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Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu is dreaming. He is also currently pinned against the floor of the bamboo house by his husband, being devoured by a very aggressive kiss (Binghe has certainly gotten better but he really still loves to bite). His robe has been loosened enough that Binghe is able to partially slip it off of his shoulder, all the while tracing his hands up his collarbone, neck, arms, chest (really, his husband’s obsession with his chest is weird! It’s not like he’s a woman).

Within the safety of his dreams, Shen Qingqiu feels bolder. Mid-kiss, he bucks his hips and rolls Binghe over, using momentum to reverse their positions and pin his husband, earning an unabashed moan into his mouth that ignites something within him (okay, okay, maybe he can try to be bolder later IRL!). Silken strands dangle in Shen Qingqiu’s face as he pulls his face just far enough back to look over the beloved husband at his mercy. Luo Binghe is a vision in his (now disheveled) red and black robes, his face flushed and hair tousled. Eyes dark, Shen Qingqiu takes a moment to ponder what he wants to do to Binghe (of course, not that he could actually do anything that his husband doesn’t want to happen, but Binghe has enthusiastically expressed his desire to have Shen Qingqiu take more of a leading role in their… relations).

Shen Qingqiu lets out a sigh, but his words are dripping with affection as he teases,"Binghe, what am I to do with you?"

Binghe’s breath hitches, black eyes glittering,“Whatever you want, Shizun. For as long as you’ll have me.” (His stallion protagonist is really too cute when he blushes!)

Shen Qingqiu hums as he makes up his mind and decides he wants to give a little payback. While mouthing at Binghe’s throat, he runs his hands across his husband’s tantalizing collarbones, toned arms, smooth chest-

Well. Not his husband then. Shen Qingqiu pulls back, keeping Luo Binghe (Bing-ge, his mind supplies) pinned to the floor. Bing-ge whines at the separation and Shen Qingqiu is frankly kind of shocked that the Luo Bing-ge, the domineering original stallion protagonist himself is willing to suffer this kind of treatment, even if he’s only doing it to pretend to be someone else (to some currently unfathomable end).

“Shizun…”, the imposter pleads so prettily, hand reaching up as if to pull Shen Qingqiu back down.

Shen Qingqiu sighs, this time with exasperation instead of adoration,"You can stop that. I know you’re not my husband.” Shen Qingqiu frowns. "What do you even want, why and how are you in my dreams?” He thought his husband was pretty good at protecting his dreamscape from outside interference, so he really was a bit baffled.

Bing-ge attempted a pout, but after a moment of Shen Qingqiu leveling a hard stare (his best disappointed teacher look!) he sighed,“Shizun is a bit mistaken. This dreamscape isn’t yours, rather it belongs to this lord.” Bing-ge let out a humorless chuckle,“This lord simply wanted to see you and talk, Shizun was the one who first embraced this lord.”

Ahh, don’t say it like that! Yes, he hugged (the man he thought was) his husband when the dream started but Bing-ge was the one to kiss him! And pin him! And put his hands-

Before Shen Qingqiu could spiral any further, Bing-ge asks, "Shizun, this lord is curious. How were you able to distinguish this lord from that weakling again? I thought my acting was pretty good. I even did a lot more biting than normal".

At the reminder of the reason he knew this man wasn’t his husband, a pit of something weighed in his stomach like a stone (No, not something. Guilt).

Curious, Bing-ge pressed onward,"What's so different between us? What gave me away?”

When Shen Qingqiu didn’t reply, he continued,"Am I truly so repulsive, and not worthy of your love and affection?" The tone was intended to come out in a pouty way, but Shen Qingqiu was able to recognize the very real insecurity lying behind the question. Perhaps once, he might have thought that Bing-ge was very obviously overplaying the act as an insecure wife, but he could see the raw vulnerability hiding underneath. Once again, Shen Qingqiu sighed.

After all, who was he to let this (or any) Luo Binghe doubt himself?

"Ahh, let’s talk." Shen Qingqiu realized he was still pinning Bing-ge at this point. Flustered, he gets up and tidies his robes, before offering a hand to help Bing-ge up. Bing-ge doesn’t take the assistance, instead he continues to lay on the floor of the bamboo house. Two minutes ago, the protagonist was fine with shoving his tongue down Shen Qingqiu’s throat and getting his hands all over Shen Qingqiu’s body, but now he won’t even deign to grab his hand? Shen Qingqiu’s temples start to ache as he feels what seems to be the beginning of a stress headache.

Bing-ge hasn’t moved from the spot Shen Qingqiu had pinned him to. He stares at the ceiling for a moment before letting out a bitter laugh. "What did he do so differently that he was able to so completely enthrall you into ignoring that he's part heavenly demon?"

Sue Shen Qingqiu, but his heart was aching for this other version of his husband, the one he had rooted for as a reader. The one who had never seemed to find what he was actually searching for, ever unsatisfied. For a moment, he wanted to embrace this Luo Binghe and explain everything. Usually, that’s when he gets the reminder-

Wait. Shen Qingqiu’s head has been suspiciously quiet and free from kaomojis and blue screens this entire time. He cautiously tries for contact.

<System? Are you there?>

…

…

No response.

Okay. Well, he can still somewhat play it safe. (He wouldn’t want to get immediately sent back to his previous (very dead) body when the system comes back online). He thinks over how best to word it.

"Luo Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu started slowly,"If I have one thing that I can tell you it's that you never deserved any of the abuse you received from your Shen Qingqiu."

Bing-ge scoffed and flashed a wry smile,"Didn’t I though? Wasn't he right about me? I did end up being a beast of sorts." The self-deprecating grin showed off some supernaturally sharp canines.

Shen Qingqiu had something he was going to reply but at the sight of those fangs, Shen Qingqiu's throat felt a bit dry. After swallowing, he couldn't help when he blurted out,"Binghe, are- are your teeth naturally like that?"

Bing-ge was a little bit off guard at the eagerness of the question and the lack of disgust with which it was asked, but he quickly recovered. "Shizun, can't you ask your pathetic Luo Binghe that question? Or maybe it's different for him, some inferior version of myself".

Shen Qingqiu was quick to defend his husband, but Luo Binghe didn’t miss the slight wince and flash of the same guilt he had seen earlier, "No, I'm fairly certain you both have the same physiological characteristics but I worry he's hiding his features because they make him feel uncomfortable."

Hm. An interesting response. Luo Binghe closes his eyes while he waits to see if Shen Qingqiu is going to offer up more information. Shen Qingqiu apparently doesn’t do too well with awkward silence, as his patience is pretty quickly rewarded. Luo Binghe’s eyes snap open to stare back intensely at Shen Qingqiu as soon as he begins to speak.

"To answer your question from earlier, I could tell you were different because my Binghe has a scar on his chest, from a time when I hurt him. That... incident is the reason I think he might be uncomfortable with any demonic features." Shen Qingqiu clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white and seemingly folds in on himself. There was a weird expression on Shen Qingqiu’s face. Disgust? No, Luo Binghe mused. Pain and self loathing.

Luo Binghe had found an interesting line of questioning and was going to pursue it to the conclusion of whatever truth he could uncover, like an investigator at the scene of a crime. He knew he couldn’t let the current topic die, lest Shen Qingqiu clam up entirely, meaning he had to jump in and keep the conversation flowing.. He thought back to the question he had been originally asked. "To answer your question from before,” he began cautiously, finally sitting up,”after this lord’s demonic seal broke, my teeth became this sharp naturally. They’re very good for chewing through… tougher meats. They aren't painful or anything, but this lord is able to hide them with a very small amount of effort if I want to appear fully human."

Shen Qingqiu didn't look too surprised, but he did look a little bit heartbroken. Perfectly vulnerable for Luo Binghe to further claw into his open wounds for answers,"So, how did you hurt him? I thought you guys had the perfect relationship."

The guilt from earlier had returned, this time entirely undisguised. Shen Qingqiu’s frown left Luo Binghe's chest burning with some unnamed emotion,"No... this was before we ever got together. Unlike you, my Binghe’s demonic seal broke at the Immortal Alliance Conference when the abyss opened up. He... needed to go into the abyss but wasn't willing to go. I tried to get him to step back by with my sword, but he held his ground. And I. Stabbed him in the chest. Hek ept the scar, saying he doesn’t want to get rid of anything I’ve given him." Shen Qingqiu looked queasy.

Of course, Luo Binghe had experienced his own Immortal Alliance Conference, with his hateful teacher directly pushing him into the abyss, get rid of him quickly and easily. He hadn’t even been revealed as a demon, the man was just scum! It is strange that he knew to specify that the weakling Luo Binghe’s seal had broken at the conference, how did he know there was a difference between them? But there was something else about the wording that irked him more. "What do you mean he had to go into the abyss? Because he was demonic? Monstrous? I guess my Shizun was able to recognize that even without my seal breaking."

Shen Qingqiu, seemingly unaware of his movements, took a step closer and kneeled to be on the same level as Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe stood his ground (metaphorically of course, he was still sitting), defying the previously long forgotten instinct to retreat, refusing to be seen a coward. (He was a powerful half-heavenly demon and could easily dismember this Shen Qingqiu if he wished, he was no threat to him and he didn’t fear his rejection). He remained entirely motionless as Shen Qingqiu lifted a hand towards him and.… cradled his cheek?

"Luo Binghe." Shen Qingqiu’s tone was firm, but the hand touching his face was warm and gentle, like he was something precious, something fragile. Not some thing that fought against all attempts to beat it down and survived impossible odds. Shen Qingqiu shook his head,"You are not a monster. You did not deserve any of the abuse you suffered at the hands of Shen Jiu." Once again... the phrasing was off. Luo Binghe knocked the hand on his face away (and did NOT immediately miss the fleeting warmth), eyes flashing red.

"You can't say that! Not when your Binghe must have done something different to have clearly earned such a high esteem. How did he earn it? What did he do differently?" Luo Binghe was not spiraling. He was not begging. Thoughts racing, he could see the way this Shen Qingqiu's mouth curled distastefully as he looked away, and he remembered how his own Shizun would look when he called him a beast.

Shen Qingqiu was at a loss. Clearly this answer wasn't sufficient for his favorite protagonist, but what was he even allowed to say? Frantically, he attempted to contact the System again.

<System? Are you there?>

.....

....

.....

No response. Hm. Maybe it had to do something with him being in Bing-ge's dream world? Well, never mind that. This was an emergency and it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Might as well take as many liberties as possible when you can.

He decided to state it out plainly,"I'm not the same as your Shizun."

Bing-ge gave a hysterical laugh,"Well, obviously you act differently to those who have earned your esteem."

"Binghe, no. I'm not the same person. I transmigrated- ah.” Shen Qingqiu’s cheeks colored as he must have realized he was talking nonsense. He tried again,“I mean I died and was reborn into Shen Qingqiu's body when he died of a qi deviation when my Binghe was 14."

Luo Binghe stared at this (imposter?) Shen Qingqiu. He considered the statement.

An entirely different person. What a joke. "Keep talking." Bing-ge gritted out. His nails had involuntarily lengthened into claws and he restrained himself from digging into either his own skin or the man in front of him. He wanted to see what else this person (not his Shizun??) would offer up in terms of information.

This Shen Qingqiu, as if he were a real teacher and not just someone who liked to beat kids in the name of discipline, thoroughly elaborated. "Yes, so I grew up in a different world, with a different name. Similar to how you were able to cross worlds and meet me, I was able to meet my Binghe after dying in my original world. That said, where I come from is a very different place. One without cultivation, but also a peaceful world where I was lucky enough to be able to live and read without needing to work to live. One of the- novels that I read was called Proud Immortal Demon Way, and it featured a half-demon protagonist with a tragic childhood that would eventually amass a great harem, take his rightful revenge against those who abused him, and conquer both demon and human realms. The novel had, ah" (the fake) Shen Qingqiu blushed,"too much papapa for my tastes but I really was invested in the main character, Luo Binghe."

Ignoring whatever "papapa" meant, Luo Binghe's mind was reeling. Yet another different reality, one where his life is recorded as fiction (since, obviously he still had free will… right?). Bing-ge decided that he really didn't want to think too hard on that, actually. But that still left him with a lot to think about. Ignorant of the impending existential nightmare he had thrust onto Luo Binghe, the faux Shen Qingqiu continued rambling on.

"Yes, so when I transmigrated, no wait, was reborn into Shen Qingqiu's body I did what I could to make life better for that protagonist I cared so much for. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to change everything from what I had read, and fate still required that Luo Binghe still needed to end up in the abyss to get stronger so he could conquer realms and whatnot." Shen Qingqiu winced, "I will admit I handled that super poorly, I not only physically scarred my Binghe but definitely emotionally scarred him with the betrayal. I panicked and said some nonsense about how he wasn’t forgivable as a heavenly demon, even though I never believed that at all. Demons are actually really cool!!" Hmm. That might be part of the reason his reaction to seeing the fangs was… like that. Luo Binghe was very familiar with what attraction (especially attraction directed at him) looked like on others.

Luo Binghe hummed consideringly,"Shizun said he wasn't able to change everything? What was preventing him?"

"Ah, it calls itself the system,” the fake Shen Qingqiu said,”And it's kind of the facilitator of my transmigration-rebirth into Shen Qingqiu? It threatened to send me back to my original body- which I will remind you was totally dead- if I didn't get Luo Binghe into the abyss. It normally also keeps me from talking about stuff like this with people who don't already know. I'm not super sure how I'm able to talk about it here, actually."

Luo Binghe paused to synthesize his knowledge of the dream arts and the information the Not!Shizun has supplied him to come up with a hypothesis,"This lord believes it is because we are in within his own dream realm, where those uninvited are unable to enter. While you are a welcome guest, clearly this parasite does not qualify."

"Ah, of course you would figure it out!” The man easily praised (definitely not his Shen Qingqiu, though the praise still warmed his cheeks). “That makes sense. Though... I wonder... The system claims my Binghe was its power source, and it was still present when visiting my own Binghe's dreamscape, though admittedly he was not at his mentally strongest," Shen Qingqiu was mumbling to himself.

"This lord has a proposition,” Bing-ge had, at some point, stood up. Shen Qingqiu nodded, encouraging Bing-ge to continue. "I hypothesize that being in a different world makes it easier to prevent the parasite from showing up. Perhaps if I were to bring your Binghe here to talk you would be able to speak freely."

Shen Qingqiu's eyes widened,"That sounds super plausible. But." he chewed his lip,"what would you want in return for your help? It's an awfully big favor".

This, Bing-ge answered easily,"I want your name."

....

"Excuse me?" Um. Protagonist what? Are you saying?

Unaware that Shen Qingqiu was blue-screening (nor would he even know what that means), Bing-ge continued,"I want to know what your name was before being reborn, I want to know where to find you and what you looked like, so I can find you separately.” There was a growing hunger in Bing-ge’s eyes, as if what he had been desiring all along was truly within his reach.

Shen Qingqiu mentally apologized to whatever version of himself he is setting Luo Bing-ge on the hunt for. He also prayed for his alternate self’s chrysanthemum. Well, not his problem. "My name was- Shen Yuan. And ah, I can imagine what I used to look like, where I'm from, and what you should tell me to get me to believe you if that is helpful."

Luo Bing-ge grinned, a feral wolf that had caught scent of its prey,"it's a deal."

"Ah, let me give you a few extra pointers on interacting with him.” Shen Qingqiu said after giving Bing-ge as much information as he could, including sharing his memories of his appearance and home world. “I'm not sure if you'll be attracted to him the same way my Binghe is-"

"I already am."

Ok protagonist, say it with your whole chest I guess! "What I was going to say is that the version of me that you will meet will be incredibly dense to any romantic or sexual approach and I could offer you some tips on not scaring him off but if you're not interested-

"Apologies, this humble disciple is asking Shizun for his wisdom!" Sheesh, show some backbone, Bing-ge! (Though admittedly it’s fun bullying him and he is not immune to the begging of any Binghe). Well, if he’s going to set his alternate self up, he might as well help it go smoothly. He certainly doesn’t trust Bing-ge or any version of himself to do that. It’s the least he can do.

The following day (after thankfully not getting terminated by the system immediately upon returning from Bing-ge’s dreamscape), Shen Qingqiu gave a heads up to his husband that he might be pulled into an alternate dream realm but to trust him and just go with it. Binghe gave a weird look in response but reluctantly acquiesced. Shen Qingqiu went to bed a bit earlier than Binghe to hopefully get a quick check in with Bing-ge.

This time, however, when Shen Qingqiu appeared in Bing-ge's dream realm, Bing-ge wasn't alone. He was with some twink wearing a Miku shirt and whorishly short pajama shorts a Shen Yuan wearing clothes that now offended his (admittedly) delicate xianxia sensibilities.

It really was weird seeing another version of yourself! Especially when the other one doesn't know you're the same person. And also probably thinks you’re the scum villain who kicks puppies abused his favorite protagonist.

Shen Qingqiu was honestly impressed. "Ah, Bing-ge, you work quick."

Bing-ge graced him with a blinding smile (look who’s playing nice now!) and a soft reply,"Thanking Shizun for introducing me to A-Yuan, he really is a delight." Shen Qingqiu met his (ex-body's) black eyes glaring back at him.

Shen Qingqiu fanned himself,"That's good, treat him well."

"Your Binghe should be on the way shortly. I'm going to take A-Yuan to a different part of the dream world and show him the monsters I’ve fought and different places I've been to.” (Shen Qingqiu had suggested this and given him a list). Bing-ge looked at Shen Yuan with a frankly terrifying intensity (not his problem, not his problem!) and gave Shen Qingqiu another smile,"Best of luck with your conversation."

With this salutation, two things happen at the same time: the pair vanish without a trace, and a pair of hands tug at his waist and turn him around, before Shen Qingqiu is encased in a tight embrace, Binghe burying his head into Shen Qingqiu’s chest (seriously what was up with the chest thing?).

Shen Qingqiu steeled himself for the upcoming conversation (well, who knows how long it will be a conversation before the crying starts). Stalling, Shen Qingqiu reaches out to the system one last time.

<Hey, dumbfuck system, I'm going to tell my protagonist-husband that I wasn't always Shen Qingqiu. If you have any objections bring them up. Speak now or forever hold your peace>

...

....

.....

No response.

...

Okay. No more stalling. Shen Qingqiu took a deep breath, before offering a wobbly smile. "Binghe, sit down and let this husband prepare you some tea, this might be a long conversation".

Chapter Text

"And that's it. The Luo Binghe we met actually went and found another version of me from a different world and was talking with him somewhere else in the dream realm."

The conversation hadn’t gone too bad, but there really only so much reality altering revelations one could take before becoming overwhelmed. They had gone over the most important parts but Shen Qingqiu knew that this talk wasn’t truly over, and might never be. But a difficult conversation is a small price to pay for the newfound peace he’d seen in his husband’s eyes, the freedom of knowing Shen Qingqiu truly did not want to part from Luo Binghe, nor push him into the abyss. Even though it didn’t heal all of his wounds, it still was a good start. After all, being rejected for who you are fundamentally as a person is not an easy thing to come back from, even if you understand logically that the person didn’t mean it.

But, perhaps to counterbalance all of the heavy emotions, Luo Binghe picked something light to focus on. With one of his best displays of puppy eyes yet, Luo Binghe whined,"Shizun, I want to see what you looked like before you transmigrated." (Look at his husband using the correct terminology!)

And what could Shen Qingqiu do (now and for the rest of time), if not indulge his husband? He gave a faint smile,"Okay I guess we can call your Bing-ge back soon".

Immediately after Shen Qingqiu finished his sentence, two figures appeared seemingly out of thin air. At least one of them looked like they had been crying, but both of them were holding bags of popcorn? Bing-ge was holding an arm around Shen Yuan’s shoulders, as if consoling him.

"Shizun, you called? I brought A-Yuan."

Shen Yuan looked emotional, his face blotchy. And.... were those tissues? "Ah, we definitely weren't watching your conversation the entire time"

...

...

Shen Qingqiu's stare turned murderous. Did he really used to be this bad at lying?

"Anyway,” Bing-ge cheered,”it was good to see you Shizun, have a nice life with the 'knock-off Ali-Express crybaby' version of me!"

It was a good thing Shen Qingqiu woke up then, otherwise he might have tried to strangle the alternate version of himself that he knew had came up with that particular insult.