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“Hi.”
It feels…weird. To hear that voice again after so long. Wanting, waiting, wishing to see her again, wondering if she ever felt the same way he did.
“Uh, hey.”
“Thanks for meeting me.”
“Yeah. How’s-how’s Sam?”
“He’s good. They’re expecting a full recovery.”
“Good. He seems like a great guy.”
“He said the same thing about you.” She paused. “And I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did.”
“Just doing my job. That’s all.” The smile on his face looked and felt fake, but Abby bought it.
“I’m sorry that you had to find out about it this way.”
“Yeah, why did I?” Buck cut her off before she could continue. He got to his feet and began to pace, the vibrating, nervous energy inside of him bursting forth like a shaken-up soda. “You had like…a million chances to call me. I lived in your apartment for a year, Abby!” All the anger he’d been shoving aside, the resentment, the loss…all of it exploded in a flurry of words and anxious movements.
“I had actually wanted to talk to you about everything while I was in town–”
“That’s what you’re sorry for?” Buck demanded, stopping in front of her, throat clogged with emotion at the gobsmacked look on her face. Did she really think that he wouldn’t be upset about all of this? For a time, he’d really thought she was the love of his life. Being pushed aside by that person was going to leave a mark.
Embarrassingly, tears pushed at his eyelids and he let out a groan. Abby watched him in silence as he gathered his thoughts. “When did you know that you were…leaving me for good?” Abby tilted her head and tried to speak, but Buck wasn’t done.
“Y’know, was it Morocco or Paris or Dublin or did you know when we were at the airport and I was kissing you goodbye and promising you that I would wait for you? Did you know then that you were never coming back to me?”
“I thought I would.” Buck sat down on the bench again, silent and breathless. Abby seized the opportunity to get a word in. “Look, I was a person whose life revolved around everybody else’s problems. I had no identity other than the people that I was helping.”
“Then who did I fall in love with?” asked Buck, he looked into her eyes and searched for the answers he’d sought for so long. “If you had no identity, then who did I fall in love with? Was she just a ghost?”
Abby swallowed hard, clenching and unclenching her fingers in her lap. She fiddled with her engagement ring as she stalled.
“In a way, yes. I was… consumed by my 9-1-1 calls, by my dying mother.” She shook her head, and he could tell that she was trying to get him to understand as well. “I just had…no sense of self. I had to leave everything that I knew so that I could remember who I actually am.” Buck paused, staring out at the water for a few moments.
“And you did. I mean, you did remember, but…you still didn’t come home. You still didn’t come back to me. Instead, y-you moved on to someone else. Dated, fell in love, got engaged, became a stepmother…all while I waited and wondered if everything we’d meant to each other was one-sided.”
“Buck, I did love you. I never want you to think I didn’t. I know that I didn’t handle things the right way, that I should’ve been honest with you…but I was afraid. Afraid that if I came back, I would become that person again. Because I missed you. I wanted to see you. But I didn’t trust myself.”
“Because being here, with me…you might lose yourself again?”
“...Yeah.”
Buck searched for the right words, his tears successfully conquered for now. He gritted his teeth, but he had to admit: he felt better. His heart and mind were lighter than they’d been since before he even met Abby, let alone lost her. He fulled slotted into his new role as Buck 2.0, and once again, he had her to thank.
“I’m glad to see you happy, Abby. You deserve it.”
“Thank you, Buck.” she said. They sat in silence for a little while, listening to the city sounds and the park around them. “You know…I never asked. What happened while I was gone?”
“Ooh, now that’s a loaded question. Uh…Eddie joined the 118, I reunited with my sister Maddie, a 7.1 earthquake nearly killed Hen, I met Eddie’s son Christopher, I introduced Eddie to Carla, Eddie’s estranged wife came back and then died, Chimney got stabbed, Maddie got kidnapped, my leg got in the way of a ladder truck, I nearly died of a pulmonary embolism, Bobby and Athena got married, I sued Bobby and the LAFD, a tsunami took out the Santa Monica pier, dispatch was taken hostage, Eddie got stuck 30 feet underground, oh and Athena was almost beaten to death. Which we all overheard on the radio, by the way.”
Abby stared at him, her mouth practically on the ground. He almost made a joke about the risk of catching flies, but he resisted because, well, it was a lot. And he’d lived it.
“I don’t even know where to begin.” she said finally. “That’s…insane. Your leg was crushed by a ladder truck? How did that even happen?”
“A teenager with a vendetta against Bobby bombed one of our trucks while we were on our way to a call.”
“And your leg is fine now?”
“I have more hardware in it than I did before, but yeah. Almost as good as new.”
“And you sued Bobby and the LAFD?”
“Because they wouldn’t give me my job back after the ladder truck incident. Bobby was concerned because I was on blood thinners and…” he shook his head, regret turning his features pale. “It was a stupid move.” He paused, thinking hard for a moment. “You said you had no sense of self when you left?” Abby nodded. “I had no sense of self when I wasn’t a firefighter. It’s what I was born to do.”
“And…you said dispatch was taken hostage? What was that all about?”
“Art thieves. They used the dispatch center to prevent police from finding out what they were up to and they nearly got away with it.”
“I…wow. Wow. I never even imagined half of those things could or would happen, let alone all of it.” Abby bit her lip now, and Buck raised an eyebrow. “Did you…find love again?” she asked hesitantly.
“...I…wouldn’t say I found love necessarily. I dated, I had sex…but nothing serious. I think I was still subconsciously waiting for you, even after I should’ve moved on.” Abby’s lip trembled.
“I feel terrible for letting fear stop me from actually breaking things off. That was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. I forgive you.” Buck said, and he meant it. “I’m sorry I freaked out about…everything”
“No, no. You deserved to let it all out. For what it’s worth, Evan Buckley, I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Abby.”