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“Buck, you awake?” Bucky wasn’t even supposed to be here. Wasn’t supposed to be in officer country, much less in Steve’s tent and sure as hell not in Steve’s bed, naked as the day he was born. But Steve was right there and just as naked, so it was okay. Maybe even perfect.
“I am now, punk. Is it time?” Steve had a near-perfect internal alarm clock, which meant the few times Bucky had been able to sneak into his tent after hours, they’d woken up early enough to let him sneak back to his bunk before reveille.
“Not quite yet.” He paused. “Buck... would you marry me?”
“What?!” Bucky yelped, then covered his mouth in a too-late attempt to stifle his surprise. They both froze, but the camp remained silent. “Are you crazy?” he hissed, several long minutes later, “Two fellas can’t get married!”
“Why not?” Steve replied in that infuriatingly innocent, questioning tone. Bucky knew that meant Steve had made up his mind about something and was going to dig in his heels.
“Aw, c’mon, Steve! You know as well as I do that it ain’t legal. None of this is.”
“Yeah, like we never broke the law before, Buck,” he snorted in reply. Stevie had a point. From jumping the subway turnstiles and snitching apples when they were kids, to some of the missions they’d run with the Howlies, in total disregard of the Geneva Convention. They were no angels, that was for sure. But when your enemy regularly breaks the laws of nature, the laws of man seem less important.
“Okay, but what about the church? No priest’d ever give us his blessing.” That was a low blow. Bucky knew Steve had been brought up as a devout Catholic and still said the rosary nearly every night. He’d even wangled a furlough to go to Mass in the Notre Dame Cathedral when they were briefly in Paris a few months ago.
Steve was quiet for a few moments. “The church isn’t God. He made us this way for a reason and it was His will that we met and fell in love. I can’t believe that He would condemn us for making the ultimate commitment to each other.” Bucky wasn't a believer, but he couldn’t argue with that.
“So, darlin’, what brought this on? Didja finally decide it’s time to make an honest man out of me?” He felt Steve smile against his shoulder, his soft chuckle reverberate in his chest.
“I’m.. I’m just a little worried about our next mission. Guess knowing you’d be my forever fella would ease my mind.”
“Well, punk - the mission was your own damn idea. Riding a wire from the top of a mountain to land on top of a speeding train? Harold Lloyd wouldn’t try that for a thousand bucks!”
“It’s our best chance of grabbing Zola, and who knows what sci-fi tech he’s taking to Schmidt. We could end the war early, Buck. Save who knows how many lives.” And goddammit, he was right. It was worth the risk.
“I know, I know, Steve. And hey, we’re gonna be fine, ‘course we are. In a week it’ll be all over the newsreels. They’ll prob'ly give you a promotion - 'Major America', maybe even 'Lieutenant Colonel America'!”
“Nah - they’d have to redo all the posters and comic books.” This time they both laughed, but then Steve sobered.
“I mean it, Buck. I want you to know I’m yours. Always have been, always will be. That’s why I asked.”
Steve had obviously gotten the bit between his teeth and wasn’t backing down. For that matter, Bucky wasn't about to let the best thing to ever happen to him slip away. "Okay, sweetheart. So what do we do next?”
“Gonna have to start with you answering the question, jerk. Will you marry me?”
“You betcha. Whither thou goest and all that jazz. Make me the happiest fella in the world.”
“I suppose wanting a serious answer was expecting a bit too much out of you, ” Steve groused.
“You know me so well.” Bucky took one of his hands and softly kissed it. “Steve, I love you, and I would be honored and humbled to become your husband.” The smile he got in return made the impending sunrise pale in comparison.
“Then I guess all we need to do is say the words, make our vows.” But Bucky couldn’t resist one more smartass remark.
“What about the ring, punk? How’m I supposed to prove I’m no longer on the market?”
Steve sighed. “You are a trial and an affliction, James Buchanan Barnes.” But he got up out of bed and padded over to his footlocker. Bucky wished there had been more light, so he could see his beloved in all his glory. Steve had always been gorgeous to him, of course, but now that his outward appearance reflected the strength and beauty that was there all along, it made his heart nearly burst.
“I was saving this for a special occasion,” Steve said as he slid back into bed, “and I can’t think of anything more special than this.” He held the bar of chocolate he’d won from Morita in last week’s poker game (an actual bar, not the block that came with their K-ration) and carefully stripped off the foil wrapper. He started to fold the wrapper into a narrow band.
“Oh no, sweetheart - this is a double ring ceremony. Pass some of that over.” Bucky didn’t have Steve’s patience with the fragile foil, opting to roll his half into a lopsided cylinder, then crushing it flat and forming it into a circle. He smiled to see Steve’s hands trembling slightly as he finished the careful folds before forming his own circle.
“You first, Stevie. This was all your idea. I’m just following the little guy from Brooklyn.”
Steve took a deep breath. "I, Steven Grant Rogers, take you, James Buchanan Barnes, for my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." He took Bucky’s left hand, and placed the ring on his finger. And now they were both trembling.
"I, James Buchanan Barnes, take you, Steven Grant Rogers, for my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." He slid the ring into place, and kissed his new spouse. “So, we got enough time to consummate this marriage?”
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Steve had never been so exhausted in his life, but he had one more awful job to do before he could rest. He had to go through Bucky’s belongings, decide what to send home to his family and what to pass along to the other Commandos in memory of their fallen comrade. He wouldn’t keep anything for himself. He didn’t deserve to. He had failed his best friend, the love of his life... his husband.
Then he found the letter, addressed to Mrs. Barnes. Bucky must’ve written it just before they left for their mission and forgotten to send it. He shouldn’t read it - should just put it in the mail, he thought. It wouldn’t beat the telegraph home, but it would be a comfort to his mother and her remaining children. Then he saw it wasn’t sealed, and his goddamned curiosity took over.
Dear Ma -I got married yesterday. To Steve. Yes - you read that right. Steven Grant Rogers. I love him and he loves me, and that’s all that matters. We’ll figure out the rest later. Gotta go - will write again when I can.
Your son,
James
His first thought was how stupid Bucky had been. That never would have made it through the censors. Hell, they would have both gotten blue-ticketed with that kind of proof. But maybe that had been his intent. After all, an “administrative discharge” is a damn sight better than dead.
If only Bucky had taken the time to send the letter. If only there there had been enough time for the censors to read it, to put the process into motion. But there never would be enough time again.
Of course they couldn’t wear the rings - they were much too obvious. Steve didn’t know what Bucky had done with his, but he had threaded Bucky’s on his dog tag chain, hoping for a chance to replace it with something more substantial the next time they had leave. Now he carefully unravelled the foil, tore out the most important sentence of Bucky’s last letter: “I love him and he loves me and that’s all that matters.” and folded the bit of paper into the foil. He then slipped that package into the housing of his compass.
Steve kept Peggy’s photo in the case as well. She was the only one who even had an inkling of his true feelings for Bucky (and vice versa) and had apparently come to terms with it. She’d even said something once about “perhaps making arrangements” when they all got back from the war. He loved Peggy, loved her bravery, her tenacity, and how she’d seen the best in him all along. If he’d never met Bucky, that would have been all he could ask for. And now, maybe it would be enough.
Steve finished his heartbreaking task, then headed to the bombed out pub, hoping that enough bottles had survived for him to get drunk on.
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List of Personal Effects Retrieved from the Valkyrie - 14 April 2012 [Excerpt]
-- 1 military issue compass.
NOTE: The compass housing contained two pieces of paper, one of which was wrapped in tinfoil. While both papers were badly degraded, contemporary sources indicate that Captain Rogers kept a photo of Agent Peggy Carter in this compass. It can then be assumed that the other piece of paper, which appeared torn from V-mail stationery, was perhaps some words of love or other endearment either written by Carter to Rogers or the reverse. As the ink was long washed away, this is only speculation.