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Russia Burger

Summary:

Denji and Reze go on a date to have Reze's first burger! Denji also really loves Thick of It by KSI, he's a dance machine!

Notes:

What's with russian characters never having a burger before? Why the hell does Eli Ayase look at a burger like she's never even considered the concept in her entire life?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Denji woke up to his alarm which was Thick of It by KSI. He loves this song, so instead of turning it off he started dancing. But suddenly the alarm was cut off by a call on his phone, which the ringtone was also Thick of It by KSI but it was nightcore. The song was now in the right key for Dennis’s voice so he started singing. He sung until the call went off, but then he got another call Immediately and he realised that he should probably answer it. So he picked up the phone and pressed answer. “Hey Denji!” The voice he heard on the phone belonged to Reze. “Oh hi Reze! What’s up?” He replied. Reze said “Oh not much, I’ve just been chillin’. I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date?” Denji’s jaw dropped. A cute girl wants to go on a date with him?! He exclaimed, “Of course! I’d love to go on a date with you Reze!” Reze smiled but Denji could not see it. So she said, “Yay! I can’t wait! Meet me at the café at 3pm tomorrow!” Denji said “Ok!” and was so excited for their date. He thought about it all day long. As he ate breakfast, as he walked the dogs, as he helped Nayuta with her homework, and as he lay in bed on the floor. He could not stop thinking about how much fun their date would be.

In the morning he wokeup once again to Thick of It by KSI. Nayuta started yelling at him. “Denji! It’s Saturday! Why is your alarm playing?! Denji automatically started dancing and replied, “Sorry for waking you up Nayuta, but I have a date today.” Denji was so excited that he ran into the bathroom to start getting ready. But then he realised that he didn’t turn off the alarm, so he started throwing it back. After a few seconds it went off because Nayuta turned it off. Denji was so sad. But it was okay cuz he was going on a date!! After Half an hour he was ready! Before leaving he said goodbye to Nayuta. “Okay Nayuta, I’m leaving now, so you be a good girl, ok?” Nayuta nodded and said, “I’m always a good girl.” Denji looked at her suspiciously, “No you aren’t. You only do your homework, like,” he started counting on his fingers, “half of the time.” Nayuta’s eyes started glowing red (but they’re already red, so they’re just glowing). “Homework isn’t that important!” Denji did not have the time to argue, because it would make him late for his date. “Ok Nayuta, don’t burn the house down while I’m gone.” Nayuta rolled her eyes, “Okay Denji.” Denji gave her a kiss on the forehead and left for his date.”

He ran to the café so fast that he was 10 minutes early. So he had to wait 10 minutes for Reze to arrive. about 9 minutes into waiting, a car drove by playing Thick of It by KSI. Denji could not resist dancing. He was so into the dancing that he didn’t hear a person wak up to him. “Hi Denji” the person said. He was so surprised it was like a jumpscare from Five Nights at Freddies. “Oh hi Reze! I didn’t hear you haha.” Reze blushed and giggled, despite Denji having a flatty, she loved how he would through it back while dancing. “It’s ok Denji, I love you’re dancing.” Denji blushed as well and smiled, “Wow thanks Reze.” he said. Reze pointed down the street . “I know we’re outside a café but I really really want a burger!” Denji thought for a moment, “Yeah, I like burgers!” Reze smiled, “They don’t have burgers in Russia so this will be my first time!!” Denji gasped, “That’s so sad. I didn’t have my first burger until like 2 years ago, so I know how you feel!” Denji and Reze bonded over their lack of burger experience. After a minute, they walked to a burger place.

The sign said “Sibling Patties.” and Denji and Reze waked inside. They were greeted by Dongshan Xiaohong (Kobeni Higashiyama I won’t be saying this again so you best remember it.) she smiled and welcomed them to the place. They sat down at a table and Dongshan Xiaohong asked them what they wanted to order. Reze spoke up “I got paid yesterday, so it’s on me Denji! Get whatever you want!” Denji was so taken aback by this act of kindness, “Are you sure Reze?! I can really get anything?!” Reze was so in love with Denji’s happiness, “Of course Denji!” Denji looked at Dongshan Xiaohong and opened his mouth, “Uhh!! Two burgers with everything please! And umm Large fries! And coke! What else do you have?” Dongshan Xiahong thought for a second, “We have mozarella sticks.” “Yes please!” Denji said. After that Reze ordered a cheezburger meal and an ice cream. Dongshan Xiaohong walked away and Denji and Reze started talking.

Denji and Reze started talking about how much they hate yoshiДА 💜. He is their shared enemy. He’s so gay and ugly and he plays Roblox and and Denji and Reze are lesbian and cute and they play Minecraft. They talked about how much they need him killed until Dongshan Xiaohong came back with the tray of food. But OH NO she tripped!!!!!!! The food spilled ALLLL over Reze and all 3 people were shook to their cores. Dongshan Xiaohong started crying, “I’m so sorry oh my gosh I’M so sorry please forgive me!!!” Reze smiled awkwardly, “It’s okay! It’s just some burgers.” Denji collected himself and went up to Reze. “It’s ok Reze! I’ll clean you up!” He reached out his hand to the burger parts on Reze’s head, but at that moment the restaurant speakers changed song… to nothing other than Thick of It by KSI. Denji tried to resist, he wanted to just help Reze, but it was impossible! He started violently dancing, and he accidentally hit Reze in the head. But when he did that, the whole restaurant gasped. Denji had not really hit Reze’s head, instead, he had hit her hair. Which was now on the floor. He had knocked off her wig!! Her bald head shined in the harsh lighting of the Fast Food restaurant. Denji could not believe his eyes. Reze was really, truly, bald. Reze looked at the wig on the ground, and was absolutely speechless. She slowly looked up at Denji with a scared expression. “I-I can explain, Denji!” Denji was shocked, “What do you mean explain?” Reze looked down, “You know how I said they don’t have burgers in Russia? Well… They don’t have hair either. I’m so sorry for lying to you Denji, it’s ok if you don’t like me anymore.” Denji’s mouth was agape, he struggled to find the words, but he started speaking. “Reze, I don’t care that you’re bald! That’s not why I like you! I like you because of your personality! And because you’re so nice to me and we can understand each other!” Reze’s eyes filled with tears, “But I bet you don’t think I’m cute anymore!” Denji grabbed Reze’s hands, “Of course I do! Actually, You’re probably even cuter now that You can be true to yourself!” Reze was so emotional, and the entire Restaurant clapped.

Suddenly, the manager Nobana Higashiyama walked out of the kitchen holding a cake. “Because you are so brave, here is a free cake. Also we will replace your food and all of it is free!” He said kindly. Reze smiled, and her and Denji thanked Nobana and Dongshan Xiaohong for their service. But before they chowed down Denji made sure to clean his bald date up.

Eventually Denji and Reze left the Restaurant, it was dark by then. Denji looked at Reze, “Thank you so much for taking me on this date Reze.” She was happy, “I’m glad you had fun, and that you still like me after finding out that I’m bald.” Denji gave her a hug, “Of course I do. Actually…” Denji got down on one knee. He pulled out a small box, and opened it to reveal a beautiful round ring. Reze gasped, “D-Denji?!” Denji looked into her eyes tenderly, “I don’t just like you Reze, I LOVE you. I want to wake up everyday to my Thick of It by KSI alarm and dance… with YOU Reze! I want to spend my entire life with you. Will you marry me?” Reze was crying again, “Of course Denji! I love you! I want nothing more in the world than to marry you!” He put the ring on her left ring finger and stood up and they kissed. While they were kissing, a car drove by playing Thick of It by KSI again, and Denji and Reze could not stop themselves from Dancing. and they lived happily ever after.

Notes:

Ashy said this is how I wish Chainsaw Man would end, she's not entirely wrong.

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