Chapter Text
Lily stepped off the train, having already changed into her muggle clothes, dragging her trunk behind her. She heaved it along the platform, waving goodbye to Marlene as she searched for her parents and sister. Eventually her eyes found her parents, but her smile dropped slightly as she realised that Petunia was nowhere to be seen. Her mother and father gestured wildly, waving excitedly as she made her way over to them.
“Lily, darling!”
Her mother embraced her tightly, and Lily let go of her trunk, wrapping her arms around her as her father watched the two fondly. Sylvia Evans pulled back, kissing her cheek and smiling widely at her.
“How was school? We’ve barely heard from you!”
Lily smiled, looking briefly up at her dad to grin at him as well. “It was good, really good.” She paused, moving her hand up to push her flaming red hair behind her ear. “Um… Where’s Tuney?”
Her mother’s smile slid off her face for a moment, before she pulled it back up. “Petunia’s working today, sweetheart, I suppose she didn’t tell you, but she’s found herself a little weekend job in a café, serving drinks and all that. You’ll see her later, she’ll be back for dinner. I’m making your favourite!”
Lily let her smile become slightly more genuine as her parents led her out of King’s Cross and towards where their Alfa Romeo Alfasud was parked. She let herself zone out throughout the drive home, her thoughts wandering to her plans for the holidays, in particular her sister, Petunia.
She and Petunia had had a rocky and tumultuous relationship for as long as Lily could remember. Petunia had seemed hell bent on making everything a competition from the moment Lily could walk and talk. Everything. Even things that didn’t even matter.
When Lily started showing signs of her ‘freakishness’, as Petunia called it, things had only got worse, and when she got her Hogwarts letter, it had seemed to be the breaking point for her older sister. Their relationship had completely fallen apart, though Lily still loved Petunia dearly, and still tried to recreate the closeness that Lily could only remember from when she was very, very little.
She knew that going home for Christmas meant arguments, between her and Petunia, and between Petunia and her parents, but she was just holding desperately onto the childish hope that this would be the time that her and her older sister would finally reconnect.
It was almost four hours later that Lily and her parents finally arrived home to their small town south of Manchester. She was drowsy when she emerged from the car, drowsy in the way people always are after long car journeys, not really tired, just bored stiff and hungry. It was about 4PM, already dark outside as Lily carried her owl into the house, her father behind her carrying her trunk, her mother in front, excitedly unlocking the door and talking her ear off about everything that had happened in the town since she left.
Lily knew her sister was home, that her shift had ended a few hours ago, her mother had said as much in the car, but she didn’t come downstairs to greet them, or do anything at all to acknowledge their existence.
The house hadn’t changed since Lily had left in September, and as she entered her bedroom, dragging her trunk behind her, she breathed a sigh of content. Her room smelt of the soft lavender air freshener her mother had used for years and a hint of cigarette smoke, from when Lily had smoked out of the window during the summer holidays, her ABBA and Fleetwood Mac posters were still proudly blue tacked to the walls. A stack of records were stored away in the corner and her bookshelf was filled with knick-knacks, from both the wizarding and muggle world.
She turned the overhead light on, its soft glow filling the room, and headed over to her dresser, placing her owl down on its surface, then head over to her bed, lying down on it and sighing. Muffled noises were coming up from the bottom floor of the house, her mother in the kitchen cooking dinner and her father taking a call in his office. Her house was still her home, but it was strange, slightly distant from her now, it hadn’t had the chance to grow with her whilst she was away at school. Her room reflected that in the childish ornaments on the windowsill, and the books on the shelves, the majority of which she hadn’t touched since she was ten. She was just never really home long enough to justify spending any time or money on significantly changing her room. That was why it was still painted baby pink, from when she had begged her parents at seven years old after finding out her best friend in school had painted her room that colour.
Lily thought about going next door to talk to her sister, but couldn’t quite figure out what she should say to her. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to speak to her - no - but it was that she simply didn’t know what was going on in her life. Her and Petunia hadn’t spoken once since the school year had started and so, naturally, Lily didn’t have a clue what to talk about with her. Was school going well? Was she seeing anyone?
She made up her mind, standing up and opening her door, heading out into the hallway and knocking on her sister’s room’s door.
“Come in!” Her sister’s voice was slightly muffled through the wood of the door, but her inflections and intonations were the same as ever.
Lily opened the door, seeing her sister sitting at her desk, the dim light of a lamp illuminating her as she neatly copied something down from a textbook that lay on the table beside her.
Unlike Lily’s own room, Petunia’s had changed considerably since her earlier childhood. She had her own record player and records like Lily, but there were photos of movie stars and singers on the walls who Lily assumed to be her favourites. Her room was coloured mainly in a palette of oranges and browns, with cream walls and flower-patterned bedding.
Petunia looked up from her work as Lily entered, fixing her face into a tight, tense smile and waiting for her to speak. Her long brown hair was flowing down her back and she was wearing smart brown trousers and a cream short-sleeve button up, clearly her work uniform. Lily leaned against the door frame, not knowing how to start a conversation but also knowing she couldn’t just stand there in silence like an idiot.
“Petunia!” It felt weird using her full name, but something told Lily that it would have been even weirder calling her a nickname after so many months of not talking. “We just got back, I wanted to see you before dinner.”
Petunia put down her pen, turning towards Lily properly. “Well. How was it then, your magic school?”
She said it with her tone of distaste, but Lily could still hear the small note of wonder and admiration in her voice. She knew Petunia from the inside out, she knew that deep down, she still desperately wanted to go to Hogwarts, to do the things that Lily did.
Still, Lily smiled softly and walked across the room, sitting down in the small armchair in the corner. She brought her legs up onto the chair with her, curling up like a cat. “It was good, really good.” She didn’t want the focus of this conversation to be on her. That was what got to Petunia, she knew it was, all the attention Lily got because she was special. Well, that and other things. “How have you been, with your A-levels?”
Something in Petunia’s face changed for a moment, before settling back into its neutral, if not slightly tense, expression. “Yes, I’m doing well, keeping up with everything. I have a job now, as well, at that cafe in town, the one with the weird window displays.”
Lily nodded. “Yeah, Mum told me, she said you enjoyed it there.”
The conversation felt wrong to Lily, almost scripted, and she could tell that Petunia felt the same. She let a small grin fall into place on her face, trying to change the topic of conversation into something more real, something that proper siblings would talk about. “Are you seeing anyone?”
Petunia’s hand flexed for a moment, before she shook her head. “No, are you?”
“Yes, actually. It’s very new at the moment, but I am.” Lily’s smile widened as she thought of her boyfriend. “His name’s James. I’ve spoken about him before.”
“Isn’t he the one that the Snape boy hated?”
Lily nodded. “Yes, but me and Severus don’t speak anymore.”
Petunia’s eyebrows raised slightly, she was clearly surprised at the news. When she opened her mouth to speak again her voice was icy, borderline cruel. “That’s a shame. The two of you got on so well.”
“Yes, well, he wasn’t a good person, I see that now. I used to be… naive, I suppose.” Lily thought back to the short interactions Petunia had with Snape, the branch he had dropped on her, and the time when he had persuaded Lily that it would be a good idea for the two of them to riffle through her room. “I’m sorry for the way he treated you. You never deserved any of that. I shouldn’t have let it get that far, I was just… I was just so excited to finally fit in somewhere, I guess.”
Petunia’s face softened slightly, as she picked up her pen again and began to fidget with it. There was still an air of stiffness to the room, but it wasn’t quite as bad as before. “What’s this James like then? He can’t be that bad if Severus hates him.”
Lily let herself grin again. “Yes, he’s funny, kind, he’s, he’s everything, I suppose. He always knows how to help me, how to make me feel better. I’m sure you’d like him. I was thinking about maybe having him round for dinner at some point. I’d like you and mum and dad to meet him.”
Petunia nodded, an indiscernible expression floating across her face. “They’ll love that. Lily has a boyfriend! Another thing that you did before me, that you did better than me.”
“Petunia, don’t be like that. Anyway, don’t act like you couldn’t get a boyfriend! You’re prettier than me, skinnier than me..!”
That seemed to touch a nerve with Lily’s older sister. She flung the pen down on the desk, standing up. “I don’t want a boyfriend! God! You aren’t listening! I don’t want a boyfriend.”
There was something borderline defensive about Petunia’s expression, which Lily didn’t know what to make of. “Alright, fine. It doesn’t matter then, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t. Just get out Lily.”
Petunia turned back to her homework, picking up her pen and beginning to copy down sentences once again. Lily frowned, trying to figure out what was going on with her older sister, and why boys were such a touchy subject for her.
“Did you… have a break up recently?”
Her tone was questioning, curious but not obtrusive. She didn’t want Petunia to feel… well… whatever it was that Petunia usually felt about her younger sister.
It was clear that she was just digging herself a deeper hole, however, when Petunia once again flung down her pen, this time getting to her feet and glaring at Lily.
“No. No I didn’t. Get out, Lily! I don’t want to play fucking sisters with you right now, I’m busy.”
Lily looked at her, blinking away a few tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. She stood up and left the room, shutting the door behind her and returning to her own bedroom. She sat down on her bed, running a hand through her hair. It was difficult, talking to Petunia. There was always something she was upset about, something she was angry about. In some cases it was fair enough, but some days, like today, Lily just didn’t know what there was to be upset about.
She decided that she would try and make some small talk with Petunia over dinner, and hoped that her parent’s presence would put a damper on her older sister’s anger.
When her mother’s voice was heard from the kitchen, calling the two of them down for dinner, Lily stood up with a sigh and headed downstairs. She entered the dining hall, finding just her mother and father sitting down. Lily joined them at the table, and just a moment later, Petunia arrived, taking a seat next to her.
Sylvia began to serve the cottage pie and vegetables onto the four plates, and soon the four of them dug into the meal. Lily was pleased to be back home, to have the chance to eat her mother’s cooking again, and she ate quickly, only pausing to answer the questions that her mother and father posed to her.
She pretty much forgot about wanting to talk to Petunia, who was almost completely silent throughout the entire meal, up until when her mother left the table to dig ice cream out of the freezer. It was then that the phone rang, and her father stood up from the table, going into the hallway to answer it.
For a moment Lily and Petunia were alone at the table, but just as Lily opened her mouth to speak, her father’s voice could be heard, calling out from the hallway. “Petunia, it’s for you! It’s Cynthia!”
Petunia instantly got up and hurried into the hall, presumably to take the phone from their father, and a moment later, he rejoined Lily in the dining room, sitting back down.
“Who’s Cynthia?”
Lily’s mother reentered the room, beginning to dish up vanilla ice cream to the three of them that remained at the table.
“One of Petunia’s friends. Me and your mother have never properly met her but she calls the house a lot.”
Lily nodded, pushing her hair behind her shoulder and turning to her desert. Petunia’s voice and indistinguishable words floated under the door into the dining room. Her tone seemed softer, gentler, than usual, but Lily supposed it was impossible to tell through the wooden door, and brushed any thoughts of that off. After all, it wouldn’t be such a stretch to say that Petunia acted differently when speaking to what seemed to be a close friend instead of when she was talking to the sister she clearly harboured a deep dislike for.
When the three of them finished their ice cream, Lily headed upstairs whilst her parents settled down in front of the TV in the living room, giving the excuse that she was tired from the train journey. She unpacked her things from her trunk, putting her clothes away in her wardrobe and her books away on her shelf. She considered starting some of her homework to give herself something to do, but ultimately decided against it, knowing she was too tired to properly put quill to parchment and write anything decent.
Instead she lounged on her bed, listening to a record and the quiet tones of her sister speaking on the phone downstairs. She reconsidered the conversation she had with Petunia before dinner, trying to pinpoint exactly where it was that the two of them had gone from having an amicable conversation, to Petunia demanding she leave the room. Lily knew it was something about boys, or perhaps the lack of them, but she also knew that there was clearly more to it than that.
She thought about standing on the stairs and eavesdropping on Petunia’s conversation, but decided against that as well, reasoning that if she wanted even a hope of fixing the two of theirs relationship, intruding on her older sister's privacy probably wasn’t the best way to go about it.
Changing out of the jeans and shirt she was wearing, she slipped on her nightie. It wasn’t even that late, if she was at school she’d still be up, messing about with her friends, but she had nothing else to do. Sighing, she sat down on her bed, leaning over the window sill and cracking her window open. She rifled around in her bedside table for a lighter and pulled a half empty packet of cigarettes out of her suitcase which still lay on her bed, filled with her belongings which were yet to be put away. She would unpack her trunk - she would - just not right this second.
Confident that her parents were busy glued to the soap operas on the television downstairs (well, her mum was, her dad was probably just pretending to be interested whilst discreetly reading the paper), she lit her cigarette, blowing the smoke out of the window and into the cold night air. It was more difficult to do this now that winter had snaked its freezing tendrils around the country, and Lily found herself shivering in her thin nightdress whilst trying to enjoy her smoke. To combat this, she wrapped the bed sheets around herself, but it was awkward, trying to hold the blankets in place and lean out the window with a cigarette at the same time.
When she was finished she put the smoke out in the ashtray she had hidden behind her curtain and stood up, leaving the window open so any remnants of the smell of smoke could escape the room. She got to work putting away the things in her suitcase, as she had to empty it before she could store it under her bed. It was quiet, monotonous work, but she got it done quickly and shoved the case away, with the spiders and childhood toys that hid under her bed together.
After she was done with that, there was no reason for her to stay awake any longer. There was no way in hell she was going to start on her homework already. Though she was well known to be a brilliant student, she wasn’t quite brilliant enough to even consider starting her homework on the first day of her holiday. She thought about reading or writing a letter to one of her friends, or to her new found boyfriend, but she decided against it in the end. She felt oddly tired, even though it was only ten o’clock at night, perhaps that was one of the after effects of having a conversation with Petunia. Lily huffed a laugh when she thought that, but even so, resolved to try again with her sister tomorrow. She still wasn’t quite ready to let go of their relationship completely.
With nothing else to do, and borderline falling asleep in bed already, Lily decided to settle down for the night, shutting her window and flicking the light switch off before curling up under the sheets. She had no plans for the next day, but then again, there was nothing much to do in her small village really, especially now she had no friends in the area. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep quickly, her breathing turning heavy and her body still.