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Suddenly a lot of things made a ton of sense to Dave as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Things like the time that Rose wore elbow gloves with every outfit for a week after a date with Kanaya. Things like the secretive smile Rose had flashed her troll girlfriend when Dave spotted green flecks of ink(paint?) on her arm and asked if she’d been getting artsy or dyeing eggs in a weird craving for Easter traditions. Things like the way Kanaya had squirmed uncomfortably and flushed green when he’d asked and then suddenly there was lesbian eyesex happening in the room making Dave flee the room. There were some things he just did not want to see or think about and his sort of sister having any sort of sex was very high on that list.
What he could see in the mirror was pretty high up on that list too.
A thump against the closed bathroom door startled him, and Dave twisted to stare at it with wide panicked eyes, clutching the towel around his waist in fright like a total girl. He relaxed as Karkat started complaining to him from the other side of the door.
“Dave, what the fuck are you even doing in there? I heard the water shut off like 15 minutes ago. Did you forget how to operate door handles? I can go get Kanaya to chainsaw the door down if you’re stuck.”
Oh god no not Kanaya. Not anybody. Ever. She’d tell Rose and then Rose would look at him knowingly from across the room and tell him things with her eyes. Things like. ‘Hey there Dave I see that you too have a passion for trollginas and tentadicks as well. Come over here and lets talk about how that represents an internalized Oedipus complex and almighty love for all things penis.’
No way he couldn’t let that happen. Rose could never know. Well she could know, because like hell he was keeping anyone on the side like a secret mistress, but she was not finding out like this. What went on between him and Karkat was their own business until they decided to make it otherwise.
“Would you chill, dude? What a man does in his own bathroom is his own business. You are intruding on super secret man time, do you understand your transgressions here?”
“You’re in my ablutionblock and I need to use the load gaper so take your super secret man time and fuck off.”
Yeah not gonna happen. “No.”
“...no?”
“Here let me say it in Spanish for you too since you’re having trouble comprehending my words. No.”
There was silence for a moment as Karkat took a moment to let that sink in.
“What the everloving fuck is Spani-...No. No we’re not doing this right now. Dave, why don’t you want to come out of the ablutionblock? Is everything okay?” Karkat paused. “Are...are we okay? Did I um...do...did I do something wrong?”
Karkat sounded so small and hesitant and wrong that the door was unlocked and opened before Dave even really thought about it. His chest felt weird and heavy with emotions he didn’t want to examine and he really needed to hug Karkat like right now or they were going to bust out of him via alien chest monster. Dave reached out and grabbed Karkat as soon as the door was open, tucking the troll’s face into his neck and setting his chin on top of his between the weirdly cute and nubby horns there. Karkat sputtered into his neck and grabbed Dave’s towel in a fist before it slipped off his hips. Sweet catch. Nice job.
“No. No. We’re fine. You were...fine. More than fine. Good. You were good. Okay? Great. Perfect. Vantastic even.”
Dave ran his hands up and down Karkat’s back soothingly and kissed the closest horn to him. Karkat snorted loudly and Dave felt the puff of warm air brush his collar bones before the troll relaxed in his arms and pulled away just enough to look up at him. Dave could tell the exact second Karkat realized what was still on his skin. He watched Karkat’s eyes open to an alarming degree and those plump lips fall open in a full on gape. His hand even loosened its fist on Dave’s towel and it finally slumped to the floor with a wet thump.
Great. Now he was naked and stained via troll jizz to from his mouth down (lines of red running all the way down his chest in drips). in front of the troll who unknowingly gave him the unwanted dye job. He was pretty sure he was blushing hard enough by now that the stain on his skin was probably indistinguishable from the rest of him.
Karkat raised a hand to tentatively poke at the corner of his mouth, eyes flickering up to his eyes nervously and back.
“Does it...does it hurt? I didn’t...but Rose and Kanaya...”
He snapped his hand back suddenly and hunched in on himself, clutching an arm to his chest like he was wounded and took a step away from Dave.
“Is it because I’m a mutant? Because of my blood?”
Karkat looked a moment away from bursting out into tears and Dave didn’t know what to do. He was naked, in someone else’s room with none of his clothes in sight, stuck with a big giant literal sign on his face that announced ‘I just had hot kinky alien sex, what have you done today?’, and one foot away from a teary eyed troll that had sat on said face not even 5 hours ago.
“No. Stop that noise right now. I don’t even want to hear you thinking it. Okay?”
Dave glanced around the room for something that would stay on easier than a towel and found nothing. He looked back to where Karkat was standing sadly and just a bit hopeful and back to the towel and snatched it up from his ankles to tie around his waist. It was better than nothing.
“It doesn’t hurt. Okay? It just apparently won't wash off. It’s cool and it has nothing to do with your blood alright?”
He closed the distance between him them and used his free arm to wipe the growing moisture from the troll’s face. Karkat looked back at him with a vulnerable and heartbreaking expression, like he wasn’t sure if he could believe Dave. Dave’s hand dropped down his cheek in a caress to tilt up Karkat’s chin up and leaned down for a short kiss just because he couldn’t stand to see that look. He pulled away with a wet smack.
“Green. I’ve seen bits of green on Rose before and I didn’t know what it meant and she ignored me when I asked. Kanaya green. Remember that week she wouldn’t take off those fancy ass gloves? And Kanaya kept making her ballgowns so it wouldn’t look weird? Yeah I think something like this happened to them. Now please calm your tits and help me find my clothes so we can figure out how to fix this.”
Karkat stared at him for a few seconds, face scrunched up in thought, before stretching up on his tiptoes to steal a kiss himself. He gave Dave a crooked smile after he pulled away and it was one of the most beautiful things Dave had ever seen. He loved Karkat’s rare smiles. It felt like things were going to be alright again for the first time since Dave stepped out of the shower to towel off and caught sight of his reflection.
“Okay.”
Dave kissed him again, chest full of impossible affection. He was probably a little bit in love with Karkat because even knowing what would happen to his skin everywhere the troll’s weird ass jizz would touch didn’t stop him from giving his boyfriend the best handjob in the history of handjobs ever.
When Dave hopped back in the shower (with Karkat this time) they realized that there was no stain if they cleaned up within an hour or so. They celebrated by getting themselves dirty again.
--
Rose was staring at him. Dave refused to acknowledge her or make any sort of eye contact at all. Eye contact was bad. It gave people the impression that you were willing to talk to them of all things (and/or signal your readiness for a Pokemon battle). Bad stuff happened with eye contact. Not gonna do it. Nuh uh.
Her stare was making his face itch.
Dave maneuvered a finger under the scarf wrapped around his lower face and neck skillfully, aware that everyone in the room except Karkat was watching him in fascination.
He didn’t care though, because Karkat was snuggled up all cozy as shit under his arm and reading one of his horrible shitty romance novels. Karkat made a content noise as he turned a page and Dave let himself grin stupidly.
No one else could see it after all.