Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jill thought she had held it together pretty well, all things considered, as she watched the two closest people in her life fly away.  Her family.  Her love.  But the flash of Bahamut’s wings brought everything into stark cold clarity.

And Jill was not the only one calling out to Clive, though Shiva screamed a different name.  The eikon then turned her frozen ire inward.

How could you let him go?!  

Jill pinched the bridge of her nose discreetly, making sure to keep her back to everyone else.  Shiva had been rather quiet since she had gifted her power to Clive, but she had also become more erratic.  Her presence bubbled up sporadically, but instead of the cold indifference Jill had come to associate with the Warden of Ice, Shiva sought to reach out.  To bid Jill to act or move...to speak.  The rest of the Hideaway did not need to see their last Dominant losing their composure. 

Oh so you are still in there, are you? 

Do you have any idea what you’ve abandoned?!  How precious and impossible the chances are?!  And you LET HIM LEAVE WITHOUT US?!

Jill took a deep breath trying to reassert control over herself without giving into the cold fury that was bleeding off of Shiva.  My body would not have survived the fights to come.  She didn’t mention the part where if she tried to prime she wasn’t entirely sure it wouldn’t be a disaster.  She was having trouble reigning Shiva in without throwing priming into the mix.  

You are stronger than that!  WE are stronger than that!  You know this!

Jill grimaced and stood up straight.  Maybe I am, but Clive and Ifrit are not.  Do you not understand what we mean to him?  To them?!

I only know that for the first time in this long, long existence, after countless eons of dominants and power struggles, I have found a warmth that did not snuff itself out in my presence, an opposite of equal force to match!  He knows my name!  And his dominant loves you!  AND YOU THREW IT AWAY!

DON’T YOU DARE MAKE SUCH ACCUSATIONS!  

Shiva actually stuttered, the unfamiliar surge of rage emanating from her dominant stalling out as quickly as it rose, but the eikon had clearly crossed a line.  Jill had never been that forceful with her before.  It was…unnerving.  

Then again, everything since the night Jill had gifted her power to Clive was unnerving to the Ice Warden.   Ever since Shiva had uttered those words in wonder and Ifrit had responded.  Ever since Jill and Clive confirmed what they felt for each other in no uncertain terms.  And hearing him say those words…feeling the echoed sentiment from Ifrit directed at Shiva…

Jill, doing a rather impressive impression of Shiva’s cold fury from a moment ago, took the opportunity presented by the stunned eikon and continued.  I did what I did because it was the only way to deny Ultima his prize. All he would have to do would be to strike us down, we need not even die, we need only look the part, and Clive would break. Ifrit would burn. And Ultima would claim them both!

You do not know that! Shiva wailed. 

He as much as told me!  You have watched him just as I put everything he is into saving everyone around him except himself!  You saw what happened when we were taken by Barnabas!  He was barely put back together and still he charged in all because of us!  Jill snapped back. She let the last exchange rattle between them momentarily and in a calmer tone said, I gave him our power so we could fight with him to the end. So we could protect him even though we couldn’t be there. 

Deep in her core Shiva knew her dominant was right.  It was bad enough that Phoenix had gone with them.  Phoenix’s dominant was already weak, but had knowledge Ifrit would need. If both Shiva and Phoenix fell…it was a risk too great to take. It was an unspoken understanding that all their dominants had come to, despite any objections their eikons might have offered.

We should be there. With them, Shiva whispered, but the venom had drained from her voice. 

We both want to be there, Jill said, offering a token of comfort.  They wanted us to be there too. But we both know that this time, wanting will have to be enough. 

How do you mortals handle this longing?  This separation?

Jill smiled slightly.  Emotions on this scale were so foreign to the Eikon of Ice, she was like a lost puppy in the turmoil they created.  It reminded Jill of the time of her awakening, except their roles were reversed, she the lost and Shiva the guide.  The least she could do was return the favor.  

We trust. We trust that we will see each other again. And we do everything in our power to ensure that happens. Even if it means saying goodbye for now. 

You believe deeply in his dominant’s promise to you?  It is a fool’s hope. You know this, Shiva snapped harshly. 

Jill took the barb in stride, knowing it for what it truly was.  I also knew he was 13 years dead when we fell to the imperial assassins. And yet…

Shiva was quiet again, and Jill took that to mean the conversation was over. But as she made to return to the interior of the Hideaway, she heard one last whisper before her warden receded. 

Come back to me, Ifrit. 

Jill did the merciful thing and pretended she didn’t hear. 

Chapter Text

The wail that escaped Jill’s throat when Metia went dark was not just her own. Not just her and Torgal howling into the night.

He’s gone, isn’t he? I can feel it. It’s…is this what loss feels like?

Shiva’s voice was tiny now, and it wasn't just her grief that was the cause. Jill could feel it immediately, the fading of the magic that had been a part of her since birth. She could feel the claws of oblivion as they crept through her to reach for the core of Shiva that still remained with her. The eikon felt it too but did not thrash against it, merely turned to meet it with her characteristic icy grace. Any fight she might’ve had left was gone.

Yes, Jill said wordlessly as her cries choked her throat.  This is loss. It is a terrible thing, but it also is proof beyond any doubt that what you had mattered.

I…see. I never understood how so many Dominants before you fell to despair so easily, how they let themselves fade away before their bodies were spent, Shiva said, a broken, hollow shadow of herself. I think…I understand now. My flame is gone, and the only solace I have is that oblivion will soon claim me as it has him.

Through her tears and shattered heart, Jill hastily pieced her composure back together. Shiva had been her companion through every hell she’d known, one of the few constants in her life of constant upheaval. She felt she owed the eikon what frail, frivolous comfort she could, here at the end. I believe you will see Ifrit again. If he is as stubborn as his dominant, a little thing like oblivion won’t stop him.

There was a chilling rumble, like a bellowing echo of cracking ice and tinkling shards in her mind. Shiva…was…laughing? Laughing. The Goddess of Ice and Cold. Jill had never heard a sound like it. She doubted anyone before her had either, including Shiva herself.

You are a worse liar than his Dominant, Jill Warrick. You are the last dominants this world will ever see. There is no future for us to find each other again. You know this.

Jill choked a half-chuckle out between the sobs she was trying to suppress for Shiva’s sake. Maybe not here, but there are many stars in the heavens. Maybe one of them will find you both again, someday.

Shiva’s laugh echoed through her again. A comforting lie.

A pause.

I would offer you one in return. Ifrit’s flames did not flicker out far from where the crystal fell. Mayhaps your flame is not entirely out yet.

Jill drew in a sharp breath and glanced up at the rising sun as it crested the horizon. You cold hearted bitch. That is too cruel a hope.

The smile no one had ever seen, and likely only Jill would have ever felt, emanated from the last flakes of Shiva before the eikon’s presence melted away entirely. And then, for the first time in over 20 years, Jill was alone. Truly alone.

Even if she hadn’t felt Shiva go, Jill could tell the exact moment magic disappeared from Valisthea, as the voices of all the bearers in the Hideaway started drifting up in a chorus of confusion, anger, or fear. Voices demanding answers that no one had the certainty to give.  What happened?  Why does everything feel so different?  What is wrong with me, I can't feel the aether anymore.

Chaos slowly crept across every corner of the lake.  So if anyone noticed that Jill was missing that morning, or had seen her down at the docks commandeering a skiff with Torgal on her heels heading east towards the wreckage where Origin fell, they said nothing.