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Jim has never dealt well with sickness, and he’ll never admit it but surgery terrifies him. The idea of going under, having no idea what all is being done to his body, it makes his skin crawl. Worse yet it makes his insides itch. He’s never been a very good patient. When he was a kid he caught the flu every winter and a cold every summer. It was always miserable. Now he has to get surgery. Full blown sedated, unable to move, or talk, or tell them if something feels wrong.
His hands are starting to feel sore from the amount of times he wrung them out, and cracked his knuckles. Well at least he’s not alone. Jim lifts his head from his steadily reddening fingers.
Bones is standing on the other side of the hospital waiting room. His arms are crossed in a way Jim hates. They’re not Bones’ typical ‘I’m pretending to be annoyed but am actually fine’ cross, or even his ‘why did I ever agree to this’, no that’s his ‘I’m anxious and want to hold myself but can’t cause I’m in public’ crossed arms. He’s been standing that way ever since he started talking to the doctor.
Jim’s doctor.
Ugh that feels wrong.
Jim throws his head down on top of his knuckles as he starts to bounce his legs. Every part of his body is screaming run!
“Hey,” Jim looks up as Bones crouches down. He holds Jim’s shoulder and offers a lopsided smile. “How’re you holding up?”
“Fine.”
Bones squeezes his shoulder, and those warm brown eyes tighten a little. “Don’t lie to me, Jim.”
“I’m a little nervous,” Jim admits. He’d laugh but his mouth won’t move that much. They haven’t even started using the anesthesia yet and already he’s losing the ability to speak. “Happy now?”
“No.” Bones moves to sit beside Jim. The captain starts to wring out his hands again. Bones bumps his side against Jim’s. “But I will be once you’re all better.”
Jim’s head is already nodding, before he even registers it. He inhales sharply. “I’d feel better if you were the one doing the surgery.”
“Jim, you know that goes against protocol.” Those familiar, safe eyes are so sad.
Any other time Jim would crack a joke, but the only things that come out are bitter, petty words.
“Since when do we listen to protocol?”
“Since we docked in starbase one above Earth.” Bones loops an arm around Jim’s shoulders. Slowly the captain’s body slows down. Bones pulls him closer, tugging him into a hug. “This isn’t deep space Jim.”
And he can’t just go all-out surgeon in the old west, just because Jim doesn’t want someone else rearranging his guts.
Damn. That’s exactly what he wants.
“Hey,” Bones slides his fingers along Jim’s face. “look at me.” Jim lets him turn his face. “You’re gonna be okay.”
He says it with such genuine sincerity. It should be comforting, but it just makes Jim more nervous. What if I’m not? That question keeps filling his head, like a hair that just won’t go down the drain. As soon as he thinks he’s managed to stop worrying about it, there’s another thing he notices that’ll be ruined if this doesn’t go well.
Now as he stares into Bones’ eyes his stomach starts to sink. If something goes wrong then how will Bones handle it? He was a mess after Khan. Jim never realized how much the doctor counted on him being around until he wound up in the hospital for a couple of weeks, and saw the state of Bones’ room after. Not to mention how he’d almost cry every time he saw Jim. He couldn’t stop smiling either but, relief and distress are two sides of the same coin right?
They sit there in silence. Bones’ eyes never waiver.
“Repeat it Jim.”
He lets his head fall back, and rolls it around “I’m not a child, Bones.”
“I’m not treating you like a child, I’m treating you like a patient who needs reassurance,” Bones says reassuring clapping a hand on Jim’s shoulder. “now repeat the damn words.”
“Alright.” Jim tries to shrug Bones’ hand off but the doctor doesn’t budge. Pettily, Jim drags the words out, and attempts a poor copy of a southern accent. “I’m gonna be fine.”
Bones rolls his eyes. “You can do it without the hokey accent.”
“Can you?”
Anyone else would’ve gotten frustrated enough to tell Jim off by this point. Instead Bones just pulls him closer. His arms wrap around Jim. One hand rests on the back of his head, and the other along his spine. There’s a comforting squeeze. Bones speaks right against his head.
“You’re going to be fine Jim.” Bones’ voice is cool and calm.
“I’m going to be fine.”
A swift kiss is planted in his hair. After Bones pulls back slightly. Soft eyes and a genuine smile lighten some of Jim’s worries. “And when it’s done, you’re going to wake up in a bed in sickbay and find me sitting there, reading some papers you haven’t let me catch up on.”
“Real fun Bones.”
The doctor rubs Jim’s arms. “Work helps calm my nerves.”
Yeah. That’s understandable. “You help calm mine.”
A new light fills Bones’ eyes. “Glad to hear it Jim.” He slips his hands off. “Does that mean you’re gonna listen to me more?”
“Not a chance,” Jim announces. The pain in his body is a little harder to notice while they laugh.