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He's a shooting star. His power's given out; His fur changes from a golden yellow to the same black he was used to. The stars don't dare to fall with him; They watch him, mocking him, as he falls, falls, falls until he ceases to be. The only one who matched his color, his speed, the only other true golden star in the sky, is flying away, flying away to the promise of safety and love, but he's still here and he's falling, the only promise being his to protect the world. The same world that he was about to crash into, that would end him, that would hurt until he gave out.
The atmosphere of Earth fades in, the clouds watch him just as mockingly as the stars did, letting him fall through them like ghosts frowning upon his failures.
He's falling, falling, and then he hits the ground-
Shadow breath hitches as his eyes snap open, waking in a cold sweat, the curtains to the memory have closed, the actors on the stage have faded into but thin air, reminding him that those times are over.
He puts his hand on his own chest, frantically, and exhales slowly when he can feel his own fast, anxious heartbeat.
How can someone like me have a heart?
In. Out. In. Out. The breathing exercises that rouge taught him to make habit of when he would begin to panic like this. He does them over and over again and he finally feels himself calming down. His head is pounding, the rhythm akin to the one of his heart, but he doesn't complain, because he would take this over falling like that again any day. In a warm, soft bed, the wooden frame supporting the mattress, the carpet floor grounding him with it's fluffy sensations every time he stood on it, the sound of Omega cooking breakfast in the kitchen each morning, the sound of Rouge laughing and talking, the sound of his other friends occasionally visiting just to see him.
Tears well up in his eyes and it doesn't make sense anymore.
Why am I crying? Isn't this good? Isn't this what I wanted? To have a place somewhere?
His thoughts nearly send him into a spiral until they are (thankfully) interrupted by a familiar knock on the door.
"Shadow, let me in, please!" Oh, of course. Of fucking course, he made her aware of his mindless panicking somehow. He doesn't know how, but he knows it was his fault, and now she's outside his door, waiting, worrying about him, about this stupid fucking non-issue.
"Are you okay? I'm worried, please unlock the door."
"I CAN DETECT HIM THROUGH THE WALL. HE IS PHYSICALLY SOUND."
He can't see them, but he can just imagine Rouge giving Omega the meanest side-eye before she goes back to asking for entry.
"Shadow, seriously," her voice raises in volume, "I will have Omega rip this door of it's hinges, mark my words-"
The door opens. He's standing there, air shoes on, dried tears crusting on his muzzle, dark circles and half-lidded eyes that just scream "I'm tired" staring at the floor instead of at either of the two.
He wants to speak, but he doesn't know what to say. His throat feels tight and his head is still pounding, the dizziness making him slightly sway.
he can still feel himself falling, sometimes.
No, he can't be weak anymore; Those times are gone. He needs to get it together. He clears his throat awkwardly.
"Um, good... morning, I think," he says, "I'm sure Omega would love to destroy something, but it wouldn't be worth the costs to replace the door, so don't do that."
Rouge crosses her arms, her expression is unreadable. "So, why were you gasping so rapidly just a second ago?"
"CORRECTION: ONE AND A HALF MINUTES AGO, UNTIL YOU KNOCKED ON HIS DOOR."
She rolls her eyes but doesn't turn to do so. Shadow gains courage and lifts his head up, and subsequently his eyes meet his two friends, his family. A robot and a bat, how oddly fitting.
"I..." He trails off, trying to find the words, but he can't. He can't explain why he's still stuck on this stupid thing that everyone has moved past already. He's still stuck, stilk dwelling, still hurting, but nobody else seems to be. Of course, some things are more than meets the eye, but he doubts anyone else is lingering on something so long ago, so trivial, something that's not an issue at all anymore, but still manages to haunt his dreams and manifest into nightmares.
He shakes his head. "Nevermind that, I'm fine. Did I wake you two? Omega, you were charging battery, so don't correct me by saying robots don't sleep."
"YOU ARE NOT TELLING US WHAT IS WRONG," Surprisingly, Omega doesn't make a remark. "WHAT IS THE ISSUE?" It's a bit hard for his robotic voice to sound concerned, but Shadow knows him well enough to know he is.
"I said I'm fine," he fires back, because he is fine, he should be fine. "and you didn't answer my question."
Rouge deadpans, arms still crossed, and squints at him.
"I'm not stupid, Shadow. Stop beating around the bush." She sighs like a worried scolding mother. "Did you have a nightmare?"
Oh, wow, she's right on the money. God damn it all. Fucking hell. All the curse words in the world cannot convey his shame. Might as well admit it now.
"...Yes," he leans against the doorframe. "but I'm fine, like I said."
Her expression remains. "Yeah, I would believe that, but it sounded like you were hyperventilating just now."
"CURSE THE DOCTOR FOR NOT CREATING ME WITH AN IN-BUILT LYING DETECTOR."
"Not helping, Omega!" Rouge looks back at the robot.
"YOU MEATBAGS DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY INTELLECT."
Shadow's lips tug up into a smile and he huffs in place of laughing. He thinks about it often, this silly little family he has now. So weird, so odd, but so loving and wholesome.
"Shadow." Rouge snaps her fingers in front of his face. "You still there?"
Shadow blinks. "Yes, sorry, I got lost in thought..."
"THAT SEEMS TO BE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR WELLBEING."
Rouge nods. "You know, you can tell us if you're suffering, Shadow. We're both here for you."
He can feel frustration building up, because he isn't suffering, he's just dwelling on the past for no fucking reason and panicking because of something that's already over! Everyone's probably forgotten about it but he still has nightmares about it. He's not suffering, he's holding a grudge against the past for some damn reason he can't identify!
"I'm not," he turns around. He can't look at the two anymore, and the floor won't save him this time, so he just stares into the dark, blind void in his room. The sun hasn't risen. So he did wake them up prematurely.
"...There are no real issues, so stop trying to ponder on it."
"'Real issue'? The heck is that supposed to mean?" Rouge's expression seems to face to worry. Or, no, it could just be exhaustion. He doesn't know, he's not good at that.
The frustration rises to his throat, but there's no nausea, only pure guilt.
"Because it's disproportionate! It's not necessary to pay any regard to! It's just unnecessary and persistent!"
"THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE AN ISSUE NOT GENUINE."
"I agree with that heap of metal! If it's making you feel bad, then it's an issue! Just tell us what's up-"
"Then maybe I'm the issue, for crying out loud! I don't know what the problem is! I just keep going back to the past and can never move on!"
Everyone falls silent.
The sun is rising. It's warmth doesn't reach anyone through the thick glass of the window but it's still there, making itself known, doing it's job in giving the world light.
Yet, he couldn't fulfill the one thing he was made for.
He's no longer staring into the void; The floor has become interesting again, and he stares at his shoes that contrast with the homely shade of brown. It's like a teddy bear, but his shoes are rough and dangerous, and always stay the same, just like him.
"Shadow," Rouge's voice abruptly fills in the sound of nothingness. "come on, let's talk in the living room."
His gaze remains at the floor, at his shoes, where he can barely see his reflection. He reluctantly turns around and follows the two.
"I WILL START BREAKFAST EARLY, THEN." Omega announces as he marches into the kitchen pridefully. Shadow has no doubt he is going to get a more high-quality meal than usual. Omega always does that when either of the two get hurt or something alike, obviously taking more time to make it more flavorful or tasty, though he denies it when they ask him about it.
Shadow sits down next to Rouge on the sofa. "I'm sorry, Rouge," he begins, "I just didn't want to-"
"No, none of that." she interrupts him, somehow gently. "I know what's going on now."
He stays silent. What else is he supposed to say?
"...Shadow, hun, it's not 'disproportionate' to react negatively to trauma, you know. How is that an overreaction?"
"Because it's done and dealt with." He says it quicker than he can process. "I am incapable of moving on from trivial things, and that shouldn't burden anyone else. I was gasping earlier because I was trying to do the breathing exercises you told me about. I didn't know I was making such a ruckus that you two would wake up from it."
Rouge stares at him like he's grown two heads. "Sorry, 'trivial things'?"
"It was years ago."
"But it still hurt you. Neither of us expect you to just be okay with it all of a sudden. It may have been years ago but it was traumatic as hell to watch someone die. That's never trivial, Shadow."
Oh, she thinks it's just about that. Of course, considering he always dwells on that too. A blue dress stained with intrusive red.
"It's... it's not just that," he murmurs. "Well, it's a part of it, but the nightmare was about when I fell to Earth. Just a lot more melodramatic, though."
"Oh..." her expression turns to pity. He hates it the kindness he's given. But he also loves it. He wants to push it away and bury himself deep into the ground where it could never find him again.
"I've never had a nightmare about that specific event before. I didn't think it affected me like that. I knew it was going to happen well before it did, so why am I having a nightmare about it all of a sudden? Why do I just hold a grudge against every little inconvenience in my life?"
"I NEED TO INTERRUPT; 'LITTLE INCONVENIENCE' IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT FOR FALLING FROM SPACE TO THE EARTH." Omega speaks from the kitchen, the sound of sizzling following his voice.
"Omega's right. Shadow, you don't need to downplay the things that went down that day. You think we moved past that so easily? Sometimes when I'm in the sky, by my own volition, I wonder what it was like to fall so far for someone with no ability to fly or cushion the landing somehow..." she pauses. "Nobody just moves on from that, much less the one who experienced and lived to tell the tale."
"It's silly, but in the dream, the stars were judging me," he adjusts himself on the cushions of the couch. "the clouds, too, once I got to the Earth. Like, they were all frowning at me even though they didn't have faces."
Rouge gives him a look that he can't tell wether it's pity or just amusement at the thought. Maybe both, she's always been like that.
"The stars were judging you," she repeats him. "and the clouds."
Shadow doesn't say anything, he just nods his head.
Rouge opens her mouth to say something, but then Omega interrupts again.
"STARS AND CLOUDS ARE NOT SENTIENT."
"Ugh, we know! He had a dream, you-"
"ROBOTS ARE FAR TOO SUPERIOR TO HAVE DREAMS."
"You-! Oh, forget it." she exclaims lightheartedly.
"Unfortunately, he's right this time." Shadow chimes in.
"I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, YOU IMBECILE."
"I digress."
"ROUGE, EXTERMINATE HIM THIS INSTANT."
Rouge giggles at the banter. "Ah, but seriously, I meant what I said. Shadow, no matter how small it seems to you, I will always be willing to comfort you. That will never change."
"I WILL TOO. ALSO, BREAKFAST IS COMPLETE. NO NEED TO THANK ME, I ALREADY KNOW MY CUISINES ARE THE FINEST ON THIS PLANET."
Shadow chuckles softly. "Hm, Omega, you might not be a killer machine anymore. You seem to be a chef, now."
"YOU BAFFOON, I AM ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY, I CAN HAVE TWO PURPOSES IF I WANT TO, EVEN MILLIONS."
"Hah, I doubt that. Not even a robot can carry such a load."
"Yeah, and not even the Ultimate lifeform can handle everything on his own. Except riling up Omega, you're very good at that."
"I AM NOT RILED UP."
Shadow nods. "Thank you, Rouge, Omega. I'm... sorry."
Light leaks through the windows and warmth embraces him. The sun is rising further, it is lighting up more of the world. It's comforting him, too, maybe.
Oh, wait, the sun is a star, too. It faintly reminds him of the golden glow that day.
Rouge squints at him again. "If you apologize again I will sell your motorbike to a flea market."
"What-" Shadow gasps, "you wouldn't!"
"DO NOT SEPARATE HIM FROM THAT BIKE, I AM SENSING ANOTHER BREAKDOWN."
"Hmm, maybe I will, maybe I won't." She teased. "Oh, relax. I wouldn't actually do that. That bike is like a child to you, you even painted it yourself."
Shadow's arms cross. "Yeah, well, that bike is my favorite."
"WE KNOW, YOU HAVE MADE IT OBVIOUS."
"It's a better machine than-"
"SILENCE."
"Alright, you two, enough!" Rouge shouted. "Omega, thank you for making breakfast."
"I SAID NO NEED TO THANK ME." Omega turns to the two as they both walk to the table. "SHADOW, I MADE YOU COFFEE AS WELL."
"Ah," he says, "I appreciate it."
Rouge smiles at him from across the table.
"See? We both care about you, so much. And others do too. So, will you promise to come to us if you need help, even if it's just some silly dream?"
Shadow stares into his cup of coffee and the plate of waffles and bacon.
The sun is fully shining, now. It's whispering wordlessly into his ear; It's something warm and friendly and nurturing, but he can't make out the words. But it's enough for him to understand the message.
"Give them a chance to be happy, including yourself."
His super form is golden. The sun is golden. Maria's hair was golden.
He looks up at his family, his home, and he nods. "Yes."