Chapter Text
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The camera static buzzed before stopping, showing Ford standing in his and Stan’s room.
“Hello, I’m Stanford Pines. The cameraman is my brother, Stanley,”
“Glad I could help, bro!” Stan said, waving his hand in front of the lense.
“Today on Stanford’s Guide to the unexplained we’re going to investigate anomaly number twenty three, Grauntie May’s secret tattoo,”
Ford held up a piece of cardboard with the episode’s title on it. Stan moved the camera to the side and zoomed in, showing an easel with pictures of May’s back tattoo.
“What is she hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger… May says her tattoo doesn’t exist, but today we’re gonna find out,”
“Right after another exciting episode of… What’s Under Stanley’s Bandage?” Stan said, pointing the camera down and peeling off a bandaid.
“Ew, Stan!”
*****
“Okay, here’s the plan. Usually, May wears sweaters,” Ford ran up to the camera, “Obviously to hide her tattoo,” He ran back to his original place, “But when it’s too hot she just wears a tank top, which gives us a good view of her tattoo. So me and Ria are about to ‘turn up the heat,’ on this mystery” Ford said with air quotes.
“Good word play,” Ria said, “I love how you come up with stuff like that,”
*****
Ria walked up behind May, sweating bullets.
“Woo, it’s very hot today, wouldn’t you agree Ms. Pines?” She shot the camera a thumbs up, “It would probably be a lot cooler if we worked with our shirts off!” She said, partially taking her shirt off. She had an undershirt on, obviously.
“Ria, please put your shirt back on,”May said without even looking back at her.
“Yes, Ms. Pines,” Ria did as told and shrugged at the camera while May continued to organize stock.
*****
“Okay, plan B,” Ford said before turning the camera to point at May, who was wearing her tank top and sitting on the couch, knitting, “Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you—“ Ford said robotically as he moved his hand to May’s shoulder blade before May smacked his hand away.
“Jellybean, if you’re trying to see my tattoo you’ll have to try a lot harder than that,” She said, still happily knitting away.
“Aha! I thought you said you didn’t have a tattoo!”
“I don’t, but you do!” May said with a huge smile, pulling out a marker.
“What do you mean I— Ahh!”
*****
Ford turned the camera back on, pointed at himself and his new ‘tattoo,’ which said GOOBER.
“Okay, plan C. May is in the shower, I really wish it hadn’t come to this, but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science,”
“I believe in you, goober,” Stan said from behind the camera.
“Stanford, just say Stanford,”
Ford grabbed the camera and turned it around, holding it as he walked towards the bathroom. When he opened the door, steam billowed out. Ford walked in and ripped back the curtain, where May was standing fully clothed with her arms crossed.
“You’re never gonna see it, kid. Never gonna see it. But nice try anyways,”
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Okay, no more camera for you, buddy!” May said as she snatched the camera from out of Ford’s hands.
*****
Ford turned the camera back on, showing him leaning over the sink wearing yellow rubber gloves.
“So as punishment for ‘sticking my nose where it shouldn’t be,’” Ford said in air quotes, “I have to wash all the dishes for the next week,” He sighed, “Well, that’s it for this episode. May’s tattoo remains a mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered?”
*****