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Three days.
It had been three whole days since Eddie had heard from Karmen and he was selfishly starting to wonder if she’d forgotten he existed.
They’d only been seeing each other for around two months but it had been a steady routine of phone calls, dates and sleepovers at least every three days since they met. They always had something planned by the time they were leaving one another again and Eddie hadn’t had to worry up until this point that she would forget him.
But she had cancelled their last date.
When she’d left his trailer on Thursday morning they had made plans for Saturday afternoon. Eddie played Hellfire with the gang on Friday nights so they had agreed he would pick her up on Saturday afternoon and take her to the lake where they would have a picnic in the back of the van. But she had called late on Friday night. After she knew he would be home from Hellfire and cancelled their weekend plans.
She’d said something had come up but hadn’t elaborated any further. He’d accepted it despite the nagging feeling in his gut that something wasn’t right. He tried to convince himself that she had just been inundated with work or one of her friends had asked her to babysit and she didn’t want to admit that she was cancelling on him because helping someone else in her life was a bigger priority than their budding relationship.
But that was three days ago.
It was now Monday afternoon and he hadn’t heard from her at all. He had woken up wondering if he should call her but by the time he’d decided that he should, she would have already left for work and he needed to go to school.
He had gone to school and he hadn’t learnt a thing. Instead he’d spent the day wondering if maybe he should call her at work and ask for a spontaneous lunch date.
He’d hovered by the payphone in the parking lot instead of sitting with the Hellfire guys at lunch. He’d waited for it to be free and then walked towards it with purpose. Not hearing the Jocks coming up behind him through the ringing in his ears and nearly allowing himself to be toppled by the shoulder charge of one of the younger guys as they pushed ahead of him and took the phone booth for themselves, if only so he couldn’t have it.
He’d grumbled aloud about how they should have learned about taking turns and waiting in line in Kindergarten. But internally, he was grateful that the choice had been taken away.
He’d eaten his shitty pb&j in the driver’s seat of the van. Wishing instead that he was enjoying lunch at their favorite café with good company and not listening to the radio that never played anything he enjoyed.
Now he was home again. Despite the urge to turn off the country road that lead to the trailer park and head towards the industrial estate. He had kept on driving until he’d pulled up at his own place.
Leaving Karmen in peace at work and pacing around his room for several hours until it was around the time she got home and he walked into the kitchen to glare at the phone above the dining table.
Eyes flicking to the clock near it and nodding to himself at the time.
Yeah she would definitely be home by now.
Unless she was busy…
With someone else…
He lunged towards the phone. Picking it up and dialling her number from muscle memory before he could think about it any further and stop himself from doing it.
He screwed his eyes shut at the sound of the line ringing. Gritting his teeth together in a grimace and barely holding in a long groan as he waited what felt like a century for her to pick up.
In reality it was about four rings. Which to be honest was probably faster than usual. She must have been sitting by the phone…
Was she waiting for him to call her?
“Hello?” She asked, sounding chipper. Eddie opened his mouth to reply, faltering at the casual tone.
What had he been expecting?
Her to be beside herself with emotion because she hadn't heard from him in days? A croaky voice signalling that she was sick?
He didn’t know. Either way he had to reply and suddenly his voice wasn’t ready for it.
“H-hey.” He choked, voice breaking and making him huff quietly in exasperation. “It’s Uh… It’s Eddie.” He added, clearing his throat as she chuckled in response.
“Hey Eddie.” She said, using his name specifically. She’d already known it was him before she picked up. No one else ever called her immediately after she got home from work. “I’d recognize your voice anywhere.” She sing-songed.
A flush rose on his cheeks at the way she spoke. Like she actually wanted to be talking to him.
Again, he was unsure why he was surprised.
Or why it turned him on.
He cleared his throat again, coughing into a fist before speaking.
“Really?” He asked dumbly, making her chuckle for a second time.
“Yeah. Of course.” She laughed. He could hear the smile on her face. But through it, he could also hear the tiredness. Not at him or his call but life in general.
Maybe she was just swamped with work…
“Okay.” He said simply, rolling his eyes and shaking his head at his own words and deciding to push on and get it over with before he made an even bigger fool of himself. “So uh… What are you up to?”
“Just got home. Lazing around now.” She answered flippantly. “You?”
“Nothing.” He replied. The silence after his word stretched a little longer than he would have liked before he heard her hum in acknowledgement, prompting him to keep talking.
“I… I haven’t heard from you in a few days…” He said as a statement but they both knew without it needing to be said that it was a question.
A needy one.
“Yeah, sorry.” She replied, something rustling against the receiver as she shifted her position. “I’ve…” She paused. “Not been… Feeling great.”
“Oh.” Eddie said softly, a frown on his features. “That’s not good.” He added, swallowing against the myriad of questions that rose to the surface at the admission. Something still didn’t sit right with him about the way she’d said it. But he decided to ignore it for now and push onward. “You should have let me know I could have come over and tried to help you feel better.” He said as casually as he could manage.
“That’s sweet.” She cooed, the smile on her face still apparent through the way she spoke.
“I could still try.” He said quickly before he could talk himself out of it. Cringing at the way the words had come out as she laughed in response.
“Are you asking for permission to turn up on my doorstep?” She queried. The flush on his cheeks deepened but this time from shame.
“Maybe.” She murmured against the receiver. Feeling sick to his stomach at how quickly she caught on to his meaning and the fact that she refused to pretend like she didn’t.
“I mean yeah, sure, you can come over if you want to.” She said after a moment of thought.
The smile faltered.
Eddie furrowed his brows at that. Lips a thin line as his heart dropped in his gut.
Maybe she wasn’t the only one that could read him. He could see her expression clearly despite being across town.
“Do you want me to?” He asked despite everything screaming at him to leave it alone and just take the invitation. Feign obliviousness and turn up at her doorstep so she could break up with him in person and he could pretend to be shocked.
“...Yeah, I do.” She replied, not nearly as quick as he could have liked.
It didn’t sound like she did.
“Are you sure?” He asked, a self-deprecating chuckle flying through his lips before he could stop it. “Because I can just stay home, it’s fine.” He said hastily. “You can call me when– if, um, you want to see me again. It’s fine–”
“No! I do!” Karmen exclaimed quickly, realizing suddenly how she must have sounded and regretting the fact that she had obviously activated this poor man’s fight or flight with her own flakiness. “I really do want you to come over.” She assured him, hearing a sigh of relief from him on the other line and nodding to herself knowingly. “I’m just really not feeling well so…” She paused again, trying to figure out how to say it. “I’m not like… I’m not up to doing anything.” She said after a moment. “If you catch my meaning.”
Eddie thought for a moment, letting her words mull over in his head before a lightbulb flicked on and realized she was talking about sex.
“Oh!” He exclaimed, nodding even though she couldn’t see. “Yeah, I understand.” He said earnestly.
“Okay, I just want to make sure you know that before you get here.” Karmen said again, searching for the reassurance that he actually understood.
“Yeah, of course.” Eddie answered, shaking his head in confusion. “We don’t have to do anything…” He paused. “Strenuous.” He decided, making her giggle. “We can just hang out. Maybe watch a movie or something if you want?”
He heard the shuffle of her moving down the line and knew she was nodding against the receiver.
“Sure. That sounds nice.”
~~
Eddie had stopped at Family Video on the way to Karmen’s place. Picking out a few movies he wasn’t really interested in but they seemed like her type of thing and he’d watch just about anything to make her happy.
He’d also stocked up on candy after buying gas at the station near her place.
He had about $10 left for the fortnight and he had earmarked it for a pizza dinner if Karmen didn’t have anything planned.
He figured she wouldn’t be up to cooking. Not that he expected her to at all. But she didn’t mind making them dinner most of the time and he really enjoyed being fed a home cooked meal.
He had promised her that they wouldn’t do anything strenuous and that included making her stand in the kitchen to cook a meal for both of them.
But he had dropped this date on her spur of the moment and he couldn’t discount the fact that she may have already taken it upon herself to do so. Which is why he hadn’t chosen to pick pizza up on the way over. Instead he would offer it when he got there and go back out to get it.
As with earlier when he’d called he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting when he arrived. Maybe her lying in bed with a cold pack on her head, surrounded by tissues. Nose red raw, eyes bleary and barely able to stay open.
But as he had let himself inside with the spare key she’d hidden for him he had been surprised to find her on the couch. Looking perfectly healthy or rather maybe only a little pale. She was scribbling in a notepad that he knew to contain the latest draft of the book she had been writing since before they’d met.
She hadn’t let him read it yet. Claiming it was too fresh and he’d be damned if curiosity didn’t get the best of him at times but thus far he had respected her privacy and not flipped through the pages of the fluffy pink notebook she so carelessly left about the house.
“Hi.” He greeted her as he closed the door behind himself. She was leaning over to place the book and pen on the coffee table, nodding in greeting as he made his way around the couch and plonked himself down in front of her.
She was leaning against the arm with her legs stretched out under a throw blanket but she pulled them up and crossed them under her as he sat. Sitting up straighter, no longer using the chair to support herself as she eyed the plastic bags he placed on the coffee table with a small thud.
“Hi.” She said back, looking between him and his cargo. “What’s all this?” She asked as Eddie smiled at her guilty.
“Well, I got us some movies.” He began, reaching forward to pull his selection of VHS tapes from the crinkled plastic and holding them up one by one for her to see as she ooed and ahhed at his picks.
“Amazing.” She said simply as he placed them back down and reached for the second bag.
“Andddd…” He dragged the word out as he tried to pull his surprises into view. A chunky ring getting caught on the plastic and making him huff as he shook his hand dramatically and she giggled at his antics. “Some candy.” He breathed finally as he managed to free them. Placing a selection of family sized bags of chocolate and lollies into her lap. The gas station bag was still hanging comically from his ring as he pulled his hands away and batted at it like a cat with his free paw.
Knowing it would make her laugh and feeling a sense of pride in his chest as she did so heartily, a grin on her face as she raised her brows at the pile of candy atop her blanket.
“You didn’t have to do all this.” She marveled. Looking it over with wonder, voice a little croaker than it had been earlier but he chalked it up to her being unwell.
She might have said that she didn’t want to do anything strenuous and used that as a catalyst for not inviting him earlier but she probably also hadn’t wanted to risk him catching whatever ailed her.
He understood. But he personally despised being alone when he was sick. So he was more than happy to keep her company. He didn’t really care about getting sick himself. He could use a few days off school to try and catch up on his assignments.
“I wanted to help you feel better.” He said simply, tilting his head in confusion as she looked up at him with watery eyes.
She blinked a few times, at the look on his face. Realizing he could see the emotion on her face and forcing it away. She shook her head, waving her hand in front of her face and laughing at nothing except her own stupidity as she tried so desperately to pretend she was fine.
“Sorry.” She apologized as he inched closer to her. His heart in his throat as he wondered if he had overstepped a boundary or something.
Was he supposed to just come over and ignore the fact she didn’t feel well?
Was it… wrong… To bring someone candy when they were sick?
“I-I didn’t m-mean…” He stammered, shrugging uncomfortably for lack of anything else to do as she reached for him and placed a calming hand on his arm.
“No! No! This is so sweet!” She assured him, the tears in her eyes gone completely now as she leaned forward and rubbed her palm up and down his bicep. “So sweet!” She reassured. “Thank you, it’s just…” She swallowed thickly. “I didn’t think you’d even want to come over and then you did all this.” She explained weakly.
“Oh I don’t care about getting sick.” He said bluntly. “Don’t worry ‘bout that. I always want to see you, of course I still wanted to come over.” He laughed, face falling as she frowned at the statement. Looking away briefly and chewing on her bottom lip as she thought.
Eddie sucked in a sharp breath. The reality of what he’d said and how clingy it sounded hitting him hard like a sucker punch in the gut as he watched a flush rise on her cheeks.
Jesus Christ could he be any more needy?
That was so embarrassing. Now she was embarrassed for him. Why did he had to wear his heart on his sleeve all the damn time–
“I don’t think you have to worry about catching this one.” Karmen interrupted his thoughts with a self-deprecating chuckle. A hollow sound that didn’t light up her eyes like her laugh normally did.
Eddie cocked his head at that. Brows shooting up to hide under his bangs as he waited for an explanation.
Was it the Chicken Pox? He’d already had them as a kid but she had somehow managed to avoid it.
But exposure to chicken pox even after he’d already had it could lead to Shingles and she knew that. They had discussed it once before when she had refused to babysit her friend’s kid that had spent the weekend at a Chicken Pox Party.
Eddie shuddered at the thought.
“What do you mean?” He asked when he realized that he hadn’t replied and she hadn’t elaborated. He had gotten lost in his thoughts instead.
Karmen sighed at the question, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. Giving off a sense of defensiveness that he’d never seen in her before. It confused him more than the statement.
It was as if she was trying to shield herself from whatever she was going to say next.
Maybe more accurately, his reaction to it.
“I um..” She cleared her throat. Leaning in close as huffing again before continuing. “I have my period.” She whispered scandalously, cheeks red as she quickly moved away again and waited for the noises of disgust to start.
Eddie was only nineteen. She was his first sexual partner. First… Girlfriend? She guessed. He hadn’t had a maternal figure in his life. Not a nice one anyway. Not even a nice aunt he could relate to. No sisters.
She doubted he had experience at all with periods. If he even knew what it was or how it worked. She’d assumed he’d learnt about them in Health Class at school. If they even taught Sex Ed anymore. She wasn’t sure. There had been an uproar about it when she had been in High School and she knew certain parents on the PTA had been trying to outlaw it ever since.
Eddie’s mouth fell open at the words. Head lolling downwards as he looked to the side at nothing in particular and he sat for a long moment in silence before breathing out a long.
“Ohhh…”
Finally understanding.
He had learnt about periods in Health Class. They did still do Sex Ed and not to brag but he’d passed it three times now.
“Mm.” Karmen hummed simply, holding herself a little tighter as Eddie turned to her with an incredulous look.
“Well that doesn’t matter.” He laughed, relief flowing over him in a large wave as everything clicked into place and he understood why she had been so cagey about it all and not feeling well.
Karmen inhaled sharply at his words. Feeling her throat go dry and swallowing against the arid feeling.
Eddie was completely oblivious to her reaction, shaking his head rubbing at his eyes with calloused fingertips as he sighed a heavy sigh that alleviated so much of his anxiety.
Karmen watched him carefully, mistaking the shake of his head and the sigh of relief for frustration. Her tongue darted out to lick at her lips as she nodded in response to the anger she expected but hoped wouldn’t come from someone like Eddie.
“Yeah…” She said softly, pulling her hands away from her body and picking at her nails as she thought.
Eddie’s hand fell away from his face at the sound of her voice. He looked her up and down quickly, confused by the reaction and inching toward her as he tried to figure out where he had gone wrong.
Karmen flinched as he approached and Eddie stopped in his tracks as she tried to play it off as bringing up her hand to run her fingers through her hair.
His blood ran cold at the thought that he had startled her. That she was potentially scared of him.
“Yeah.” She agreed again, the hollow laugh returning as she forced a smile onto her face that he could tell immediately wasn’t real. “You’re right.” She said simply. “I guess it doesn’t stop me from…“ She trailed off. Eddie tilting his head forward ever so slightly, brows completely obscured by his hair as he waited.
“From… What?” He asked, breaking the silence as she looked at him with tired eyes.
“From…” She shrugged, forcing the smile to stick as he made a lewd gesture with her hand and Eddie finally realized what had happened.
“Oh my God!” He exclaimed, making her flinch properly this time and slapping his hand over his mouth quickly in an apologetic gesture before letting it fall to his lap and lowering his tone. “Oh my God.” He repeated, barely words. “No.” He said urgently. “No, I meant…” He paused, eyes wide and whirring around the room as he tried to put it into words and made sure he was using the right ones. “I mean it doesn’t matter because… Because I just want to see you.” He stressed, his hand in the vague shape of a claw as he hovered it in front of his heart. “I don’t have to see you naked every time I see you.” He explained. “I just want to… To see you.” He said again. “To be with you.”
Karmen studied him thoughtfully. Seeming surprised by the reaction and sceptical about whether or not he was telling the truth.
“I–” She began, cutting herself off as Eddie took the opportunity to move an inch closer before closing the gap between them when she didn’t respond negatively. He placed a hand on her knee, thumb crinkling against the candy in her lap as he stroked her through the knitted blanket.
“You didn’t think I’d want to hang out?” He asked gently when she didn’t continue. “Just because we can’t do that kind of stuff?” He added as nonchalantly as he was able.
He found it hard to comprehend that she would think he would ever choose not to hang out with her. The only time he didn’t spend wishing in the back of his mind that he was with her instead of whatever else he was doing was on Hellfire Nights.
Even then when he returned home alone after a night of shouting at children and taking a little too much pleasure in the demise of their characters he was lonely and wished he could call her or go and see her.
He didn’t though because Friday Nights were when she planned things with her friends or family and kept up her own relationships. But even on nights that he knew she was alone or didn’t have plans he still left her to it. Not wanting to seem clingy and letting her have some much needed alone time to unwind after a stressful work week without the threat of her alarm waking her at the crack of dawn.
“I thought you would probably have better things to do than deal with that.” She answered honestly. Watching as his ringed hand tapped up against the M&Ms on her thigh.
“Um. No?” Eddie said he pushed through his astonishment. More of a question than anything. Like he couldn’t believe that she actually thought he wouldn’t want to spend time with her because sex was off the table. “I still want to see you.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Why wouldn’t I want to see you?” He asked again, a lopsided grin gracing his features and taking away from the small flush on his cheeks as he looked down after asking all his questions.
He was going in too hard again. He could tell.
But he was mortified by the misunderstanding. That she’d think even for a second that him saying it didn’t matter meant that he didn’t care about her feelings and that she could still… ‘service’ him.
The thought of disregarding someone else like that so flagrantly was disgusting.
He wanted to make it very clear that this was not the case. Not even remotely what he had been trying to say.
He had missed her so damn much over the last three days. He felt like he was going crazy. She was all he had been able to think about. Granted, a lot of that was wondering why she had really canceled and why she hadn;t called. But it wasn’t like he spent the time away from her jerking off and wishing she was in his bed with him.
All of his distress had been emotional. The constant question of why in his mind.
Would she want to see him again?
When?
When was it okay to ask?
Was it needy to call?
Sex had been the last thing on his mind when it came to her and their… friendship.
“I don’t know.” Karmen admitted softly, a sly smile on her face. “I guess I figured you would suddenly be very busy.” She said sarcastically.
He wouldn’t be the first boyfriend she’d ever had that dipped for a week at a time. Very specifically around the time she would get her cycle only to return ready and raring to go with a weeks worth of pent up desire, their schedule suddenly wide open when she wasn’t bleeding anymore.
That was one of the reasons why she usually skipped taking the sugar pills in her contraceptive packet that would allow her to start her period. That and the fact that having a period was generally miserable. She enjoyed not having to worry about it for a few months. Her doctor had told her it was fine to skip a few in a row and she had. Regretting whole-heartedly that she had gone about six months without one at the point where she’d met Eddie.
That meant she only had a cycle or two left until her body began to rebel and she started spotting through the middle of a cycle. Something she’d learnt the hard way during her previous relationship.
She hadn't been planning to meet anyone or having sex at all really until Eddie came along and metaphorically set her loins on fire. She knew she’d have to let her body do its thing at some point early on in their relationship and she had been dreading it.
She had planned on doing the next cycle after they had been hanging out for just a little longer. So she could feel even a little more secure. But her body had betrayed her and when she’d gone to the bathroom at lunch on Friday she discovered that the choice had been made for her.
She was just grateful that her and Eddie didn’t spend Friday nights together because for one she probably would have had to cancel on him in person or end up outright telling him and for two, it meant she wasn’t wearing any of her nice new underwear that she’d bought after meeting him.
So the sting of angrily lobbing her ruined panties in the garbage when she’d gotten home during her break had been a tiny one.
She hadn’t wanted to cancel on Eddie. She really, really hadn’t wanted to cancel on Eddie. Being held by nice strong arms in a warm embrace was always the thing she found herself desiring most when she was wounded. In emotional and physical pain.
Her body had certainly decided that she had to pay back the deficit. Making her suffer through some of the worst cramps of her life. She’d spent the Saturday when she should have been at the lake crying on her couch over how much pain she was in and how much she missed her silly boyfriend and resisting the urge to call him.
At one point she had kicked the phone off the coffee table in an effort to stop her reaching for it. But she’d had to put it back when her friend that lived across the road had turned up at her door to check she was alive when her phone was off the hook for several hours.
John had nodded knowingly, backing out of the house as she glared at him with watery eyes and returning a little later to shove a bar of chocolate through the mail slot. It would have been a beautiful gesture if it wasn’t taped to the documents he needed her to sign before Monday morning.
“Do I look like someone who is ever busy?” Eddie asked wryly, making her sniff out a laugh as he hummed to himself. “Actually, I would like to do that again.” He amended. “I think it would bode better for me if you thought that I was someone whose company other people desired.”
Karmen laughed at that, a proper laugh this time accompanied by a smile that sparkled in her eyes. Eddie only half regretted the fact that he wasn’t joking as he watched the way she reacted to it. Making her smile was worth the humiliation of her knowing he didn’t really have a social life anymore since most of his friends had left town the year before.
“I desire your company.” She admitted as her laughter died down.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She breathed. “I missed you.”
“Why didn’t you call?” He asked against his better judgment and before he could stop himself.
“I don’t think my fragile emotional state could have taken you rejecting me.” She answered after a moment. Surprised by the stunned look on his face at her admission.
“Kam…” He laughed. “I’m so lucky everyday that you even want to talk to me. You think I’d not come around if you asked me to?” He asked incredulously. “I mean you’re flat out getting me to not come around when you didn’t ask me to.” He joked. “I know there was no key out there before me.” He added, pointing vaguely behind himself towards the front yard. “I know you put it there because you were sick of getting up to let me in.” He said pointedly as she snickered at his silliness.
“I do hate getting up.” She laughed as he nodded in agreement.
“So do I. But I do it for you.” He nodded, feigning exhaustion in his tone.
It was his turn to make a lewd gesture, making her scoff as he mimed getting a boner.
“No, seriously though.” He added quickly, worried she would think he was trying his luck with the innuendo. “Speaking of getting up for you.” He began. “With my legs. Get your mind out of the gutter.” He added with a sarcastic head shake that had her nudging at him with her knee. Some of the candy on her lap sliding onto the floor.
Eddie lent down to pick it up and she snatched it off him playfully, positioning her hands to pull the bag open when he placed his gently on top of it and blocked her from doing so, so that she would look at him.
“Shall I get us pizza for dinner?” He asked before she could indulge in the chocolate in her hands.
“Sure.” She answered excitedly as he pulled his hand away and she busted the bag of candy while staring deeply into his exasperated eyes. “Pizza for dessert sounds amazing.” She laughed.