Chapter Text
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“Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Sally Blake. I’m unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message with your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
“Hey Sal. Sorry I’m just replying now, I just got back to port. I’m not sure if you’ve already booked the flight ticket, but both options sound good to me. I’m probably still 2 hours out from coming home. But I’m sure I’ll make it for dinner tonight. If you want me to get dessert on the way home, give me a call back, otherwise, I’ll see you and Chloe soon. Love you.”
Chris hung up on the call with a small smile. It’s not every day that they had a successful patrol. No one had been seriously injured except for a few bruises and scratches for Bird. And the scumbag that had been terrorising the X, along with his brother, had finally been caught. There wouldn’t be an escape now for these two blokes, he was going to be personally handing them over to the feds as soon as they showed up in port.
He's just going through his voicemail from the oldest to the newest and Sally’s was the oldest from midday. She had been trying to book a flight to go to Perth this Christmas, and of course, since it’s already mid-November now, all the flights for December were terribly expensive, so, there’s not a lot of options anyway. But they couldn’t book earlier due to the uncertainty of their Christmas’ schedule.
Last year, Hammersley had supposed to be off-rotation, but they had ended up being crashed-sailed on Boxing Day. That episode had almost ended his marriage for good, it had taken a lot of counselling and grovelling on his part to get his marriage back on track.
They had finally gotten the announcement for a guaranteed Christmas off just last week and Sally had been ecstatic to finally spend Christmas in Perth this year. They hadn’t had a chance to go since Sally had been pregnant with Chloe and his mother-in-law had been the one coming across for a visit for all these years. His in-law’s health hadn’t been the best in the last 6 months with a heart problem. So, Sally had been determined to visit this time. He sent thanks to the universe for their intervention this year, he really didn’t think his marriage would survive another blow like last year.
He shook his head to get rid of what if scenarios, there was no point in dwelling on it. The fact of the matter was that he would get Christmas week off this year and his wife was happy.
So, he moved on to the next voicemail on the list. He clicked the play button and a woman’s voice came on to rattle something in a foreign language, maybe Chinese. He scowled, obviously a scam, so he deleted it. The next one was a sales call, asking whether he was interested in installing solar on his roof. He already got one, so he deleted this one too. The next one was another sales call for internet provider.
Jesus…. They had only left port 6 hours ago for their final search. How many of these missed calls and voicemails were either scams or sales calls?
He was about to listen to the last voicemail from about an hour ago when a new call came through.
“Hi, Chris Blake speaking.”
“Petty Officer Blake, this is Nurse Stewart from Cairns Base Hospital, how are you?”
Due to his job, he had had many visits to the hospital over the years, mostly to accompany his crewmates when they had gotten injured during patrol and to do a handover to the actual doctors, so he had become familiar with some of the staffs there and Nurse Stewart was one of the stalwarts of the hospital, having been there for 20 years.
“I’m good, Nurse Stewart. How’s your day? Hopefully not too hectic?” He frowned a little bit at the surprise call, he didn’t think any of his charges had any scheduled follow-up sessions from their recent patrols. 2Dads’ hearing injury during Samjung Island incident last month had been the last serious injury requiring a follow-up.
“I’ve had better days, Petty Officer.”
His frown got deeper and his stomach started churning at the nurse’s tone. “How can I help you, Nurse Stewart?”
“It’s Robyn, Petty Officer. I was assigned this call because I’m a familiar voice to you.”
He’s now officially worried, “Robyn, please, what’s going on?”
“I’m so sorry, Petty Officer, but there was an accident around 90 minutes ago at the intersection near the Community Kindergarten. A bus driver had a medical episode and ran over the red light, hitting the driver side of your wife’s car. Your daughter is in the Emergency Department now and being taken care off, but your wife sadly didn’t make it. She died upon impact.”
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“X, can I see you for a moment please?”
Kate halted her steps as she passed through Mike’s office on the way to grab Swain and Dutchy for the handover of their prisoners to the feds. RO had just informed her that the feds were waiting for them now at the dock.
“Actually, Sir, the feds are here now, and I need to let Swain and Dutchy know. Can you give me 10 minutes to find them first and I’ll be back soon?”
“Can you get RO to do it?” Mike asked with urgent tone, “this can’t wait.”
She frowned at his harried demeanour, but an order was an order, so she answered affirmatively before going back to the bridge and tasked RO to do it.
“Close the door, X.” He said when she crossed his threshold again, “and take a seat.”
She sat down and looked at his tense face curiously, “what seems to be the matter, Sir?”
He finally faced her and leaned back a little bit on his seat. “I’ve just got a call from Max,” he paused for a bit before sighing, “it’s about your promotion.”
Her stomach dropped seeing his subdued face, she could guess the result right away, “I didn’t get it, did I?”
“No.” he shook his head sadly, “I’m sorry, Kate. I know how much you want this.”
“How much WE want this,” she emphasised quietly, recognising that he had as much stake in this as she did. But all was not lost. He would still go back to shore posting and their public life together could still start then. She just wouldn’t have an extra half-bar on her shoulder. “Did Knocker say who gets the job?”
He went quiet for a minute before leaning forward and taking her hands in his, “Kate….”
She looked at his guilty face in disbelief, “you have got to be kidding me!”
“I had to, Kate.” He tightened his hold on her hand, “Fleet Command was going to choose Gary McLachlan and he’s as dumb as a rock. I can’t let him ruin Hammersley. I wasn’t kidding when I said that you’re the only one I trust with this ship. I have tried to convince Max to persuade Fleet Command to give you a chance, but she started to get suspicious about us and I had to back down.”
“How long?” She asked, “how much longer we have to play hide and seek?”
“The order is for another 12 months.”
She stared at him in anger at the way he just made her wait, wait and wait. She should not have gotten back with him after he had almost died in that Gorsky incident. She should have listened to her brain that had cautioned her against his machination with this whole promotion business. But her heart had screamed at her that she couldn’t live without him. That he had been the love of her life, and her heart had also convinced her that the fact that he had put her name in that promotion list without her consent had simply been his way of showing his love for her.
“Kate, I’m doing this for you. Give me another year to convince Fleet Command to endorse you. I’m not handing over my ship to anyone but you, and I mean it.”
She went quiet, anger simmering steadily, but sadness also starting to overwhelm her. “Hammersley would always be your first priority, wouldn’t it? What’s best for her. Not what’s best for me.”
“Kate, please.” he pleaded, “one more year, I promise.”
She shook her head and pulled her hands away from his grasps before standing up, “I need some air.”
“Don’t do this please.” He stood up as well and move closer, “talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”
“You do this to yourself, Mike.” She whispered defeatedly, “I can’t do this anymore. It hurts every time you put this ship above me. I thought you dying in front of me would be the worst thing that I could experience, but this is worse because at least when that sub detonated, it wasn’t your choice. But this one is clearly your decision.”
“It’s for you!” Mike whispered back harshly, “I am only keeping the captain’s chair warm for you!”
“If it’s for me then you would have discussed this with me!” She struggled to keep her voice low, “what happened if a year from now, Fleet Command was still firm in their decision to not choose me, what would you do then? Stay for another year, then another until they fed up with you nagging them about me and forced you out?”
She then closed their distance and continued furiously, “did you even stop and think how would your plan to constantly nag Fleet Command about me would work in my favour? If Knocker already started to get suspicious about us, how would you think a male-dominated board like Fleet Command would think about your insistent endorsement for me, your female XO? They probably thought correctly that I spread my legs for you either now or in the past.”
Bile started to form in her throat at the way it dawned on her how much her heart had overridden her common sense when it had come to him. She gave everything to a man that constantly prioritised a patrol boat over her. She jeopardised her career for what? A relationship so secret, that she could never talk about it with anyone, ever?
Even if they ended up together, they would have to fudge their backstory probably even to their kids until they both retired from the Navy. Was this really the kind of life she wanted? Was he really the man she wanted? If she transferred out of Hammersley tomorrow and freed herself from the fraternisation rules surrounding them, would she still want to be with him?
Sharp knocks on the door startled both of them at the next second.
Mike opened the door impatiently, “what??”
They were greeted by Swain’s grim face in front of them.
“Swain?” Kate frowned and took a few steps towards him. She saw his shaky hands, which he had clenched into a fist, and his eyes then met hers in despair, “what’s wrong?”
“Sir, Ma’am, permission to leave the ship?” he choked out the words to them.
“Hey,” she reached up to his shoulder and squeezed it tightly, trying to get him to breathe, “what happened?”
“It’s Sally and Chloe, they had a car accident on the way home from Kindy.” He paused to take a deep breath, “I need to get to the ED at the base hospital to see Chloe.”
She searched his eyes, “and Sally?”
He opened his mouth, but no sound came out, so he only shook his head with tears in his eyes, and she knew instantly what it meant, “I’m so sorry, Swain.”
“Mate, sorry for your loss.” Mike moved forward too and squeezed Swain’s other shoulder.
She met Mike’s eyes briefly and they both agreed that their own conversation would have to wait. Attending to the man in front of them was more important right now.
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“Excuse me,” Chris was trying to get anyone at the ED reception to acknowledge him, “I’m Chris Blake and I’m here to see my daughter, Chloe Blake.”
“Petty Officer.”
He turned to the familiar voice of Nurse Stewart behind him. “Robyn.”
The veteran nurse moved forward to shake his hand. “I’ve been waiting for you. My shift is technically over, but I don’t want to leave before taking you to see your daughter. Let me page Dr Harris too so that he could explain her condition to you.”
“Thank you, Robyn,” he shook her hand firmly, “can I see my daughter now please? Is she conscious?”
“She was unconscious when they paramedic took her from the site of the accident, and they’re not sure whether she had concussion or not. So, we’ve been keeping her awake, just with painkiller until we can have your consent for CT scan and MRI.”
He closed his eyes briefly to calm his anxiety over Chloe, “have you done X-ray?”
“We did and we can see that her right femur was fractured into 3 pieces, so she’s in a lot of pain. She’s been very brave, but she’s been asking for you and her mum every few minutes.”
He felt the pain in his being the minute he heard of a fracture femur. The bone was supposed to be the thickest and strongest in human body, to have that bone broken meant that the force of the impact was so strong to her body.
“Come on, Petty Officer, I’ll take you to see her now. Dr Harris will be coming in the next 30 minutes or so.”
He nodded to the nurse and turned to see his XO still stood silently next to him, like a pillar of support. “X, thanks for the lift. You don’t have to wait for me.”
She just shook her head, she needed a break from being in Mike’s presence, “no, I think I’ll wait for you here. Just in case you need anything.”
“X….”
“Not negotiable.” She gave him a stern look, “I’m just going to grab some coffee around here. Call me if you need anything.”
He sighed when he recognised her stubbornness, “thank you.”
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Chris had plenty of time on the way over from port to the hospital to imagine the worst of Chloe’s condition. But it still didn’t prepare him for seeing the bloody bandages on her right cheek, her forehead and the grazes all over her right arm, not to mention the braces on her right thigh presumably to prevent further damage to the fractured bone.
“Daddy!”
His heart squeezed painfully at the relief he could see in her eyes upon seeing him, it’s like everything was now alright again in her world.
He moved to her left side, where the damage mostly escaped her and kissed her left cheek and her temple repeatedly, before squeezing her hand gently in his, “hi sweetheart, how are you feeling?”
“Hurt.” Chloe answered shakily before asking him questions that he dreaded the most, “Daddy, where’s mummy? Why is she not here with me? Is she hurt too?”
“Sweetheart….” He choked on the lump on his throat. He wanted to lie, he wanted to say that Sally was fine, that she’s just having her own injuries looked after, but he knew that he shouldn’t. He knew that false hope was sometimes worse than the truth itself.
“Remember when Anna had to skip Kindy for a few weeks last month?” he referred to her best friend in Kindy, a sweet Japanese-Australian girl, “do you remember why she had to travel to Japan?”
“Because her grandma went to heaven, right?”
“Yes,” he paused, steeling himself for what he would say next, “Mummy went to heaven too, sweetheart.”
“But then she can’t go home with us. Why would she go there?” Chloe frowned sadly, “have I been bad, Daddy? Was that why she wanted to go there instead of coming home?”
He bit his inner cheek to prevent himself from losing his composure, “No, Chloe, Mummy didn’t get to choose. God had decided to send an Angel to take Mummy back to heaven, because it’s her time to go there.”
“But I want Mummy here, I don’t want her to go….” Tears started to leak from her eyes, and she started to struggle with her words, “can we ask God to send Mummy back?”
He shook his head, this time he couldn’t hold his own tears from forming, “I’m sorry, Chloe, we can’t do that. It’s simply Mummy’s time to go there. It would just be you and I together from now on.”
“That’s not fair,” she started to sob, “I want Mummy here too….”
He kissed the tears running down Chloe’s uninjured cheek, “I know sweetheart. I’m so sorry….”
His little girl finally sobbed her heart out in the next second. His own heart broke for her. Life was indeed unfair sometimes, and he felt despair that she had to experience that fact at such a young age. But there was nothing they could do about it, they just had to navigate their world without Sally now. The thought caused his own tears to finally run down his cheek, so he simply pressed his own cheek to Chloe’s and they both cried for their loss together.
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“Petty Officer, I’m Dr Matthew Harris, ED attending.”
Chris shook the offered hand firmly, “Doctor, it’s good to see you. What can you tell me about my daughter’s condition?”
“I understand that Nurse Stewart has told you about the fractured femur?”
He nodded, “she also said that you would like my consent for MRI and CT-scan? Can I ask why?”
“During initial examination, Chloe said that her right torso is quite sore. So, I’m suspecting broken or at least bruised ribs. She complained that her head hurts too, but she didn’t appear to have slurred her words or struggled to remember basic information about herself and her family, so we think that it’s the deep laceration on her forehead that caused her head pain, which is understandable as there were small pieces of broken glass embedded on her face before. But I really want to rule out any head injury with MRI and CT-scan, as well as picking up anything that we can’t see outwards.”
He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, he really wanted to rage at God for inflicting this kind of trauma to someone so young. He just knew that his little girl would have a long recovery ahead. “Of course, you have my consent.”
The doctor nodded, “thank you. Also, I’ve called our orthopaedic surgeon, our paediatrician and our orthodontist. I’ll eventually call our plastic surgeon too to check on the lacerations on her face. She might need corrective cosmetic surgery to prevent permanent scarring. We had to do emergency sutures to her forehead, cheek and chin to stop the bleeding, but our sutures, while necessary, it’s not done from the cosmetic lenses, so I just want to make sure that our suture didn’t do lasting damage to her features. But that could wait until we attend to the more major injuries of course.”
“Why does she need an orthodontist?” He asked with a frown.
“Some of her front teeth were knocked out from the impact, and you’ll see that the corner of her mouth had to be sutured too because it was ripped open by whatever force that had knocked out her teeth. While I think that due to her age, her lost teeth would’ve been baby teeth and they would most likely be replaced later, I want the specialist to assess all her dental faculty and ensure that any trauma to her gum won’t risk the development of her adult teeth later on. She might need temporary braces to strengthen her remaining teeth too.”
He felt like weeping the more he heard of the list of Chloe’s injuries. This was too much for her. It was a miracle that she was still conscious and not in a coma.
“Your daughter has been very brave, but I’m afraid she might have adrenaline crash soon. So, I’m going to put a priority order for those scans right now. If you can try to keep her awake for another 90 minutes until we finish all the scans, that would be very helpful.”
He nodded, “yes, I can do that.”
“We also need to talk to you about your wife’s body.” The doctor whispered in low voice, mindful of Chloe just behind the curtain, “but I’ll do that after the scans.”
He swallowed, “of course, Doctor, thank you.”
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Kate sat on the plastic chair next to Chloe’s gurney in the ED. She’s been here for the last hour and the little girl had been sleeping the whole time, which she understood was a blessing, judging by the many injuries that she had suffered from the accident.
Swain had asked her to keep Chloe company while he had to handle the horrible task of identifying Sally’s body for the police down in the morgue. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through right now. It’s one thing knowing that your significant other had died, but to see the evidence of her mangled body after the crash, it would have been too much.
In a way, she had gotten a taste of it 4 months ago when she had thought that Mike had died. At the time she had bargained with God to give him back to her. And God had listened, Mike was alive, he’s with her now. So, she should be grateful, she should cherish him, warts and all, right?
Was it wrong to expect more from him? To want him to prioritise her more than Hammersley? To want him to get off the boat so that they could start a proper life together?
But she could ask herself the same questions, why didn’t she prioritise him? If she loved him that much, wouldn’t she just get off the boat and marry him tomorrow? Why did she still insist on staying in Hammersley? Why didn’t she just take control of the situation? Why did she keep following his lead?
Sudden loud beeping sounds startled her from her own thoughts. She looked around alarmingly towards Chloe’s monitor, expecting to see flashing numbers or other indicators as to what’s happening.
She then heard footsteps coming, so she stood up from her seat, expecting nurses to burst to the curtained area at any moment.
But nothing.
Then she heard the shout, ‘clear!’, from the other side of the curtains, along with the sounds of whirring from another machine. And she breathed a sigh of relief. The noises and the footsteps were not for Chloe.
She felt horrible for the person next door, who was probably being resuscitated now, but she still said thanks to the universe for the fact that it’s not the little girl on the bed that’s in trouble.
“Hi?”
A small voice greeted her from the bed, and she realised that the loud noises next door must have woken up Chloe. The girl looked confused seeing her, probably not recognising her since it’s almost a year since they had met at the Christmas BBQ at Swain’s house.
“Are you an angel?”
Kate’s lips curved up remembering that the last time someone had called her an angel would have been a drugged-up Dutchy. And now a little girl with lots of painkillers in her system had asked that too.
“Are you here to take me to heaven to see Mummy?”
The smile on her face disappeared instantly. And she shook her head in response. “No Chloe, I’m not an angel. I’m Kate. I work with your dad.”
“Oh.” The little girl visibly deflated. “It’s not my time then?”
“No.” Kate moved closer to the bed, “nobody knows when it’s their time, but I hope it’s not going to be your time for years. You are so young, Chloe.”
“I’m four and three quarter, not a baby anymore.”
Her lips curved up again, “of course not. I heard you’ve been really brave today.”
Chloe’s lips started to wobble, “I want Mummy back.”
Kate didn’t know what to say, so she just took Chloe’s little hand and held it gently while she cried.
She felt a lump on her throat for Chloe. No one should lose a parent at such a young age. She had lost her own mum in her 20’s. She had been an adult then and she had wept for a few days at least and probably had been in low mood for another month after.
She had no doubt that the girl would bounce back, kids were resilient that way, but she just knew that the road wouldn’t be easy for the next few months, and Swain would have to leave Hammersley to care for his daughter full time.
She was surprised by how sad she was at the thought of Swain leaving the ship. He had been a pillar of support for everyone in Hammersley for years. They just knew that he’s there for them in any capacity that he was capable of. They might have taken him for granted a little bit because of his steadiness. But the crews would have to experience a patrol without him soon and she thought it’s only then that they would really appreciate what they had with Swain.
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Chris rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes briefly as he sat outside Chloe’s private room. The Doctor finally sedated Chloe and pumped the maximum dose of painkillers that was allowed for her small body after the scans cleared her of any concussion or other head injuries. So, she didn’t need to be kept awake anymore and could rest now.
The surgery was scheduled for first thing tomorrow morning. It would be a combined surgery, the orthopaedic surgeon would affix metal rods with plates and screws directly to her femur to help it heal properly, while the dental surgeon would put temporary metal bridge to her teeth at the same time.
Plastic surgeon had also come by a couple of hours ago, and she thought that it’s necessary to do another surgery to tidy up the emergency sutures to ensure it healed without marring her face permanently. That surgery was tentatively scheduled 2 weeks from now to give time to Chloe to recover from the first surgery.
Hearing the various Doctors described her injuries were hard enough, seeing the actual sutures and the blood oozing from it and the many bruises and scratches covering her bodies while Doctors and Nurses came by to check on her wounds made him wanted to throw up.
Everyone had said that she was a very lucky girl. He didn’t think she was. If she had been lucky, she wouldn’t have lost her mum on her way home from Kindy or had various injuries inflicted on her.
But she’s alive, wasn’t she? Shouldn’t he be grateful?
“Hey.”
He opened his eyes to see his XO stood in front of him. He thought that she had gone home already, but here she was, in her civvies and carrying multiple bags and thermoses.
“I made you fresh coffee from the galley.” She said before giving him one of the thermoses and put the bags down next to him on the empty chairs. “Dutchy helped me packed your sea bag with fresh clothes and toiletries from your cabin. I wanted to do it, but I was afraid of mixing your stuff with his and grabbing the wrong thing.”
She frowned a little, “anyway, I’ve packed your laptop, the chargers and the framed photos too. Oh, and I’ve taken some of the leftover sandwiches from the fridge, a few bottles of juice and one sleeve of Tim Tam from Charge’s stash. I don’t think he would mind. That way you’ll have your immediate supply for tonight. Bird will drop off more food tomorrow and Charge also said that you gave him the spare key for your car ages ago, so he’ll drive your car from the base parking lot and park it here in the hospital for you. This way you can concentrate being here for Chloe.”
He felt overwhelmed seeing the many bags around him and the fact that someone cared enough to organise all these for him. “X, you don’t have to.”
She sighed, “come on Swain, let us help. The accident had made the 6 o’clock local news, and everybody knew what had happened. I told most of them to stay away from the hospital for now though, because I don’t think you would appreciate people approaching you with condolences all day long.”
He chuckled sadly, “I would have gone mad.”
“I thought so too,” she nodded and sat on his other side, “if you want to freshen up, I can wait here and look after your stuff while you do that.”
“Are you saying that I smell?” He tried to joke but it fell flat.
She rolled her eyes, “as much I love our uniform, it’s not exactly comfy. You’ll feel better in your civvies.”
“Are you sure you’re OK to wait? Nobody is going to steal my junk, X, you really don’t have to watch it. You’ve spent hours here already.”
“I want to.” She said simply. “Let me do this for you.”
At the end, he simply nodded back, “OK.”
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Kate looked at her watch worriedly. It’s been an hour since Swain had gone to the ensuite bathroom inside Chloe’s room. And he hadn’t come out yet.
She knew that she should let him be. If she would guess, he was probably having a breakdown in private right now. And she should respect that.
But she felt sad that he was alone in there, no one to hold him, no one to soothe him, no one to take care of him.
He took care of others all the time, why wasn’t he granted the same grace by everyone else?
She stood up in the next second, determine to be there for him now. She didn’t care that it’s not proper. She didn’t care that it crossed the boundaries. He needed someone, and since no one else was coming, she was it.
“Hey, sorry I was taking so long.”
In her contemplation, she didn’t hear Swain coming back out until he’s already next to her. She then turned to face him and studied his face carefully. “Are you OK?”
He shrugged, “my daughter is still alive with serious injuries, although my wife is dead, killed by a bus driver that had a heart attack while driving. My daughter had to grow up without a mother. And I don’t know whether I alone would be enough for her in the years to come. Does that sound OK to you?”
She shook her head, “no. Of course not. I’m sorry that I sounded insensitive.” She moved closer and looked up to meet his bloodshot eyes, “what do you need from me?”
It’s his turn to shake his head, sadness permeated from his being, “can you bring Sally back?”
She smiled sadly, “I’m not an angel. I have no power to raise the dead. But I can still help the living. I’m still your friend, aren’t I? And I can help Chloe in whatever capacity that you would need in the future. I’m pretty good with math and science, so if she ever need help doing her homework, I could do that.”
He then looked down to his feet, refusing to meet her eyes in response to her offer. She could see his shoulder started to shake a few seconds later, so she gently squeezed both of his shoulders for support.
“I’m sorry….”
“Unnecessary apology,” she scowled at him and squeezed his shoulders firmer, “you are allowed to feel. You are allowed to struggle with what’s happening. In fact, I would be more worried if you were not upset at all.”
“I need to be strong now….” He whispered, “Chloe needs me.”
“Chloe needs her dad,” she countered, “not an unfeeling human being. Grief can feel isolating sometimes, and she would need to see that her dad was grieving as well so that she knew she’s not alone in her grief. You would need to be a role model to her on how to handle grief and how to continue living. And you can’t do that by pretending to be strong and sweep your feelings under the carpet.”
The next thing she knew, she felt a strong pull on her waist, and she found herself in his embrace. She could feel him burying his face to her shoulder, while his body continued to shake around her. So, she did the only thing she could do, she hugged him back tightly and let him lean to her for support.
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To be continued....