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Sasuke didn’t know what possessed him to come to Naruto’s wedding. Only a masochist would be willing to see the woman they loved, had loved since childhood, get married to another man. And yet he found himself striding through the corridors, ignoring the cries of several women as they told him not to see the bride. His palms sweated, his heart raced and his mind began to race with memories of their own childhood. Of the days when he imagined for one moment, for one wild moment of him marrying Naruto.
Now, he was going to witness Naruto marry another man. Satoru was his name, he was a flirt as Naruto had complained in her letters to him. She had always complained about it until the letters stopped complaining about him. Until the letters began to show hints of her developing feelings for another man. Her tone had became softer, more fonder, and fear had began to grip him by the throat. That he was going to lose his chance with Naruto but he couldn’t bring himself to visit her. To tell her about his own feelings towards her. How could he? Now that his mind was clear, he was forever haunted by his actions.
At night, he dreamt of bright blue eyes becoming glassy, lifeless, void of that zest of life he had always associated with Naruto. He dreamt of her screams for him to come back to Konoha. In most of his dreams, he saw what could have been if Kurama hadn’t healed her. Death. How could he ever admit the truth, this maddening desire to love her, when he had been the one that nearly made her lose her life? So he only wrote congratulations and teased her when she declared she had begun dating the annoyance in her life. All his life, he had been selfish in his desires but for Naruto, he would be selfless and watch her marry another man.
The thought made him stiffened and then his hands began to shake as they reached for the door. He was glad Sakura hadn’t noticed him coming into Naruto’s room. She would give him a rant about his behaviour, about how it was Naruto’s special day and that she didn’t need confusion. Her eyes would also be bitter at his actions like it always did. Years might have passed but his former teammate understood that no one could ever compare to Naruto for him. Hyuga would probably strike him in the gut if she knew he wanted to see Naruto in her wedding dress, to talk to her in private. In her eyes, she thought he would be a monster and strike confusion in their best friend’s mind.
No one understood that he just wanted to see her, to allow himself to pretend for one moment that it was him getting married to Naruto. Just like he had promised her all those years ago. To his best friend, it was a silly promise made between kids, but to him…it had been as real as his oath to murder his brother. It was that selfish desire of his that made him open the door to find Naruto standing before the mirror. She looked exactly like how his childhood self imagined Naruto would have looked like in their wedding day.
Her golden hair was done into one of those braided buns, crystal floral hair clips kept it in place. Those pink lips were painted in the lightest shade of pink while those blue eyes, he loved so much, was glowing with so much joy. She looked every bit of a woodland creature just like he told his mother all those years ago. But this woodland creature was going to marry another man. That bestowed look on her face belonged to her husband now, he hated Satoru even more for being the cause of this look. He was also grateful for Satoru in bringing this side of Naruto out, for having the whole world see just how beautiful this woman was.
“You look beautiful, Naruto.” He said. He kept his face blank when the woman turned around, her eyes growing wide at sight of him. A large smile broke out of her face, bringing out the softness in her. Bitterness seeped into his heart, it had shimmered inside of him since the moment Naruto declared she was marrying another man. But seeing her smile and knowing she was marrying another man just acted like a kunai to his heart. It hurt as much as the time she slammed the rasengan onto his chest.
She grinned and those blue eyes sparkled with some mischief. “Y’know I think this is the first time you ever gave me a genuine compliment, then again I would’ve kicked your ass if you told me I look ugly in my own wedding day.” Naruto looked down at the flowers, a mixture of roses and lilies, before smiling at him. “Y’know Sakura was crying when she saw me like this, she even admitted she was jealous I was the first one to get married from Team Seven.” Her lips curved into a smile. “I didn’t even think I would be the first one to get married but…then again, I didn’t think I would marry a man like Satoru.”
Adoration flooded her voice, a reminder of her overwhelming love for that new husband of hers. A reminder for him that from today, there was no chance for him to ever be with her. He hated it. He wished he could go back in time, shake his younger self and tell him that there was more important things than his revenge. That Naruto wasn’t always going to be there for him. That there were smart men out there, who wouldn’t be terrified of this woman’s ambitions. “I’m surprised he would let you invite me.”
“Why wouldn’t he let me invite you? It’s my wedding as well and I damn well have a say on who comes to this wedding,” she said the words, like the mere idea of not having a say was laughable. There was only silence. He wanted to ask her if she told her husband about what he had done to her or if she chose to hide it like she always did. But the words couldn’t come out, they were glued to his throat. Naruto smiled. “I can’t get married without you being here, Sasuke. I don’t know if I can get married without seeing you there.”
It was her reassurance of his importance in her life and if he didn’t love her with every beat of his heart, he would have snorted at her ridiculousness. He would have pointed out she didn’t need him there to get married. But he loved her like a man who needed air. Loved her so much that he wanted to tell her that she had been cruel to ask of him to witness her marry another man. Yet this was Naruto. She never had a cruel bone in her, she didn’t know the depth of his feelings towards her. “You can still get married without me being there,” he reminded her, striding towards her. He stopped right in front of her and flicked her forehead. “You don’t need me to be here.”
“Nah, it wouldn’t be the same without you,” she insisted with that sunny smile of hers. That smile he had loved from the early days of their childhood, when he barely knew what loved meant. Her eyes focused on his own as her smile softened. “I always thought when I get married, you would be there. Other than Hinata, you were the first person I wanted to invite to my dream wedding.”
Would he have been the groom at one point in her dream wedding? Did she ever have some form of feelings for him that was the same as his? It was wrong of him to ask. Inappropriate even. This was Naruto’s wedding day. Not his. Never theirs. It was her wedding day. He should not ruin this day for her, should not shifted from something beautiful for her to something horrendous. In the reverse, she would have smiled for him and congratulate him for getting married.
He wished he was the one marrying her and not some man, who didn’t witness her incredible resilience. Who probably would never appreciate her like he did. But Satoru could love her in ways that he would never be able to do. Could express himself in ways she deserved. He wasn’t that man for her. He could never become that man for her, even if he loved her like an aching wound in his heart.
“I would never miss your wedding,” he admitted, looking down at Naruto. Her smile widened, sparkling and glowing like the soft sunrays from the window. The wound in his heart grew just a little bit, just like the plant sitting on the windowstill. He hardened his voice, swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, and looked down at those never-ending blue eyes. “Someone needs to make sure your idiot of a husband doesn’t suddenly decide to run away.”
“You don’t know my husband if you think he would run away,” she laughed and shook her head. “Y’know I swear he just wants to marry me because he wants the whole world to know I’m a taken woman. If I didn’t want the whole traditional life, I probably would have ranted about how I don’t belong to anyone but I never had a traditional life.” Her voice grew with longing as her eyes looked at him with hope. “Sakura found it hard to believe I wanted to do the whole traditional thing of getting married, but I’m so untraditional that I long to do those traditional things.”
He shook his head. “It goes to show she doesn’t understand that you can be that unpredictable.” His eyes focused on the sparkling hairclips on her hair. It looked well-suited on her, brought out the wild elegance in her. But her hair flowing would be just as beautiful on her. He should respect her wishes and not undo that tightly done hair. Knowing Naruto, she must have chosen this hairstyle. No man would be able to convince her to do anything. He would know. “And Satoru is a smart man.”
Naruto’s smile became even brighter at his words, but it faded as they looked at him. Concern flooded those eyes and he knew that Naruto was looking past his words. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and those slender hands of hers began to reach for his face. He took a step back. There needed to be some distance between them. For himself. He knew she loved her husband, would never cheat on him, but he knew one touch from her would destroy his restraint. This was her day.
He would not destroy it because of his selfishness.
“Sasuke, are you okay?”
No, he was not okay but he would force himself to be okay. Naruto didn’t need to know about his feelings, he had lost his chance from the moment he used the Chidori on her for the first time.
“Focus on your wedding,” he forced himself to smirk as those blue eyes looked at him with concern. “Did you even remember to write your wedding speech?”
“Of course, I remembered to write a wedding speech! I’ve to make it more over the top than Satoru because I just know he would be saying ridiculous things to prove a point about me driving him insane.” She shook her head and smiled. “You know I hope you find your own Satoru, Sasuke because it really does feel amazing to love someone this deeply.”
The words acted like a kunai, stabbing him everywhere and tempting him to scream that he had that love. That she had been his love. But the earnest look in her eyes made him falter. He swallowed the huge lump in his throat, unclenched his hands and looked straight at the passing clouds with a heavy heart. Today was a day, where he had to put Naruto first. The day where he did not act as a foolish man. As a jealous man in love.
“I hope you and Satoru will have a lifetime of happiness.”
That was perhaps the most honest thing he had ever said to her because that was what he wanted. For her to be happy even if that person was not him. Even if it was a man, who probably could not protect her as well as he did. But it was a man who could give her all the things he could not give her, a man who probably respected her as much as he did.