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I really didn't want to go to the birthday party. I didn't know Eros' little sister, Lyrica, all that well. All I knew about her was she was my age; had blue and black hair; and was always in the middle of commotion, excitement, or a large crowd. In fact, I wasn't even sure the invite was for me. Addressed to "to whom it may concern", it had appeared without any warning. Hesitantly, I'd showed it to Teasers, who asked Eros about it. Apparently they'd been sent to about five hundred people.
Why should I go? She obviously didn't care who actually got the invites, and there would be plenty of people who actually knew her. In truth, if I didn't know that Eros would be there helping, I would have stayed home. The pounding music could be heard from where we stood at the edge of the property and I was tempted again to retreat, but Teasers had seemed so happy when I said I would attempt. As much as I hated parties, I loved seeing Teasers smile more. I grabbed my necklace, rubbing it with my thumb.
"Tweezers, I thcawed. Thewe'th tho m-m-m-many peopwe."
Teasers was standing next to me. He looked excited to be tagging along to the party, but he quickly bent down next to me. "I'm here Jelly B. The minute it becomes too much, tell me, and we'll leave." Teasers wrapped me in a big hug, his brown eyes soulfully staring into my own.
I attempted to smile. "Pwom-m-mith?"
"Have I ever lied to you?"
"I d-d-d-don't kn-n-now. Have you?"
"Jellybean! Of course not." Teasers playfully nudged my shoulder. He bounced up and down, excitement coursing over his face. "Now let's go party!"
I nodded, too nervous to speak again. I grabbed my jawbreaker tighter, allowing Teasers to lead me up the walkway. I wondered how long I would have to stay in the main area before I could politely slip away. Honestly, I was already overwhelmed just by the sheer amount of noise spilling from the party.
Teasers noticed me lagging. "Do you want a piggy-back ride up to the door?"
I had an internal debate. Piggy back rides are my favorite mode of transportation, but they are also one of the favorite sources of ammo from my bullies. Finally I shook my head. "I don't want it to b-b-be worth. They alweady caww m-m-m-me ."
Blinking hard, I bit my lip as I encountered the painful word block. Baby wasn't a word I commonly got stuck on, but as it was carrying a heavy negative connotation, it became a trigger for my speech issues. The more negatively I felt toward a description, the more it became a problem to say, which in turn reinforced the negativity toward the word, making a terrible loop.
Teasers put his hands on my shoulders, somehow giving me a calming pressure despite his clearly antsy sugar high state. "It's okay Jelly. Take a deep breath. That's the first step remember? Breathe in with me."
I tried to do as he instructed, snuffling instead of fully breathing. There wasn't enough air around to actually breathe, at least that's what it felt like.
"'Kay, now let it go. With it you're letting go of some stress. Just the smallest piece of it."
I breathed out, trying to picture the stress leaving with the soiled air.
"Breathe in."
It was a little easier to get air back in this time.
"And let it go. Fill that exhale with more stress; you have too much for a person your size."
I followed his instructions.
"And breathe in."
I inhaled again, trying to not picture the stress zooming back up my nostrils.
"And breathe in."
I started to exhale, then realized what he'd said. Silently chuckling, I breathed back in, clenching the air in my cheeks.
Teasers smiled. "Good. Now we're going to relax our whole body, remember? We start with the toes..." One of his hands left my shoulder, ripping off his shoe so he could wiggle his toes at me. "Like this right?"
I gave a weak smile then tried to relax my toes.
"And your legs. We want tubes of pudding okay?"
I nodded, used to the food-based descriptions.
"And your fists Bean. Unclench them. We're not squeezing a nearly empty frosting tube."
Slowly I forced my hands open, realizing how stiff they were.
"Good. Do you remember what's next?"
I start to focus on my spine, trying to force the muscles to relax.
"That's right. Your back, your shoulders, and your neck. You ready for the last step?"
I forced myself to stop blinking, to stop bitting my lip, and to let go of my jawbreaker.
"Okay. Now I know you hate this part, and we don't have to do it if you don't want to today, but you're going to, if you want to, voluntarily stutter the first sound remember? Just until you feel unstuck. Voluntarily stuttering helps trick the brain into knocking over the blocks."
My jaw unconsciously clenched, but I still nodded. The nod was slow, almost robotic.
"You are more than your challenges and so much stronger than you think." Teasers smiled encouragingly.
Unclenching my jaw took the force of something equivalent to an attempt to move a mountain. Finally I got it open, choking a bit on the unexpectedly fruity smell of my breath. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b--"
The sound of someone shuffling down the path brought instant quiet to my lips. It was hard enough to do this without an audience. The thought of doing it with someone behind me was like asking if I'd be willing to lick an electric fence.
Teasers pulled me slightly behind him as he turned toward whoever was walking down the dim path. "Who's there?"
"Is that you Malt?" The voice sounded familiar.
Teasers visibly relaxed. "Eros! What are you doing out here?"
The blue haired boy came into my view. He gave a sheepish grin. "I kinda procrastinated getting a birthday present for Lyrica."
"You've known her birthday was coming up for how long?"
"Technically a year. But that doesn't mean anything, you know that!"
The two boys hugged, a fierce bro-hug. As they pulled apart, Eros looked over at me. "So what are you guys doing put here? The party's inside!"
I shuddered. "Thaaaaat'th the pwobwem-m-m-m." Though I did stutter and prolong some, thankfully, I didn't block on any of those words, though I didn't know if it was thanks to Teasers' help or just because I was no longer trying to say that particular word. But even moving past the block, I was a little short of breath.
Eros gave a small confused look. Self consciously, I grabbed my necklace, a slight nausea coming to me. Was he unable to understand my sentence? Or was he just confused as to why I was nervous?
"JB is amazing. But being that incredible takes time." Teasers slung his arm over my shoulder, holding me close.
"Ohmigosh. I totally spaced on that Razamatazz! I'm sorry."
I tried to give a careless shrug, whilst grabbing my stomach, but the shrug felt awkward. Teasers might call me amazing, but it was hard to agree with him. Especially after butchering a word as easy as baby. Eros' apology was more painful than I think he meant it to be. I wish I could just space the fact that I couldn't talk. I wish I hadn't caught his confusion on my sentence. I wish I could just not.
"Hey. JBean. We can still go home if you want. It's up to you. But I do need you to take one of these." Teasers pulled out my insulin bottle from his pocket and handed me a pill.
I felt tears tugging at my eyes. The fact that he'd noticed my little signs I had been fighting to conceal made me feel rather worthless. Couldn't I do anything right?
"Hey no crying! It's okay." Teasers pulled me off the path, sitting down on the grass and pulling me to his lap.
"You thouldn't h-h-have to h-h-h-have to take cawe of m-m-m-me."
Teasers sputtered. "Not take care of you? Perish the thought! I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Pwobawy have m-m-m-more f-f-f-fun."
"Razzles you know that's not true! I love you."
Eros looked between the both of us. "Razzamatazz, you are indescribable. Malt is so lucky to have a sister like you."
"Awe you thuwe?"
"Absol-freaken-lutly!" Malt tugged one of my loose natural curls.
"Otay." I looked at the ground, still not fully believing him.
Eros seemed uncomfortable with where the conversation had paused. "Malt!" He finally said. "You have to try the empanadas Esa is handing out. He stuffed them with pineapples and cream cheese. It doesn't sound like a good combo but it tastes amazing!"
"Everything he makes taste good. Not as good as Jelly B's but still really good." Teasers sighed, the smallest look of longing crossing his face.
I giggled, knowing exactly why he was sighing.
"Yeah but you have to try these. And you got to hurry dude, before he runs out of them! He can be such a simp sometimes."
Teasers glared briefly at Eros. "Don't insult the love of my life! Esa is marvelous. Just because he's nice doesn't mean you can insult him."
Eros held up his hands in defence. "My bad. I thought your soul mate was Danny. Plus Esa doesn't think of simp as an insult."
"Danny always smells like the cheep metal that turns your skin green. It doesn't mix well with the smell of chocolate. But Esa and I, we're destined to be together. You say he's at the party?" Teasers bounced.
"Ah. I didn't realize your smells were so incompatible. Of course you can't be soul mates. And yes," Eros grinned, "Esa is at the party."
"Nice." Teasers settled, bringing his hands behind his head and laying on them.
"Aren't you going to go say hi?"
"Nah. I'm going to do whatever my sister wants. She's far more important than an empanada. If she doesn't want to party, then I'll not party with her. Besides, pineapples give me indigestion."
I looked at the ground again. Eros might have believed his declaration, but I knew Teasers far better than that. I knew he was disappointed. I could feel his sadness at missing the party dripping off of him. "Thowwy Tweezers. I don't want to pawty. You can g-g-go ahead though."
"No way. I'm not abandoning you."
Eros tapped his chin in contemplation. "Why don't you try the party, and if you aren't happy you can hang out in my room and I'll bring you some of Harmony's dolls. That work Miss Razzie?"
"Otay. I'ww twy. I weady." I stood up, brushing a dead leaf off my leg.
"No you're not!"
I looked at my brother, befuddled. "What? I weawy want to try."
"What I mean is you're not going looking like that. I think for your first party you need to look even more stunning than normal. In fact, I'm kinda glad you had second thoughts because now I can do what I should of done before we left."
"I d-d-don't undewthand."
"There's this really cool new braid I saw in a tutorial and saved that we can try. You're going to look like a goddess."
"A g-g-g-goddeth?"
"Absol-freaken-lutly! I wouldn't have it any other way. Then later, once we get back, we'll have a little mani-pedi session, okay?"
"Thankth Tweezers. I wuv you." I smiled as Teasers pulled out his phone to find the video. This party wouldn't be the end of the world. At least with Teasers on my side.