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Strategic hideouts are the fucking worst.
Okay, well. Arguably all of war sucks and everyone has it bad, and James peacefully hanging out in a room until someone comes to tell her she can leave is very much not bad, but. It still sucks.
All she can do is stare at the walls of this tiny room and pretend that she doesn’t feel paralyzed with fear, terrified of the fact that everyone is out there fighting and dying and all she can do is sit here and wait for a report.
She’s terrified of the fact that Princess James, first in line to the throne, is utterly useless in a war.
But it’s fine, she’s fine. She has no interest in actually going out there anyway, she’s not suited to that. She just has to wait a little bit more and then she can get out of here and -
- a body collides against hers and James stumbles. "Ow, what the fuck -" she wheels around, on guard because she didn’t even hear them come in what the hell, and -
Koh shudders, smiling weakly up at her. "Stay on guard, your highness, you would’ve been dead if it wasn’t me," she manages to snark, despite how pale her face is. Her shin guards are missing, as is her helmet, and she’s almost hunched over, her arms trying to cover her abdomen.
“Koh.” James almost trips over the word, a sense of safety automatically washing through her, and then pauses. “What -”
The arms covering Koh’s abdomen are covered in blood.
“Hi, your highness.”
“Koh, you -” James blinks rapidly, feeling adrift. This isn’t happening. This can’t - no. It - She planned for this. She thought about this. She knows, she knows Koh is a bodyguard and it is her job to put her life on the line for James and she knows that could mean death and she’s thought about it and she thought -
"What happened, you -" the words hang uselessly in the air as James takes a careful step closer, trying to breathe steadily. "You - I - Hold still, let me see -"
Ignoring her, Koh just slumps forward, pressing her forehead to James’ chest. She takes in a deep breath, and then lets it all out, and she feels so unsteady and light and it’s off, everything’s off, this isn’t right.
"Koh -" James’ voice wavers, unsure. Her hands hover near Koh’s elbows, lost, and her heart is frantic against her ribs, straining to fix this because the wound is too deep and too much and why did stupid Koh decide to come here and not the medical tent and if only James could just -
"Love you," Koh smiles, pulling back just enough so she can look at James’ face, eyes hazy. "I love you."
And -
James completely freezes. She - she wants to just - forget this is happening. She wants to hold Koh close and just breathe in the same space, she wants to hold her hand and never let go. She wants to tell her that James loves her too even though she shouldn’t.
But not... not like this. Never like this, god, she just -
She has to stop panicking. She has to fix this.
James squeezes her eyes shut, and the image flashes through her mind - of Koh grinning up at her from under her lashes, and Koh with her sword looking handsome, and Koh scowling at James’ newest failure, and Koh -
She’s going to fix this. James is going to fix this.
She has to.
“Okay. Koh. Listen to me. You -” James carefully pulls up one of Koh’s arms and drapes it over her neck, balancing her bodyguard against herself. They’re close enough in height that it works. Just barely. “I can’t carry you because I’m not you and I have regular sized muscles -” Koh lets out a small laugh, weak and barely there but still, still. “We’re going to get to the infirmary and -” she pauses, pressing her lips together to make sure she doesn’t cry. “You should’ve gone there directly, you idiot, why would you come here, I warned you, I said be careful but no you just -”
Koh tilts her head to the side, almost resting it against James’ shoulder. “Shut up.”
James huffs out a laugh, sudden and unexpected. Even now, Koh is worried about her. God. “Don’t tell me to shut up.”
Koh grins, small and lazy and tired, and James does her best not to cry.