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V cracked open the center window in her apartment- letting the wisps of holographic smoke swirl around her and blessedly filter out through the window. She knows, logically, the smoke was just about as real as the rude, pessimistic, and frankly annoying ghost of a man currently staring a hole into her back. But the smell. It was so real in her fucked-over mind that it burned her nose and made her eyes water, so much so that she hadn’t been able to take it anymore. V couldn’t just leave- no, she was cursed to be followed by the crude man behind her no matter where she went. So she leaned as far out the window as she dared, hanging her head and drawing her arms in, curling in on herself.
“Pussy.” Johnny Silverhand huffed behind her, and she didn’t have to turn to know he’d rolled his eyes at her. The funny thing about sharing your mind with someone- you kinda already know all their weird quirks, even if they’re no better to you than a stranger.
“I don’t give a fuck what you think.” She snapped back coldly, fixing him with a steely look over her shoulder. She turned her head before his dark eyes bore too deep, gaze roaming over the horizon of Night City.
It was weirdly quiet outside her apartment, cloud cover mixed with dawn setting the world in a dim blue-gray. She’d been up all night long, trying to hunt down some forgettable target from her latest quick gig who’d been annoyingly good at dodging her. Having Johnny chatter in her ear like some screeching magpie hadn’t helped one bit. V had momentarily considered taking her blockers, but it wouldn’t have helped for long anyways- opting instead to pop something for her growing headache. That, unfortunately, hadn’t helped either.
V’s one defense from the world and all its terrorist-shaped annoyances was the ice-cold demeanor she gave everything, perfect to match the icey walls she’d built around her heart. She’d dyed herself in blue; her clothes, her shoulder-length hair- hell, even her damn lashes, all to give off as frosty and cold-hearted a look as she could, just to make sure no one got too close again. She’d learned over and over that caring about people always just led to more heartbreak- and sure, maybe the loss of Jackie had broken her beyond repair… but what happened yesterday had simply proven her thoughts true once more.
She let out a deep, drawn-out sigh, trying to release some of the pressure in her chest. She hung her head again, eyes tracing the dirty streets far below as she felt Johnny’ presence shift. He stood beside her now, one arm resting lazily on the windowsill as the other held out his cigarette bud. It took V a moment to realize he was offering to her.
“The fuck?” She scowled, tilting her head to catch his gaze. “Are you trying to get a rise out of me or something? You know I don’t smoke.” Johnny shrugged his shoulders, averting his eyes to stare out at the horizon as well.
“Just a… peace offering, of sorts.” He said nonchalantly, tapping a dusting of ash off the bud. “What’s up with you today, anyways? You’re more ornery than usual.”
“Fuck off.” V hissed, narrowing her eyes. “I’m… fine. You’re just exceptionally pissing me off today.”
He laughed at that, the gravelly sound coming from somewhere deep in his chest. V shook her head, returning her gaze towards the cloudy dawn as she let her mind wander. The time passed by in silence, never quite comfortable or uncomfortable. The sky above had lightened a smidge before she glanced over at the man beside her through her heavy lashes. It ended up being a… surprisingly nice moment for once. Johnny was a silent, sturdy presence beside her, and V hated to admit it, but she needed that more than ever right now. The calm quiet helped to dull the buzzing thoughts that rang through her mind and the aching pressure in her heart.
“I…” She began hesitantly, her voice as small as she felt in that moment. She felt Johnny’s eyes linger on her, but the man kept his patient silence. V let out another little sigh, burying her hands between her crossed arms and torso. “I got a call yesterday. From my father.”
“I know.” He murmured softly, taking a long drag of his cigarette.
“How- oh.” She sighed, a stab of annoyance shooting through her before fizzling out. They shared a mind- of course he fucking knew.
“I didn’t dig into it further,” He assured her. ”I could feel how personal it was. How… upsetting. I’ve been, ah…” he began, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck in what V recognized as a sign of embarrassment. “Been annoying the shit out of you all night long to keep your mind off it, I guess. Thought it might help.” Johnny finally admitted, avoiding her gaze.
V felt her safe ice-walls crack. Her cold expression softened a fraction, and before she could think better of it, she reached over and plucked the half-done 'cigarette' from Johnny’s fingers. She brought it to her lips slowly, his dark brown eyes following the movement as she took a slow puff, clearing her throat as the memory of acrid smoke burned her lungs as vividly as if she'd truly imbibed. She exhaled, blowing it out in a swirling cloud and shuddering at the imagined taste before shoving it back into Johnny’s waiting hand. He smirked, tilting his head before tucking the cigarette between his lips and letting it dangle there, watching V expectantly.
“So… I’m guessing we don’t like your old man?” He mumbled around the bud, glitching out as he tried nudging her with his elbow and eventually rested his forearms on the windowsill and laced his fingers together.
“Hah, fuck no.” She laughed dryly, averting her gaze. “He and I don’t really get along- never did. He had this ‘perfect image’ for me from the moment I was born and…” She murmured, voice trailing as memories of hurtful words, both intentional and not, resurfaced in the back of her mind. “I ended up being someone very different than what he wanted. We would butt heads about it constantly as I grew up and slowly started changing myself to better fit who I felt I was. Eventually he lost his shit and kicked me out for good. Wandered the streets for a bit, got into some rough crowds, before I started leaning into becoming a merc. Never once contacted me when I was struggling or at my lowest- but once I started raking in some middling eddies and making a bit of a name for myself, guess who came callin’?”
“The old bastard himself?” Johnny guessed correctly, frowning in displeasure.
“The one and only.” V smirked humorlessly, shaking her head in lingering disbelief. “He only asked for money once though, and never again.”
“Really?” Johnny said, brows raised. “That’s not what I was expecting.”
“Right? Nope, it apparently wasn’t about the money. Instead, he said some shit along the lines of: ‘You’re finally making yourself someone worthy. Now just fix all the shit you did to jack up your body, and I’ll let you call yourself my so-... my kid again.’ Fucking bastard.” V bit bitterly, face darkening as she caught herself. She dug her nails into her arms, the long acrylics leaving painful little marks in her skin that overrode the pain bleeding through her heart.
Johnny was silent beside her, his eyes trained on the horizon line- but V noticed the quietly enraged tick in his jaw. She sighed, loosening her deathgrip on her arms and leaning down till she could rest her cheek on her forearms.
“It hurt to hear that, even after all those years apart. I told him to go fuck himself of course, left it at that, but every once in a while he’ll call back to… check in on me. See if I’ve ‘come to my senses’ yet. I don’t know why I pick up anymore. Guess I still hope he’ll- I don’t know. Get over it? Change, and accept me? Guess I’m not totally a ‘glass-half-empty’ type just yet. Each call makes it harder to hold onto that hope, though.” She finally admitted, and with those last words, the fist squeezing her heart… lessened. Just a bit.
Another quiet moment passed between the two, and this one felt lighter than before. Warm, seeping in through the cracks in V’s icey shield. Eventually, Johnny inhaled one more time, pushing up and resting his palms on the sill. He reached up, grabbed the considerably shorter faux cigarette, and flicked the remains out the window to disintegrate into pixels long before reaching the street far below. He exhaled through his nose, blowing the streams of digital smoke out of his nostrils before turning to V.
“Keep that hope, V. Not for him- fuck him. Keep it for you, and for the world around you. It makes you a better person. Better than me.” He said, gravelly voice full of gentle conviction. “You’re a beautiful, strong woman with a kind heart underneath that bitchy personality of yours. Don’t let shit-stains like him even dare to make you question that.”
V laughed lightly at that, a hint of a smile peeking through her frosty mask. For all the shit he’d given her since she and Johnny had merged, she wouldn’t have expected such a surprisingly touching speech from him.
“Vivian.” She whispered as he turned to walk away, stopping the ghostly legend in his tracks.
“What? He asked, glancing over his shoulder at the woman watching him curiously.
“My name- my real name. It’s Vivian. Or Vivi, for those closest to me.” He likely already knew, but... It felt different, telling him out loud.
“Vivi.” Johnny tested, crossing his arms as his eyes fell shut.
“I didn’t say you’re close enough to call me that.” V teased, raising a brow at him. “Don’t push your luck, samurai. Maybe you can call me Vivian. Sometimes. When I’m in a good mood.”
“Heh- you’re a frigid bitch, Vivi. Can’t wait to watch you fall in love with me.” He grinned cheekily, turning away and fading into pixels before glitching back into being on the other side of the apartment, trying to fiddle with her computer.
‘It’s more likely than you think.’ She thought to herself, cybernetic eyes roaming over Johnny’s form as she looked at him, seeing anew.