. "Claire helped me feel like myself, so I'm gonna help you feel like yourself."
"You're the best," I tell her, pointing to her as I leave the bathroom. She giggled and I turned and walked down the school hallway.
I was gonna take on the world today.